not this cute anymore!Friday, May 23, 2014
mrs. irresponsible
last night while Aaron was playing tennis,
The kids and I had chips, guacamole and ice cream for dinner.
I made a reference to an old classic movie from my childhood, Mrs. Doubtfire.
The kids had never heard of her/him, so I decided to introduce them.
They laughed all the way through and especially when a guy tried to steal her purse.
I came away feeling really depressed...
not because of the divorce, necessarily.
but I saw a lot of similarities in my own marriage.
only, I am the one found dancing on a table with the kids when Aaron comes home from a long day at work. and it's not even for a birthday party, just a party for no reason at all.
I felt worried he might leave me because I am not a grown up.
Halfway through the movie, I decided to put away all evidence of dessert for dinner.
I started cleaning the kitchen like a mad woman.
By the time Aaron got home, the movie was over, the kids were in bed
and the entire house smelled of pine-sol.
We stayed up late talking about our differences.
It's not that Aaron isn't fun. He is, but he mixes it in with everything he does.
He's so balanced and stable.
I can't seem to find a way to be fun AND responsible.
it's one or the other for me.
Yes, I can get a lot done and I do take care of my kids well.
But chaos follows us wherever we go.
And I like it like that.
I can only imagine how my husband feels.
I do have some redeeming qualities, though.
I am very responsible when it comes to spending money.
I know how to save. My kind of fun doesn't have to cost a penny.
If I had to work, I would NOT be able to hold a "regular" job.
I would make a terrible husband.
But
I think I make a pretty good mom.
and
I hope I am a good wife to my Mr Responsible.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
my little friend
I feel like Eden is really good at communicating what she needs. I've never had a baby like her. She is so unbelievably sweet. Softness and tenderness is just gushing from her entire body. But she seems really timid and shy. And it's so funny because I get this sense that she really wants to be friends with me. That sounds arrogant even typing it out, but this girl loves me. I feel it from her. She really wants to be BFFs and hang out with me. She never wants to leave my side. She will be okay with Aaron and the boys for a little while, but she needs me. She wants me to hold her all day long. Girl would be content in a sling and never eat if I would just hold her close to me.
She does NOT like sleeping alone. From the minute she was born, if I put her in the bassinet next to my bed, she would fuss. She wasn't hungry, she didn't need a diaper change, she wanted to be next to me. She's still this way 8 weeks later. I've never had a baby sleep in my bed... it's not my thing. I sleep better when they are in another room and would prefer to get up several times and walk to them if that means I can have a few solid hours of sleep alone in my bed. But this girl will NOT sleep without me. And I am starting to think the best place for her (at least for now) is on my pillow, inches away from my face.
What's so cute about this relationship that we have is that I really like being around her too. I mean, she's a baby and I've always loved babies.. But Roma never needed me like Eden does. Roma demanded a lot from me and she never appreciated what I did for her (still doesn't). I was always trying to please her, with no real tenderness or affection exchanged (not to compare, I love my Roma girl to death, she was just a very different kind of baby. Very independent and demanding at the same time.) But Eden dishes out the love and appreciation. I swear every time I feed her, she sits up and says thank you before she burps. Obviously she doesn't talk yet, but I swear, she looks at me and is just so grateful that I would feed her and hold her close to me. That's all she wants in life and I am so happy to oblige!
She's been smiling for some time and she's just on the verge of a laugh. Several times when I have been talking on the phone or visiting with a friend, I will laugh at something someone says and when I do, Eden laughs along. It hasn't been a loud laugh, but she thinks she's in on the joke. She is just so happy that I'm happy. She totally wants to be a part of my club, I can feel it. Instead of calling her sweetheart or baby girl or whatever I usually call my other babies, I refer to Eden as my little friend. We're girlfriends. We laugh together and hang out. We really like each other. She hasn't even been here for 2 months and I can't even picture my life without her. How I love my little best friend forever. I'm never going to let her get married or move away. ever.
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Tuesday, May 6, 2014
feel, think, dream
Last week, while reading the chapter on Cultivating Calm and Stillness in the book "The Gifts of Imperfection" for an online course, my assignment was to find a place (or places) that allow me to feel, think and dream. and then come up with three words that these pictures symbolize.
At first, I knew my "place" would be the beach. I love the ocean and the waves and the sand. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my places are not far from home. I don't need to be "on vacation" with my feet up in order to feel, think and dream. I can do it anywhere, anytime... I came up with three pictures (that really represent a place for me, not necessarily that particular memory of the day I took it.) All of these are brought to you by my instagram account.
#1- if you know me, you know I'm in love with a good sunset or sunrise. Lucky for me, I can see them both from my front door. I've got an amazing view of hundreds of acres of dirt in front of my house, but with it brings the sunrise and sunset. I am amazed everyday at how gorgeous it is, even when it's not breathtaking-- just a regular old sunrise. This is my calm place.. and I usually see it while exercising which is really how I feel, think and dream.
#2- this is my family stargazing last year on an anniversary getaway weekend in a little city in southern utah. There were billions of stars. I LOVE stargazing. As a girl, I spent many nights sleeping in my backyard or out on my parents deck counting shooting stars. One of my favorite things to do is go camping-- to sleep outdoors and enjoy the quiet evenings with my family. Stargazing brings me so much peace and joy. I feel so tiny and also powerful at the same time. This is one way I can feel, think and dream. I need to do it more often (unfortunately, Vegas is not the best place for stargazing, but I still LOVE spending evenings outside with my kids on the trampoline.)
#3 I was a little surprised this picture came to mind, which represents every time I've ever driven in a convertible and let my hair blow in the wind. I am in LOVE with driving with the top down. I really don't care to get a "fancy" car, but buying a convertible is on my list of things I must do in my life. I wish it could happen now. I didn't realize what it was I loved so much about the way I feel when I'm in a convertible until this exercise. It brought all three of my pictures together and made me see what brings me joy and allows me to breath and feel alive. (btw, it doesn't matter if it's day or night in a convertible, I still get the same sense of freedom and adventure.)
At first, I knew my "place" would be the beach. I love the ocean and the waves and the sand. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my places are not far from home. I don't need to be "on vacation" with my feet up in order to feel, think and dream. I can do it anywhere, anytime... I came up with three pictures (that really represent a place for me, not necessarily that particular memory of the day I took it.) All of these are brought to you by my instagram account.
#1- if you know me, you know I'm in love with a good sunset or sunrise. Lucky for me, I can see them both from my front door. I've got an amazing view of hundreds of acres of dirt in front of my house, but with it brings the sunrise and sunset. I am amazed everyday at how gorgeous it is, even when it's not breathtaking-- just a regular old sunrise. This is my calm place.. and I usually see it while exercising which is really how I feel, think and dream.
#2- this is my family stargazing last year on an anniversary getaway weekend in a little city in southern utah. There were billions of stars. I LOVE stargazing. As a girl, I spent many nights sleeping in my backyard or out on my parents deck counting shooting stars. One of my favorite things to do is go camping-- to sleep outdoors and enjoy the quiet evenings with my family. Stargazing brings me so much peace and joy. I feel so tiny and also powerful at the same time. This is one way I can feel, think and dream. I need to do it more often (unfortunately, Vegas is not the best place for stargazing, but I still LOVE spending evenings outside with my kids on the trampoline.)
#3 I was a little surprised this picture came to mind, which represents every time I've ever driven in a convertible and let my hair blow in the wind. I am in LOVE with driving with the top down. I really don't care to get a "fancy" car, but buying a convertible is on my list of things I must do in my life. I wish it could happen now. I didn't realize what it was I loved so much about the way I feel when I'm in a convertible until this exercise. It brought all three of my pictures together and made me see what brings me joy and allows me to breath and feel alive. (btw, it doesn't matter if it's day or night in a convertible, I still get the same sense of freedom and adventure.)
So here are my three words:
SKY, LIGHT, OPENNESS
I am totally obsessed with the SKY. It's not just the sunset or sunrise that I love, it's the SKY. I love the sky. Being outside brings me so much joy. I am always aware of what the sky looks like everyday. I am totally obsessed and didn't even know it until today. I love hiking so much and I always thought it was because I could see the view below, but really what I crave is a better view of the sky.
I've always been a sun worshiper and I thought that maybe that SUN would be one of my words, but I realize that what I love is LIGHT. I love the contrast between day and night. I love to watch the moon and stars come out. I seek the light and let it fill me up. I breath it in. It doesn't have to be bright and overpowering, there just needs to be light. And the change between day and night always leaves me in awe. It's the movement and contrast that I love.
Being in a convertible allows me to enjoy the sky and appreciate the light that the sky brings, but there's a sense of freedom while driving with the top down. I realize that I need OPENNESS to breath and feel peace. I don't want a ceiling, ever! I hate having boundaries and feeling like I have to cover up. In order to feel alive, I want to be FREE. To me, openness symbolizes the ability to be myself and enjoy what I have to bring to the world. It allows me to think big and dream without limitation. The endless horizons and the light in the sky gives me the freedom to ask deep questions. It connects me to God, nature and allows me to see my full potential. SKY. LIGHT. OPEN.
When I am feeling blue, I need to get outside in the open air and see the sky. That is what makes me feel alive and allows me to feel, think and dream. I didn't know this until today. The sky is my medicine.
Monday, May 5, 2014
super hero powers
The more children I have, the more I realize how individual they each are. I really believe that they come with their personalities and strengths, and there's no point in trying to change them, because they were born that way. All we can do as parents is help them see how they can use their strengths to their advantage. I felt my parents were really good at helping me see that I was unique and that it was important to use my gifts and talents. I think I know what I was like as a child, but I really appreciate reading my mother's perspective. She was always so good at writing down important things from our childhood. I am grateful to her for that.
So here we go... we covered each of these while talking last night. The kids had a lot of input, especially on each other's weaknesses :)
Benjamin-- I think your super hero power is OBEDIENCE. You do the right thing, no matter what. You want to know all the rules so you won't ever break them. You have such a good heart and are willing to do whatever is asked of you. I try not to ask too much but I believe that God will. You have an important role as the oldest child and it is such a blessing as parents to have such an obedient, kind-hearted boy. Your kryptonite that goes along with this gift is that you are a follower. You don't ask a lot of questions, you just do what you're told. When you were younger, I worried about you because you listened to everyone and believed everything. As you grow older, I hope you take the time to decipher where the rules are coming from and if you think they are worth following. Yes, I want you to think out of the box and eventually break a rule or two!
Luke-- Your super hero power is CREATIVITY. Your creative power is amazing. You are artistic, musical, and original. You don't worry about what others are doing. You don't compare, you don't compete. Since you were a small boy your ingenious was evident in your words and actions. You can read a situation for what it is and get the most out of it. You see the bigger picture, you find the logic, you apply it to your use. You are colorful and bright, but others don't often see this about you because you don't show off. You understand this is your gift and you don't need anyone's approval. I admire and respect that about you. It can become a weakness when you see reality different than others and bend the truth to your advantage. You are technically honest, but sometimes only because you've found a loophole and have masterminded the situation to fit your needs. I don't think it will ever get you into too much trouble, but I'm afraid to have an argument with you as a teenager because I'll never win.
Zack-- You have been given the gift of COMPASSION. You are so loving and caring. You carry such a positive, happy energy wherever you go! I'll never forget the night you were born. I was alone with you in the hospital room, and I felt your energy. You were such a busy happy toddler, making messes wherever you went, but always giving so much love in return that it was really hard to stay mad at you. You give and give and give until you can't give anymore. Your light and smile brighten our home. We are so lucky to have you around everyday. I've noticed what an amazing cheerleader you are, especially to your younger siblings. You want everyone to be on the same team and you are constantly encouraging and uplifting all of us. Your kryptonite is your tender soul. You get your feelings hurt easily because you wear them on your sleeve. You give even when others aren't giving back and you get taken advantage of. Your energy eventually runs out and then you crash.. there is really no middle ground, no slowing down. It's either hyper-hypo boy or exhausted, can't-keep-my-eyes-open-for-a-minute-longer Zack. As you grow, you will need to recognize when you've given too much. There are times when you should and can fight back!
Simon-- Without a doubt, your super hero power is CONFIDENCE. For as long as I've known you, which is as long as you've lived, you've never lacked an ounce of self-assurance. You are bigger than life, believing you can accomplish whatever you want. You don't ask for permission, you don't see yourself below anyone else, you don't apologize for the way you are. You believe everyone likes you, and if they don't, they have a problem. You are strong and assured. You are physically able to do things your brothers never were able to do at your age and that's because you knew you could.. and you prove it, time after time. You hold your own, you fight for what you believe in and you walk the talk. You have been blessed with such an amazing gift. But with it comes a lot of flack. You come across arrogant and stuck-up. You don't have patience or compassion for others who aren't as self-assured as you are. You are direct and rude and bold. You do not follow directions because your way is better. Sometimes you will admit that you were wrong, but it's not as often as it should be. You will need to learn everything the hard way (by experience) and those will be hard lessons in life for you, but I have no doubt that you will overcome any obstacle put in your path! You are Super-Simon and you don't need any reminding!
Roma-- You have been blessed with the gift of DETERMINATION. Maybe this is just your terrible twos coming out, but I've had other two year olds and they've never been determined like you. You are such a strong girl, you always have been. You were a very difficult baby for me because you knew what you wanted and you wouldn't shut up until you had it. You demand. You fight. You never give up. Each of your older brothers give in to you long before they should because they know they'll never win. You know that if you bat your eyelashes and ask nicely, you can get whatever you want. But if that doesn't work, you will resort to crying, kicking and pinching. Honestly we're all a little afraid of you. As your mom, I don't want to crush your feisty spirit, but I really want to help you see that getting everything you want isn't good for you. I want to teach you that being flexible will serve you well. There are times when you need to change course because you've made a wrong turn. Being stubborn won't get you there any faster. Luckily, you have an adorable, sweetness about you that makes it such a joy to be around you. I absolutely love a strong spirited woman and I am so looking forward to watching you grow and accomplish whatever you set your mind to do.
Eden-- You aren't quite 2 months old, so this might be a little early for me to label you already, but I believe you've been blessed with a GENTLE nature. You are such a sweet, mild-tempered soul. You are soft and sweet and tender. Everything you do is feminine. Nursing is usually a very difficult thing for me, especially at the beginning, but for some reason, you've made it a dream. (thank you!) I can feel your tenderness and know that you always want to be close to me. You really don't ever want to be left alone, and I think that's why you have such a hard time sleeping at night. You just want to be cuddled and held. During your baby blessing, Daddy said a couple of things that were spot on.. that your quiet example will bless the lives of many people and that you will be a peacemaker in our family. What a gift you are to me after two crazy kids! You are made up of so much sweetness and patience. Roma and Simon pick you up and put you in uncomfortable positions and you just quietly let them do their thing. I really worry about whether or not you'll get trampled on in this house, but I will protect you for as long as you need me to! Don't worry, girl. I got your back!
Aaron-- you're going to hate that I am writing anything about you, but that's because you're so incredibly HUMBLE. I've never met anyone with so little pride. You have so many amazing qualities and traits, but you don't brag or boast. In fact, you truthfully won't even admit that those are gifts you possess. You are one of the most balanced and level-headed people I've ever met. You don't need me to tell you this. You don't care. You do good because you want to. Your heart is always in the right place and you don't hold a grudge because there is no reason to. You are understanding and forgiving and so easy to talk to. There are definitely down-sides to this. I want to see you get angry, but you never will and sometimes that infuriates me. Because you are so even-kill, sometimes I wonder where your passion for life is, but I know that it's with your family. It always has been. You've always put us first, no matter what. I have learned so much from you already and still have a long way to go.
Janet-- I am writing my own assessment because, well, I am taking a class and I was assigned to! (later I will create an art project around this idea.) After a lot of thinking, I think my super hero power is ENTHUSIASM. I have passion for what I believe in. I set my priorities and the things on the top of my list get all my attention. If I don't feel excitement for something, I won't do it. I feel overflowing joy everyday. It's hard for me to contain sometimes. I get so excited about things... I will get an idea and read about it until I can't anymore. I will stay up all night just thinking about things I can do. The downside to this is that people think I'm disingenuous. I have a hard time staying focused, especially when it's something that I have to do, but don't want to (I hate doing things that bring me no fulfillment!) But unfortunately, there are things that need to be done- by me- and I don't do them well (like keep an organized house) because I have too many ideas going around in my head. I pay very little attention to detail. I do not bring calmness or peace to any situation. I can't meditate for the life of me. I want to so badly, but I just can't! I am not a good listener. I get bored easily. I am totally the hare in the race and I never win because I get tired out and have to stop to rest! Life is exhausting when you want to do a million things all at once.
So here we go... we covered each of these while talking last night. The kids had a lot of input, especially on each other's weaknesses :)
Benjamin-- I think your super hero power is OBEDIENCE. You do the right thing, no matter what. You want to know all the rules so you won't ever break them. You have such a good heart and are willing to do whatever is asked of you. I try not to ask too much but I believe that God will. You have an important role as the oldest child and it is such a blessing as parents to have such an obedient, kind-hearted boy. Your kryptonite that goes along with this gift is that you are a follower. You don't ask a lot of questions, you just do what you're told. When you were younger, I worried about you because you listened to everyone and believed everything. As you grow older, I hope you take the time to decipher where the rules are coming from and if you think they are worth following. Yes, I want you to think out of the box and eventually break a rule or two!
Luke-- Your super hero power is CREATIVITY. Your creative power is amazing. You are artistic, musical, and original. You don't worry about what others are doing. You don't compare, you don't compete. Since you were a small boy your ingenious was evident in your words and actions. You can read a situation for what it is and get the most out of it. You see the bigger picture, you find the logic, you apply it to your use. You are colorful and bright, but others don't often see this about you because you don't show off. You understand this is your gift and you don't need anyone's approval. I admire and respect that about you. It can become a weakness when you see reality different than others and bend the truth to your advantage. You are technically honest, but sometimes only because you've found a loophole and have masterminded the situation to fit your needs. I don't think it will ever get you into too much trouble, but I'm afraid to have an argument with you as a teenager because I'll never win.
Zack-- You have been given the gift of COMPASSION. You are so loving and caring. You carry such a positive, happy energy wherever you go! I'll never forget the night you were born. I was alone with you in the hospital room, and I felt your energy. You were such a busy happy toddler, making messes wherever you went, but always giving so much love in return that it was really hard to stay mad at you. You give and give and give until you can't give anymore. Your light and smile brighten our home. We are so lucky to have you around everyday. I've noticed what an amazing cheerleader you are, especially to your younger siblings. You want everyone to be on the same team and you are constantly encouraging and uplifting all of us. Your kryptonite is your tender soul. You get your feelings hurt easily because you wear them on your sleeve. You give even when others aren't giving back and you get taken advantage of. Your energy eventually runs out and then you crash.. there is really no middle ground, no slowing down. It's either hyper-hypo boy or exhausted, can't-keep-my-eyes-open-for-a-minute-longer Zack. As you grow, you will need to recognize when you've given too much. There are times when you should and can fight back!
Simon-- Without a doubt, your super hero power is CONFIDENCE. For as long as I've known you, which is as long as you've lived, you've never lacked an ounce of self-assurance. You are bigger than life, believing you can accomplish whatever you want. You don't ask for permission, you don't see yourself below anyone else, you don't apologize for the way you are. You believe everyone likes you, and if they don't, they have a problem. You are strong and assured. You are physically able to do things your brothers never were able to do at your age and that's because you knew you could.. and you prove it, time after time. You hold your own, you fight for what you believe in and you walk the talk. You have been blessed with such an amazing gift. But with it comes a lot of flack. You come across arrogant and stuck-up. You don't have patience or compassion for others who aren't as self-assured as you are. You are direct and rude and bold. You do not follow directions because your way is better. Sometimes you will admit that you were wrong, but it's not as often as it should be. You will need to learn everything the hard way (by experience) and those will be hard lessons in life for you, but I have no doubt that you will overcome any obstacle put in your path! You are Super-Simon and you don't need any reminding!
Roma-- You have been blessed with the gift of DETERMINATION. Maybe this is just your terrible twos coming out, but I've had other two year olds and they've never been determined like you. You are such a strong girl, you always have been. You were a very difficult baby for me because you knew what you wanted and you wouldn't shut up until you had it. You demand. You fight. You never give up. Each of your older brothers give in to you long before they should because they know they'll never win. You know that if you bat your eyelashes and ask nicely, you can get whatever you want. But if that doesn't work, you will resort to crying, kicking and pinching. Honestly we're all a little afraid of you. As your mom, I don't want to crush your feisty spirit, but I really want to help you see that getting everything you want isn't good for you. I want to teach you that being flexible will serve you well. There are times when you need to change course because you've made a wrong turn. Being stubborn won't get you there any faster. Luckily, you have an adorable, sweetness about you that makes it such a joy to be around you. I absolutely love a strong spirited woman and I am so looking forward to watching you grow and accomplish whatever you set your mind to do.
Eden-- You aren't quite 2 months old, so this might be a little early for me to label you already, but I believe you've been blessed with a GENTLE nature. You are such a sweet, mild-tempered soul. You are soft and sweet and tender. Everything you do is feminine. Nursing is usually a very difficult thing for me, especially at the beginning, but for some reason, you've made it a dream. (thank you!) I can feel your tenderness and know that you always want to be close to me. You really don't ever want to be left alone, and I think that's why you have such a hard time sleeping at night. You just want to be cuddled and held. During your baby blessing, Daddy said a couple of things that were spot on.. that your quiet example will bless the lives of many people and that you will be a peacemaker in our family. What a gift you are to me after two crazy kids! You are made up of so much sweetness and patience. Roma and Simon pick you up and put you in uncomfortable positions and you just quietly let them do their thing. I really worry about whether or not you'll get trampled on in this house, but I will protect you for as long as you need me to! Don't worry, girl. I got your back!
Aaron-- you're going to hate that I am writing anything about you, but that's because you're so incredibly HUMBLE. I've never met anyone with so little pride. You have so many amazing qualities and traits, but you don't brag or boast. In fact, you truthfully won't even admit that those are gifts you possess. You are one of the most balanced and level-headed people I've ever met. You don't need me to tell you this. You don't care. You do good because you want to. Your heart is always in the right place and you don't hold a grudge because there is no reason to. You are understanding and forgiving and so easy to talk to. There are definitely down-sides to this. I want to see you get angry, but you never will and sometimes that infuriates me. Because you are so even-kill, sometimes I wonder where your passion for life is, but I know that it's with your family. It always has been. You've always put us first, no matter what. I have learned so much from you already and still have a long way to go.
Janet-- I am writing my own assessment because, well, I am taking a class and I was assigned to! (later I will create an art project around this idea.) After a lot of thinking, I think my super hero power is ENTHUSIASM. I have passion for what I believe in. I set my priorities and the things on the top of my list get all my attention. If I don't feel excitement for something, I won't do it. I feel overflowing joy everyday. It's hard for me to contain sometimes. I get so excited about things... I will get an idea and read about it until I can't anymore. I will stay up all night just thinking about things I can do. The downside to this is that people think I'm disingenuous. I have a hard time staying focused, especially when it's something that I have to do, but don't want to (I hate doing things that bring me no fulfillment!) But unfortunately, there are things that need to be done- by me- and I don't do them well (like keep an organized house) because I have too many ideas going around in my head. I pay very little attention to detail. I do not bring calmness or peace to any situation. I can't meditate for the life of me. I want to so badly, but I just can't! I am not a good listener. I get bored easily. I am totally the hare in the race and I never win because I get tired out and have to stop to rest! Life is exhausting when you want to do a million things all at once.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Sunday
so.. it's May already. May weather should last all year long. I just can't get enough of the great outdoors. In Vegas it's usually in the 70's-80's. We took the kids camping earlier this week and it was perfect breezy sunshiney weather.
Today is Sunday. it's been a good day. Last night we got to bed super late. Ben had two babysitting jobs and Aaron and I decided to grab dinner at Cafe Rio, so Luke and Zack watched Roma and Simon. We meant to make it quick, but we ended up eating outside and talking to another couple at a table nearby. They were expecting their second daughter and their two year old could not stop gawking over Eden. They were trying to give us a little advice about when Eden grows up-- thinking she was our first. Aaron didn't look a day over 20, wearing a backward baseball cap and tee shirt. We informed them that she was actually our 6th baby and they flipped out, which led to a longer conversation about family life, homeschooling and religion. I LOVE talking to random strangers, especially when it's deep conversation. We should have asked for their info when they left so we could hook up again, but that won't happen. We're busy these days. We have six kids, afterall.
We arrived home around 10 pm. Roma and Simon were asleep and we stayed up late with the older boys talking about how we can make our home life more efficient and easier to run. We set out a plan for Sunday and asked the boys how they'd like to help. I don't know what it is about these kinds of conversations, but whenever we sit our kids down and talk to them about how we as parents need their help, they get so sweet and sentimental. It must make them feel bad for us, although we don't give them a guilt trip, I swear. After we said prayer and brushed teeth, each of the boys ended up in my bed wanting to talk more. It was sweet to get one-on-one time with them. Luke and I talked for the longest (shocker for Luke cause he's not much of a talker) but I told him all about the boys I had crushes on growing up. Jared Fewkes was the first I can remember. I liked him because three out of the five letters of our names were the same. Kindergarten crushes can be like that sometimes.
Aaron and I continued talking after the boys went to sleep and finally turned off the lights around 1 am, which is terrible for early church. 8:30 sacrament meeting is rough especially when you've been up several times with a nursing baby. I didn't shower, just threw on some clothes and helped the kids get dressed. Roma wanted to wear her yellow dress again, but I had a different outfit picked out for her. After a couple of minutes of fighting, Aaron made us make a compromise. If Ro got to wear what she wanted today, I could pick out her outfit on Mother's Day. But something tells me that won't happen. She always gets her way.
On the drive to church, Aaron and I were totally congratulating ourselves for leaving on time (and throwing a turkey in the oven to cook while we were gone.) I, of course, was putting on make-up on the drive. I really looked terrible. Bed head, maternity skirt and red puffy eyes from lack of sleep. Aaron told me that he was proud of me for coming (because I never want to) and I told him I might even bear my testimony, which made us both laugh because we knew that wouldn't happen.
During Sacrament meeting I was really touched by each of the testimonies. There was a little boy about 8 who got up so confidently and sweetly who testified that we can trust in the Lord when we're going through trials (he gave an example of having CRT testing at school and how hard it was, which was super awesome of him.) I needed to feed Eden before 2nd hour, so I stood up at the end and when I did, I decided to go up to the pulpit instead of the mother's lounge. I talked about my conversation with Luke and how my first memories of wanting to go to church was because I had a crush on a boy. I remember my family sitting behind his in sacrament meeting and wishing I was his sister so that I could sit right next to him. Over the years, my reasons for going to church have changed. For many years they were for social reasons. But now I go to church because I want and need to receive personal revelation. I believe God knows us and speaks to us individually. I am afraid that if I stop going to church, I won't receive it anymore, or that I won't be worthy of it. Not that going to church makes me worthy, but at least I feel like I am doing my part to show God I want Him in my life.
I also go to church because I want to be a good example to my children. I want them to go, but not so they could be spoon-fed the Gospel. I want them to go and ask questions and decide whether or not it's something they believe. I never want them to feel like they are forced to go to church... I want them to want to go, to enjoy associating with others who are striving to make their lives better. There are so many good people in this world and a lot of them happen to be in our church building on Sundays.
Aaron and I volunteered to serve in Roma's nursery class. I put Eden in a sling and we had a party with those cute kids. Aaron was totally out of control. He gave them each airplane rides and swung them around with Eden's blanket and was doing this crazy popcorn dance that he made up. I was laughing so hard, and so were the kids. At one point, the teacher next door came over and told us to calm down and keep it quiet, but Aaron happened to be hiding under the table (hide-and-go-seek) and didn't hear the request. I thought it was interesting how Roma responded to the rest of the kids playing with her dad. She just sat back and watched it happen. Of course, she was used to this behavior, she sees it everyday. But she seemed so mature about watching him play with the others. She didn't beg for his attention, she just sat back and smiled and genuinely enjoyed sharing him with her friends. She laughed along, too, but it was usually from a distance. Eden was a gem and didn't make a peep.
We came home to a beautiful smelling turkey. We let it simmer for a couple of hours longer while we mashed potatoes and made some stuffing (and waited to break our fast.) For the 200th time we fasted about whether or not we should stay in Las Vegas or move. We've been debating this question for a couple of years now and still aren't sure what to do. We really love it here, but we need and miss our families. I think the reason why we don't feel like we're getting any answers or direction is because we need to decide for ourselves and be happy about whatever we decide. And I am sure that's what we will do. Where to raise your kids is a big decision. I think our boys will thrive in Vegas. I also know they would give their right arms to live by cousins.... and I want that for them, too. I was so fortunate to be close to my extended family as a girl.
After dinner and clean up, the kids and I went out to the trampoline while Aaron called his parents and siblings inside. The weather was perfect and we played with Sunny and jumped and mostly just laid around and talked. When the sun set, Dad came out to join us and we talked about the three most important things on everyone's mind. Ben listed his family, scouts and what he wants to be when he grows up. Which I thought was darling. We also talked about where we want to live and made the kids promise that they had to marry and live down the street from us, wherever we decided to settle. They all promised.
I mentioned to the kids that I was doing a course online about our gifts and strengths. This week, I am supposed to identify my Superhero Power along with my Kryptonite, which is really the negative aspects of my greatest strengths. I've been stewing about it for a while and think I've come up with it... We talked about each of the kids and their strengths and weaknesses, which is always a fun conversation. Simon wanted to make sure that everyone knew his super hero powers are teleporting and sticking on walls.
Now I'm in bed, typing with Eden sleeping on my chest. Aaron is next to me in bed going over interview questions for a big job tomorrow.. It would require a move, so I am not sure I really want him to get it, but it would make our decision easier to make if he did.
I haven't talked much about having my husband at home these past two months. He's a private person, so I try to refrain from making our private life public (super hard for me to do) but my lack of writing on this blog has made me practically perfect in this area, so I am proud of myself! But I will say that it's been so unbelievably amazing to spend so much time with him. It's truly been such a blessing, not just because I had a baby in the middle of it and needed him to help me with the other kids, but really because being together is all we really want to do as a family. We have individual goals and hobbies, but we work hard so that we can spend quality time together. These past few weeks will go down in the books as some of the best in my motherhood career. It's been so rewarding to watch Aaron step in my shoes and feel exhausted at the end of the day after doing what looks and feels like NOTHING. And yesterday at Cafe Rio, Aaron told me, "Now I can see why you always asked me what I wanted for dinner. It wasn't like you couldn't make whatever you wanted, but just the suggestion is helpful. Not knowing what to make is most of the problem." That simple realization from him means the world. Being a parent is a tough job. Having a newborn is killer. But there are so many simple small moments that make the sweat and tears worth it. I'm so grateful for all that I have, which is really nothing except my family and the knowledge that we belong together.
Today is Sunday. it's been a good day. Last night we got to bed super late. Ben had two babysitting jobs and Aaron and I decided to grab dinner at Cafe Rio, so Luke and Zack watched Roma and Simon. We meant to make it quick, but we ended up eating outside and talking to another couple at a table nearby. They were expecting their second daughter and their two year old could not stop gawking over Eden. They were trying to give us a little advice about when Eden grows up-- thinking she was our first. Aaron didn't look a day over 20, wearing a backward baseball cap and tee shirt. We informed them that she was actually our 6th baby and they flipped out, which led to a longer conversation about family life, homeschooling and religion. I LOVE talking to random strangers, especially when it's deep conversation. We should have asked for their info when they left so we could hook up again, but that won't happen. We're busy these days. We have six kids, afterall.
We arrived home around 10 pm. Roma and Simon were asleep and we stayed up late with the older boys talking about how we can make our home life more efficient and easier to run. We set out a plan for Sunday and asked the boys how they'd like to help. I don't know what it is about these kinds of conversations, but whenever we sit our kids down and talk to them about how we as parents need their help, they get so sweet and sentimental. It must make them feel bad for us, although we don't give them a guilt trip, I swear. After we said prayer and brushed teeth, each of the boys ended up in my bed wanting to talk more. It was sweet to get one-on-one time with them. Luke and I talked for the longest (shocker for Luke cause he's not much of a talker) but I told him all about the boys I had crushes on growing up. Jared Fewkes was the first I can remember. I liked him because three out of the five letters of our names were the same. Kindergarten crushes can be like that sometimes.
Aaron and I continued talking after the boys went to sleep and finally turned off the lights around 1 am, which is terrible for early church. 8:30 sacrament meeting is rough especially when you've been up several times with a nursing baby. I didn't shower, just threw on some clothes and helped the kids get dressed. Roma wanted to wear her yellow dress again, but I had a different outfit picked out for her. After a couple of minutes of fighting, Aaron made us make a compromise. If Ro got to wear what she wanted today, I could pick out her outfit on Mother's Day. But something tells me that won't happen. She always gets her way.
On the drive to church, Aaron and I were totally congratulating ourselves for leaving on time (and throwing a turkey in the oven to cook while we were gone.) I, of course, was putting on make-up on the drive. I really looked terrible. Bed head, maternity skirt and red puffy eyes from lack of sleep. Aaron told me that he was proud of me for coming (because I never want to) and I told him I might even bear my testimony, which made us both laugh because we knew that wouldn't happen.
During Sacrament meeting I was really touched by each of the testimonies. There was a little boy about 8 who got up so confidently and sweetly who testified that we can trust in the Lord when we're going through trials (he gave an example of having CRT testing at school and how hard it was, which was super awesome of him.) I needed to feed Eden before 2nd hour, so I stood up at the end and when I did, I decided to go up to the pulpit instead of the mother's lounge. I talked about my conversation with Luke and how my first memories of wanting to go to church was because I had a crush on a boy. I remember my family sitting behind his in sacrament meeting and wishing I was his sister so that I could sit right next to him. Over the years, my reasons for going to church have changed. For many years they were for social reasons. But now I go to church because I want and need to receive personal revelation. I believe God knows us and speaks to us individually. I am afraid that if I stop going to church, I won't receive it anymore, or that I won't be worthy of it. Not that going to church makes me worthy, but at least I feel like I am doing my part to show God I want Him in my life.
I also go to church because I want to be a good example to my children. I want them to go, but not so they could be spoon-fed the Gospel. I want them to go and ask questions and decide whether or not it's something they believe. I never want them to feel like they are forced to go to church... I want them to want to go, to enjoy associating with others who are striving to make their lives better. There are so many good people in this world and a lot of them happen to be in our church building on Sundays.
Aaron and I volunteered to serve in Roma's nursery class. I put Eden in a sling and we had a party with those cute kids. Aaron was totally out of control. He gave them each airplane rides and swung them around with Eden's blanket and was doing this crazy popcorn dance that he made up. I was laughing so hard, and so were the kids. At one point, the teacher next door came over and told us to calm down and keep it quiet, but Aaron happened to be hiding under the table (hide-and-go-seek) and didn't hear the request. I thought it was interesting how Roma responded to the rest of the kids playing with her dad. She just sat back and watched it happen. Of course, she was used to this behavior, she sees it everyday. But she seemed so mature about watching him play with the others. She didn't beg for his attention, she just sat back and smiled and genuinely enjoyed sharing him with her friends. She laughed along, too, but it was usually from a distance. Eden was a gem and didn't make a peep.
We came home to a beautiful smelling turkey. We let it simmer for a couple of hours longer while we mashed potatoes and made some stuffing (and waited to break our fast.) For the 200th time we fasted about whether or not we should stay in Las Vegas or move. We've been debating this question for a couple of years now and still aren't sure what to do. We really love it here, but we need and miss our families. I think the reason why we don't feel like we're getting any answers or direction is because we need to decide for ourselves and be happy about whatever we decide. And I am sure that's what we will do. Where to raise your kids is a big decision. I think our boys will thrive in Vegas. I also know they would give their right arms to live by cousins.... and I want that for them, too. I was so fortunate to be close to my extended family as a girl.
After dinner and clean up, the kids and I went out to the trampoline while Aaron called his parents and siblings inside. The weather was perfect and we played with Sunny and jumped and mostly just laid around and talked. When the sun set, Dad came out to join us and we talked about the three most important things on everyone's mind. Ben listed his family, scouts and what he wants to be when he grows up. Which I thought was darling. We also talked about where we want to live and made the kids promise that they had to marry and live down the street from us, wherever we decided to settle. They all promised.
I mentioned to the kids that I was doing a course online about our gifts and strengths. This week, I am supposed to identify my Superhero Power along with my Kryptonite, which is really the negative aspects of my greatest strengths. I've been stewing about it for a while and think I've come up with it... We talked about each of the kids and their strengths and weaknesses, which is always a fun conversation. Simon wanted to make sure that everyone knew his super hero powers are teleporting and sticking on walls.
Now I'm in bed, typing with Eden sleeping on my chest. Aaron is next to me in bed going over interview questions for a big job tomorrow.. It would require a move, so I am not sure I really want him to get it, but it would make our decision easier to make if he did.
I haven't talked much about having my husband at home these past two months. He's a private person, so I try to refrain from making our private life public (super hard for me to do) but my lack of writing on this blog has made me practically perfect in this area, so I am proud of myself! But I will say that it's been so unbelievably amazing to spend so much time with him. It's truly been such a blessing, not just because I had a baby in the middle of it and needed him to help me with the other kids, but really because being together is all we really want to do as a family. We have individual goals and hobbies, but we work hard so that we can spend quality time together. These past few weeks will go down in the books as some of the best in my motherhood career. It's been so rewarding to watch Aaron step in my shoes and feel exhausted at the end of the day after doing what looks and feels like NOTHING. And yesterday at Cafe Rio, Aaron told me, "Now I can see why you always asked me what I wanted for dinner. It wasn't like you couldn't make whatever you wanted, but just the suggestion is helpful. Not knowing what to make is most of the problem." That simple realization from him means the world. Being a parent is a tough job. Having a newborn is killer. But there are so many simple small moments that make the sweat and tears worth it. I'm so grateful for all that I have, which is really nothing except my family and the knowledge that we belong together.
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