awakening

Eden's birth was magical.  It was an awakening.  There's a certain point in the temple endowment when the lights in the room get brighter and that is what I felt happened in my life the moment she entered.  I can't explain why but I think back to that day at the hospital and feel the need to squint because my memories are so bright.  Light coming from every direction, from the windows and doors and especially from the faces of my children.

I knew Aaron could feel it too.  We didn't say anything about it, at least not on that day, but we kept locking eyes, the same as we looked at each other on our wedding day... bursting with happiness, the kind that fills you up with peace and understanding, but not the kind that makes you laugh.  I watched him with our kids, with our newborn and felt so incredibly grateful for the little people we created together.  Walking into the hospital that morning, I was 99% sure she was our last baby.  After she was born, I was 1% sure.  The lights were turned on inside my heart and I felt a deep understanding of what Aaron and I would be able to create together.  Not just people, but a different kind of lifestyle.. one that was slow and steady and faithful and not rushed or hectic.

After we brought her home, I continued to draw from the strength I felt that day and found that the light around me and our family continued to remain bright.  My pregnancy was dark.  I was tired, distant, depressed.  The minute she was born, I felt the depression lift.  Our home was this warm haven where my little chicks were all safely gathered under my wings.  And Aaron was home all the time, which made everything better.  We honestly didn't know what our future held, but I knew that it was a sacred time and the most important thing we needed to do was to be together.