living the dream

During the first month of our marriage, after we finally opened a checking account together, Aaron said something like, "Sharing a bank account with you scares me." I was totally offended because I am very responsible with money.  I had two jobs at 14, worked my way through high school while getting good grades, got a scholarship to college and never had a credit card or took out a penny of student loans.  My older siblings were taking out loans from my savings account while I was still a teenager.  After I turned 16, I had the money to pay for my own car and went to my parents with my decision.  My dad said I couldn't buy it because he needed me to have that money in my account... (I don't have any memories of ever asking for my parents for anything and when I was a senior, I remember offering to pay for my brother and my high school registration and year book because my parents had two missionaries out and several kids a home still.)  Anyway, looking back, I think that was a mistake that my dad wouldn't let me buy my own car.  I know he'd still make the same decision today (say, if I went to him and asked him if I should buy a bus) because he's extremely reserved when making any purchases.  But I think the best thing a parent can do for their child is to let them make decisions and learn from their mistakes early.  Who knows, maybe if I would have purchased that GeoTracker back in 1998, I wouldn't be in this mess I am right now at age 35.  This is the first vehicle I've every purchased on my own.. and I had to take out a loan to do it.

During our almost 15 years of marriage, money has never been an issue between us.  Aaron is extremely frugal too and I love that about him.  We drove around 1983 Buick LeSabre for the first year of our marriage until we were able to pay cash for our first Honda because we didn't want to go into any debt when purchasing anything.  We were both able to get our undergraduate degrees with two kids in tow without taking out any student loans. The only thing we've done without cash paying for it upfront was law school for Aaron and our first home purchase.  Oh and getting a school bus.  

Debt is really scary to me.  We use credit cards, but have never carried over a balance a single month in our marriage.  I am proud of that.  Aaron's been a practicing attorney for almost 8 years and although he's had a good paycheck at times, he's also had some stressful months of unemployment.  He was laid off from his job exactly a year ago, just before Eden was born.  We knew it was coming and neither of us were scared because we had a cushion.  We've been living off that cushion for the past year and still have a little wiggle room.  Yes, we are currently living with my parents, but that's only because we're still paying a mortgage on our home until it sells.  We have been able to make things stretch without borrowing anything or asking anyone for financial assistance.   If we need to ask anyone for money, we will go to our 13 year old first who also has his own bank account and debit card.  Luke and Zack also have accounts through our bank and they pay for every Lego set themselves.  We do not pay them allowance, but the do have the opportunity to earn up to $15 a month if they don't eat candy or drink soda.  They are hard workers and don't ask me to purchase anything for them.  And I have no issues with them going into a store and getting whatever they want, as long as it comes out of their own account.  It's their money and one of the beautiful things I've seen as we've given them the freedom to spend is that they chose not to.

Neither Aaron or I spend money on anything unless it's necessary.  UNLESS, it's for family fun.  We will splurge on a vacation or a trip to the movies.  We buy season passes to the museums and waterparks.  We both agree that spending time with our kids is the most important thing we can do as parents.  We buy 100% of their clothes and shoes at thrift stores (yes, even my girls) and we don't buy toys for them.  But we do take them on vacation and when we're on vacation, we try our best to set a budget and stick to it. 

While Aaron has been self-employed this past year, we have been able to live with Vacation-Aaron everyday.  Vacation Aaron is so much more fun to hang out with than Working-Aaron.  Working-Aaron is an extremely nice guy, but he's tired and somewhat depressed.  He doesn't have a spring in his step.  This is the main reason I talked him into starting his own firm because I knew that if we were smart, we could have the best of both worlds.  For the past 5 months, Aaron has been doing most of his work from home, via the internet and it's been so wonderful, but it's not like pulling in a regular paycheck.  He is not a salesman and doesn't want me promoting his business in any way, so he's looking at starting a new full-time job at the end of the month.  I am excited for him.  I think this will be a good thing for our family, but I did try my best to convince him there are other avenues.  I am an entrepreneur at heart and I always thought I would team up well with someone who was willing to take risks (because I admire people who work hard to work for themselves, even if it doesn't pay off in the end.) But I also realize that Aaron, being the way he is, is such a blessing for our family.  

I bought the bus from a homeschooling family who had the intentions doing what we hope to do to it.. convert it and travel as a family.  I could tell the husband was heartbroken that he had to get rid of it.  The wife and I spoke quite a bit about why she wouldn't let him do it and I could tell she was a lot like my husband.  I could see the stress in her eyes and that conversation made me so grateful that my husband DOESN'T fly by the seat of his pants.  His slow-decision making flaw has blessed my life.  I've often wondered what my life would be like if I had a husband who lived more on the edge (I've wanted to do something like this for over 5 years, yo.) and sometimes I resent the fact that he "holds me back" but ultimately, I am extremely grateful for a responsible guy.  During his childhood, he moved every 2 years and he wants something more stable for his family.  I am currently typing from the home I lived in at age 5.  I never remember moving or starting a new school or having to make new friends.  So we are both kind of wanting what we didn't get as a child.  And that balance is good for our kids, I think.  We will chose to settle somewhere in the middle by buying another home (eventually) and then traveling in our bus on the weekends.  Sounds like a dream life, if you ask me.