not this cute anymore!we've been partying the past few weeks. Christmas parties, two different Santas, sending 2012 cards, neighborhood goodies, visits from both sets of grandparents and lots of home-grown family fun. Homeschooling his still happening and I haven't regretted it a day since I pulled them out. We're loving our days together... chaos and all.
Aaron has been one busy Mister lately. He just finished up a trial in Reno. We are super excited to have him back. After two weeks of being a single-mom, I was pretty tired. I didn't realize it until after Aaron got home, though. Before he came home, I was feeling like I was pretty hot stuff. Who needs husbands anyway? The night Aaron flew home, I had a relief society activity. I left the older boys to babysit and had dinner on the table. When I got home, I was so happy to see Aaron and crawled into bed to talk to him about his week and within minutes (literally) I was snoring. BTW, I never snore. Aaron took this video and showed me the next day and I was laughing so hard. Don't remember anything he said to me that night. How's that for a welcome home party? Seriously, I am still trying to recover from the past few weeks. Just so glad we've survived.
Aaron and I went on a date last night, dinner and hot chocolate. I have been very cordial since he's been home... I'm not at all mad at him, but I also have a hard time connecting when we go weeks without really talking. Usually absence makes the heart grow fonder, but these past couple of weeks, I've had to toughen up. There were no tears or whining... not enough time for that. While he was away, I realized how independent I really am. I grew up knowing that I didn't need anyone else to be happy. With Aaron's work schedule and busy church callings and five busy kids, I think I've grown a tough shell, not just these past few weeks, but this has been building for years. When my parents came last week, I plugged back into that strong, independent girl I once was. So when Aaron came home, I happily welcomed him home, but I didn't want to lose any of that independence I regained. I know it sounds silly, but I really loved feeling strong when he was gone and didn't want to be so dependent on him anymore. So, we went out for dinner and got hot chocolate and talked in the car outside our house while all our kids slept inside. I wanted to get out and crawl into bed, but Aaron locked the doors and wouldn't let me out. He wanted me to talk about what was wrong. I insisted that nothing was. (It wasn't. Life happens and I seriously wasn't mad.) But the more he insisted, the more I realized that I was throwing a tantrum in my own independent way. I don't like that he knows me so well. That even pretending that everything was perfectly fine, he knew I wasn't being myself. I was all smiles, but I had built walls up. We stayed out in the car for almost two hours. It was great to talk-- really talk about the roles we play as parents and spouses. I wouldn't want to be married to anyone else. He forces me to look at situations from a different angle and sometimes he knows that something is bothering me when I don't even know myself. I've been thinking about that a lot today and wanted to write it down. And so even if this doesn't make sense to the rest of the cyber world, I learned something new about myself.
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2 comments:
Hi Janet, even though I just had my two girls I certainly understand your growing feeling of independence when you are on your own. Dick being in Korea 16 months was easier as Janet was 18 months when he left. When he was in Vietnam for a year Janet was a teenager. He never paid another bill or took care of our finances after that. Can't imagine how it would be with 5 children but many military wives do. I really like your Christmas card. Thank you.
PS: I missed your blog. Happy to read one again.
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