the shade tree

The past several weeks, I have felt on top of the world. I have been waking up early (between 4:30-5 am) making my house spotless, exercising, ironing, cooking up a storm, swimming daily, baking cookies for neighbors, taking my kids all kinds of fun places, sewing curtains, going on bike rides.... you name it. Feeling sick for so long (say the first 4 months of pregnancy) has made me so grateful to feel good again. Everyday I wake up like the energizer bunny with a new agenda.

But yesterday was a really hard day. I'm not really sure why. I couldn't pull myself out of bed. I didn't want to shower or get off the couch. Every room in my house was a disaster by the end of the day because I didn't feel like cleaning. We had lots of kids over all day and I was just wiped out. By the time my husband came home for work, I was a wreck and so was the house. Dinner was burned, the kids were hyper and I was on the verge of tears. I went to bed early while my husband put the kids to sleep, fixed my broken vacuum and cleaned out my van (oh, how I love him.) His only response to all my complaining/crying was, "I am glad to know that you're normal. I was wondering when you were going to slow down."

This morning I woke up, dropped the kids off at a sitters and went on a service project with a few sisters in my ward. We visited a battered woman's shelter, dropped off lots of goodies (diapers, toilet paper, toothbrushes, etc) and served lunch. It only took a couple of hours. I did nothing to organize it, but I felt privileged to be a part of such a worthwhile project. My heart was full as I dished out hot plates of food to the children and women living at the shelter. I visited with one woman who was separated from her daughters and doesn't know when she'll see them again. I held a tiny newborn with a full head of black hair. I wanted to take him home with me. My eyes filled up with tears as I saw a teenage girl sitting next to her mother, holding her hand. I wonder what her day-to-day life is like. I hope she doesn't end up at a shelter in a few years with children of her own.


I couldn't help but think of my handsome sons, without a care in the world, playing safely at a friend's house. I thought of the dinner we had the night before. Yes, it was a little burned, but we had plenty of food. We were lucky enough to eat together as a family, at our own kitchen table. I thought of my sweet husband who worked a long day at the office and then came home to vacuum out my van. I placed my hand on my growing belly and felt the baby kick me from within. He is already a part of a family who is counting down the days until he arrives. He will have three older brothers who will teach him the ways of The Force and a Daddy who will read him stories at night with silly accents. His mom is so thrilled he's coming that she can barely think about him without her eyes filling up with tears. He will live in a warm house with bedroom of his own. He already has more clothes than his little 6 lb body could possibly wear... they are already neatly hanging in his closet.


Sometimes I feel really overwhelmed with LIFE, but I really have no right to complain or feel sorry for myself. Yes, it's exhausting keeping a house clean and organized.. but how lucky I am to have a roof over my head and food in the refrigerator to feed my children whenever they are hungry. It's sad to know that it takes an outing to a women's shelter to make me realize ALL that I have-- both big and little blessings.

I often feel grateful for the highs and lows in life. If I never felt sick, I wouldn't know how wonderful it is to feel healthy, etc. But today I realized that my lows are not really lows, not compared to what others consider lows. I need to do more and be more because I have been given so much. I need to teach my children to be grateful for what they have and to eat all of their food because they don't know what it's like to be hungry-- really hungry. On the way home, we were talking about our children and I said something to the fact that I was going to go home and slap them into shape because they don't understand how lucky they are. But instead, hugged them tight and told them how happy I am to have them in my life and how lucky we should all feel to have a Daddy who loves us and provides for us.

Now, I am going to turn off the computer, tuck them into their cozy beds and pray that we can always remember how blessed we truly are.