a Friday night movie

Lissa was one of the first people to email me. After reading her story, I encouraged her to share it on her private blog. She reluctantly did and I've enjoyed reading her comments just as much as her personal story of service. What amazes me about this whole process is how blind we can be to others in their greatest time of need. Lissa's story has made me think about others around me, especially the single moms out there. I can only imagine how lonely the weekends are after a divorce!

I hope you enjoy Lissa's story. Be sure to comment, she will be reading.. I am so glad she was brave enough to talk about this time in her life. I believe it's a lot easier to serve someone than it is to be served. Thanks Lissa for letting me post your story on my blog. So glad to have "met" you through this process.

a Friday night movie
By: Lissa Studdard
http://trentandlissa.blogspot.com/2010/04/friday-night-movie.html
smilinglissa@gmail.com

I was 35 when my husband left me. He found a girl skinnier, younger and more his type. I had four young children at home and I thought my life was over. I was embarrassed and devastated. I didn't want people to feel bad for me, and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. I withdrew and tried to escape by eating, which ultimately made me feel worse about myself. After several months of wallowing in my own misery, I got a call from a friend.

I didn't know her very well. She was a neighbor with two young children. She and her husband were still in the "newlywed" stage and every time I saw her at church I felt that we had nothing in common. When she called me, I was a bit shocked. She asked me if I had any plans on Friday night. I told her no, but if she wanted me to watch her kids, mine weren't going to be home to play with them. They always spent Friday night at their Dad's apartment. She said she was hoping my kids would be away because then we could hang out just as girls. She had a chick-flick she wanted to see, but her husband wasn't willing to watch it with her. She asked me if I would be her date to the theater. I gladly accepted.

She picked me up early. We bought our tickets along with buttered popcorn and big drinks. We sat in our seats 20 minutes before the show started and talked small-talk. She didn't ask me anything personally, for which I was grateful. The movie started and we both enjoyed it. After it was over, she dropped me off at home and said we should do it again next week. For the first time in months, I had fun. I tried not to get my hopes up, wondering if she would remember. She called the following Wednesday and we discussed what movie we would see. There wasn't anything playing in the theater, but I had several movies at home that I thought we would enjoy. She came over in her pajamas and we watched the long version of Pride and Prejudice. After that, Friday night movies became a ritual.

After a couple of months, She suggested that we become early morning walking partners. I know it was her gentle way of saying that I would feel better about myself if I exercised. She knew that I was ashamed of myself and uncomfortable in my own skin. I knew that she loved me anyway and wanted what was best for me. So I didn't fight her in talking me into a healthier lifestyle. It was during our early morning walks that I opened up about my divorce and how miserable I was. She listened. She didn't understand what I was going through, but she listened. And that was exactly what I needed.

After some time, I felt comfortable enough to ask her how things were going in HER life. It took me a long time to be ready to hear how good her life was, but I realized then that everyone has their own struggles. Her husband worked long hours and they didn't get a lot of time to date anymore. This made me feel bad for consuming their weekend date night. I didn't want to suggest ending our Friday night rituals because just the thought of spending the weekend alone seemed miserable. Instead I asked her if I could watch her kids on Saturday night so she and her husband could go out. She accepted without hesitation and that's when I knew she was a friend for life. True friends let you serve them. And I wanted so badly to be of use to someone, anyone. I realized that by serving others, I came out of my shell and realized that my problems weren't so bad after all.

Eventually our Friday movie nights turned into experimenting in the kitchen with a movie playing in the background. I had never been much of a cook and learned so many recipes from my sweet friend. She taught me that healthy isn't always tasteless. I also realized (while cooking in the kitchen) that I had never been an active part of my marriage. Through her example and friendship I learned that a mother's mood sets the tone for the entire home. She softened my heart and allowed me to see that I had a big part in my divorce. For years I had let life slide by me. Because of this realization, I was a new person and was able to forgive my ex-husband. We have a stronger relationship, a healthy relationship as parents of our children. In fact, after learning to love myself, I even came to like his new wife. We are not best friends or anything and will never be, but I became comfortable in my new role as the "ex-wife". I would have never guessed that life would take me in this direction, but after a lot of work I was able to accept it and move forward. Everything I had learned, started with a simple phone call from a self-less neighbor who invited me to the movies.

To make a really long story short, life has treated me well. I lost weight, started dating, met an incredible man (with four kids of his own) and began a new life with a better outlook. After my marriage, I moved to a new city and my friend moved several states away. We haven't seen each other in 10 years. But we have a friendship that will never be broken, no matter how far apart we live or how long it's been since we've talked. She will forever be the woman that loved me enough to allow me to love myself.

Janet, you inspired me to write this down, and I thank you for that. Not only has it been emotional and healing, but it made me realize that I have never actually thanked my friend who changed my life for the better. Obviously she knows that I love her, but I don't think she understood how her friendship changed my life, how it changed me. It's amazing, the power of Love. It empowers, edifies and allows us to become who we were always meant to be. Thank you, sweet Racheal. For being the person that you are and for showing me what it feels like to be loved.

Comment from Racheal on Lissa's blog:

Lissa!!!!! I couldn't even read through this story, I had to have Sam help me because my eyes are so puffy. You were more of a friend to me during my early motherhood years than you know. I know it was meant to be that we met each other. I learned soooo much from you and continue to learn from you. Luv you always!