a love letter to my boys

Tomorrow morning the baby and I are flying out for a last minute girls getaway.  It's always fun to sneak away for a day or two, but today I've felt a little melancholy thinking about leaving my men behind.  We went to lunch at Cafe Rio and played crochet at the park.  We danced to loud music and made popcorn on the stove and sat around the table drinking hot chocolate after it got dark. I've been listening to them closely and watching their facial expressions and they are just the cutest.boys.ever!  Just before bed, we gathered on our king size bed and read scriptures together.  There were 3 kids laying on me at once and I loved every minute of it.  While Daddy was reading, Simon pulled my eyelids down and said, "Oh my GOSH!" because whatever he saw scared him.  We giggled and we talked about why we need to be kind not only to strangers, but especially to each other because we're family and our relationships with one another are the most important.  I looked around at each of these little people who live in my home and I breathed in deeply.  Some had sweaty shirts and stinky feet, but I wanted to smell them anyway, exactly the way they are.

After they went to sleep, Aaron and I laid close to each other and he told me that we can't die on the plane tomorrow.  I am sure we won't, but if we do, I need to have one last paragraph to let the men in my life know how much I adore them.  It is such a privilege to be the wife and mother in this home.  They are smart and good and hilarious and sweet and everything that any woman could ever hope her husband/sons to be.  They treat me with respect and kindness.  They want to do the right thing and when I interact with them, I feel so proud to be a part of their lives.  It will be great to spend a little quality time with my sisters, but being here in this home is where I belong. I love you, my handsome boys.  I am so grateful to be a part of your family.... forever.

spirit week at school

Monday = hat day.  

they went all out.  Luke came home with the prize for gold.

Tuesday = nerd day.

They are so funny.  Ben stayed in costume ALL day.

Wednesday = crazy hair day.

We did zero practice runs.  Luke didn't know what he wanted until minutes before school started.  But it turned out awesome and stayed all day. 

Thursday = mix and match day.

One of their best friends wore a ballerina outfit to school.  We decided to cut and sew instead of have them wear girl clothes.  They totally loved these outfits.  We thought of it the morning of and my husband was shaking his head at me when we drove off to school on Thursday.  We got them there before the bell rang, though!!!  Ben had a hole in his crotch all day, but he was happy :)

Friday = pajama day.  

Ben was excited to wear his Spongebob snuggie (that looked like a dress with his backpack on). Luke was actually pretty sick and stayed home.. so we all had a pajama-rama.  

Zack and Simon felt a little left out of the action... so I let them color their own white tees and wear them all week.  For some reason, that seemed fair to them :) Fabric paint markers are awesome..

once upon a Wednesday in April

Once upon a Wednesday in April.... we kept the boys home from school, just because.  We slept in, made waffles with strawberries for breakfast, constructed a fort in the living room, read books for a couple of hours (inside the fort), & met Daddy for lunch at Cafe Rio.

Daddy heard about all the fun we had that morning and was inspired to take the rest of the day off work.  We were so thrilled we decided to celebrate at a miniature golf course (after we let Daddy change out of his suit, of course).

It was a great (hot) day.

I wished I would have recorded it when it happened, but sometimes you have to sacrifice a little to have quality time.

touch.

Last night a dear friend took me out.  We got massages.  It was heavenly.  We made the appts last minute and the spa asked if I cared if I had a man give me my massage.  Not at all. I look at it like a doctors visit and I am just as comfortable with male doctors as I am with females... So I didn't think twice about taking off my clothes. (you don't have to ask me twice to strip down.)  It was perfectly professional until he swiped my bangs from my forehead and tucked them behind my ear.  He did this three times during the massage and each time it made me uncomfortable.  I thought about the irony of the situation.. I had no issues with him rubbing my naked butt, but when he touched my hair and face, it became personal.  Interesting.  I don't think I'll go back to a male massage therapist.  {Although the dude was fantastic.  He seriously worked me over-- at one point I thought he was going to break my neck... it was awesome.  I can barely move today.}

I stayed up late thinking about how much I love it when my husband plays with my hair.  It's something little he does, but my bangs are in my eyes often and he is always there to save me.  He's the only guy I've ever let play with my hair or touch my face and I want it to stay that way.

Aaron is super romantic, but not in the ways I always thought husbands were supposed to be.  He isn't home much, but when he is, he's so attentive to me and the kids.  He knows exactly how I am feeling without me having to say a word.  Sometimes I hate that he can read me like a book because I don't like to be so vulnerable.  But most of the time it feels so good to have someone understand me so well.

I am most vulnerable at night.  I shouldn't stay awake past my bedtime because I turn into an emotionally unstable pumpkin.  Aaron knows this and is so sweet about helping get the kids to bed and making sure I can get some alone time. He also knows there's magic in music and he uses it to his advantage.  Sometimes he will blast rap music and put on a show for me.  More often he will play one of our favorite slow songs and ask me to dance.  I never want to, but I can't say no.  It's amazing what one meaningful song can do for the exhausted soul.

A couple of weeks ago, Aaron didn't get home until after I had already turned into a pumpkin.  He knew when he walked through the door that things were not good.  He took the crying baby from me while I laid down next to Simon on the bunk bed.  After all the kids were finally asleep, I came back into our bedroom with squinty eyes.  Aaron was sitting on the end of our bed all dressed up to go running.  Good for him, but I was going to sleep.  Then I saw that he had my tennis shoes set out for me... and one of his bulky sweatshirts too.  He told me we were going for a walk.  I started crying lacing up my shoes.

We walked out in the moonlight for about an hour.  We stayed on our street, still trying to keep an eye on our babies.  While taking in big gulps of the fresh air, I felt like I was breathing for the first time that day.  I talked to Aaron about what a hard time I was having and how much I just wanted to run away from it all.  He told me about things he was struggling with too and I felt better, knowing I wasn't the only crazy person in the world/house.  We held hands and talked about our favorite vacation spots.  And then we laughed about the kids and all the funny things they said and did that day.  We didn't have to go very far for me to return to the house feeling like a new person.

...Screaming baby + a toddler wearing mascara.  Will continue this post another day.  

summer can't get here fast enough

we went swimming after school yesterday.  I was proud of myself for taking all five kids by myself.  We had a blast. It was hot and breezy.  so breezy, in fact, that one of the umbrellas blew off and shattered the glass of the table it was attached to.  That was a fun mess to keep Simon out of.  Ro absolutely loves the water.  I am so looking forward to swimming every day in the summer!  Only 15 school days to go... (of course I'm counting.)

recent videos of our little Love

on a quiet afternoon

this stage in my life is so busy and chaotic, but every once in a while the world will stop.  the kids fall asleep and the house is clean {enough} and everything is perfect in the universe.  unfortunately, it only lasts for a minute.

this past week I finished reading two fabulous books.  Unbroken (that I started months ago) and Heaven is Here (that I read in 2 days).  Both books are amazing and powerful and life-changing.  Both books have my wheels turning about my own life and the kind of person I want to be.  Both make me feel grateful to be alive and be free to make choices.  They also solidify the understanding that trials can become blessings if we allow them to change us in a positive way.  I have been inspired to use my abilities and strengths to serve my family and make the most of every day.

I went to therapy last week and I liked it.  My therapist was exactly like my mom.  She was soft spoken and kind and kept telling me not to be so hard on myself.  She wasn't very direct or specific, and I wanted her to be.  But it's hard to get the full picture when you've only talked with someone once.  I made an appointment to go back.

One thing I thought about while I was there is how I would set up my office if I was a shrink.  I was trying to answer her questions the best I could, but I was totally distracted thinking about how I need to go back to school and get my masters degree.. When I left, I felt more connected to myself than when I entered, but I don't think it had anything to do with what was said.  I just felt like I was in the right place at the right time and my thoughts were clear.  Maybe I'm struggling to clarify a few things I already knew about myself.

I know I want a big family.  I've known that since... well, forever.  But the more children I have, the more crazy I feel.  Reading Stephanie Nielsen's book made me feel normal (and right) to want a house full of kids.  I completely 100% related to the relationships she has with her siblings and parents.  I feel so lucky to be raised in a family with such a solid support system.  I just tear up thinking about how they rallied around her after the crash.  I can't imagine how hard it would be to have someone else raise your children, but I know that no one could do it better than my sisters.  There was such an out pouring of love from the pages.  It made me gush over my children and husband even more... and I didn't know that was possible.

My days are filled with breast feeding and potty training and laundry and meal preparation and dishes and usually a craft to make things wild.  But I laugh a lot.  And so do my kids.  We blast music like we're college freshmen.  We have a great time cleaning together and we play more than we should.  I look at these sweet faces and I know that they belong in our home.  I have so much to be happy about.

    Ben playing a little football after school.. 

and no, this wasn't "ugly outfit" day.

oh crap

When these pictures were taken, I never planned on sharing them because they are gross and because my kid is naked.... but let's face it: those reasons have never stopped me before.

Let me start out by saying that ever since I lost my blackberry in California 2+years ago, I've been using the worst cell phone ever.  My husband teases me about it all the time and he's tried to buy me a smartphone twice, but I wasn't ready to make the change.  I pride myself in being frugal.  The screen may have been discolored and it dropped calls all the time... and the battery needed to be charged twice a day, but I didn't see why I needed an upgrade. Well, until last week, that is.

Did you know I hate potty training my kids?  Next to cleaning up puke, it's my least favorite thing about being a mom.  I haven't been eager to put Simon in underwear, but he is begging to sit on the toilet, so I'm trying hard not to complain too much.  He will go #1 several times a day, but #2 happens once in a blue moon.  These last few weeks, he's had the runs (which is really fun) so he sits on the toilet a LOT.  Sometimes he'll sit for an hour at a time.  My bathroom has become his own little hang out spot.  Last week, after a long battle on the pot, he finally let it loose!  I let him call Daddy to CELEBRATE the POOP!  and well, the celebration backfired on us.

Before the phone call-- so proud of himself!

"oh crap!" 

He felt SO bad and it was just so cute I had to laugh. (and take pictures) 

It was totally my bad for letting him talk while on the toilet....

I am 32 and I can barely do that responsibly.

 and just to gross you out a little more, let's get a close up...

The phone's screen said {error fatal} which made the whole situation more entertaining.

I scooped it out with a paper cup and threw it in the garbage...

I've been debating whether or not to enter the world of smartphones.

I have major issues with the amount of time parents spend on their phones. 

(I know it would be SO convenient, but I also know it will interfere with the way I mother.) 

But hey!  I came across this contest on facebook and figured it was destiny....

Click on the picture and vote for me, please. 

I may not be responsible enough to use an expensive phone, but ....

 it comes with free repairs for a LIFETIME!

sinker stinkers

sometimes this is the ONLY way I can get dinner on the table.
they are both such stinkers.

This is a very typical face for Romy girl.
 She looks right through you sometimes.

I love to watch them interact with each other.

His eyelashes are to die for. 

cheese.

mother's day notes

my boys have always been so good about making homemade cards and love letters. This mother's day didn't disappoint. Zack cut his picture up and hid a difference piece in every room of the house. I was out of bed way too early searching for each piece. To my good fortune, he gave me "hot and cold" clues AND scratched my back the entire time I looked. (scratching my back was another one of his gifts and he decided to kill two birds with one stone :) When I only had one piece left to find, I decided to circle around the house, prolonging the back scratch... mostly I just wanted to hear Zack squeal longer (his arm hurt!) Eventually, I found them all and put the puzzle together.  I love it...

These drawings also got taped up in my bedroom on Mother's Day morning..

Luke was super creative with his card this year. it just kept going on and going and going. Just like his love for me......... (he got tired of coloring the hearts because his marker ran out :) and I don't blame him, they were super, duper big!

On Saturday night I mentioned something about the best kind of Mother's Day gift would be sparkling clean bathrooms. Ben eats up stuff like that and made SURE they got done. I love the example he sets for his brothers. He divvied up the responsibilities and our three bathrooms were sparkling in no time at all. Zack was in charge of all the mirrors, Luke cleaned the counters and toilets and Ben and Simon took the showers and floors. These pictures warm my heart more than anything else. Love them.

and last but not least, these are the questionnaires the boys filled out in primary... Ben and his friends were really trying to be funny.  His answers are a lot nicer than what they were discussing to write down. i.e. "My mom is as pretty as dirt."  I watched him giggling with his friends while filling it out and I love the silly stage he's in.  I appreciate that he says I am good at "having fun".  I can't think of anything I'd rather be good at.

I love Luke's answers.  Especially how I told him "to be nice to people" and "My mom laughs when my dad does something funny."  That is so true...

Zack's teacher wrote his for him.  He makes me laugh so hard.  First of all, he is so illogical when it comes to numbers.  He really did think his Grandmother was 90.  When I laughed, he felt silly and then said, "I mean, 80?"   21 isn't bad.  He was right on the money with my job.  That is exactly what I do every.single.day.  And I LOVED the "wash behind my ears" comment.  I am always telling him that :)

I really loved reading these surveys from all the children in the ward. I added some of the sweetest in the ward newsletter, but there were SO many to choose from. My favorites were:

• My mom relaxes by tuning me out.
• My mom is as pretty as Sister Friendly (seriously ugliest costume ever, so that answer cracked me up!)
• My mom is really good at laying next to my dad.
• My mom is happiest when we leave her alone.
• When my mom shops, she likes to buy milk.
• My mom is really good at making my dad late for things.
• My mom always says to go away. 
• My mom is as pretty as Elmo.
• The smartest thing my mom ever told me was to unload the dishwasher.
• My mom always tells me to believe in Heavenly Father.
• My mom likes to relax by having no babies.
• I love my mom because she calls me Bubs.
• My mom tells me I can do anything.
• My mom is really good at playing pretend.
• My mom is as pretty as a cheetah (also a pumpkin, munchin and the temple, which was my fave!)
• My mom loves to wear a wedding dress.
• My mom is really good at being nice.
• My mom's job is to keep me safe.  

If you want a blank copy of this Mother's day questionnaire for next year, let me know and I will email it to you.  Also, let me know if you want to read our ward newsletter.  I have been slacking since Roma was born, but I really love my calling. I absolutely LOVE, love the ward family we have.

Mother's Day questionnaires

This year I typed up a quick little questionnaire for the special women in our lives.  We sent these to our moms in the mail.  I was also in charge of sharing time (I mean, Sister Friendly was) so all the primary kids in our ward filled them out too.  I will have to scan in mine from my kids later... like.. when my baby isn't screaming.

I love my boys.  And I love the Mothers in our lives.