a hormonal disorder story

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was going to college in a small, freezing town in Idaho. She loved to socialize and go to her classes. She loved her roommates and teachers. She did not like to date. Most of the guys she dated wanted to get serious and had heads the size of watermelons. She did not want to get married, at least not for several years and tried to stay away from boys, if at all possible.

One day, a nice-looking guy came to her apartment to ask her on a date. She accepted. He seemed normal when he picked her up for the date, but as the night progressed she found herself annoyed. He was trying hard to impress.. he spent lots of money on her, talked a lot about his accomplishments, and flexed his muscles. After a nice dinner, he took her to the movie "The Sixth Sense" because he had already seen it and wanted her to get scared and grab his arm. She got scared but she did not grab his arm. She kept her arms tightly folded in her lap and adjusted awkwardly when he put his arm around her. The drive home was a long one.. She was looking forward to getting out of his car. As he pulled into her parking lot, he asked her if she wouldn't mind going on a walk. Regretfully, she said yes. They walked on campus for what seemed like forever. She told him she was cold. When he offered his coat she declined but requested to go home instead.

When they finally approached her front door, he told her he had a lovely time. She said, "thank you." When he asked her if he could make dinner for her the following night, she said, "No thank you." When he looked confused, she apologized and told him that there were plenty of girls that were interested in him, but she was not one of them. He was speechless-- which made him attractive for the first time that night.

She finally made it inside and when her roommates asked how the date went, she said she didn't want to talk about it. She was tired and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. After the toothpaste was applied and the toothbrush was in her mouth, someone knocked on the door. It was him again. She begged one of her roommates to join her in the living room for another long conversation.

He was sick to his stomach. He wanted to know what he had done wrong. She told him that he didn't do anything wrong and that he was reading too much into the situation. She told him to relax. She apologized for being so bold and refusing to go out with him again because he was very generous and kind. She explained that she wasn't interested in dating anyone seriously. She had other items of business on her college agenda. She told him that he should find a girl who was interested in getting married. The girl tried not to make eye contact with her roommate during the late night conversation because it was all they could do to keep from busting up. They were desperately trying to get him out of their apartment, but he was so absorbed in himself that he didn't get any of the clues. Not even blunt remarks like, "We are VERY tired and would like to go to bed now." He started asking about her past relationships. She did not want to discuss anything more with him and gave him one word answers. Eventually he left. The roommates went to bed giggling.

The next morning the girl got up early to go on a jog. It was a beautiful morning and she was happy to be out by herself. She returned home to a houseful of girls who had big news. The boy from the night before had already stopped by her apartment and wanted to speak to her. It was 7:30 in the morning. The roommates handed her an envelope with a typed letter addressed to her. A typed letter meant serious business because computers and printers weren't a big thing back in the day. (obviously it was centuries ago.)

She opened the letter. She read it out loud so that all of her roommates could enjoy it too. They laughed so hard they could barely breathe. In fact, they read it twice and it was funnier the second time. After they stopped crying from laughter, the girl went directly over to the boy's house. She was still wearing her jogging clothes and was sweaty from her jog. But she wasn't worried about what she looked like. She knocked on his door. He answered. He asked her if she had read the letter. She assured him she had. He asked her if it changed her mind. She said it most definitely had not. She then explained that she DOES like boys, but she does NOT like him. She said that he was so full of himself that he couldn't see straight. She told him that she and her roommates found the letter entertaining and she thanked him for the good laugh. He seemed puzzled.

She walked home with a smile on her face. She felt bad for being rude, but he asked for it. She thought that if someone had the audacity to write such a letter (especially after ONE DATE) then it deserved to be shared with the world. So she made copies of it and sent it to her parents and siblings. She carefully placed it in her scrapbook along with a picture of the boy.

Dear Janet,

Well tonight I have been thinking a lot about you. I hope you know that everything I say in this letter isn't a desperate hope to somehow win your heart. I'm saying these things to try to help you figure yourself out and also find out if you truly need to change. I don't want to come off as preachy either so please don't take offense to the things I say because I am being bold.

I just had a really good talk with my mom about you and seeing as my mother has been through a lot of relationships, I've always looked to her as an authority on it. My step father's ex-wife is a lot like you. She had never in her whole life been in love with a guy, although she thought it would change when she met the right one. There are such things as hormonal disorders and she had one and to this day still has it. But the thing is, she is happy with the way she is living her life. She has said some of the exact things you said to me like she has so much to accomplish and is happier doing other things that are "more productive". She has four children so she did what she had to do to get those, but that's where it has stopped.

All healthy relationships have three factors that somewhat act as a triangle. These are passion (physical), commitment, and intimacy (emotional). If one of these factors is missing then somewhere down the line the relationship will fail. For example, if a relationship has passion and intimacy and no commitment, then the spouse will feel the desire to cheat. Or if the person has commitment and intimacy but no passion, it will make a great friendship marriage, but it will leave the other spouse totally unsatisfied, as was the case in my step father's ex-marriage. It's very hard to change your character if you're happy living that way and say things will change for you somehow... someday.

I guess me and you are on totally different ends of the spectrum when it comes to romance, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Janet, you are an amazing girl and I don't want you to let what you want get in the way of what God wants for you. I hope that this letter as helped you somewhat and you know where my intentions are. I know that often times prayers are answered through other people, so please take what I've said to heart. I promise that I will never pursue you again but I'll always be your friend. you're too much of an amazing person to not be friends with and I will never let my emotions get in the way of our friendship.

Your buddy,
Ryan