homemade marinara with a slice of happiness

As I plugged my camera into my computer a few minutes ago, I realized that it has been over two weeks since I've last uploaded pictures. That is SO unlike me.. and it explains the 300+ pictures on my camera. I must be having some kind of mid-life crisis. No, really. I think I am. But I'm not frustrated or hormonal. I am just stepping back and trying to take inventory on what I do and why I do it. Summer is the best time for that kind of thing.

Yesterday I was elbow-deep in ground beef, eggs & seasonings. We had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner- with homemade marinara sauce and a crisp salad on the side. On the counter I had about 20 mini loaves of banana bread and three dozen chocolate chip cookies. I was wearing an old, hand-printed apron. My wedding ring was next to the sink. The sink was full of dishes. Simon was in his car-saucer and Luke was pushing him around on the freeway-- which also happened to be the walkway between our kitchen and dining room. The baby was squealing and Luke was making car noises. Zack was lying on his tummy painting. Ben was enthralled in a chapter of Harry Potter. But instead of reading it in his room, he wanted to be where the action was. We all wanted to be there too.

The air smelled like fresh baked cookies and banana bread-- mixed with hearty, wholesome happiness. THIS is what life is all about. Kids at my feet-- squealing, reading, painting, playing. As I relished in the happiness, I realized that I had a bit of sadness in my soul too. I wasn't exactly sure why-- but I think it was because I know that I am grown up now. It's my time in life to make meatballs and not paint or read or play. I am a real-life mom. I am elbow-deep in responsibilities and I would rather not deal with the stressful parts of life. The part when Luke needs to go to the dentist because his tooth is hurting... and the part that has to pick my husband up from the mechanic yet again. And the part that has to say goodbye to my sweet sister in a few weeks. And the part that has to decide whether or not to send my kids to school in the fall. Can't someone else do those kinds of things for me? Because I would rather just paint and read and play. I don't want Summer to end. ever.

Life seems so fleeting. I love it all and I am so happy, but at the end of the day, I wrap myself in a melancholy blanket before I fall asleep. I know another day has gone and things are going to change. But change is good. When Summer leaves, Fall arrives. Fall and I have a special relationship. pumpkins, birthdays, halloween! Yes, everything will be alright in the morning because I will still be with the ones I love and good things are happening everywhere. Especially here and now.