it ain't no joke.

Due Date? October 10.

Were you trying? Indeed.

How do you feel? sick.

Home delivery? Undecided, but hopeful.

Twins? nope. One baby with a really cute profile.

Do you want a girl? Unanimously. But boys are okay too.

I suspected and took a pregnancy test the first week in February, but it was negative. A few days later (Feb 11) I took another one and it was negative. Instead of throwing it away, I left it on the bathroom counter and went about my day (planning a Valentine's party, cleaning up salsa in my car, picking up babysitters & pizza. etc.) When Aaron got home from work, I went to throw the test away and saw that it was positive! Over the course of the day, another line had appeared.. The next morning I took another test and then told Aaron. It was a happy Valentine's day for us.

The original plan was to tell the kids on April Fool's Day, but it was too difficult keeping it under wraps with so much family visiting. And it was also really hard to keep it a secret while I was throwing up-- at public functions. I got super sick at our co-op school one day and ended up throwing up IN class... with kids present. Luckily, none of my own children were there to witness it (except for Simon) but word spread quickly with the other moms. Then while dressed up in prom dresses at a Relief Society function, I threw up several times. The girls who were lucky enough to be in the bathroom with me heard the news. They have kids who are friends with mine, so I knew we had to tell them soon.

Funny thing is, a few days before we told the boys, we were reading a science book about sicknesses and how they spread. It talked about the symptoms of the flu and common cold. Without knowing anything, Ben casually said to me, "Wow, mom. It seems like you've had the flu for about 5 weeks now." I was dumbfounded because I had never complained about being sick. He's so observant and the way he phrased it- in weeks- could not have been more hilarious. When we finally told them, it all made sense! Zack is the most excited... he talks about (and to) the baby all day long. He will kiss my tummy at night and tell the baby to sleep tight. He wants to know everything about how big it is and what it feels like to be inside my tummy. He came with me to my doctor's appointment and was fascinated with the ultrasound. It was a fun date-- just Zack and mom. Although it would have been much more romantic had we not waited for 2 HOURS to see the doctor. That reason alone is good enough to hire a midwife.

Yes, we all hope for a girl. Several months ago, before we officially started "trying" Aaron had a dream about a baby girl. I am not getting my hopes up and honestly would be thrilled with another boy. In fact, since I've been pregnant, I only dream about boys. We'll see who's more subconsciously-psychic in about a month or so. I don't think I can wait to find out the sex. I am too outnumbered in this house and need to prepare myself-- either way.

Is this our last? I hope not. Granted, pregnancy is the worst. It handicaps me like nothing else. I literally throw up 3-5 times everyday. When my mom was visiting I believe I went 3 days without keeping anything in my stomach. I kept asking her HOW in the world she did this ten times. Pregnancy is such a drag! But it's also an absolute miracle. I feel so blessed and so happy to be expecting again. I have always wanted a big family and I hope I can be unselfish enough to want more after this. It's such a sacrifice in every way, but the end result is worth it, I am sure. If we have the physical, financial and emotional strength to have another baby, we will. I don't think there is any gift you can give your children that is greater than a sibling. Yes, it's a hellofalot of work, but I think I can do it. I think I can. I think I can.

This puts me at 12 or 13 weeks, but who's counting? Last time I looked at my pregnancy countdown, it told me the baby was barely the size of a kumquat. What's a kumquat, you ask? I had to look it up. It's a small orange of some sort-- how small, I have no idea. I will NOT compare my baby to the size of foreign fruit, if I can help it. I am due in October and that is all I need to know. I don't want to do a pregnancy counter on my blog or anywhere else. Looking at the actual number each day is going to drag things out and that's the last thing I need when I feel like poop. No paper chains for me... not when I have 6 months of misery ahead. Honestly people. If you love being pregnant and think it's the best thing ever, let's not be friends for a little while. We can talk again in October.

If that sounds negative, that's because I am an absolute grump. Remember when my husband told me I loose my SPARKLE when I'm pregnant? At the time I was hurt and tried to prove that I was the same person. But this far into our marriage and after this many babies, I think it's a great way to describe what happens to me. I have learned to accept the fact that I suck as a pregnant person. Admitting it is half the battle. But I sincerely hope that those of you who long for a baby of your own but for one reason or another can't have one, understand that I think about you every.single.day. I am often awake in the middle of the night tossing and turning, sometimes running back and forth to the toilet, and instead of complaining, I think about the WONDERFUL women who would be glad to trade me places. I don't know why some of us get what we want and others have to wait. I will never understand why irresponsible, under-aged, unwed, unhappy girls can conceive without even trying. It's a tough world out there and I know we all have a lot to learn from the experiences we've been given. I am just praying that I can play the hand I've been dealt and focus on ALL that I have. Because it is more than I deserve, that's for sure.

happy Conference weekend!