Mother's Day Eve

It's not yet officially Mother's Day, but I already feel s.p.o.i.l.e.d.


Aaron wined and dined me two nights in a row with dates..
(3 nights if you include free KFC meals :)

Ben has showered me with several of his famous homemade cards.

Luke picked me flowers from someone else's beautiful yard and gave me a foot rub.

Zack has slobbered me with a million boogery kisses.

And if that wasn't enough, my favorite gift so far has been heaven sent.

A new baby is scheduled to join our family in November.

I could not be happier or feel more blessed.

What's a nice girl like me doing in a dump like this?

I woke up this morning afternoon and found my three year old in the kitchen trying to chug a gallon of milk. I didn't say anything, because I knew his toothpick arms wouldn't be able to lift the gallon high enough to create a disaster. I watched him struggle and tilt his head as far as he could while still holding his mouth to the rim. After a minute, he put the milk down, took a deep breath and said,

"I guess that's only what dads does. It's not for little kids."

I laughed out loud, wiped off the rim and put it back in the fridge. As Zack was skipping away, he said,

"If you laugh at me again, I will put on my Hulk hands and punch you in the face."

Sometimes I wonder WHERE I lost control of my house. But then again, I didn't really get out of bed today until noon (I must have the swine flu.) I really can't get mad at my kids for making a mess over breakfast when I am not around to supervise.

And even though I should be scolding and putting my child in time out for threatening to punch me in the face, I know that I could whip him if ever he challenged me to a fight. I just find it amazing that overnight I have become the leader of a messy house with grown-up kids who call me mom. I often find myself saying "What's a nice girl like ME doing in a dump like THIS?" It's a quote from Erma Bombeck. I think I will get it in vinyl lettering and hang it in my kitchen..

what the duck

Happy Cinco de Mayo, amigos.

Last night we celebrated early by eating at Cafe Rio for dinner. Delicioso! On our way home we stopped at our favorite duck pond. We didn't exactly bring bread, but the ducks chowed our leftover chips and salsa.

There were only three ducks in the pond. I guess everyone else migrated somewhere warmer.. ? We noticed there was a lot of contention between the two male ducks. Aaron and I narrated while they fought over the hot chick-duck. Apparently the stronger male won and he made his way over to the female... but she didn't want him. She pecked at him and swam faster, but he was persistent. He tried getting on top of her and she went underwater... and then she flew away. He chased after her in the air for a good two minutes.. I have never seen ducks fly like that. He was seriously attacking her mid-air. Eventually she gave up and he cornered her in the pond. She quacked over and over as he forced himself on top of her and did his thang. Our boys always love to watch a good duck fight, but they had no idea what was actually happening... and we didn't explain.

I remember when I was about 6 or so and was at Hogle Zoo with my family. From a distance, we heard what sounded like a cheetah being slaughtered. She was growling and yelping so loud, we couldn't help but find her cage and see what was going on. When we found a male cheetah on top of her, my mom was so embarrassed she tried to pull the kids away, but we wanted to know what was happening. She explained that's how they have babies. I was in shock. It was obvious the girl cheetah didn't WANT a baby! Where was the zoo keeper? Why didn't he put that male in another cage??? NO never means YES, boys!

Over the years, that shock has turned into anger. Who does that dominating male duck think he is? On the drive home I decided that I am going to become an activist against ANIMAL RAPE. I am sure our government has enough money in the stimulus package for duck prisons.. All we really need is a big cage... those horny male ducks need to know that there are consequences for their actions. This is about principles and morals and freedom to swim the pond without feeling like you're a piece of meat. I don't care if the freakin' ducks go extinct. At least the females will die happy.

I'd like to buy a vowel.

Today I tried out to be a contestant on the Wheel of Fortune. Yes, I really did. America's most popular game show is coming to Vegas in July to tape 4 weeks of shows. I tried recruiting a few friends to go with me, but no one else was interested... including my husband who took my kids hiking instead. So I went solo.

The tryouts were fun. It wasn't so much about solving the puzzles as it was showing off your personality. And even though I am a superb puzzle-solver, it's the personality I like to deliver. When asked what I like to do for fun, instead of giving the boring answers that everyone else gave (reading, bike riding, cruising around on the strip) I told them about the time I did the Heimlich on a total stranger.. Everyone cheered when I told them he was choking on a big piece of fried chicken. It was a toss-up between that and the fact that I am the world champion Starburst opener..

This was the first round of auditions. They will have call-backs in June and then the official taping in July. I am not holding my breath or anything, but you never know........ I might just win my million dollars after all. Oh, and one week of taping is for Sweethearts only... you better believe I will drag my husband on that stage if we get chosen. There are certain sacrifices you have to make when you are married to me.

If Vanna White calls my cell, I will make sure to let you know. I think I have a good chance, considering that 80% of the people trying out were over the age of 80.. keep your fingers crossed for me.

zack is running for President.

Somehow, Easter came and went. We did all the usuals: dyed eggs, dressed in yellow on Sunday, and ate lots of chocolate. We also attempted to take our boys to a massive Easter egg hunt at a local outdoor mall. It was a big event... apparently, every 30 minutes they "hid" 35,000 eggs (more like dumping them on the ground and letting the kids stomp all over each other to get one.) There was lots of free goodies and at least a thousand people standing around. I left my boys with their dad for about 10 minutes to go and buy a baby shower gift. When I returned, he talked them OUT of waiting in line for the Easter egg hunt and convinced them that going to lunch at In n' Out would be much more fun. I didn't argue. But before we left, Zack decided to hit the stage. There was a local radio station broadcasting at the event. They were having little kids get up on stage and sing karaoke while the hundreds of people waited in line. I asked the DJ if our three year old could say the Pledge instead of sing a song and he was so excited, he threw him on stage. I am so glad Aaron pulled out the camera to video it.... the sound is not great, but again, there were hundreds of people crowded around..