relationships

Having a laptop has ruined my blogging groove. I thought it would make it better and easier, but really, I used to have a good thing going. I would sit at the computer desk when I wanted to write, and I would lay in bed when I wanted to read. Now I don't do either like I used to because I am conflicted. I've got to find a new groove.

anyway-- who doesn't love the song, somebody that I used to know by Gotye? every time I hear it on the radio, it is stuck in my head all day. The other night, I was going to bed and I was telling my husband that I MUST fork out the $1.20 for this song on iTunes because I love it. I decided to watch the video before we turned out the lights. It was so weird and AWESOME that I made Aaron watch it with me after he finished brushing his teeth. Then we watched it again, and even again, because we disagreed with what the song was saying... (we still do.) I think it's beautiful. the music, the color, the depth. It's a little haunting...

After turning off the lights, we stayed up talking about relationships. Ours and others we've witnessed. Every relationship has more than one side and if you don't see the other perspective, you will never understand the dynamic of the relationship. It has been easier for me to understand Aaron's ex-girlfriends because I understand the way he is. I feel for some of them and wish we could be friends, because I believe I have a lot in common with them. But I am not in touch with them and neither is Aaron. They are just somebodys that he used to know.

Aaron was dating a darling girl about six months before we were engaged. He moved four hours away, and apparently didn't talk to her after he'd moved. I happened to run into her on campus one day and she and I started talking... She said something to the fact that Aaron wasn't very good at keeping in touch and I agreed, because he's not. Then she asked if I knew how he was doing. I told her yes. Then I showed her my engagement ring and told her we'd set a date in June. Our engagement was a bit shocking for everyone, myself included... but telling her, in that way, was just very...... awkward. She was such a cute, friendly girl. I am sure she's happily married with a family of her own. I hope she is, anyway. I should facebook her.

***

Aaron came to my apartment in Rexburg when I had known him less than two months. We weren't romantically involved in any way, just friends. He knocked on my door and the minute I answered, I knew that he wasn't his happy-go-lucky self. He came in and sat on my couch and asked if I had a minute to talk. I always do!

He told me that he had just come from a wedding. He cared a lot for the bride and at one time in his life, he thought he could marry her. They spent most of his mission writing each other. She was a missionary at the same time in another part of the world. She returned home before he did and started dating a new beau. By the time he got home, she was engaged. He was invited to the wedding and was glad to attend. But it also made him sad. Not because he was heartbroken, because he wasn't. He was melancholy knowing his relationship with her would never be the same.

I distinctly remember feeling that Aaron would make a great husband. I didn't have any idea he would become my husband, but I knew that he cared deeply for people. He took relationships to heart. I loved that about him, even if he was terrible at keeping in touch. It's been 13.5 years since that conversation on my couch and I still think back on it with fondness. It was a real moment for us, one that became a foundation for our own relationship. I still admire the bride for inviting Aaron to her wedding and I am grateful to her that she didn't choose him to be the groom!

***

I had a hard break-up with a high school boyfriend a couple of months into college. Aaron was the first (and really the only) person I talked to about how heartbroken I was. I think he was probably starting to have feelings for me at that time, but he allowed me to get through it without trying to put the moves on. Looking back at those conversations where I was crying with mascara running down my face and pouring out my heart, makes me smile. He knew what he was getting into when he married me! Over the years, he's had to spend countless nights comforting me while I cry-- and every time he respects the fact that I am an emotional girl and he never tries to put the moves on. I need someone who can listen and give advice without making me feel like a total basketcase - even though I know that I am.

***

Our marriage was built on a solid, true friendship. It has developed into something much more... we share a house, a dog, a massive amount of student loans, and five darling little offspring. But underneath all of the details, he is such a good friend to me. If something were to happen to our relationship, I would miss his friendship most. Sometimes we get overwhelmed with this thing called l.i.f.e. We talk about our schedules, appointments, bills, the kids, and even our plans for the future. But I feel frustrated most when we forget that we are friends. When this happens, I need to be reminded of what attracted me to him in the first place-- the reality that I never felt alone in his company.

I love this version of the song, too. For totally different reasons.