therapy

Hey!

The upside to posting my depressing "deep thoughts" at midnight is that other moms are able to open up about their hard times and issues.  I know we all have them.  The downside is that everyone is worried about me.  Thank you so much for your phone calls and emails.  I am really doing fine.  I am just a normal mom who struggles with the responsibilities and demanding schedules.  My #1 problem has been lack of sleep.  I really don't do well without a good night's sleep... so six months of zero sleep makes me a crazy person.

I am absolutely still going to therapy and I am absolutely looking forward to it.  If you haven't noticed by now, I  deal with my issues verbally.  Once I get them on the table, the recovery is quick.  Talking about things really helps me process my thoughts and allows me to move forward-- so I am sure counseling will be great.  I will tell you how it goes next week.

This past weekend, I was able to attend a weekend mom's retreat here in Las Vegas.  I was on the fence about going because it was $200 and I needed to get babysitters for the majority of the time.  Spending money and leaving my 5 kids with someone else aren't my favorite things to do.  But it worked out and I am so very glad I went.  I will need to sit down and write about ALL of my "ah-ha" moments.... the list is loooong.

One of the things I realized while I was there is that 99% of my frustration comes from putting the kids, husband, dinner, laundry, and everything else before my own needs. I've got to stop doing that.  I came away realizing that I am a really great mom :)  My stress level is very low and my patience level is through the roof, considering the fact that I have five kids and two of them are VERY demanding.  I came away feeling proud of myself and encouraged to do better and bigger things..

One of the things I will be talking about with my therapist is my desire to have more children.  The most discouraging feelings I've had over the past few months are over my desire for a big family.  I question if I am capable (physically, mentally, emotionally) and I question if I am sane.  After this past weekend, I came home to my awesome husband and my darling kids and I just feel so grateful to have them in my life.  Life is good.  Totally crazy, but good.  More on the Power of Moms retreat soon....

It's 8:30.  Family Home Evening was a success.  The house is clean.  Dinner was delish.  The kids are asleep.  Life is very good... today.