Who ever said poetry is boring?

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE.

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

2.Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Props to my lovely MIL who emailed these to me...

a hormonal disorder story

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was going to college in a small, freezing town in Idaho. She loved to socialize and go to her classes. She loved her roommates and teachers. She did not like to date. Most of the guys she dated wanted to get serious and had heads the size of watermelons. She did not want to get married, at least not for several years and tried to stay away from boys, if at all possible.

One day, a nice-looking guy came to her apartment to ask her on a date. She accepted. He seemed normal when he picked her up for the date, but as the night progressed she found herself annoyed. He was trying hard to impress.. he spent lots of money on her, talked a lot about his accomplishments, and flexed his muscles. After a nice dinner, he took her to the movie "The Sixth Sense" because he had already seen it and wanted her to get scared and grab his arm. She got scared but she did not grab his arm. She kept her arms tightly folded in her lap and adjusted awkwardly when he put his arm around her. The drive home was a long one.. She was looking forward to getting out of his car. As he pulled into her parking lot, he asked her if she wouldn't mind going on a walk. Regretfully, she said yes. They walked on campus for what seemed like forever. She told him she was cold. When he offered his coat she declined but requested to go home instead.

When they finally approached her front door, he told her he had a lovely time. She said, "thank you." When he asked her if he could make dinner for her the following night, she said, "No thank you." When he looked confused, she apologized and told him that there were plenty of girls that were interested in him, but she was not one of them. He was speechless-- which made him attractive for the first time that night.

She finally made it inside and when her roommates asked how the date went, she said she didn't want to talk about it. She was tired and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. After the toothpaste was applied and the toothbrush was in her mouth, someone knocked on the door. It was him again. She begged one of her roommates to join her in the living room for another long conversation.

He was sick to his stomach. He wanted to know what he had done wrong. She told him that he didn't do anything wrong and that he was reading too much into the situation. She told him to relax. She apologized for being so bold and refusing to go out with him again because he was very generous and kind. She explained that she wasn't interested in dating anyone seriously. She had other items of business on her college agenda. She told him that he should find a girl who was interested in getting married. The girl tried not to make eye contact with her roommate during the late night conversation because it was all they could do to keep from busting up. They were desperately trying to get him out of their apartment, but he was so absorbed in himself that he didn't get any of the clues. Not even blunt remarks like, "We are VERY tired and would like to go to bed now." He started asking about her past relationships. She did not want to discuss anything more with him and gave him one word answers. Eventually he left. The roommates went to bed giggling.

The next morning the girl got up early to go on a jog. It was a beautiful morning and she was happy to be out by herself. She returned home to a houseful of girls who had big news. The boy from the night before had already stopped by her apartment and wanted to speak to her. It was 7:30 in the morning. The roommates handed her an envelope with a typed letter addressed to her. A typed letter meant serious business because computers and printers weren't a big thing back in the day. (obviously it was centuries ago.)

She opened the letter. She read it out loud so that all of her roommates could enjoy it too. They laughed so hard they could barely breathe. In fact, they read it twice and it was funnier the second time. After they stopped crying from laughter, the girl went directly over to the boy's house. She was still wearing her jogging clothes and was sweaty from her jog. But she wasn't worried about what she looked like. She knocked on his door. He answered. He asked her if she had read the letter. She assured him she had. He asked her if it changed her mind. She said it most definitely had not. She then explained that she DOES like boys, but she does NOT like him. She said that he was so full of himself that he couldn't see straight. She told him that she and her roommates found the letter entertaining and she thanked him for the good laugh. He seemed puzzled.

She walked home with a smile on her face. She felt bad for being rude, but he asked for it. She thought that if someone had the audacity to write such a letter (especially after ONE DATE) then it deserved to be shared with the world. So she made copies of it and sent it to her parents and siblings. She carefully placed it in her scrapbook along with a picture of the boy.

Dear Janet,

Well tonight I have been thinking a lot about you. I hope you know that everything I say in this letter isn't a desperate hope to somehow win your heart. I'm saying these things to try to help you figure yourself out and also find out if you truly need to change. I don't want to come off as preachy either so please don't take offense to the things I say because I am being bold.

I just had a really good talk with my mom about you and seeing as my mother has been through a lot of relationships, I've always looked to her as an authority on it. My step father's ex-wife is a lot like you. She had never in her whole life been in love with a guy, although she thought it would change when she met the right one. There are such things as hormonal disorders and she had one and to this day still has it. But the thing is, she is happy with the way she is living her life. She has said some of the exact things you said to me like she has so much to accomplish and is happier doing other things that are "more productive". She has four children so she did what she had to do to get those, but that's where it has stopped.

All healthy relationships have three factors that somewhat act as a triangle. These are passion (physical), commitment, and intimacy (emotional). If one of these factors is missing then somewhere down the line the relationship will fail. For example, if a relationship has passion and intimacy and no commitment, then the spouse will feel the desire to cheat. Or if the person has commitment and intimacy but no passion, it will make a great friendship marriage, but it will leave the other spouse totally unsatisfied, as was the case in my step father's ex-marriage. It's very hard to change your character if you're happy living that way and say things will change for you somehow... someday.

I guess me and you are on totally different ends of the spectrum when it comes to romance, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Janet, you are an amazing girl and I don't want you to let what you want get in the way of what God wants for you. I hope that this letter as helped you somewhat and you know where my intentions are. I know that often times prayers are answered through other people, so please take what I've said to heart. I promise that I will never pursue you again but I'll always be your friend. you're too much of an amazing person to not be friends with and I will never let my emotions get in the way of our friendship.

Your buddy,
Ryan

boring blogging business issues

I hate writing THESE kind of posts. I really do. But let's get it over with....

#1-- BLURB has updated their software and it's NOW compatible with Blogger! You can finally upload your blog into a book! I am really so happy about this... because even though I figured out an easy way to do it, I didn't want to do everyone else's! Selfish I know, but I have plenty of things to occupy my time. Having said that, my computer skillz quadrupled in the past two months. I am fluent in computer code and have cool tricks to upload blogs (like uploading certain posts comments or doing a book just on one LABEL.. meaning I can easily make a book out of every post that mentions Zack, etc. I will probably get around to making a book for each of my boys.. no more scrappy, cute-tsy stuff. Hard bound is so much better!) Blurb is great software, even though I have questioned their computer programmers several times. Seriously, if a stay at home mom with no computer training whatsoever could figure out the glitch, what is their deal? But someone has come to save the day! Blurb is relatively user-friendly and it's very cost effective. To sum things up, if your current version of BLURB software isn't uploading your blog, then update it... Happy book making!

#2-- Staying on topic, my 2008 book is DONE and is currently being printed. I can't wait for it to arrive. It's 432 pages all together. It was about $90 to print... not bad considering there were over 1500 pictures for the year. When it arrives (and when I get around to it) I will post pictures with my favorite things about the book (like scanning in my Christmas cards from friends and family and adding them to my Holiday section.. ) I am very happy (and relieved) that it's finished.

#3-- I learned several lessons while composing my book. Most importantly is that I really don't care about the comments on my blog. Shocker, I know, especially after giving so many scoldings in the past... but the truth is, I DON'T blog to get feedback. I DO blog to document and keep record of the things going on in my life/home. The only comments that were published in my 2008 book were from the memory post and a couple from the kids' grandparents (including our adopted grandma.) The hundreds of other comments never get documented.. So why spend time writing/reading them when they don't matter in the long run? Entertaining purposes and keeping in touch is a wonderful benefit of blogging.. but comments seem to be a bother, and I am all about eliminating the unnecessary. If you want to "talk" to me, send me an email. This way, those who feel like keeping in touch with me will... and those who don't aren't the ones commenting in the first place.

#4. Am I crazy to close comments? Probably. But the blogging world is a complex one. Comments can make the blogging world awkward and I hate that it ruins such a good thing. I have fully embraced the fact that I can't force people to introduce themselves and therefore, I will stop being so personal. It doesn't mean I am going to stop blogging, but it does mean that the majority of my posts are going on a private blog.. Don't worry, the best of the best will get posted here.. the other stuff isn't going to make it.

#5. And now that I am limiting WHAT I post on my blog, I have opened up FULL content of my posts on google reader. I know I keep going back and forth with this... but I feel like it's another way to save much needed mommy time. If you are wondering HOW to change your feed content (meaning the amount of info others can read when they get an update if you've posted something new) it's under Settings/SITE FEED. If you chose "short" only 250 words will be sent to Google Reader. If you do "full" others will be allowed to read the entire post (and see pictures and links) in the particular site feed. If you don't know what I am talking about, you need to sign up for Google Reader.. It really helps me limit my time on the computer..

#6. Sometimes I write merely for discussion... so obviously when I post something to ask your opinion, comments will be opened. Blogging CAN BE a great way to "discuss amongst ourselves"-- but there is a time and place for feedback.. and it'll be obvious when I want it. The thing is, not a single "discussion post" made the cut into my family archive/blog book. I just don't think that my grandkids will care who I voted for on American Idol or what my friends thought about my decorating dilemmas.

#7. Speaking of important/shallow discussion topics that will not make it into my book at the end of the year, I just have to ask.... Who is watching the Bachelor and what do you think about the final four? To me, this seems like an obvious answer, but maybe they are setting me up. Honestly, it CANNOT be anyone else but Jillian. If she isn't the last one standing, I swear to you, I will never watch the show again. I am so happy that Steph was voted off this week. She was a sweetheart and I am sure she will find a great guy... but she looked too much like an ostrich and sounded like Mother Teresa. Melissa is cute, but isn't going to last because she scrunches her nose too often. And don't get me started on Molly. I seriously HATE Molly. I don't know why I let a nice girl on TV get under my skin like Molly does, but I literally fast forward the show every time she talks. So, back to Jillian. She is confident, smart, beautiful, honest, and so darling. The only concern I have with her being the last one is that Jason might not measure up. She is a class act, in every way except for the fact that she is on the Bachelor in the first place. Seriously, girls are crazy to do that to themselves... and I am sleazy for watching it.

#8 If I seem distant or impersonal, it's because I am trying to be. We're still dealing with a lot at home, but we're tough and we're aware that life isn't always hunky-dory. We ARE counting our blessings and feeling grateful that our schedules are busy.. We seriously have lots to occupy our time.. birthday parties, visitors every weekend, freezer meals up the wazoo, and the biggest Valentine party we've thrown yet! If you're in the Coronado Ward, clear your calendar's for V-day. It's gonna be wild! Call me if you want to help... we need you!

#9 If you're interested in throwing Valentine's Party of your own, let me know. I will email you the outline games, etc. Just leave a comment with your email address and I will load you up. I explained it in better detail last year on THIS POST. I just wanted to let the newcomers know that the offer is still good. It's a great month to spread a little LOVE.

#10 Several people have asked if you can link my blog to yours, the answer is always YES. I take it as a compliment and never want to shun anyone away! Please link your blog to ajshumway and NOT my fake "going private" blog at shumwaygang because that blog is now inactive... (oh the confusion!) Thank you for reading and please don't feel scared to contact me. I sincerely apologize for the "comment lectures" in the past. I was feeling vulnerable and it was my fault for being so open and personal. Obviously, I love blogging and don't want to stop any time soon, but I'm constantly trying to figure out a balance in this vast blogging universe.. blogging is great, friendships are better, but spending quality time with my kids is most important. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Take care and please come back!

Janet

Luke Stats

Age: SIX

Height: 44 inches

Weight: 40 lbs (he gained a whopping 2 lbs since last year.. he's got a tiny little body and a big ol' head.)

Favorites--

Color: Blue

Animal: cheetah and rhino

Food: homemade breadsticks, pizza

Movies: Star Wars and (still) Transformers..

Books: anything Star Wars or Transformers.. (but I can't complain when they're chapter books!)

TV show: star wars the clone wars..

Game: Pin the Light Saber on the Jedi, Hullaballoo, Pictureka, War, Guess Who.. this list could go on and on and on.

Superhero: Spiderman

Primary song: Once there was a cactus... (a desert version of the snowman song done in reverse order..)

Past time: Playing on the computer. He's our computer whiz!

Star Wars character: Anakin Skywalker

Transformer: Brawl

Favorite Birthday Present: Transformer pj's (he's wearing them in the middle picture...thanks Grandma Bev!)

Best Feature: (according to his mom) Big eyes and long, curled eyelashes. He's a beauty! His smile comes in a close second, though.

Funniest things said by Luke on his birthday: Thank goodness our last name isn't SCUM-WAY!

Family Award: Best scripture reader (shh! don't tell Ben!) Luke is such a fast reader and it's rare when he needs help sounding something out. The other night, I captured him reading on video.. sorry about BIG FOOT in the way....

And since we're sharing videos, I am also posting my favorite Luke clip. I realize many of you have seen this but even though it's sideways, I just can't get enough! Luke was TWO and was just starting to read small words. I honestly don't know HOW his little mind functions, but he learned to spell his name completely on his own.. And the pledge is another story. Seriously, how cute is this little face?

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six years with Luke

Dear Adorable Luke,

Spending the past six years with you has been nothing but a blessing. I honestly can't believe how fast the time has gone and how quickly you've grown up. When we found out we were having baby boy #2, we were set on the name Issac. In fact, your ultrasound picture and gift cards are addressed to "baby Issac". But as your due date approached, your Dad and I felt strongly that you were not an Ike. When we saw your darling little face and tiny body (at 6 lbs 1 oz) we knew immediately that Luke was your name. Months later, I came across the meaning of Luke- "bringer of light" and I realized that we had most definitely chosen the right name. You have been a DELIGHT since day one and there is no doubt that our home would be dim without you as a part of our family.

You were born into chaos. Your older brother was only 19 months at the time.. and I was in the middle of my last semester of college. I was sleep-deprived, over-worked and borderline psycho! Before you arrived, I didn't know HOW I was going to manage adding more to the mix. But you were my miracle baby. It doesn't make sense, but when you were born, my life became easier.. You calmed the chaos and set me at ease. Easy-breezy has been your motto, Lukey. You slept through the night at two weeks. You went with the flow, ate anything put in front of you and became instant best friends with your big bro. Like the rest of the world, Benny adored you from the beginning.

Literally from the first time I held you, I knew you were something special. Two days after you were born, I had to leave you at the hospital so you could sleep under a bed of lights. I was devastated and I cried all the way home. I hated seeing you motionless under those lights without anything on except miniature sunglasses and a diaper. The only time someone could hold you was when it was time to eat... So every three hours, I would drive to the hospital to be there for feeding time. When I arrived for a particular 3 am shift, one of your nurses scolded me for coming. She told me that I was crazy and that I should be taking this time to get some much needed sleep. But it wasn't an option for me. I was your mom and I wanted to hold my sweet baby whenever I had the chance! I will never forget carrying you back to the mother's lounge, removing your hospital cap (and teeny-tiny sunglasses) and rocking you that night. I told you (out loud) that I would always be here for you. I would do anything you needed me to.. no matter the cost. You looked at me with your big, brown eyes (which happened to be super crossed!) and I knew you understood what I was saying. I felt (and still do feel) like you communicate through your striking, dark eyes... (crossed only on occasion now :) I've told you this story many times. I often wonder if you get bored with it, but a few weeks ago, I overheard you telling Zack, "She came to the hospital in the middle of the night and wouldn't let the nurse feed me a bottle!" Hearing you repeat the story melted my heart-- and that's something you do frequently.

You have always been a lover boy. I used to call you my baby chimpanzee because your arms and legs were Velcro-ed around my neck and waist at all times. You never wanted to go anywhere that I wasn't.. and I grew quite accustomed to my little buddy. I remember one afternoon in church feeling so disappointed because it was time for you to go to nursery.. and I wasn't willing to give you up. You would sit on my lap the entire three hours of church and not make a sound. You would play with my hair and give me lots of hugs and kisses and I loved every minute of it. We were both so upset when I had to drop you off and leave you to play with toys! I watched you through the window and felt like the time had passed too quickly. And here we are.. days later... celebrating birthday number six! You've grown up so fast!

You knew the entire alphabet at ONE, you were swimming across the pool at age TWO, you were reading at THREE... and it didn't stop there! Do you know that in your six years of life you have NEVER thrown a tantrum? You're so even tempered and such a great communicator that throwing a fit would be completely out of character. That's pretty incredible. You never cease to amaze us with your quick wit and intelligent mind. But you don't care to impress, you never want to be the center of attention and the LAST thing you need is a compliment. Your self-esteem is rock solid and I love that about you. You are always comfortable being you... and any attention is too much attention. Last week, Daddy and I asked you if we could take you out for your birthday, just the three of us. We offered to celebrate any way you wanted, you just needed to name the place. You looked at Ben and Zack, then back at Daddy and I and frankly said, "Um... No thanks." Daddy and I burst out with laughter as you shrugged your shoulders. We should have known better!

Luke, I want you to know how MUCH I enjoy being your mom. Every day, I feel grateful to have such a sweet, silly and calm little boy. You've set the peaceful tone in our home. You are a wonderful friend to your brothers and such a bright spot in our lives. And even though you tear up every time we talk about it, eventually, you are going to be a grown man... ready to leave the house and take on the world. I'm sure when that day comes, I will be crying like I was when I left you at the hospital or when I watched through the window while you played in nursery. Sooner or later, you will outgrow your little boy obsessions and you'll be too big to give me one of your famous run hugs-- so I will enjoy them while I can!! I don't know what lies in your future, but I know you have much to offer the world! How lucky I am to have your love, friendship and light in my life.

Happy Birthday, crazy kid. I will always be here for you... no matter what.

Much love,

Mom

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