sleep (or lack thereof)

Yesterday morning (before school, when I was dragging and couldn't get it together) my husband and I confirmed that the root of ALL our problems stemmed from sleep... or lack thereof.  We vowed to get more shut eye (and wake up earlier) or else!

Later that day, Aaron surprised me and came home from work at 3 PM(!!!!) so we could run a few errands together as a family and get to bed as early as possible.  The kids were fed and bathed and asleep by 8 PM so do not ask me WHY we finally turned our lights off at 1 AM.  what the??  (I spent some quiet time doing things for my new calling, answering emails and writing a long blog post..)  Aaron went and played volleyball and picked up a few groceries that we needed.  And then we stayed up late talking about our relationship and problems :)  At 2 AM, I heard Roma crying and puking in her crib.  That was the beginning of my day today.  After bathing her, changing her sheets and rocking her to no avail, the two of us finally were able to go back to sleep around 6 AM.  the joke was on me!  The day I promise to get more rest is the day I don't sleep a wink.  I snoozed from 6-7 and then got my boys off to school.  I have been walking around like a zombie ever since...

Sweet little Ro has been a baby zombie herself.  She hasn't kept anything down all day and has the runs to boot.  I have changed her poor raw bum too many times.  She took 5 baths.  Every time I got her out and put her in a diaper and new outfit, she threw up on me.  Twice she pooped on me (once in a towel and another time in a blanket) so our day was an "adventure" to put it mildly.

But we were able to catch some priceless videos of her sleeping in the kitchen sink... not once, not twice, but three different naps!  This poor baby was so tired and for some reason the only time she could relax was when the water was running. (the minute I took her out, she would wake up and cry, but if i put her back in and turned on the water, her eyes would get heavy and she would doze off.)  I was able to get some good clips, but not like I wanted because my phone was full of memory.  Annoying.  Anyway, one we are saving for AFV..  it's basically the same clip as the ones below but she keeps her head under the water for longer periods of time and doesn't even budge.  We will let you know if she wins $100,000.  (I also entered her cute newborn basketball pictures in Ellen's kids creative halloween costumes.)

this last video is her playing in the sink.. wide awake. minutes before (and after) she fell asleep.  funny and terrible day... but we got through it!

marital conflict

I pride myself in being real. it's the best thing I have going for me. If you talk to me in person, I will try to dish it out like it is. I share personal information-- often times too much-- and the last thing I ever want to paint is a perfect picture. I realize I post "real" parenting posts and I feel better writing after a particularly hard day, but 99.9% of what I write about my marriage is positive.

 99.9% of my marriage is not positive. I stay away from anything negative because this blog is a subject of conflict in my marriage to begin with, even when I document the best things about our relationship. I also believe you should keep marital conflicts within the marriage. I don't call my mom when I am having issues in my marriage (she'll take his side anyway) but I have some good friends, sisters included that I can talk to for advice. I make sure the people I talk to about my struggles are women who love and support my marriage. I also believe that complaining too much leads to more negativity and I try to avoid that.

 However, the past couple of days I've received a couple of emails from women who do not know me personally. Both were touching emails and as much as I appreciated them, I also found myself feeling unsettled, not sure how to answer back. I just finished emailing them back privately, but I also wanted to address the subject here, just in case there were other people comparing their own marriages to other relationships they read about on the internet, or see on television shows or even observe in person from afar. Comparing is one of the most destructive things you can do to yourself and your relationships! When you compare, you are weighing your worst moments with others best and the outcome will be detrimental.  Avoid comparing at all costs... it will mess you up!

With that said, I want to tell you that NO MARRIAGE is easy.  Mine is far from perfect and just because I don't hang our dirty laundry to dry on this blog doesn't mean we don't have issues.  We've been married 12 years and our disagreements are as confusing and as frustrating as the day we met.  We are learning as we grow, but as soon as we think we have something figured out, another outside stress will come along that throws us off balance (or another child will be born.)  While I will not assume our struggles are the same as anyone elses, I will testify that we have them and they are hard.  Our communication styles could not be more different.  They almost kept us from getting married and are still the #1 source of our conflict.  We have to work really hard at understanding each other.  Many times there is not a middle ground, so one of us has to settle.  And at the end of the long disagreement, we have to agree to disagree and put our family and relationship before the topic we are arguing about.

I am not going to give marital advice because every relationship is so different, but I will say that assuming other people have perfect spouses/marriages/lives is so damaging and painful.  If a certain blog or television show or friend is making you feel like you don't have enough, stop reading the blog, watching that show or hanging out with that friend.  Seek professional counselors that can help you talk through your frustrations.. therapy should be more popular!!!  And remember that the more you focus on the negative, the more negative your life will seem.  There will always be someone who has more or seems happier, but they are probably looking at you and feeling the same way.

Keep the faith, seek out a therapist, confide in people who love you and make you feel whole and never (ever) assume that someone has it better than you do.  Does anyone have anything to add?

I may or may not type up some of my most frustrating marriage moments and share them on this blog.  It will be good for my posterity, dontcha think?

pretty in purple

I was able to blog from my phone today, but didn't mean to post these pictures without any words. although the pictures really do speak for themselves. While the boys were crafting up some Halloween goodness, I was doing dishes. I knew Ro had a marker (she was using it to drum on a pan in the kitchen.) I didn't know that she is now able to take off marker lids... She went from a clean baby to a purple monster in a matter of minutes (and back to a clean baby a few minutes after that.) Unfortunately the sweatshirt that she wore for the first time today needs to be retired.

Ace

Did you know I call my husband Ace?  Before we were dating, I only referred to him by his last name... and when we got engaged, I figured I needed to change that, since his last name would soon be mine.  After watching him play tennis and realizing how good he was, he became Ace.  It fits him.  He calls me JP, which is short for Jannie Pannie (my childhood nickname).  Most of my siblings have shortened it to Pannie and even though it should be embarrassing, it never has been.

I did not intend to write the above paragraph.  It just came out after I titled this post.  I just put my baby down for the night (thankgoodness.  that girl's scream makes me want to poke out my eyes.)  Ace is downstairs playing rummikub with the boys and I guarantee he will win, for the third night in a row.  As I was rocking Ro to sleep, and singing to her, I busted up thinking about my husband singing the songs at Family Home Evening tonight.  Zack taught us a little pumpkin song and Daddy had the words down after one lesson.  He was literally screaming the lyrics and made up his own actions (which included several pelvic thrusts) and I completely lost it.  Although the kids love it, I know he's performing mostly for me.  He can always get me to laugh...

So as I rocked, I thought of all the things Ace has said to me the past few days and I thought I would write them down.  He will hate the fact that I am writing them on my blog, but if ever I die, he can look back at these words and know that I loved the way he made me laugh.

Yesterday I sent him home to get a few things for my lesson.  When he dropped it off, I asked him if I could take his scriptures too.  I had my digital scriptures, but thought I should look spiritual carrying around a heavy quad.  He handed them to me and said, "Of course.  And if you run out of material, read my patriarchal blessing to them.  It's in the back."  He says things like that without cracking a smile and I love it.  The fact that he was holding a cute baby girl (who needed a diaper change) made him that much handsomer.

I had to run some early morning errands a few days ago and could not find my bra anywhere.  I often misplace things, but not usually my bra.  After looking for it for 30 minutes or so, I said really frustrated, "Why can't I find my bra?!"  Aaron, not realizing what I was looking for that whole time, smiled and said, "It's on the back of the bathroom door.  Hit me again.  What else do you need?"  I love (and hate) that he always comes to my rescue.

On the way home from shopping with Debbie (we were seriously gone for 5 hours) I called him to see how things were going at home with the kids.  He answered, "Shop til you Drop, this is Aaron."  I know he was frustrated that I hadn't checked in, but he takes everything with stride and knows I don't get many nights out with my sister..

Tonight he came home singing "my heart's a stereo, turn me up when you feel low" and although he shouldn't quit his day job, he sounds a lot like Adam Levine.  He knew the disposal had been out of commission for a few days and without even changing from his dress clothes, he got to work on it... He had it up and running before dinner was on the table and I could not have been more impressed.

During dinner he sat really close to me, making our elbows touch.  If I moved away he got closer, so I finally he gave in.  Sometimes he tries to see how much it will take to annoy me.  During the dinner conversation we talked about something nice we did for someone else.  The kids reported cute little favors they did for each other.  When it was Daddy's turn he said, "When I was riding the elevator down to my car, I had gas but decided not to fart.  That was nice to everyone else riding with me."  The boys loved it and I tried my best not to smile, but didn't succeed.

A little later (while doing the dishes for the 14th time today) I told him my life isn't FUN enough.  He laughed and in a very mocking tone (charlie & chocolate factory, Veruca Salt voice) he said, "I want more fun!  Get me more fun, Daddy!  And bring it to me now!"  And right then my wish was granted.  He is a lot of fun to be married to.

He's been doing his workout routine for the past 10 minutes or so, but he just got into bed next to me.  He's not looking at my computer screen... he's on his phone scrolling around.  A minute ago, I asked him what he was doing (mainly afraid that he was going to ask me what I was doing.)  Without looking up at me he said, "I'm paying your bills.  Whatch YOU doing?"  I laughed.  and he asked why that was so funny.  I said because it seems like I don't do anything around here. and then he said again, "And I want to know why that's so funny."

this past weekend

I still have a couple of beach photo picture files to edit, but I need to move on to real life and stop thinking about how I wish we could be back on the beach without a care in the world.

I feel terrible I don't have more pictures to document this past week/end.  We had a blast putting up our Halloween decor and celebrations are in full swing.  Bedrooms and closets got organized, bathrooms got a deep cleaning and the cold weather finally kicked in!  

Debbie and her family drove through on Saturday and arrived minutes before our Fall Festival/Stake Fair.  It is a BIG to-do here and I didn't take a single picture.  I must have been too busy talking with my sister and chasing around our 9 kids.  There was loud music, face painting, cake walks, trampolines and bounce houses, dinner, cotton candy, stuffed animals and lots of friends.  It was bitter sweet running into old friends that will no longer be in our ward.  Love the neighborhood we live in!

Straight from the Fair, Deb and I went shopping.  She knows how badly my closet needs it.  We spent hours in the dressing room and had a great time.  We laughed a lot but by the end I felt like crying.  I don't like to shop.  The last time I went was when Deb forced me to go after my birthday last year.  I got some really cute things and love that my husband didn't ask me how much we spent.

Saturday night was a night from hell.  Hyper cousins playing, no one wanted to sleep.  I think everyone was finally quiet by midnight.  Simon woke up around 1:00 AM claiming monsters were eating his legs.  He crawled into bed with us and after he fell asleep, I was wide awake.  I think I dozed off around 3 but at 4:00 AM, I heard Ro screaming in her crib. One of the kids used her bathroom at night and turned on the lights in her room.  I rocked her for a bit, but she wasn't going back to bed.  Around 7, when the older kids woke up, I was able to lay back down and get about an hour of sleep.  Needless to say I had big bags under my eyes at church.

I was sustained in as RS pres in my ward on Sunday afternoon.  We have a whole new ward (boundary change) and I called two counselors I've never met before.  My first counselor is 9 months pregnant (due of Friday) and my second counselor has lived in Vegas for just a few short months.  The Bishopric knows me well and let me call a third counselor, which I am thrilled about.  I haven't been nervous about the call too much.. more excited than anything.  I love meeting new people and believe I can handle the schedule.  My only wish is that I could sit on the stand during Sacrament meeting and watch Aaron wrangle five kids from afar... and I could just smile at him.  Maybe in the next life I can be a man.  With the lack of sleep and stimulation of the cousin visit, our kids were wired during church.  Roma was so loud and ended up barfing all over Aaron's suit.  So glad it wasn't me.  During Sacrament meeting, Zack and Simon went out to get a drink and Zack came back wearing a CTR ring he'd stolen from the lost and found.  He's not the sharpest tool in the shed...
  

Aaron had to run home and change and grab a few things for my lesson that I forgot in the kitchen (I set it down for a second to check on dinner in the oven and left it at home... so annoying.)  He was back in the RS room minutes before it began.  The lesson turned out great and I am looking forward to meeting all the new Sisters in my ward.  I recognized only a fraction of the faces.  After church I was learning the ropes of my new calling (welfare forms) and totally forgot about the roast in the oven.  I saved it just before the house burned to the ground.  The carrots were a little black on the bottom and there was zero gravy for the mashed potatoes, but we survived.

I made a few phone calls after dinner and ended up falling asleep on the couch, with the kids running around me.  I was THAT tired.   I woke up around 7 PM and played a couple of games with the older boys..  and then prepared for my first presidency meeting this morning.  I didn't get to sleep until after 1:00 AM.

Ben woke me up minutes before I was to take carpool. Of course, his lunch was made, the baby had a bottle and he was just waiting for a ride. I threw on a new outfit (boy that felt good!) brushed my teeth and we were off.  As we were leaving out the door, I remembered it was picture day at school.  Oh boy.  I made the kids change their shirts (Luke wore a bloody skeleton head on picture day last year) and had them comb their hair, for real this time.  I grabbed a checkbook on my way out the door and drove to the school.  

Once I got in the parking lot, I went to write a check for pictures and realized Aaron used the last check yesterday at church.  Who uses checks anymore anyway?  Luckily I had $20 in my wallet found some change to order ONE 8X10 each.  geez.  They better smile or else.  Another girl in the carpool left her form at home too so we scrounged up some change for her too.  totally crazy.  I do not want to be this kind of mom..  but what's a girl to do?

While parked at the school, Simon told me he had to go potty (we woke him up on our way out the door).  He didn't have shoes on, so I asked him if he could wait and he said yes.  But on the drive home, he could NOT wait and I had to pull over on the side of the road.  He stood on the door of my van and shot pee out into the dirt.  Most of it went outside the van.  I had to do a quick wipedown when we got home.

We had a few minutes to spare before my presidency meeting, so I was able to make a few copies.  The two babies went to a friends house which was heaven sent.  The meeting went well, lots of work to do and parties to plan!  Luke and I went to the library quickly to exchange his books.  PS.  Luke has been homeschooled since the beginning of the year and he is a gem.  He reads 4-5 chapter books a week and is such a big help at home.  Could.not.survive without this awesome 9 year old of mine.  I will pull Ben and Zack home as soon as they will let me.  This is another post for another day.

Roma and Simon are now down for a nap at the same time which NEVER happens.  Luke is reading next to me... and I am feeling blessed.  Busy, chaotic and happy.  Aaron laughed at me this morning and said, "you are a comedy act I get to watch everyday."  I resent that.  I am not here for his entertainment, unlike Adam Lambert who is always there for me when I need him.

Dinner needs to go in the oven and the older boys will be home in an hour.  We are going to start reading Phantom Tollbooth tonight after FHE.  I don't want the days to go by so quickly, but at the same time, bedtime cannot get here soon enough.  This is the most wonderful time of the year and I can't let it slip through my fingers!  We will be heading up to Utah soon, so the leaves better stay on the trees until we get there.  My parents get home from their mission in 17 days....