go-to phrases for happy, independent children

While the kids were playing at the park this evening, I read an inspiring article in July's Parents magazine. I wanted to link the full article so the rest of you could read it too, but I can't find it online anywhere. So I am going to paraphrase. To make sure the author gets credit, please know that this was originally written by Francesca Castagnoli. The article is titled "Say the Right Thing". She listed 8 things we should say to raise happy, independent children...

1. "I need to think about that." We don't have to think on our feet and give answers right away. Blurting out the first thing that comes to mind can lead to regret and frustration for both parents and children. By example, we can teach our children to take their time when making their own decisions, which can have long-term benefits. Thinking before you speak is such a great habit!

2. "How does that make you feel?" Instead of showering your child with praise with over the top enthusiasm, ask them how they feel when they've accomplished something praiseworthy. This allows the child to be in touch with what THEY find satisfying rather than focusing on the end result.

3. "Wow." Use this when your child presents you with a problem or if they've done something they know will get them in trouble. Simply saying "Wow" will acknowledge what happened, without committing to a response right away. As you give yourself a moment to put the situation into perspective, you will allow yourself time to figure out a way to handle it (without flying off the handle.)

4. "Let's see if we can find something good in this." The secret to helping your child manage disappointment is to not rush in and rescue him from feeling bad. By letting them be upset and then helping them "find the good part" you will help your child learn to manage with what he has. (LOVE this.)

5. "Listen to your body." When your child has a stomachahe, don't rust to share your own conclusions. Instead help her go through a likely causes. As she learns to pay attention to her body, she will understand that butterflies in her stomach are different than hunger pains. As your child learns to identify what is going on in her body, she will learn to respond in the appropriate way.

6. "Take a breath." We all need to slow down, but it's so easy to forget how. Kids mirror our moods. If you can stop and call a time-out to breathe, you will be teaching your child HOW to manage stressful situations.

7. "Would you like a do-over?" This is a gentle reminder of how we expect our children to respond to us. The beauty of this phrase is that you're letting them know their behavior is not acceptable without embarrassing or scolding them. It works at home or in public because it's friendly and non-threatening. Changing the phrase to "Let's have a do-over" makes it nonnegotiable. It also allows you to reenact the moment together (and puts you on the same team again.)

8. "That's a great idea." Being a cheerleader for your child's big and small ideas will help him realize that he can effectively solve his own problems. Tell him that whatever scenario he just cooked up is worthy and that he has the brains and ability to see it through.

Simple and profound. Pick up a Parents magazine and read the full article yourself (it starts on page 74.) I agree with it 100% and can't wait to get in a habit of saying these phrases on a regular basis. The more we are empowered as women and mothers (taking time to think about the way we parent) the more confidence our children gain as they learn to figure things out for themselves...