sweetest Jane

I just opened my laptop for the first time since Friday. I was so surprised to see that I had two new posts on my blog! I uploaded my Christmas letter and the baby's birth announcement weeks ago... and meant to save them as drafts, but apparently I set the date to publish in January.. and they did. Posting Ro's birth announcement a few days after my friend buried her baby seems very disrespectful and impious, but I think Jane will forgive me.

It's been an unbelievably long week. I've cried myself to sleep every night and tonight will probably do the same. It's amazing how emotional you can feel when someone you love is hurting. Jane told me today how exhausted she is each night and I can only imagine how drained she must feel, emotionally and physically. I have been completely wiped out and I am only a bystander in this tragedy.

We arrived home from Utah last night. The funeral services were beautiful. Yes, it was very sad and emotional, but it was such a special tribute to these two young, dedicated, wonderful parents. Jane's brother spoke about what an incredible mother Jane is and I couldn't have agreed more. She is the most playful, creative, musical, interactive and loving mom. My four boys absolutely adore Jane and want to be around her 24/7. Simon prefers her whenever we are together. He wants Jane to pick him up, open his candy, cut up his food, etc. "Jane's house" were two of Simon's first words and saying them in an excited manner has become kind of a joke in our family. A few months ago, Zack had drawn a really cool picture and brought it to me asking if we could drive to Jane's house. I asked him if he drew it for Jane and wanted to give it to her. Zack looked at me a little embarrassed and said, "No. I just want to show it to Jane." He knew that she would be so proud. Ben and Luke include Jane in their list of best friends and always make sure that her boys (who are years younger) are invited to their birthday parties because that will mean that Jane will come. They love going to Jane's house to play with her too!

I went to Jane's house this morning to pick up Zack. He had spent the night (long story... our van broke down in St. George. Rick and Jane were there to hang with us at Target and take Zack back with them. Another amazing friend drove up from Vegas to bail us out of our car problems and drive us home... what would we do without great friends???) Anyway, I went to pick up Zack this morning and see how Jane was doing. Little Vaughn, Jane's oldest, answered the door and told me his mom was in the shower. As he ran up the stairs to get her, he said, "Sit down and wait. If you get hungry, there's some food in the fridge. If you want to eat an orange, you can just take off the peel." He is such a little host! Jane came down with a towel wrapped around her hair. She took Roma out of my arms and held her and sang a song to her while rocking her in a chair. It was confirmed to me again what an amazing mom she is. What I wouldn't give to sing like Jane! Even though her baby boy never took a breath, I know he heard his mom sing to him. He is so lucky to have such a mother. I am so lucky to have such a friend.

This past week, I've wondered how I would handle such a trial in my life. I've realized that I am not as strong or as faithful or as diligent as I hope to be. I have become more dedicated to my family, to my scripture studies and my journal writing since I met baby Adam. The prayers I've offered in the past few days have been sincere and heart-wrenching. When something like this happens, being on your knees feels like the safest place to be. Little Adam's life was so short, but the impact he left on the lives of those around him was profound.

I hope when I grow up, I can be like my sweet friend Jane. Read a beautiful post recently written by her HERE.