losing it

it's 1 am and I am wide awake.  my body is exhausted, but my mind is racing.  this has been my life for the past three months.  I try not to do anything else accept lay in the dark and try to sleep, but sometimes I go crazy.  I truly feel like I am alive and kicking inside a dead body.  I can't move because I am so tired, but I can't fall asleep because i am so alert.  it sucks.  My pregnant body must be producing some kind of crazy hormone.  It's happened with each baby and it I want it to be over.

I am pretty frickin amazing to be able to function during the day on only 2-3 hours of sleep each night.  I don't know how I do it, but I manage well. But that doesn't mean I don't have my moments.  For some reason, this week seems to be a doosy.  I feel so spacey and all over the place.  I am literally losing my ability to think and I am losing my possessions too.  it's so frustrating.

on Monday I lost my bra.  I always keep my bra in the same place, but when I woke up on Monday it was gone.  I totally ran errands without it and even joined other families for FHE going comando.  I wore a baggy sweatshirt and my friend explained that baggy sweatshirts and the bra are the same thing.  You only need one or the other.  I completely agree.  Today my bra showed up in the clean laundry.  I didn't launder it (I only do that when I know I won't need it) but somehow it got washed.  I'm glad it's nice and clean and I am more glad it's found.  Yes, I have more than one bra, but the others just don't do it for me in this stage of pregnancy.  I am uncomfortable enough as it is and I have one bra that I love.  The others are not worth snapping on.

On Tuesday morning Zack brought me my keys from my purse.  I can't remember why, but I didn't need them and asked him to put them back.  He got distracted and forgot to put them back.  We searched the entire house all day and couldn't find them anywhere.  At bedtime, Zack found them under his pillow.... ?  We had a nice, productive day at home and I had so many friends offer to come to my rescue and it made me appreciate the circle of support we have around us.  I love this ward and neighborhood of ours.

Wednesday I had a doctors appointment and I showed up without my wallet!  No ID... no way to pay for it.  Luckily, I was able to call my husband and have him pay for it over the phone.  And luckily, I didn't get pulled over on the way home.

Thursday I opened up bank accounts for the boys and got their own debit/savings card.  Ben's been rolling in the dough lately and we've been meaning to open accounts for them.  While I was in the bank, I withdrew $2000 cash (something I never do) but Aaron and I have been talking about strict budgeting and moving certain things to a cash system, and I decided to get started.  That night I told him and he said that was fine, but to make sure it's not in my purse because he knows me well.  Two hours later, I left my purse (with the cash inside) at a meeting at a friend's house.  I got it back later that night but knew I needed to clear everything out before I got into real trouble.

Yesterday I left my purse at Cafe Rio.  Aaron and I went out for a quick date.  I wasn't feeling well and didn't even have any food.... I just enjoyed myself several cups of pebble ice while Aaron ate.  I left it on the back of the chair and didn't think twice (or once) about it.  (I picked it up this afternoon and everything was inside.. blessing!)

This morning Aaron got up early to play tennis.  I didn't sleep much and was up at the same time.  I felt really prepared when the kids woke up.  Ben needed to be at a merit badge fair for Scouts at 8:30 am and was anxious about leaving... but I couldn't find my purse or keys anywhere.  Oh. My. Gosh.  what a week.  After we looked everywhere and I texted Aaron, I realized I must have left it at the restaurant.  Aaron came home and Ben was only 20 minutes late to his scouts thingy.  On the drive over there, I apologized to Ben for being so spacey.  He was really sweet to me and said it's okay that he's constantly trying to find my keys and phone and purse... but I feel bad for him!  I remember my mom having the same kind of problems and I swore I would not be like that, but I'm sure I'm sure I'm worse.  Here's to hoping I can get my brain back after the baby is born!!