it's always the kids' fault

today I realized the only reason I have problems is because I have kids. That realization made me feel so much better about my life.

Saturday I taught a blogging class. I think it went well. I didn't prepare much. I just showed up, talked about my love for journaling and the importance of documenting the little things. I was able to answer every question thrown my way. I am the first to tell you I am not an expert, but I know a lot when it comes to this blogging world. I loved staying after the class and talking in computer geek language. lt felt like a small piece of me came back after speaking in html code.

I came home from the class and got to work! First I scrubbed down my kitchen and prepared meals for Sunday. Then I cleaned out under my kids beds. I am missing a music CD from the library and just knew it was under one of their beds. Unfortunately, I didn't find it and ended up pulling a muscle in my neck/shoulder. I thought the kink would go away after a good nights sleep, but I woke up on Sunday unable to move. I kid you not when I say I was almost paralyzed. It was the craziest (and one of the most painful) experiences. I literally could not hold my baby or turn my head. I spent the entire day with a hot pad on my neck. Aaron took the kids to church solo while i soaked in a blazing hot bath and took a long nap. So glad I prepared yummy food and cleaned on saturday! I was completely useless to my family. I eventually took a heavy painkiller and a friend's prescription muscle relaxer and was able to sleep well last night. yay for drugs!

Although I woke up sore this morning, I was able to hold Romy girl and that was a huge improvement. This afternoon, my sweet friend took my babies to her house while I was supposed to rest, but instead I cleaned out closets and vacuumed the entire house. While cleaning, I realized that all of my frustrations stem from my two little ones. As darling as they are, I cannot get ANYTHING done with them around. In two short hours, I scrubbed my house from top to bottom (mopped the floors, caught up on all the laundry, cleaned out the fridge, etc.) I got to thinking about the last couple of weeks and how I've gone to bed beating myself up every night. WHY have I been so hard on myself?

While the kids were away, and I started to have a clear thought about what has transpired in the past couple of weeks, I couldn't believe that someone who has done so much could feel like such a failure. In the last two weeks, I've gotten my boys to school on time every morning (while taking a van full of neighbors too). I've canned peaches and made bottles of homemade salsa. I recovered the fabric on my kitchen chairs. I've made wholesome meals for my family, a meal for a neighbor and one for the missionaries as well. I've taken my kids swimming and to the park. I've nursed sick babies back to health (croup+stitches!). And to top it off, I've helped Simon go potty every 30 minutes and officially put him in underwear... for good! All this with a husband gone long hours, sometimes working in another city. Why was I so darn mean to myself after I had worked so hard? I've got to be better about the lies I am telling myself. I am good enough, patient enough and gosh darn it... I like me! (*this paragraph above was not to brag, but to show how skewed my thinking can be. Sad that I would allow things like not going to the gym or washing my hair more important on my list than being patient and loving to my kids...) anyway. lesson to be learned. sometimes clear thoughts can only come when it's quiet. and I haven't had much quiet lately...

Tonight for FHE we had a great lesson on honesty... and how sometimes when we tell one small little lie, we have to cover it up with another and another. Pretty soon, we're so far in, we're not sure how to get out. Luke was my object and he and I had rehearsed as story beforehand. Every time I asked him a question and he told a lie, I wrapped a rope around his body. Soon he was good and trapped. Instead of thinking he was in a big mess, the other boys were so jealous and wanted to be tied up too. It basically backfired and they spent the rest of the night telling "lies" and tying each other up. But Aaron and I watched them play and smiled at each other. This stage in our life is crazy, but it's a great stage. I love this little family of mine.

This is our little darling doing the actions to "popcorn popping". it's her favorite song... today.