family ties

my husband's extended family isn't close.  Close is a relative term.  But when it comes to his relatives, he doesn't know them well.  He wouldn't recognize most of his cousins if he passed them on the street.  One of his cousins lives in Utah and she children a few years older than ours.  She's become a favorite (because she truly is wonderful) and because she doesn't have any competition.  Her father (Aaron's uncle) passed away last week.  We lived next to his aunt and uncle for 4 short months before law school and they've become our favorites (because they truly are wonderful.)

The funeral was held on MLK day.  Aaron and I packed up the kids and made the trek to Gilbert, AZ for the services and I am so glad we did.  The kids were thrilled to see their grandparents (the best in-laws I've ever had) and we were all able to learn more about Aaron's sweet uncle (and aunt, who has been caring for her disabled husband for the past 17 years after he suffered from a stroke.)  Aaron's cousins shared their fond memories of their dad before his stroke, touching stories of how their dad showed loved to them as children.  Tears flowed freely and both Aaron and I were inspired to be better parents.  I came away wanting to play harder and to cuddle more and to laugh often.  One tender memory was shared by his 6'8", 300lb cousin who sobbed like a big teddy bear at the pulpit.  He recalled a time as a teenager when he said hurtful things to his dad, things that deserved severe punishment and probably a good beating.  Instead, his dad looked at him with tears in his eyes and said, "Son, that really hurt me."  This crushed the stubborn 15 year old and sent him to his room, wanting to take back everything he said.  He ended up writing a song for his dad that he shared at the service.  The lyrics were so emotional, telling his dad he was the best friend and example he'd ever had.  I thought it was all so tender and loving and sweet.  Parenting is such a difficult task.  No one will do it perfectly.  But when we die, if our children know without a doubt that we loved them unconditionally, I believe that gives you a passing grade with flying colors.  That's all children really need.  To see adult children sob about the love they felt from their father was so touching and inspiring.

I sobbed (literally like a baby) as I took Roma into the mother's lounge and listened to the remainder of the funeral.  The lights were off and Ro just wanted to be rocked.  I held her and cried and cried, thinking of my own parents and how much love they've given me over the years.  I have been born of goodly parents.  They love deeply and have sacrificed so much.  I don't want the time to come when I will have to bury my parents, but when it comes, I will have so many stories to share.  It's not about buying gifts or giving children everything they want.  It's about spending time together, finding things to laugh about and saying "I love you" often.

Grateful for a quick getaway with my sweet husband and children.  Grateful for the family ties we are trying to strengthen... and for the friends we got to visit on this trip as well.  (we stopped to see the Reijonen family, the Ortons, Cody and Jake, the Posts and the Vincents... all some of our favorite friends living in AZ!!)  more pictures to come.  Feeling grateful tonight.