to my favorite darling newborn

Dear Eden,

Today we met for the first time, face to face, and I fell in completely head over heels.  I know that some moms have very strong connections with their babies while they are pregnant, but I am not really one of those moms.  I kind of disconnect because it seems like the pregnancy goes on and on forever and that you'll never actually come out and be a real person.  But you are so real and so precious and just perfect in every way.
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I will tell you all about your labor and delivery on another day.  All I can tell you tonight is that your pregnancy was my hardest and your labor took everything I had to get you here, but the minute I saw your face and held your creamy body, I knew I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.  One little sound of your cry made me realize that I wasn't really THAT miserable this past year afterall.

When you first came out, my immediate thought was that you looked like Roma and Luke when they were newborns. Your eyes were open right away and they looked dark and brown.  You didn't cry much, just tried your best to keep your eyes open and looked around the room.  The more I look at you, the more you remind me of Zack when he was born.  Your skin is very fair and your eyebrows and lashes are white!  Your nose is just like Zack's too.  He's been praying for the new baby to look like him because he thinks everyone else has a twin in the family (Ben/Simon & Luke/Roma) and I really think his wishes came true.  I keep looking at your face and this feeling comes over me that I know you.  Not that you remind me of the others, but that I know you and I loved you long before today.

You are an amazing little eater and quite the cuddle bug.  Each time I try to put you in your bassinet by my bed, you will fuss.  But all I have to do is snuggle you for a minute and you are content again.  Today we had a two hour nap together and you made the sweetest little sighs throughout it.  I had to open an eye and peek at you several times, just to make sure I didn't dream it all up!  You really came!

Out of all of my babies and all of their birth stories and experiences, yours is my favorite.  Maybe that's because it happened today or maybe it's because I believe it will be my last, but something about the feeling in our hospital room, in what happened to us as a family as we adored you and laughed when you squeaked and huddled around each other as if time had stopped and nothing else mattered but each other.  It felt as though you completed some missing piece in our puzzle.  That you were meant to come, not just to the Earth, but to our family because we need you in our lives.  I just kept looking over at Dad and smiling, while we watched the older kids fuss over you and examine your teeny tiny body parts.  (btw, Simon thought you had a super cute weenie, but we laughed and told him that you are a GIRL and he was just admiring your umbilical chord.  When we finished explaining, he said he already knew that...)

Life isn't going to be easy, I am sure.  You came into a family of 8 at a time when we have lots of decisions to make and we aren't sure which direction to go!  But none of that matters.  You are here, you are healthy and you belong to us!  and we are going to love you and take care of you the best we know how.  We're going to make a lot of mistakes, but something tells me you already knew what you were getting yourself into.  And you can't get away from us now because we're too much in love.

Sweet dreams my baby girl.  We have lots of memories to make and lots of sleep to catch up on!

I will never forget about how blessed I felt on the day you came into my life.

Love you forever,

Mom

to my favorite 2 year old

My darling Ro,

Girlfriend, you are the coolest chick! just adore you and truly consider you to be one of my best friends.  You and I get to hang out all of the time... We paint nails, curl our hair (and sometimes put on make up) and often watch chick flicks like Dora and Dumbo.

You have grown up so quickly over the past few months.  You have always been miss independent, but it's seems like you matured overnight in your language and ability to do everything on your own.  You are definitely a little mama not only to your baby dolls, but to your big brothers too.  The other night, I took you on a walk with Simon riding his bike ahead of us.  You said over and over in the sweetest little mama voice, "Simon, don't crash into the cars, please."  He didn't hear a word you said (and would have done what he wanted anyway) but you kept instructing him as though you were going to save his life.  Everything you say nowadays is in full sentences and you're picking up on silly phrases like, "just a minute", "hey wait for me!" and "just kidding."

You are a lover of all animals and are slightly obsessed with our pets.  Sunny is such a great friend to you.  You will play outside with her all day, if I let you.  The two of you will lay together and you will giggle as though she's telling you all sorts of secret stories.  You also adore our rat (kitty-ratty) and Luke's snake and any other animal that crosses your path.  The pet store is one of your favorite places to visit!

You take great care of your baby dolls and carry them around the house and push them in your stroller every where you go.  You love to wrap them up in blankets and towels and sing them sweet songs.  A few days ago, I watched you cuddle Zack's Yoda stuffed animal.  You rocked it and then said, "Oh, Yoda!  You so so cute!" and then kissed his furry face.  It was darling and so... you.

You sleep so well in your big girl bed and love to explain that cribs and diapers are for babies.  Watching you run around in your pink panties just warms my heart!  Most of your days are spent in underwear only, with an occasional necklace or bracelet and sometimes your Dora backpack filled to the brim with little trinkets you've collected around the house.  You are not big into causing choas like your brothers, which has been such a blessing for me!  If Simon dumps something out or creates disaster, you will run and tattle on him, "Oh no!  Simon made a big mess.  Him havva get in trouble."  You do love to make a mess with hair products... mostly lotion.  You love to rub it on your skin and hair.. and last month when Aunt Lori and her kids were visiting, you put an entire glass jar of candle wax all over your head.  It was such a big job to get it out!  (the candle was this amazing baby powder candle given to me at one of your showers.  It smelled amazing and for some reason after burning it for two years, never depleted.  It was a full jar, but the wax was soft and easy to dip your finger into... so you scraped it ALL out and put it in your hair.  We eventually got all of the wax out with coconut oil!)

You love going to nursery and playing with your friends although your teacher says you will only talk in whispers.  I think it's cute that you are a little shy around strangers.  Lately you've been putting your hand in your mouth when someone talks to you and you don't have the courage to respond.  And all of the sudden, you have wanted to be held by me... like when I'm making dinner.  This is SO not typical of you so I am pretty sure you know what's coming, although I really don't think you'll have a hard time not being the baby because it's been so long since you have been!

Roma-- I wrote most of this letter yesterday and I am finishing it up with a BIG update.  Your little sister Eden was born today.  You were at the hospital for the delivery and waited outside with your brothers. Before she was born, you came into my room and saw my hand bandaged and felt so bad.  You kept saying, "Mommy, you so nice.  You can get better."  I gave you a big hug and kiss and you went back out to play during the delivery. Once Eden was cleaned a little, you came in with your big sister shirt on and looked so shocked!  You didn't know what to do with her for the first 10 minutes or so. (you had both hands in your mouth!)  Once she sneezed, you realized she was real... and you giggled so much and just couldn't keep your eyes off of her.  You followed her around the room and sat next to whoever was holding her.  You touched her feet and hands and kept saying, "My new baby is so cute!"  She is SO cute and so sweet.  I am looking forward to the two of you becoming best friends and the three of us doing all kinds of girly things together!  We are so very blessed.

I don't think you'll understand how much you mean to me until you become a mother yourself and hold that innocent baby in your arms.  It's such a sacrifice to be pregnant and to breast feed and to stay up all hours of the night caring for your children, but there is nothing more rewarding or honorable.  I am so grateful for you and your siblings.  You have brought me so much fulfillment and happiness.

I adore you,

Mom

to my favorite 4 year old

Dear Simon,

Whatever would we do without our BOSS-child?  You rule this roost and have since the day you were born.  Everything you do is LOUD and bossy and dominant.  You walk around with your shoulders back and your head held high.  You don't need instructions on anything.  You don't need help.  You have an answer or excuse for all of your actions and you never care if people do things a different way.  Confidence is your strength and we all love that about you.

You constantly tell me how excited you are for the new baby because "she's gonna love you".  Of course she is... all women do.  You are quite the ladies man lately, talking about who you want to marry and have kids with.  None of our other boys are this way, so it scares me a little, but not much.  You are sweet to me as well and are always asking me out on "dates"... often, right when you wake up, you will crawl into my bed and ask me if I want to go out on a date with you, even before your eyes are really open.  You say we can go anywhere I want, but that you would prefer somewhere with ice cream cones.

The last place you want to go on a date with me is music class.  You want to go there alone.  Or with Daddy, of course.  Since he's been home from work, Dad has accompanied you to class and you've told me many times that you "always want Dad to be your Mom".  It doesn't hurt my feelings one bit because I know you love me too (where do you think you got all your confidence from, anyway?)

You are still a big mess maker and get into trouble often.  It's hard to punish you because things are never really your fault, but every once in a while, I can get you to apologize.  I am grateful that your disaster messes are becoming fewer and farther in between.  Last week you flooded two bathrooms in one day and that was quite a mess to clean up!  But for the most part you hang with the older boys and do what they do.  Dad takes you to play basketball with the big boys and you have no problem keeping up!  You are also an amazing athlete and can run like the wind and ride bikes for hours without wanting to stop.  You have a lot of energy and enthusiasm and it just needs to be funneled in the right way..  that has been my biggest challenge as your mom, giving you enough outlets to express your amazing talents :)

I often wonder where you're going to end up and what you decide to do with your life.  The other day, while I was talking with your older brothers about what they were going to do to "change the world" we ended up talking about you and how important you are.. and how badly you want to be in charge of everyone around you.  At the dinner table a few weeks ago, you mentioned that you wanted to be President.  Ben told you that it's not easy being President and that a lot of people will hate you and talk bad about you if you're in charge of the whole country.  That didn't phase you one bit, you just said, "That's okay if they hate me.  Anyone who hates me will just have to go to jail."  We all laughed, of course, but I'm slightly afraid you will become the next Hitler.  You have no problem bossing everyone around, including total strangers.  The best part of it all, is that out of ALL people, the only person you are afraid to boss around is your little sister.  You refer to Roma as "sweetheart" and kindly ask her to do something.  If she won't (and most often this is the case) you back off and let her do her thing.  You are slightly afraid of her and she likes it that way.  You don't take her things or make her follow your agenda because she will bite you... and I never get mad at her for that because I love a girl who can hold her own.  The two of you have actually become darling friends and I love to watch you interact.

Lately, we've starting this new thing where you've become my "secret agent".  I ask you to do something and you will if I wink at you.  This understanding is that it's somehow undercover and that you can get it done without anyone else realizing what you've done.  You come back quickly after succeeding in your mission and want to know if you passed the test.  And you always do because you're so good at everything.  Sometimes you have to try a little bit harder, but as long as I wink at you, you'll give it another go.  If I let you know that you didn't pass the test because you were distracted (or just simply didn't want to do it) you will change your attitude quickly and say, "Mom, I will never ever give up." and this usually gives you enough motivation to get the job done.  I love your motto and believe it's something you will live up to your entire life.  You are not a quitter... You will never, ever give up!  That's what makes you a leader.

I know you're only 4, but I want you to know that I admire you and your strength.  I love to be around you and hear about all the ideas you have swarming in your head.  I believe you are gifted in so many ways, and even though you don't care at all to learn your letters or colors or anything else instructional, for that matter, you are brilliant in your own way.  I love to watch you interact with others and believe you will make a difference no matter where you go or what you end up doing.  I am so happy to be your mom and think it's a privilege to interact with you everyday.

Stay out of trouble and remember that you are in charge of your own destiny.

I love you to infinity and beyond,

Mom

to my favorite 8 year old

Dear Zack,

All of the sudden, my zaney, wild child has become Mr. Responsible!  I can't believe you're already 8!  You still have lots of energy and excitement for all that you do but you want to be big like your brothers and you have proven to be such an amazing helper to me, especially during this pregnancy.  You are the one to accompany me at all doctor appointments, my official ice water getter and the ultimate foot massager and back scratcher!  I don't know what I would do without my energizer bunny!

I really don't know what transformed your desire to clean, but there is no one better in the house at laundry.  It's become YOUR thing and I love it!  One of the first things you do when you wake up (besides skip around the house and wake everyone up :) is to start a load of laundry.  You are constantly asking me if there is anything I need washed and our sheets and towels have never been more fresh!  You are amazing at folding and putting away the clothes too and I SO appreciate it, you have no idea.  You are also great at unloading the dishwasher and keeping the sink clear of dishes and making your bed!

You are not great about keeping your stashes of cards, art projects and trinkets in their place though!  I feel bad I am always threatening you I will throw your "crap" away because it means so much to you... You are a lover of things and have collections all over the house.  They never have their own spot because you have too many collections.  You have decided to pass a few things down to your younger siblings and that means a lot-- more to you than it does them.  No one appreciates your things as much as you do.  When you get a small tear in your pants or shirt, you bring me the sewing kit right away, wanting it stitched up.  Even if I convince you it's too worn, you still want it being "donated" in the best possible condition and I love that you are so much about your things.  You definitely get that from Daddy and will probably be cleaning your shoes with a toothbrush very soon!  The other day, your new cub scout book got ripped a little on the cover and you had an absolute breakdown.  I wasn't there to see it, but Dad told me that you sobbed and sobbed until he finally convinced you that it could be taped.  You are so sweet and emotional about your things!!

You have taken the role of big brother quite seriously and you can get Simon to do anything by calling him "your buddy".  He will help you fold laundry, make toast and clean just about anything if it's a team effort.  You are great at complimenting him while you work together and Simon eats it up!  You also coach Roma on how to do things properly and when you shower her with compliments, it's in the highest pitched voice I've ever heard!.. some in decibels that are too high for our ears to handle.

You've been getting sick a lot lately, and it worries me.  You don't like to eat a lot of anything, especially dinner.  You prefer all things veggies, but sometimes that doesn't fill you up.  You are a pasta and carb lover as well and know how to make the best Ramen noodles and macaroni and cheese.  Often I let you make meals for yourself because you don't have taste buds like the rest of our family.  I'm starting to wonder if you have some kind of allergy, but still can't figure it out.  Until we do, I hope you know how hard it is to see your stomach upset so often.  You go to bed early without dinner because you just aren't feeling right and you will throw up during the day if you haven't had the right nutrients.  We have still been unable to get a single fat ounce on your bones, but hopefully we will find a solution soon!  I hate to see you sick, but love that you are aware of how you feel (and never throw up in the wrong places!!)

You are beyond excited about your baptism.  We asked you to wait a little while so we could bless our new baby on the same day you are baptized.  At first, you didn't want to wait, but I also know how much you care about having cousins there to be with you on your special day.  You want to move to Utah so bad so you can see them all day, everyday.  You love having friends around and participating in social events and for some reason, there aren't any kids your age here in Vegas.  You have one BFF and that's it.  You often hang out with Ben and Luke and their friends, but it's just not the same.  I am the same as you socially and want you to have more friends!  You are sweet to the core and would give the shirt off your back if anyone needed it.  A friend like Zack is hard to come by!

Thank you for brightening our home and making everyone around you happy!  You are such a delight and an absolute joy to parent.  I am so grateful for all the things you do for me and our family and couldn't imagine our lives without you, bud!  I am looking forward to watching you develop a relationship with your baby sister.  You are SO excited for her to be born, you can hardly stand it!  She is so lucky to be coming into a home with big brothers like you who want to love and protect her.  We are all so lucky to have each other.

Love you, Wacky Zacky!  Thanks for keeping me entertained for the past 8 years!!  I am so grateful to have YOU for my son.

Love,

Mom

to my favorite 11 year old

Dear Luke,

I often find myself in a place that can't believe you're already 11, but at the same time realize you are the most mature and wise 11 year old out there.  You've grown up quickly, but you've also always been an old man at heart.

You are quite the prankster, Luke.  Quietly and constantly keeping us all on our toes.  You set traps and load the dishwasher the wrong way and do little things that have everyone asking "who did THIS?" but we should all know better by now.  Yesterday, I got a box of Cinnamon Life down from the cupboard, went to pour myself a bowl and out came a bunch of wooden dinosaur bones.  The bag of cereal had been replaced with your puzzle and placed back for someone to find.  I knew it was your doing immediately.

You also love to point out when others do something odd or wrong... not because you are being mean, necessarily... just because you find it funny.  A few days ago you asked me, "So mom.  Do you think you put your pants on the right way or inside out?"  I looked down to find my seems hanging out on all sides and laughed.  Not all of us know how to put our pants on the right way.

You are thorough (and still slow) at everything you do, but I always know it will be done, and it will be done accurately.  We've been touching up our house lately, and you're the only one I will allow to paint in the important places (the other kids have kid assignments, Ben included) because I know they are carefree and won't take it seriously.  But I can trust you to keep everything neat and clean and accurate.  Your clothes in your dresser are always folded and clean and never out of place.  That said, you take the longest to get ready... sometimes after church we will all be eating dinner before you're changed.  But your clothes are hung with the most care and never wrinkled!  I love you for that.

I also love you because you have tied my tennis shoes for the past few weeks.  You know just the way I like it and keep me from groaning when I bend over to put them on.  Sometimes when it's time to go, you will ask me what shoes I want to wear, fetch them for me and put them on my feet... You are so cute and thoughtful.

You have a gift for playing and entertaining toddlers and we all know who Roma's favorite is.  She goes around the house all day saying, "Lukey!  I need you for a minute!"  The two of you share a room and it's a blessing and a curse.  She will gladly snuggle up to you, any time of day, no matter what.  But she also keeps you awake and bosses you around, sometimes at 2 am and that's no fun for you.  The two of you have something special-- our "brown eyed kids" and we're anxious if baby number 6 will join the ranks and even things up at this house.  Only time will tell!

The other day while reading The Giver and I asked what you think The Elders would pick for your life Assignment if they could watch you day in and day out, you said an artist, a pianist or an architect.  I thought all of those sounded accurate.  You will be a creator of some kind, I just know it.  You enjoy working alone, in the quiet and left to be free to do and think the way you please.  Your mind is creative and organic and I love to watch you build, paint, and make crazy origami art.  I also love to give you complicated math questions and watch your eyes as you figure it out in your head!

Above all, I love and appreciate our cuddle sessions, usually right before bed.  You were my chimpanzee baby that always wanted to be close to me and nothing has changed over the years.  You are always up for a hug or snuggle and I am always in need of a Luke-fix!  You never go to bed without hugging everyone and telling us that you love us.  Most of the time, you squeeze your brothers too tightly and sometimes even make Zack cry, but that's okay.  Someday I am really going to miss getting mad at you for hugging too tightly!

Remember that we are always here for you no matter how crazy and complicated life gets.  Dad and I are so proud of you and the young man you are becoming!

As Roma would say, I love you too much.

Mom

to my favorite 12 year old

Dear Ben,

I could not ask for a better son.  I am so grateful for you and the young man you've become.  You have helped Dad and I so much and are THE best example for your brothers to follow.  You are nothing but goodness.

I've loved watching you take your Priesthood responsibilities so seriously.  You will not let us be late for church because passing the sacrament is so important to you.  At least 30 minutes before church, you are asking what you can pack in the diaper bag and if anyone needs shoes or help finding last minute items.  It makes our Sundays so enjoyable.  You are always making sure we have snacks and pens and paper and scriptures before we leave the house... it saves me every week!

On the weekdays, you are usually awake before everyone else, getting showered and dressed and starting on your jobs while the rest of us get as much sleep as we can.  You've LOVED having Dad home and waking up really early to play basketball at the church and you are the first one out the door when it's time to go on a bike ride or family run.  I know you need and want more physical activity and I wish I could give it to you!  You are bulking up quickly and are starting to look more like a Clawson than a Shumway (which means you have some meat on your bones!)  I can't believe how much you've grown in the past year.

You are the worlds best babysitter and our friends and neighbors have to book you early!  I am so proud of you for saving all of your money.  You buy everything on your own and have the coolest Lego sets around.  Since Dad lost his job, you won't spend a penny, since you think we might need to borrow some from you.  Even though I've told you several times that we won't need your money, you want to save it, just in case.  I know you are going to make the best Dad and husband because you are responsible and careful with the choices you make.

You and Luke are going another year without candy or soda.  We started out as a family with these goals, but no one else could handle the challenge and I feel bad you two are on your own again, but you're determined!  You are such a great example to me because out of all our kids, you are the drink lover!  I know you really want to drink soda, but your willpower is stronger.  Candy doesn't seem to be a big deal at all, but every once in a while, I know you'd kill for a box of hot tamales.  Your braces keep you from eating your other favorite treats.  We'll see what happens when those babies come off (in another year!)  You had to get a few teeth pulled last month and I was amazed at how little you complained.  You are such a trooper!

Last week, Dad took you and the boys to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese.  Dad came home and told me how much you've grown up.  You stayed next to Dad most of the time and wanted to talk instead of play any of the games (although you still collected tickets and gave them all to Simon.)  When Chuck E came out to sing with the kids, you immediately got up and went to the bathroom.  I could totally see it!

This week, while reading The Giver and talking about our special missions, you mentioned you might want to become a teacher because you love being with little kids.  I could see you being an amazing teacher and taking the job so seriously!  I could also see you becoming an attorney like Dad and being 100% honest and we need more of those kinds of attorneys in the world like that!  Whatever you do, you will be successful and good at because you put such great effort into the task at hand.

During the last few months, especially toward the end of this pregnancy, I have been AMAZED by your concern for me and the baby.  Every time I get home from a doctors appointment, you immediately make a point of asking how it went, if the baby is doing okay and how I am feeling.  At times it has made me emotional because you have been so sweet and concerned about me!  Today when I was feeling uncomfortable, you came up behind me and started rubbing my lower back.  I was so touched and told you were a better birthing coach than Dad!  You've expressed your desire to be at the hospital when baby #6 is born and I think that is a great idea, just depending on when it happens.  You also said you're fine with watching the kids at home and I know you're just trying to be as helpful as you possibly can.  THANK YOU so much for being you, for caring so much and for playing such an important role in our family.

I love you to the moon and back!

Mom