marriage and freedom

I've been reading Gandhi's autobiography in my spare time... (which is like 3 minutes per day)  it's for our adult/homeschooling/couple's book club in February.  I don't think I'm gonna finish it in time because I'm cheating on Gandhi with a couple of other books on the side...  Aaron's not reading it at all, but every once in a while he'll ask me about it.. and then I go off for an hour longer and we always end up talking about our marriage-- which has led Aaron to stop asking, naturally.

Gandhi was married at age 13.  It was an arranged marriage, to his wife who was 14 years old.  The betrothal took place when they were 7.  They still lived with their parents for several months of the year until they were 18.  In his words he said, it was his "painful duty" to record his experience.  He takes pity on his 13 year old self and congratulates children who have escaped his lot in life.  It's not that he doesn't get along with his wife... it's just that he's been married to her since he was a child.  And he didn't make that decision to marry-- he was forced into it.  There are so many interesting things about his story and his life, but his thoughts and views on marriage and freedom have had my wheels turning these past few weeks...

Although I wasn't 13, looking back, I was a child bride.  I was too young and I knew it.  And I honestly didn't want to get married.  Nothing against my sweet husband, I just didn't want to be tied down.  I wanted (and still desperately want) to be free!  And I felt that as soon as I married and had children, I wouldn't be free to do what I wanted.. Motherhood has taken away much of my free time, but not my freedom.  Right now, I am in the trenches.  I never have time for myself.  I am currently typing this at 2 am because my daughter will not allow me to sit at the computer.  And when she's napping, my priority is my other children.  I dream of being able to have the time do to whatever I please.  But the odd thing is, I feel a great amount of peace and understanding, and such a sense of freedom, especially these past few months.

That sense of freedom (as a mother with my little chicks) was significantly squashed when I sent them to public school.  I know it sounds backward, but our ability to be a family and do what we wanted when we wanted to do it was limited.  It was only when I decided to pull them out of school that I realized how important our time is together... and so even though I feel less time for myself, I also feel free again.

At one of our recent homeschooling parent meetings, the question was asked, "What is your greatest hope for your children and their future?"  My first response to that question was that I want my children to love life & learning and also know how to work hard...  A friend's simple answer took me by surprise, she said, "I want my children to be FREE!"  She went on to explain that as we become educated through self-discipline, we become free.  President Boyd K Packer gave a beautiful address in 1971 that explains this principle.  Below is an excerpt-- (but the entire talk is well worth your time!)

Remember, my brethren . . . ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free. (Helaman 14:30.)

If you feel pressed in and pressured and not free, it may be for one of two reasons. One, if you have lost freedom, possibly it has been through some irresponsible act of your own. Now you must regain it. You may be indentured–indentured to some habits of laziness or indolence; some even become slaves to addiction. The other reason is that maybe if you are not free you have not earned it. Freedom is not a self-preserving gift. It has to be earned, and it has to be protected.

For instance, I am not free to play the piano, for I do not know how. I cannot play the piano. I could quickly prove that, but I think it may be a mistake on your part if you ask me to. The ability to play the piano, the freedom to do that, has to be earned. It is a relatively expensive freedom. It takes an investment of time and of discipline. This discipline begins, as discipline usually does, from without. I hope that you do not have contempt for discipline that originates from without. That is the beginning. A parent usually presses a youngster to practice the piano. But somewhere, it is hoped, practice grows into self-discipline, which is really the only kind of discipline. The discipline that comes from within is that which makes a young person decide that he wants to be free to play the piano and play it well. Therefore, he is willing to pay the price. Then he can be free from supervision, from pressure, from whatever forms of persuasion parents use.

This principle has made everything SO CLEAR to me.  What I've realized is that I have given up my plans for what I thought was a well-planned life and what I've received in return has been some of the most sacred and fulfilling moments, and a huge sense of freedom-- not to be confused with free time to do what I want whenever I want.  I am FREE, more so than I ever was.  And as I teach my children responsibility, the more they are able to take on, the more freedom they receive.  Knowledge is power.  Obedience and discipline leads to freedom.  Sacrificing things that are meaningful and important for a greater cause can truly lead to happiness and fulfillment.  This I have experienced since becoming a mother and I wife.  And even though I made the decision to marry at a young age, I am starting to realize that it was wise of me to obey what I felt was the RIGHT decision even though it wasn't in my plans.  I was doing what I knew God wanted me to do and because I obeyed, my world opened up to new possibilities and I have been able to see myself in a new light...



 I realize I this post might not make much sense to anyone else.. I hate to end it here, but my laptop is dying and my cord is downstairs..  I should tie all these random paragraphs together but I have to go to sleep so I can function as a mama tomorrow...  I guess I will publish even though I might regret it in the morning. Goodnight!