not this cute anymore!
I believe this picture was taken on Aaron's cell phone... somewhere in St. Loius, but I can't promise. We spent the entire day at several different airports and ate nothing but junk food, so it's all a blur. We had just been on an incredible vacation and were going to see our dearly missed kids soon, so instead of feeling miserable and depressed about the strike our airline was having, we were very happy... and a bit hyper. I loved everything about this day.
One of the funniest things we did (besides making up obnoxious fake laughs) was watching ALL the people in the airport. There were stressed out parents, business men, cowboys in tight jeans, clueless teenagers, well-dressed elderly women... and we made up stories for all of them. I can get pretty creative, but Aaron is quicker than I am and he made me laugh uncontrollably. At one point, we spotted a gentleman in his 50's. He was tall with gray speckled hair. He was wearing slacks and a fitted polo shirt which showed off his muscular build. I pointed him out and told Aaron that he was hot for an old man. Instead of getting jealous, Aaron agreed.
About an hour later, in a completely different part of the airport, we boarded our plane. This was one of the longer layovers and we weren't sure we would get seats by each other because it was a full flight. Way in the back of the plane, we saw two seats next to each other... the only two left. And guess who was sitting in the isle next to these two open seats? Yep. The smokin' hot 50 year old we saw earlier. Aaron sat in between me and the hottie and before we could even click on our seat belts, my husband leaned over and said, "You know, I have some serious reservations about sitting next to you. My wife pointed to you about an hour ago and said you were hot." I nodded my head and smiled. The guy flashed his great big white teeth and laughed. He said we had just made his day. Nothing breaks the ice like telling someone how good-looking they are.
We spent the next couple of hours talking to this guy. He is a pilot (all hot men are, according to my mother-in-law) and he had a very interesting life. We saw pictures of his kids and drooled over the new convertible he had just purchased for his wife's birthday... {we had just turned our convertible into the car rental place and vowed that we must buy one as soon as possible.} He asked us all kinds of questions and we told him about our boys, why we homeschool, and all about the Sin City that we live in. We talked religion for a good hour as well. He was such a nice guy and we were so happy to have met him. When the plane landed, we shook his hand and told him it was a pleasure to sit by him. He paid us a great compliment and said, "It gives me so much hope in the world to meet such capable, young parents. We need good people raising the next generation." After he left we both regretted not getting his information or giving him one of Aaron's business cards.
I am writing this now because it's one of those stories that will easily be forgotten about... and I don't want to forget it. We walked off that airplane with such high spirits. I remember feeling so grateful that I married a friendly guy. Aaron is so easy to talk to and can steal my conversation thunder, if I am not careful. I love that about him.
I also remember coming off the plane and looking at everyone else differently. We come in contact with so many strangers every single day. They all have names, families, personalities and stories that can teach us so much about life. All we have to do is take the time to listen to them. I don't know why we are such a closed society. Why is it so difficult to make friends with the grocery store checker or the mail man? One lesson I learned from my favorite book, A New Earth, the author Ekhart Tolle states that it's because we label everyone around us. Not labels like ugly, popular, rich, poor, immature (although I believe we do this too) but labels like "mailman", "doctor" and "crazy driver who just cut me off". A mailman might deliver the mail, but it is not who he is. Just because a grocery store clerk is ringing up your food doesn't mean we can't talk to him. Why do we look away and slide our credit cards without even recognizing that they are just like us? Because we also have labels for ourselves.. and we play the role of "customer" exactly like society has taught us.
I consider myself a friendly person, but I often (daily) fall into these same kind of labels. It's sad because we have awesome next-door neighbors. They are Hawaiian and our kids play well together. Ask me how many conversations I've had with the parents: zero. I need to be better and realize that I can learn so much from them while our doors are thirty inches apart from each other. When we move away, I know I will regret not asking about the delicious-smelling marinade they put on their chicken when they barbecue... among other things.
I want to teach my kids, by example, that the masses of people we see out in public everyday are not masses-- they are individuals. Sometimes, I am in an extra friendly mood and will talk to strangers for long periods of time, but it's only when I feel like it. Earlier this summer, Cindy and I were in the drive-thru of Jack in the Box and had an interesting conversation with the guy at the window. He was 7 feet tall and had to arch down really far to collect my money. I wanted to know exactly how tall he was, how tall his wife was and (if he had kids) how tall they were. There wasn't a car behind us, so we chatted away for several minutes. His son who is 14, plays the violin and not basketball, and is uncomfortable with his 6'4" frame. I told him that someday he will find a tall woman who appreciates his height.. and then Cindy and I drove away with big smiles on our faces.
A few weeks later, I asked a cashier at a store how his day was going. He stopped, looked at me in the eyes and said, "I am actually having a terrible day." Without going into any detail, he said one of his kids was having trouble and he couldn't concentrate on work. It was so genuine and real that I stopped what I was doing too and told him that I was sorry. I would have loved to buy him lunch and hear all about it, but my four kids wouldn't have allowed it. And sadly, he had customers behind me and work to do. I walked away feeling more connected, not just to him, but to myself and everyone else. It was a good day... and I want more like it.
Well, it's getting late and this post has turned into something I didn't intend to write. Sometimes that can get me into trouble, but I am publishing it anyway and may or may not regret it in the morning... I will go to sleep wondering how we can change things. What can I do to remind myself to step out of my shell a little? Wear a string on my finger? It's not that I don't want to have genuine, honest connections with other people, it's that I get too absorbed in the mundane routine that I forget to notice that there are warm bodies all around me that want to be acknowledged. But then again, maybe they don't. Some people get really uncomfortable when you talk to them in public. Are you this way? If so, why? And then there are those bad strangers that you have to stay away from. How can I teach my kids to be friendly but also cautious of child molesters and kidnappers? I want them to be aware that bad things can happen, but not be afraid to say hello.... where do you find the balance?
On that note, I am going to rest my head on my pillow and think it over. Good night, vast internet family. Thank you for always being available when I feel like talking.
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10 comments:
love the late night rambling posts!
I am definitely more shy than you, and I am always awkward in social situations. but I love it when someone else starts talking to me.
I have taught my kids to be introverts too and I wish I could change that.
I think that kids come with a personality and it's not what we do or don't do that makes them outgoing or shy.. As parents, the best thing we can do is help them have confidence in themselves, but I don't think we can teach them to be anything different than they are.
About a month ago, we were at the pool with my inlaws and the most FRIENDLY 4 year old came in. He saw there were other people swimming in the pool and he raised his arms in the air and shouted, "I'm HERE! Hi everybody!" Then he came over to our table and talked our ears off. I kid you not, I have never met a child like this. He was crazy... dancing like Michael Jackson and telling my father in law he looked like a zombie and needed a haircut. This kid needs to go on David Letterman. After an hour of talking with him, we chatted with his mom and I can guarantee you, he was not taught how to be friendly. She said he was born that way, and I believe her.
Anyway, there's another post for you in the comment box.
oops. that's janet not Ben. he must be signed into this computer...
I love this post. I was thinking along these same lines when I went to the beach a month or so ago. I looked around and everyone was just surrounded by stuff (including me)- coolers, blankets, umbrellas, toys, bags etc... I stopped and wondered why in the world I and everyone else had so much stuff with them. It seemed to be interfering with just enjoying the beach, getting some rest, and meeting new people and talking to them. I started wondering what were the essential things that I really needed with me for the day, and concluded that it was a fraction of the things that I actually brought with me. Then I started wondering what it would have been like if I, and everyone around me also had just the minimum amount of stuff that they needed, and how we would interact differently with each other. I imagined that we would all be more aware of each other, and would have a much more enjoyable time.
I think that most people have insulated themselves from people by surrounding themselves with too much stuff. I see it all the time, now that I've thought about it-- purses and bags and strollers and cell phones and laptops (and on and on). And it's not just physical things that I think about too-- it seems like we are all frantically trying to fill up our time too with activities and outings and mindless tv etc... and not giving ourselves time to just relax, rest and connect with people in a meaningful way.
I don't know why we do this, but I think it's an interesting question, and one that I've been thinking about a lot lately. I love what you said about labeling others and ourselves. It's very true.
p.s. I also think it's important to treat others with respect and friendliness, but the most important and meaningful connections are the ones with the people closest to us.
sorry for such long comments!
I totally agree with you, Jane.. we all have too much STUFF! I also think we carry around too much emotional baggage-- we have to stop worrying whether or not people will agree with us or wonder if others will like us. The more ourselves we are, the easier it is to connect with others. it's only the genuine conversations that allow us to get to know one another.
And about the people that are closest to us-- we can also play roles. Mother, wife, neighbor. Aaron and I will get into cycles where we're not fighting, but we're so into our "routine" that we forget who we're living with. Sometimes I can get this way with my kids-- I feed them, tell them to clean up, etc. etc. an entire day will go by and I will realize that I haven't even connected with them. They have been talking to me all day long, but I wasn't ever really listening because I was too busy getting everything done.
OK.....not all hotties are pilots, but most pilots are good looking; most, not all. Or, maybe it's that I "love a man in uniform" or maybe I still have fantasies of being an airline stewardess, or maybe I just want to travel the world before I'm too old to care about things like fjords and Roman ruins and 200 year old sea turtles....no, I'll never be too old to care or dream, but I might be too feeble to physically GO! Anyway, I've had the same feelings lately about connecting with folks, especially our neighbors. So, we're having a Saturday morning breakfast pot luck soon. We're going to start fairly small, then encourage those who come to get to know a neighbor so that when we do it again, they can invite the new folks. Hopefully before another year goes by, we'll be so big that we'll have to do it in the street or at a nearby park. That's what we're gonna do; wish us luck. And, I love you!
I loved this post, Janet. Living in New Jersey the past year has been interesting for me in a lot of respects, but one of the most uncomfortable things for me has been that everyone wants to talk to everyone else about everything. When we first moved to northern Jersey, I dreaded going to the bank because the women who worked there would want to talk for half an hour. One of them lived around the corner from us and invited us out with her and her husband and while I thought it was so kind of her, I also was really taken aback by it. When we found out we were moving to the shore, one of my first thoughts was, "Now I can go to the bank and get out of there quickly!" But it's just how people out here are- if you give them an opening, they will tell you their life story and expect yours in return. And for some reason, it often makes me really, really uneasy. I guess I'm all for being friendly but I believe in maintaining pretty tight boundaries with strangers. Which is probably also why I haven't really made any friends outside of church- that and because I don't know how to pick up other moms at the library. (My teenage self would be so ashamed.)
But my daughter? That girl's never met a stranger. She just came that way. She talks to anyone, anywhere. She really believes that my OB is her "best doctor friend" and the kid she talked to in the line at the grocery store is probably going to want to come over and play. She's really open and friendly and I so admire that in her and I hope she stays that way. I'm trying to toe the line of keeping her friendly and instilling some stranger danger and I'm not quite sure how to do it effectively. I think that's definitely the tricky part.
Yeesh, I'll shut up now.
great post. love the stories and also the ideas. i used to be so much better at talking to everyone. i really miss that old part of myself and i am trying to get it back gradually. i guess it is harder to look outward to strangers when there are little people underfoot that also need that acknowledgement. I like having these types of sincere stranger encounters, and then there are the strangers that talk to you and there is a creepy vibe that makes you want to run, so it is tough.
Hmmmmmmm....I'm just mulling it all over-your post & all the comments. Really making me think today. Thank you! I decided recently to wave to anyone I pass on my street. Such a simple thing that our street does not do. I think we miss out a lot when we don't give ourselves or don't take the opportunity to chat with a sales clerk or giggle with our doctor.
With so many doctors visits lately I have had that on my mind. That these are people who come to work every day but deal with their own lives and not just with what is going on with me. I feel like I should bring my baby back to meet them when he's born.
I think smiling is the KEY always to opening doors.
And that concludes "Random Thoughts by Lindsay."
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