go-to phrases for happy, independent children

While the kids were playing at the park this evening, I read an inspiring article in July's Parents magazine. I wanted to link the full article so the rest of you could read it too, but I can't find it online anywhere. So I am going to paraphrase. To make sure the author gets credit, please know that this was originally written by Francesca Castagnoli. The article is titled "Say the Right Thing". She listed 8 things we should say to raise happy, independent children...

1. "I need to think about that." We don't have to think on our feet and give answers right away. Blurting out the first thing that comes to mind can lead to regret and frustration for both parents and children. By example, we can teach our children to take their time when making their own decisions, which can have long-term benefits. Thinking before you speak is such a great habit!

2. "How does that make you feel?" Instead of showering your child with praise with over the top enthusiasm, ask them how they feel when they've accomplished something praiseworthy. This allows the child to be in touch with what THEY find satisfying rather than focusing on the end result.

3. "Wow." Use this when your child presents you with a problem or if they've done something they know will get them in trouble. Simply saying "Wow" will acknowledge what happened, without committing to a response right away. As you give yourself a moment to put the situation into perspective, you will allow yourself time to figure out a way to handle it (without flying off the handle.)

4. "Let's see if we can find something good in this." The secret to helping your child manage disappointment is to not rush in and rescue him from feeling bad. By letting them be upset and then helping them "find the good part" you will help your child learn to manage with what he has. (LOVE this.)

5. "Listen to your body." When your child has a stomachahe, don't rust to share your own conclusions. Instead help her go through a likely causes. As she learns to pay attention to her body, she will understand that butterflies in her stomach are different than hunger pains. As your child learns to identify what is going on in her body, she will learn to respond in the appropriate way.

6. "Take a breath." We all need to slow down, but it's so easy to forget how. Kids mirror our moods. If you can stop and call a time-out to breathe, you will be teaching your child HOW to manage stressful situations.

7. "Would you like a do-over?" This is a gentle reminder of how we expect our children to respond to us. The beauty of this phrase is that you're letting them know their behavior is not acceptable without embarrassing or scolding them. It works at home or in public because it's friendly and non-threatening. Changing the phrase to "Let's have a do-over" makes it nonnegotiable. It also allows you to reenact the moment together (and puts you on the same team again.)

8. "That's a great idea." Being a cheerleader for your child's big and small ideas will help him realize that he can effectively solve his own problems. Tell him that whatever scenario he just cooked up is worthy and that he has the brains and ability to see it through.

Simple and profound. Pick up a Parents magazine and read the full article yourself (it starts on page 74.) I agree with it 100% and can't wait to get in a habit of saying these phrases on a regular basis. The more we are empowered as women and mothers (taking time to think about the way we parent) the more confidence our children gain as they learn to figure things out for themselves...

my guy

Dear Simon,

I am absolutely 100% crazy about you. You are a full grown man trapped in a two year old's body. You don't understand when people explain why you can't do certain things because deep down, you believe you can. You can open anything (locked doors, soda cans, 2 liter bottles, the fridge, new packages, you name it!) Even though I get frustrated by the massive messes you make, I often sit back and watch you in awe. If you're thirsty, you drag a chair to the counter, climb up, open the cupboard, grab a cup, hop down and get yourself a drink. You dress yourself and climb up on the potty when you need to go. A few days ago, I saw your clothes on the floor outside the bathroom. I opened the door, found you sitting on the toilet and smiled as you said, "Hey! I'm going poop. Gimme a minute." I felt like I had just walked in on my teenager taking a shower or something.

Daddy and I go to sleep at night exhausted. We talk about you and smile and laugh at your antics that day. We know you are bright and capable and athletic. You are the most confident toddler I've ever encountered. I love to see your handsome face each morning and I look forward to laying down by you each night. You always want me to sing "You are my sunshine" and my sunshine you truly are.

This afternoon I read you and Roma a story on my bed before nap time. You were so tired and could barely keep your eyes open, but you won't give in-- especially to sleep. I told you to lay on my pillow while I put the baby in her crib. I warned you that if you got off my bed, you'd have to sleep on the bunk bed. You nodded and I knew you understood. I wasn't gone more than 5 minutes. I came into my room and was so happy to see that you had stayed put. I could only see the back of your head, but it was laying on my pillow and I was proud of you. I quietly laid next to you. You turned your face around and I just burst out laughing. In those 5 short minutes, you found my makeup bag (on my nightstand) and quickly applied mascara to your face. You knew you didn't have much time, so you made the most of it. I couldn't help but laugh because it really was hilarious... and you giggled right along with me. Serves me right for keeping anything within your reach! But you "stayed on the bed" and so I let you sleep next to me. I didn't take a picture until after your eyes were closed. You are such a pretty little toddler. :)

Not everyone is perfect. I understand my own personality better because you and I are very similar. The truth is, I love to make messes. We love to paint and create and cook together. You are my little buddy in the kitchen and will make ANYTHING as long has you have a spoon to stir. You also love.love.love to watch me paint Roma's fingernails. You always want your nails painted too. I feel so bad telling you that it's only for girls.. so much so that now I only do it when you're asleep. You know exactly where the nail polish is, though and you will carry a bench or stool to reach it. Daddy told me many times to move it and I intended to, but just got busy with other things... so you've made several big messes with your favorite colored "finger paints".

About a month ago, you made an extremely big mess in our bedroom. When I saw it, I knew I was going to get in trouble by Daddy because I didn't move my nail polish like he'd warned. He was on his way home from work and I didn't have time to clean it up. So... guess what I did? I made an even bigger mess on his side of the bed. Daddy's nightstand is also a hot spot and there are some things that he knows he needed to move too, so I spread them out and left everything there for Daddy to find. It was a bad thing to do, and I knew it, but I did it anyway. When Daddy got home and saw the mess, you were in big trouble. You came into our room and Daddy asked what you did. You pointed to the fingernail polish and said, "I made a big mess" and then you pointed to Daddy's nightstand and said, "But I didn't do that." Daddy argued with you and said, "Yes, you did. You made all of this mess." You kept shaking your head and pointing, "No. I didn't do that. I did make that mess, but I didn't do that one." I was standing in the door way laughing so hard. I never did tell Daddy the truth, but I gladly offered to clean everything up. I realize it's not nice to frame you like that, but you kinda deserve it. Someday I will tell Daddy it really wasn't you.

You are so in love with your little sister. You have been since the day she was born. You love to talk to her and tease her. You get really close to her face and say, "Hi Mo-Mo. Do you like me?" and she squeals. She also pulls your hair and ears and you love that. Yesterday you were punching her in the stomach. Well, it was more like pushing down on her tummy with your fist.. in a rapid fashion. I told you not to do that, but every time you did, she let out a deep, hearty laugh. I could tell it hurt her, but she also loved it. After a handful of times, she let you know she was done and you turned to me and said, "She don't yike it again." She loves you until she doesn't. I see foreshadowing of your relationship in the future.. and it makes me happy!

You LOVE being bigger than someone else. You tell everyone, "Mo-Mo is little. I big." When we ask if your brothers are bigger than you, you say, "Ben big. Luke big. Zack big and I big." You are not little compared to anyone! Your brothers often give in to you because you demand to be included. You will push Ben out of your spot or convince Luke to share his cookie or make Zack sleep on the bottom bunk because you are JUST as big as they are. I love that you can hold your own!

You've been a difficult toddler for me, to say the least. But there hasn't been a day since you were born that I haven't thanked God for sending you to our family. I waited four years for you to come. Many times during those years, I wondered if we would ever have any more children. I prayed for you and hoped for you and even though you've added {so much} chaos to our lives, you are exactly what I wanted. You are my handsome, confident little man and I am happier and wiser because you are mine. Our home wouldn't be the same without your wild, crazy, happy personality. It would be much cleaner and calmer and more organized, but it wouldn't be the same. We are all so glad you're a part of our family. I can't wait to see where life takes you.

Love always,

Mom

Legoland

Legoland Highlights: it was perfect weather. the lines were short. it was the BEST to go with friends (we all took turns watching the babies). The dragon ride was the favorite (the boys rode 6-7 times in a row). Zack was SO excited for every.single.ride. Star Wars land was awesome. I personally loved the boat rides. Ro slept awesome in the stroller. We were there when it opened and stayed until it closed.  Ben and Luke insisted on paying for their own tickets and we obliged.  They want to go back ASAP.

The downsides: The rides weren't very efficient, but we had great company waiting for some of them to get fixed. Roma's knees got sunburned. Simon absolutely HATED having to sit out for any ride, he would cry and point and say, "I'm Big! I am!" Our van got broken into by a professional. Aaron's work laptop was stolen (but the case and everything else was carefully placed back under the seats.) My wallet was also in the car and one credit card was taken... everything else was perfectly in it's spot. They ran a few hundred dollars up on the card. We had no idea anything was missing until we got home (days later). Bummer.

The good definitely outweighed the bad.  Legoland was "totally freakin' awesome!"
 

the case of the missing baby, chapter two.

Simon and Zack were playing cards this morning and a Little Miss tried to destroy their game.  So they found a very practical solution....

 Did she like playing in her cage?

 Not much.

 You may have noticed that the boys are bald.  We buzzed their heads last night.  Ben and Luke wanted to sport mohawks for the last couple of days of school.  why not?

I can't believe all of these kids are mine.

to see Case of the Missing Baby, chapter one, click HERE.
8 months seems to be the perfect age to trap a baby under a clothes basket.

8 months old

My universe will never be the same.  I'm glad you came.

just uploaded 1275 pictures from my camera.  wowza.  
camping on the beach.  
Legoland. 
girls trip to Atlanta. 
and summer! 
I gots lotsa catching up to do.