not this cute anymore!I usually read when I am awake at night, but the light of my kindle always bothers Aaron, even when I try to hide under several pillows. And Eden was in bed with me tonight (best cuddler ever, not even the least bit annoying. She gently holds my hand and makes the cutest newborn sleeping noises...) so I worried about waking either of them. And I felt like writing instead, anyway. It's been way too long since I've published a real blog post. I have a dozen in the draft folder..
As I was awake in bed, I was going through each of my kids and feeling like I need an update on their lives. They've all been through a ton of changes and adjustments this past year or two and I haven't done a great job of documenting it properly. Today I wanted to focus on my oldest. Let's consider this a little birthday tribute, since the last time I updated my blog was before he was 15. He's grown up so much over the past few months. He's going to be driving before I know it and I am both extremely excited and a little sad about that. Time flies by too quickly.
I think our moves were the toughest on Ben. I mean, I am sure of it. He loved Utah and was really the only person who didn't want to come back to Vegas. He's adjusted so much better than I was expecting and I am proud of him for being so flexible and upbeat about it. It was tough on him having to make friends in each of the neighborhoods and wards we attended in Utah (5 wards in an 18 month period.) but happily went on Trek with strangers and served in several different church quorums. Now he's in a new school and making the most of his social life. The other night Aaron and I dropped him off at a stake dance, which was kind of far away from our house and outside in the middle of a dirt field/parking lot. The crowd was kind of far away and it was dark when he got out of the car when I asked him if he was going to be okay. He responded, "Mom, I know a ton of people here." Which made me smile. A "ton" of friends might be 3 for Ben. He's done so many things solo lately that knowing anyone is an improvement.
Whenever picking him up after anything, he's super talkative, which surprises me because he's a teenager and a boy, and everything I've heard from other parents is that teenage boys don't share info. But what I've seen about Ben is that he's more upbeat and talkative and forthcoming than ever before. When I picked him up from this particular outdoor stake dance he went through the list of all the girls he asked, how he knows them, etc. At one point he said, "A girl asked me to dance with a really weird name. She goes by KIM. And it's, like, short for KIM-BER-LEE." He said it so drawn out and foreign. I laughed and told him it was a totally popular name in my day. He said he'd never heard of it before and that I should name a famous Kim or someone that he would know. And I couldn't name any. We still tease him about it, yet I still can't introduce him to a single one. KIM-BER-LEE.
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| Mr. September (and October) Ben's campaign poster hanging in our pantry. |
Another funny thing that I want to record was after he brought home his school pictures. They were cute, but his smile was forced and that was a bummer. He has such an easy, natural smile and laugh that I was a little disappointed. I told him they were cute and then texted this to Aaron.. (sorry only the first two texts are relevant.)
That night the older boys went to scouts at the church and Aaron and I played with the littles at the park across the street. Ben and Luke went to hide in the van after they were done (to scare us) but we kept waiting and waiting at the park and eventually they came to get us. I had left my phone in the van and he was browsing through it, apparently. I don't have a password on my phone and usually have nothing to hide, but he saw that I texted Aaron about his awkward school pictures. While walking to the car, Ben put his arm around me and said, "So now I know all of your dark secrets." I didn't know what he was talking about so he asked if I wanted to be truthful about how I felt about his school pictures. I felt so bad, but he just laughed and said, "You could have told me to my face that you thought my pictures were awkward. I don't get my feelings hurt that easily!" It was such a playful (sad) moment. I apologized for texting Aaron about it instead of talking to him, but we both kind of laughed it off. I don't want to be critical of the kids, but I also want to be honest. I also love that Aaron is like,Duh. Let Ben decide. He got retakes and they are so much better, but if you put the pictures side by side, no one would be able to tell the difference but me. One smile is fake, the other is more natural. Still not worth $50, not matter how cute they are.
Ben has a smart phone, finally. Aaron got a new one this summer and passed down his old iphone. Ben forgets to take it half of the time, which is annoying and darling. Often I will text him and the notification will go off in my kitchen (where it charges overnight.) I think it was a smart decision to hold off until now. He's not addicted or preoccupied with any kind of tech so far, but that may be because he doesn't have much of a social life, yet. He's adjusted and connected but definitely not addicted. He has a tablet he takes to school because his grades and quizzes are digital these days. I am not at all against social media for teens, I just don't want it to preoccupy their time.
Ben has done great with the workload of his classes. I really don't know what kinds of scores he's getting on his tests or if his teachers have any idea who their students are, but he does his homework and doesn't complain about it. It's a ton of busywork and that's totally annoying, but it doesn't seem to bother Ben. He has about an hour of quiet time before the younger boys get home from school and he usually studies right when he gets home. But he stays downstairs and chats with me while working. Roma took this picture the other day and I love it because it's life. Ben will spread out his stuff and kick back and chat while working on something. The girls will dance around him and I like to hear about his day and he's usually laughing about something that someone said or did that was interesting. Yesterday he told me that one of his teachers was so annoyed with the noise level in the classroom that he let out a loud dinosaur SHRIEK that had all of the students and the teacher laughing. He told the story again when Aaron and the boys got home from school and it was just as funny, if not more so.
A few things he has complained about-- witnessing fights at school. He's seen two up close and they were disturbing. Both fights were between a boy and a girl and he watched the boyfriend hit his girlfriend. I guess I forgot about that part of school. I witnessed some pretty bloody fights in school, but only one between a girl and a her boyfriend. I still remember it like it was yesterday and I don't want my kids to have to see those kinds of things. Ben said the other day that it took 5 adults to break this couple apart and cool down the hitting. I hate to think of him standing by, just watching it all go down, but is that real life? I mean, what do you do? Just feel grateful it's not you in the middle of the hair-pulling and arm-swinging, I guess. Sad. Another thing that is interesting to me is that Ben cannot handle taking notes in every class. He says he will write for two to three hours straight and it makes him crazy. He's pretty aware that the teachers aren't passionate about what they are explaining and they just want to cram information down the kids throats. Maybe it's all stuff he's going to be tested on, I don't know. But he's not used to this kind of "learning". I can't really remember if my college classes were this way, but his feelings are valid and it's just a part of the system. My younger boys don't complain of this, so that's good. I don't remember being bothered by taking notes, but I am pretty sure I was the ultimate doodler.
A few other things i want to document, but hate to do it publically because it comes across as total bragging, but that's the kind of kid my Ben is and this is his birthday post, afterall. Once day this summer my windshield got the HUGEST bird poop while we were out running errands. We ran into the store and came out to a big surprise. While loading the kids and groceries into the house, I came outside to find Ben with a bowl of soapy water and a winter ice scraper cleaning the poop off of my windshield! He's a great kid, but I was totally shocked and told him that I didn't expect HIM to have to clean it off. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Why should YOU have to be the one to clean it? I am almost done." And that was that. I wish I would have taken a picture of it because seriously, it looked like it came from an ostrich. And also, because it really meant a lot to me that he would voluntarily do something so sweet. I was pregnant and it was 1000 degrees and cleaning that off would have been a b*tch. I should think of another word, but that's the only one that came to me.
Last weekend Aaron's siblings and kids came to town. Ben was busy ALL week at school and I was trying not to be bothered about it. The student council literally decorated the halls of the school like Howarts because their Homecoming dance is a Harry Potter theme. Ben was at the school everyday after school for weeks. But this week was the worst of all. I don't mind him being away, but he's such a big help at home, I was totally missing him. The night Aaron's siblings flew into town, I needed to pick Ben up at the school around 11 pm. I was so tired and the minute he got into the car, he said, "Mom, I'm sorry! You look so tired. Did you have to wait long? I wish I could drive myself home." It was so endearing. I was not mad at him for a second. I told him on the way home that we needed to stop by the store for a few things, and he insisted on going into the store with a list of items, so that I could wait in the car. But I needed a turkey bag (thanksgiving meal was happening the next day) and he didn't know what I was talking about. We went in the store together and he put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a back massage as we walked in. He is so much like Aaron, I can't believe it. I basically have two husbands.
Speaking of which, early on in the school year, I had an ovarian cyst rupture. This is my 4th or 5th rupture (the first happening when Luke was a baby) and they are so extremely painful. I went to get an early ultrasound this summer, when I was only a few weeks pregnant, because I could feel the pressure mounting and wondered if it was an eptopic pregnancy. It feels like the worst cramps that never go away... I was in bed for a few days. But the cyst rupture was actually weeks later and it's sudden, comes on without any warning and feels like someone stabbed you in the stomach with a knife. The pain is only severe for an hour or two, but it's so bad during that time that I kind of want to die. ANYWAY, the girls and I had just made a batch of cookies when I doubled over in pain. I knew exactly what it was and ran to the toilet, because the pain is so bad that it makes me vomit. While in the bathroom, Eden stripped down to use her little potty and Roma got the idea that she wanted to wait for Ben to come home from the bus outside (his bus stop is quite a walk from our house.) So, here I am throwing up so badly, I can't stop my naughty (and naked) girls from going outside and literally, I could not move. Roma and Eden had probably been outside for ten minutes while I was throwing up (and ripping off my own clothes.. I can't even explain it, but my head was soaken with sweat because the pain is so intense, you kind of lose all control.) I knew I didn't need to call an ambulance, but I needed help and calling Aaron was the only think I could think of. I was so mad at Roma for being such a brat and going outside even though I told her not to. I was sobbing on the phone to Aaron... Right now I am laughing at how pathetic the situation was. It's probably my lowest point in all of my 37 years of life. As soon as Aaron said he was leaving work to come home, Ben walked through the door, with both girls... holding Eden who was naked. I told Aaron we were fine because Ben was here to save the day. Ben grabbed me a blanket (I was in my underwear only and laying on the tile floor motionless.) He helped me to the couch, got me a cold glass of water and some ibuprofen, and then sat down Roma for a serious lecture. I was still in so much pain, but watching how quickly he took care of the situation was amazing. He literally stepped in and rescued me from death. And then he went on to tell Roma that Mom NEEDS help when the boys are at school and that she is NEVER to go outside again without an adult (advice she doesn't follow.) Then he got Eden dressed and took the cookies out of the oven (which were probably burning) and kept asking me what else he could do. It was a moment I will never forget, I could cry just thinking about it.
This week I have been thinking about our dear friends the Poulsens who have a 15 year old daughter in the hospital with her second battle with leukemia. She has been on her death bed the past few days and they are coping so amazingly with the stress and trauma. I keep thinking about how I would feel if Ben were in that situation and my heart wants to explode. Ashtyn is such an amazing girl. She is so mature and brave and wise beyond her years and it breaks my heart to have to see her so sick. It makes me want to document more and also be less attached to my kids, if that makes sense. Not so it would hurt less to lose them, but because they are NOT ours to begin with. These children come to us for a short time and we need to appreciate and enjoy them while we can. I see the years and months and days I have left with Ben. He's basically half way out the door, ready to take on the world and I hardly feel like his mom anymore. I am just someone sitting by, seeing it happen from a distance. Parenting is such a beautiful and rewarding and heart-wrenching experience. And such a fun ride.
Well, that's all for now. Not sure if I will go back to reading or cuddle up in bed with my peeps. But either way, it's going to be a good Friday. Happy weekend. Hopefully I will be back to blogging before another few months roll by.
XOXO
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