awakening

Eden's birth was magical.  It was an awakening.  There's a certain point in the temple endowment when the lights in the room get brighter and that is what I felt happened in my life the moment she entered.  I can't explain why but I think back to that day at the hospital and feel the need to squint because my memories are so bright.  Light coming from every direction, from the windows and doors and especially from the faces of my children.

I knew Aaron could feel it too.  We didn't say anything about it, at least not on that day, but we kept locking eyes, the same as we looked at each other on our wedding day... bursting with happiness, the kind that fills you up with peace and understanding, but not the kind that makes you laugh.  I watched him with our kids, with our newborn and felt so incredibly grateful for the little people we created together.  Walking into the hospital that morning, I was 99% sure she was our last baby.  After she was born, I was 1% sure.  The lights were turned on inside my heart and I felt a deep understanding of what Aaron and I would be able to create together.  Not just people, but a different kind of lifestyle.. one that was slow and steady and faithful and not rushed or hectic.

After we brought her home, I continued to draw from the strength I felt that day and found that the light around me and our family continued to remain bright.  My pregnancy was dark.  I was tired, distant, depressed.  The minute she was born, I felt the depression lift.  Our home was this warm haven where my little chicks were all safely gathered under my wings.  And Aaron was home all the time, which made everything better.  We honestly didn't know what our future held, but I knew that it was a sacred time and the most important thing we needed to do was to be together.

Things I love about him

• when he gets home from work, he takes the girls upstairs with him to change out of his dress clothes. He calls them his "changing partners" and they eat it up! sometimes I don't even realize the baby's gone until there's no sound coming from her high chair. Part of me knows he wants to give me a break after a long day, but I also know he loves his babies. Often Simon and Zack want to join in too and all of the sudden Dad changing his clothes becomes a huge party. They usually run down the stairs screaming because he's chasing them to the table.

• he thanks me for dinner and tells me it's delicious and/or that I'm a talented chef. This was something he never did when we were first married so either I've gotten better or he's becoming more complimentary. Probably a little of both. 

• he makes sure the boys clean up the dishes afterward.. I don't mind helping out most nights but I know they'll get done if I need some quiet time. Not only is it a huge break for me, but it's also a great teaching moment for our kids. 

• he's sweet and gentle to our dog unless she does something wrong, then he quickly disciplines her. And he reminds me that all of my problems will be solved when she has puppies.. which couldn't be further from the truth. No she's not pregnant, but he knows talking about puppies just makes me happy.

• he takes me out on spontaneous dates..  usually to run a quick errand when the baby is asleep. Sometimes they're so spur of the moment that I don't have time to put on makeup or a bra. When I give this reason for an excuse not to go, he tells me he's wearing slippers and gives me a fist pump.

• sometimes on those dates, he'll pretend we're in high school and drop a bunch of names of acquaintances that he's once heard me mention.. even though I can tell he doesn't know who or what he's talking about. And then I try to bring him back to reality by teasing him for picking me up in a passenger van. He reminds me that its actually a very smooth car because there's a ton of room in the back to lay down. 

• once he took me to a nearby grocery store for eggnog. Instead of buying it and rushing home, we sat at the empty deli, drinking and talking about nothing important, which is always my favorite. 

• when my sisters and I plan a girls night, and then invite husbands at the last minute, he ends up being the only guy and has no issues with staying as late as I want and gives his fair share in the long conversations. Love that about him. 

• and then if we (girls) plan a temple trip in the afternoon and he doesn't have any plans, and the baby is napping anyway, he comes along too.  I never think its weird because he fits right in.

• he takes time to explain to our kids WHY things need to be done rather than just giving them orders.  

• he holds me tight at night when I'm extra cold, or when I am homesick for Vegas. It's not the same as cuddling because no one says a word and it doesn't lead to anything more. Just a long tight squeeze that helps me know that everything is going to be alright.

• on days when I feel discouraged, he gives me suggestions of ways to cheer myself up. Sometimes they are completely ridiculous like "you need to throw a VICA reunion christmas party. You haven't seen those girls in forever." and then he'll loudly scream "HAPPY HOLIDAYS" in his best robot voice because he thinks that's what VICA is all about. 

• he tells Eden everyday that she's the best and sweetest baby ever. she melts when he talks to her. He also says he misses her if she goes to sleep before he gets home.

• he holds my hand whenever he can. His are always warm, mine are never. 

• he does completely bizarre things to get the kids (Roma & Simon) to stop crying or to encourage them to behave better. So bizarre like shaking his head from side to side or jumping frantically or dancing weird so they'll listen. Sometimes, even days after, the older boys will crack up thinking about the crazy thing Dad did. I always wish I had it on video because it's always so weird I can't even explain it. 

• when I lose my keys or phone, especially when they were JUST in my hands, he reminds me that moms get a few months after having a baby before their brains come back. every time he says how many months it is, it's always a month longer than how old Eden is. It makes me feel like I'm just on the verge of being normal again. 

• sometimes if I text him and ask him if he knows about something I've lost he'll reply "Let me check up my butt. Nope it's not there." and even though I really don't want to chuckle, I always do. Then I show my older boys, and they'll cry from laughing so hard about it. 

• he buys nightlights for the kids rooms and the hallway bathroom, a little solution to a big problem (Roma can't reach the light.) I didn't even think of it and it was such a simple thing that reminded me he pays attention to details. 

• he loves my family and plays with each of my nieces and nephews. When he witnessed one of them struggling, he suggested we spend some extra time with them which is opposite of what one would expect when we already spend a lot of time with family.

• when I ask him why he wanted to move somewhere colder and more chaotic, he tells me that we're sacrificing to give our kids a better lifestyle. I love that because I know he's not talking about things or money or comfort. 

• he reminds me of what's important and why it's worth it to fight hard and choose happiness over being right all the time, although he's usually right all of the time anyway. 

• he prays about little decisions and big ones too. and for each of our children & extended family by name. He prays to be more effective with his time, even though he is already doing so much. It's such a sign of humility but also of strength at the same time. 

• he makes me want to be smarter in my decision making and quicker to serve others. He inspires me to be better.

halloween 2014

Before we moved we got rid of every single halloween thing we owned.  Most of it was crap (almost all of our costumes have been homemade and although they might look okay in pictures, they were all terribly thrown together.)  The few things that were worth keeping were given away to friends...

Mid October we moved without a clue of what we were going to be for Halloween... and I can promise you, this is so not like me.  It actually stressed Ben out a bit because he's a planner.  I knew we would be able to pull something off, no problem..  My family threw a costume party a few days before Halloween.  That morning we decided to be Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.  Roma already had the costume.. and I swear to you, my kids are ALL ABOUT a family theme.  I think we've just done it for so long, it would be a crime to stop now.  Although really, I would be fine with them doing whatever they want.  I still always want to dress up myself, but I don't need my husband to dress up and I don't need my kids to match.  My husband might tell you otherwise, but he would be lying.  I like to be creative and spontaneous, but I am okay doing my own thing and I do want my kids to do their own thing.  (Do I sound self-conscious about forcing my family to dress up?)

Anyway, it was 100% Ben's idea to do the Dwarfs and he assigned who would be what..  Love that he was behind it and the kids were excited about it, but the morning of the party, I wasn't sure what we were going to wear or if anyone would even be able to tell what we were..  I took a quick trip to a craft store, picked up some $2 snow cotton spread and a couple of colored shirts, bought some black hair dye for Roma and we pieced together everything else.  We glue-gunned cotton balls onto the make-shift beards. (They were way uglier than the pictures make them look.) We gathered my mom's beanies, we stapled the beards to the hats and they were super easy to take on and off. Ben used a pair of my mom's glasses... Zack and Ben grabbed pillows from her couches on the way out of the door and voila! we had costumes.  The shirt I was planning on wearing (a yellow one of Ben's) was super dirty... so while the family was buckling up in the van, I threw on a pair of footie pjs because I was Sleepy. and that made the most sense.  We only took a couple of family shots, right when we arrived.. I think it turned out cute, especially for getting thrown together that morning. Eden was the most darling little Dopey but these pictures don't do her justice, and I never took a close-up of her with her floppy hat.  And no, Simon didn't even bring shoes to the outdoor party..

It must be noted that there was a huge problem with Roma's hair..  I really shouldn't have sprayed it black, but she was so cute about her purple hair on her birthday, I thought she would like it.  I was wrong.  She did NOT want black hair.  When I started to spray, she screamed.  And then I lied and told her it was purple.  She was okay with purple, but she touched her hair (halfway through) saw that her fingers were black and flipped out.  She demanded that I wash it out and would not leave the house.  But we were already late and it looked so cute.  But she messed it up, bawled and kicked her feet like the 3 year old sass that she is.  Aaron came to save the day by saying, "Roma, do you want me to wash it out at the party?"  She immediately stopped crying.  Then Aaron said, "Okay, get into the car and then when we get to the party, I will turn on the hose and spray it off."  She jumped in the van and then once she saw her cousins at the party, she happily ran around and forgot all about her hair.  Brilliant husband I have.  She actually kept her hair black all day... and slept on it that night.  It was major nasty though.  

Ro, Paisley, Summer, Hailey

We thought the boys were all separating to different homes on Halloween night to trick or treat with their best cousins, so they found different costumes at my sister's homes.  Debbie found a darling caterpillar for Eden a few days before and I ended up buying a bee costume for Ro at a thrift store for a couple of bucks and they turned out so cute.  My boys did their own thing, Luke made up his costume and I face painted Zack and Simon's right before trick or treating.  We ended up staying together all night anyway, but they all looked cute and I do want them to have regular self-inspired costumes.

Ben's a shadow thingy.  he wore his church pants and shoes all day and night.
I love him.

Luke wore Ben's pants with a belt, a shirt he found from Deb's closet and wrote his sign on the way to Lilly's parade.  He is cute and creative and was the most handsome Hobo.  

Zack the skeleton which is very fitting for his skinny body.  His blue eyes popped with that face paint.

The loudest Spidey you've ever met.  The costume was way too small for him, but Simon didn't care none.  

She didn't want to be a bee at all, until I told her she could wear makeup, then she was all about it.  What a girl.

Sweetest, softest, most cuddly Caterpillar ever.  She didn't make a peep all day... and she was lugged everywhere. 

The night before Halloween the boys slept at Debbie's.. Eden and I woke up around 6 am and drove to her house to help do her girls hair before their school parade at 8 am.  I love everything about Halloween and was so happy to help and be there for their parade.  Her girls looked darling and I loved doing their makeup.  Her headband was made that morning... I stopped by the dollar store and picked up a few christmas items (golden twisties and some Christmas bells.)  She wore them ALL day and we could hear her wherever she went.  

She could not have been more excited about trick or treating.  She RAN from house to house and was so happy about each and every sucker and pack of smarties.  Halloween with toddlers is exhausting and so much fun.  

After Deb's girls parade, we met Jade and Ez for pancakes but that kind of turned out to be a disaster with Ez needed a nap and our kids being STARVING for food.  The wait was long and we wished we had just made a big breakfast at home instead of trying to add more to an already hectic day.

After IHOP we met all of the cousins at Macey's for trick or treating around the store.  Such a big crowd, we are.  and this isn't even half of the group...

We had dinner at Mom's.. pizza I think.  And then went to Debbie's neighborhood to trick or treat before it got dark.  The boys had a blast scaring little kids with Brent's ghosts.  After a couple of hours, we met up with more cousins at Lori's.  Her kids had a halloween party and our boys thought they might want to stay and watch a scary movie, but just ended up trick or treating all night with each other and not any cousins.  In Ben's words "we can play games and watch movies any old Friday night."  He thinks this will be his last year getting candy, but we'll see about that..  I don't want him to grow up just yet.

We came home around 11 pm and dumped out candy.  Our kids don't eat candy except for one day of the year-- Halloween.  they had 24 hours to eat what they wanted.  (the other days they chose to get paid $100 per year to not eat it.  Ben, Luke and Zack are on 4 years of not eating any candy, which is completely bizarre to me, but they do it.  And I am proud of them.)  They stopped eating it way before the 24 hours was up and we threw the rest away.  We should have sent it or saved it for someone, but I would have been the only one snacking on it, so it just felt better to chuck it.

My favorite picture of Halloween 2014.  Ro is wearing Betty's shoes which were way too big (and on the wrong feet) and that little Caterpillar just couldn't move anywhere.  But she tried. Love these girls of mine.  

Halloween is my favorite holiday not just because it's a time to be crazy and wild, but because there is so much good that follows.  Christmas can't be my favorite holiday because there's nothing to look forward to after it's over..  October is just the best.  I am always sad to see it go.  Especially when winter is right around the corner..

memories of halloweens past