not this cute anymore!
Tonight Aaron and I sat down with our little 8 year old believer and broke the news to him. Santa isn't real. I think it was time, but it was really hard.. for all of us. Ben is such a pure little thing and wants so badly to believe. He was sad and his eyes were a little moist, but I think it was harder for me than anyone. Having a conversation like this means my kids are growing up. I can't believe this will be our 9th Christmas with Benny. He always makes every holiday so special and I hope this year will still be just as exciting.
I am not sure why we felt it was the right time to tell him. I think other 3rd graders around the world probably know that Santa isn't real, but Ben doesn't go to public school and he was still such a believer. I've seen a big change in him since Simon has joined our family. He is more mature and more of like an adult than he is one of the "little boys". I guess it just felt right.. but part of me feels like I took away some of his childhood. How is it possible that he's so old already?
After we broke the news, he had a flood of questions.. more like realizations.
"So, I guess you do our stocking too?"
"That's how Santa always knew exactly what I wanted!"
"What did you do with all those letters I wrote to the North Pole?"
"I knew he didn't go down chimneys. He would get all dirty."
"Do you stay up late on Christmas Eve or get up early on Christmas morning?"
and this was my favorite..
"Can I eat some of the cookies we leave out for Santa?"
"That's how Santa always knew exactly what I wanted!"
"What did you do with all those letters I wrote to the North Pole?"
"I knew he didn't go down chimneys. He would get all dirty."
"Do you stay up late on Christmas Eve or get up early on Christmas morning?"
and this was my favorite..
"Can I eat some of the cookies we leave out for Santa?"
I said OF COURSE.
He is going to be a big help for me this year, especially considering the fact that I have to hide a silly little ELF every night. I know Ben will find the joy in seeing his little brothers believe. He pinky-promised he wouldn't tell them before I mentioned anything about keeping it a secret. And he is going to wake up with me at 5 am and be my shopping buddy tomorrow.. so I best be going to sleep.
*update: Ben and I left bright and early to go shopping. As soon as we got in the car, I asked Ben how he slept last night. He paused for a minute and said, "Everything just makes more sense now." I still feel a little sad about it. Part of me wishes we had waited another year.. I really hope the MAGIC of the season isn't gone. We did have a great time shopping and Ben seems excited about what "Santa" is bringing his brothers. But I am not sure I am ready for him to grow up yet. In other words, I am not sure I am ready to grow up myself...
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16 comments:
That is such a sweet (and a little sad) story! I've been thinking about doing this same thing with McKenna, but can't decide if I have the heart for it yet. I know she's bound to find out soon, and I would rather it be from me, but I'm nervous. We'll see. I love the idea of him being your helper, very cute! He sounds like the sweetest boy in the world. The perfect older brother.
i hope my kids figure it out themselves... my niece believed until she was 14... i don't know how that happened.. makes you realize the innocence that homeschooling has left in them... part of the reason i'd love to do it.
awwww so sad! That's what makes Christmas so fun for the kids... the unknown. So why did you 'break the news' and not let him figure it out on his own? Just wondering...
It just felt like the right time to tell him. I didn't want him to be told by his friends and I knew he was going to have to face the facts sooner or later.. and he really wanted to go shopping with me, but that would be hard if I was trying to keep more secrets.. anyway, I don't know why. eight seems like the age of accountability :)
i got a little teary with this story. but everyone has to find out sometime. it just stinks that i had to find out through a blog!
It is hard to tell...I couldn't bring myself to do it. Consequently Ryan still believed in Santa in the 5th grade. He found out last year about the tooth fairy and then it all clicked -- it amazed me it took him so long to figure it out! It is hard to see them grow up. Harder more for Mom than anybody else, I think:)
I've been thinking the same thing for Carter. but what made you feel like it was time?
when Ben was really little, he always kissed me on the lips. Somewhere around the age of 4 or 5 it became awkward for me. So I told him he couldn't do that anymore, although I let my younger boys do it.. Of course, neither Ben or Luke would even dream of kissing me on the lips now, but Zack still does and it's not weird. I think you just know.
It felt awkward pretending to be Santa to Ben this year. I still wonder if I spoiled all the fun, but both Aaron and I talked about it and it just seemed like it was the right time. I didn't want to have to continue to make up bigger stories-
anyway...
I'm sure he will love being "in" on the secret. Macy's asked me once last year and I said "I don't know, what do you think?" I think I'll wait until she feels it on her own.I remember "feeling" it when I was about their age.
I have always enjoyed reading your blog...I guess I am wondering why you would find kissing your children on the lips awkward...my son is 29 and still plants kisses on my lips..never occurred to me to think of it as awkward..the Santa thing..kind of sad....especially since it seems it really took him by surprise. I just waited till my children really asked..always loved the magic of Santa..still do. Have a joyous Christmas. I am only anonymous because I am not sure sure how to leave my name...not real computer savvy..
Anonymous,
Some families are lip kissing families.. and that's totally fine. I didn't grow up in one, and I found it awkward when my boys were "older" to kiss them on the lips. The same thing happened when they decided not to bathe but to shower instead.
It is a sad thing when your kids grow up. But Christmas can still have the same kind of spirit. It's definitely not all about Santa.
Kelly,
I was interested to know what you've done with your kids... I wasn't sure if Macy knew. I know you don't really do the toothfairy thing. Ben has always been so logical and never really understood the whole Easter bunny/toothfairy thing, but I feel like I MADE him believe in Santa whether he wanted to or not :) I used MAGIC for a lot of explaining.
when I talked to you on the phone, it didn't seem like it "took him by surprise" as miss no-name said above. Do you think he was surprised by it all?
um.. no. I don't think he was surprised. He's been questioning Santa's magic since he was 3. Aaron and I have thought every year we would have to tell him the truth, but we've built it up all these years. Last year, Ben cornered me and said, "You promise me that he's real?" And I promised.. because I wanted him to still be able to experience Christmas as a child. But honestly, I've seen a huge change in him these past few months. He hangs out with the adults.. he wants to be more a of helper than one of the kids, and it was time to tell him. I think it would have been a lot harder for him to hear it from someone else. That doesn't mean it wasn't sad, though. But no-- I don't think it took him by surprise.
Oh please dont think I was judging..I love reading your blog, your family is delightful..I am just from a huggy, kissy type family. Only we as parents know what is right for our children..your Ben is probably feeling pretty grown up right now..and I now have to hide that silly ELF!!
wow. it never occurred to me to sit down and have a Santa talk. My parents never sat down and told me but it makes sense. It is as important as the birds and bees talk. Ben seems a lot like Preslie. She is really struggling to believe but I keep "making" her believe and a lot of it is for Hunter's sake. I know she will ruin it for him. He is so innocent and would probably believe in Santa til he was 25 or something. So maybe this is the year to tell Preslie babe. somethibng to think about.
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