thankful

Something happened to me this weekend.  I think I'm finally growing up.  Until a few days ago, I saw myself as a teenager stuck in a middle-aged woman's life.  I wondered how it happened so quickly.  Sometimes I felt stuck and frustrated.  When I used to tuck my boys into bed and they said, "Goodnight, Mom." I would look over my shoulder and wonder who they were talking to.  But now I feel differently.  Something inside of me has changed and I realized it this Thanksgiving weekend.

Part of that transformation has come from serving in a new calling in the relief society.  This past month has been rough.  We've had some big changed to our ward boundaries and it's been a struggle trying to mix two groups of women who both miss being in their old wards.  In that time, we've had five new families move into the neighborhood and no one really knows if they are new or in the other ward or visiting or what.  We've also had 4 new babies born in the past few weeks... and one major hip surgery from a new sister (who happens to be a convert to the church.)  There has been lots of meal prepping, visits and phone calls.  and up until a couple of weeks ago there wasn't a compassionate service committee to delegate the majority of the work.  It was overwhelming.  But then something tragic happened.  A husband and father in our neighborhood committed suicide.  He shot himself while his wife and son were in the home.  We had a funeral to plan and heartbroken family to console.  During that time, I've realized how important it is to reach out and love those around you because you really never know what is going on behind closed doors.

Last week in RS, this new widow bore her testimony to the sisters in our ward.  She was open and honest about her struggles.  But instead of feeling sorry for herself, she listed her blessings.. her list was long and heartfelt.  She is such an example to me to find the silver lining during such a difficult time in her life.  In these past few weeks, I've already learned so much from the women around me.  I am truly grateful for the opportunity I've been given to serve and grow in this capacity.  I am better because of it.

Thanksgiving weekend could have been busy.  We had plans to visit family and then decided not to make the drive.  We thought about going to AZ to cook it up with friends but then ultimately wanted to stay home and do absolutely nothing.  Aaron was worried about me and thought I would get lonely.  Thanksgiving should be about family and chaos..  But I knew a quiet weekend at home was exactly what I needed.  And I can honestly say I will never forget this Thanksgiving.  It was the day I realized how strong and capable and grown-up I really am.

Food prep started early Wednesday and didn't stop for more than 30 hours later.  All four of my boys were in the kitchen, cooking along side of me.  (This would NEVER have happened if they were running around with cousins.)  We made a long list of side dishes and pies and we were able to check each one off the list as we set the table for our big meal.  Zack was the vegetable guru.  He mixed the green bean casserole, chopped the veggies for the turkey platter and cooked the peas and corn.  Luke made the rainbow jello masterpiece and helped me brine the bird.  Ben was the expert roll maker.  I oversaw the first batch and let him do the second completely on his own.  They turned out beautiful and delicious.  We had sweet marshmallow sides and homemade stuffing to boot.  Aaron took over the potato peeling and mashing (with Simon's help) and everything was perfect.  The turkey literally fell off the bone and the gravy was to.die.for.  We made a total of 8 pies, but decided to freeze a few because we knew it would be harmful to eat them all in one weekend.  The dishes were all done before the meal and it was so satisfying and wonderful to be home with my little family and celebrate together.  We toasted to things we were grateful for-- and at the top of everyone's list was being together as a family... that we are all healthy and happy and together.

Somewhere in the middle of the meal, I realized that I had done it.  Not just cooked a masterpiece for my growing family, but I had actually grown up myself.  I looked around at the big boys (eating seconds and thirds of the meal we had prepared together) and knew that I was their mother.. that I had become my mother... the middle-aged woman who worked so hard to keep her own family happy and healthy.  Later that day we played games and worked on a puzzle and watched "it's a wonderful life" and I couldn't help but feel gratitude for all of the good things (and difficult things as well) that were a part of my life.  Sometimes it takes a busy month and a quiet weekend to make you realize how blessed you really are.