Chile Chili Chilly

So....  my parents get home in 9 days.  They've been serving a mission in Concepcion, Chile for 18 months.  The last time they saw Simon, he was Roma's age.  They've never met my baby girl.

The kids and I will be there for their homecoming.  And this is very unfortunate timing for Aaron because it means we will spend our first Halloween apart.  He's put up with my shenanigans for a decade, it's about time he gets a break.  I am super sad we will be apart, he is not.

We decided to do Simon's birthday party before Halloween... because it will be crazy when we get back and because he will NOT stop talking about it.  It's been three weeks of nonstop birthday party talk.  It will be simple, of course.  I love parties, but I do not go all out.  We invite friends over, play games, have cupcakes and call it a party.  That will happen on Friday and then we will head to Utah to trick or treat with cousins...  not excited for the cold, the weather here is perfection.  but there are only a few yellow and red leaves to remind us it's Fall.

Roma is walking to and from people, but nothing else.  She is super stubborn and sassy.  We love her anyway.

Motherhood is calling.  beds to make and breakfast to serve.  I really, really like my job.

the weekend (pictures later)

Friday

• laundry day.  all the sheets, towels and rugs clean.
• organize Ro's massive piles of clothes.  make a bigger mess than I started with.
• Deb, Brent and girls stop by on their way home from Disney.  one night sleepover again.
• Keyonna comes to crash too.  party!
• cancelled our plans to go to the hockey game
• pile up in the Shumwagon and hit Bellagio instead.  fountains = our favorite visitor spot in Vegas
• stop by Glaziers on the way home for dessert
• tried to convince the adults to go dancing. Deb's not a party animal like she used to be.  Aaron said he'll go another night with me.  I will hold him to it.  
• stay up late talking anyway.  Love my sis.

Saturday

• waffles for breakfast.  12 million kids were at my table.. or so it seemed.  
• cousins left, but not before Deb waxes my eyebrows
• pick up Nat, Jane and kids for Spring Mountain Ranch
• always a good time with my lady-friends.  the kids have a blast at the lake.  Simon strips down to his underwear (of course.)
• drop off the older boys at home, wrap a cute pink gift.
• Aaron, Keyonna, Simon, Ro and I hit a baby shower for Aaron's co-workers.  Two men who are having a daughter through a surrogate.
• most entertaining conversation I've ever had at a baby shower.  So interested in the process.  Gay men are the best conversationalists.  
• Cafe Rio on the way home for dinner.  heart to heart with K.
• Boys attend Primary practice while we're away.  Thanks Jane for picking them up and bringing them home.
• yardwork.. never ends.
• played Rummikub with boys and KeyKey.  Aaron always wins.
• Date to the grocery store, just my man and me.  we stroll the isles.  pick up food for Sunday's meal. and some eggnog.
• rent Bernie (with Jack Black) on a whim.  watch 1/2 of it before we fall asleep.  funny and way weird.

Sunday

• haircuts for all 5 boys.  I know better than to wait until Sunday morning. but they went relatively smooth.  Trimmed Ro's mullet.  
• Texting with the Bishopric during their meeting.. while giving haircuts.  Multitasking at it's finest.
• ward party on then off then on again.  Whip up fliers to take to church.  and a food sign up sheet.
• quick shower.  hair damp but not wet.  makeup on the drive to church.
• get to sacrament meeting 30 minutes early.  best seats for the program.  make copies of the fliers.
• talk to the sister missionaries for a while.  love them.
• tears during the kids' songs and testimony.  Miss our old primary faces.  Miss our old ward.
• Roma poops up her back during the meeting.  Able to get her to the bathroom before it gets on any of her clothes.  I am a miracle worker.  #imusthave5kids
• Give the boys hugs after the program, off to classes.
• contention during RS lesson.  it's gonna take a while for our wards to mesh...  baby steps.
• big meal after church.  love my boys for knowing how to cook.  they baked the ham, wrapped and cooked the potatoes, microwaved the peas, made the kool-aid and set champaign glasses for our traditional Sunday toast.  love them.
• 15 minute nap before visits.
• Aaron has meetings at the church.
• call grandparents
• scripture study and FHE lesson with our boys.  never enough time on Mondays.
• two chapters of Phantom Tollbooth.
• early bedtime for the kids.  late for the parents... I started going through an old box of notes and pictures.  bad idea.  but went to sleep in a great mood.

Monday

• 1/2 mile run with the kids.  Ro in the wagon.  Simon runs 1/4 mile without stopping.  Ben breaks his 4 minute record.
• quick shower.  no makeup.
• drop the babies off at Jane's.
• carpool.  parent teacher conference at the school.  both teachers.  both positive.
• left wondering why my kids are in school.
• pick up kids at Jane's.  head straight to a presidency meeting.
• lots of stuff to cover.  need to fill callings in a major way. 
• talk to Michelle.  give her directions to my house.
• RS phone calls.
• two visits with sisters in our ward.  love the social part of this calling.
• make bread bowls and soup.  creamy broccoli and cauliflower. no recipe.
• Jane calls and picks up a few items at the store.  I made bread bowls for her and she makes another pot of soup for our dinner guests.  more to choose from.
• whip up some pumpkin bread with Simon while the oven is on.
• Invite Azy for dinner too.  The more the merrier.
• Mich, B and Oliver arrive.  DIE over this cute boy. 
• Aze, Chris and boys arrive.  Love this fam.  Feels like HS again.
• no pumpkin carving.  too much talking.  kids play upstairs anyway.
• 10 pm bedtime. 
• stay up to blog, read about the debate.  Will watch it tomorrow.

my five little people

Roma's picture finally made it to the side bar! Newsflash, I have five kids.  Time to do a quick update.

Benjamin 

11 years and 3 months old

.Ben continues to amaze us with his mature personality and responsible attitude.  He is excited about being a BOY SCOUT in a major way and has earned his first two merit badges before coming a tenderfoot.  (as if I know that that means.)  He loves doing homework and is building a massive savings account.  He won't spend money on anything.  Whatever task you give this kid, he gets it done... and fast!  He has always been so neat and clean, but recently I've noticed he's more focused on being quick than he is about being organized.  A few days ago, I sat down with him to have a light-hearted conversation about his messy dresser and the amount of clothes that aren't getting put in the hamper.  After our talk, he rushed upstairs to clean up and a minute later I found him in his room, lying face down on his bed crying about it.  I felt terrible (but was more surprised than anything because he doesn't cry often.)  I rubbed his back and asked him if everything was okay and he said, "I feel so bad, I didn't even know I was becoming messier."  I laughed (quietly) and told him about the time he was 4 and cut the screen to the sliding glass door.  He bawled about it all day and I couldn't punish him because he'd already punished himself.  We laughed and then went in the kitchen to make waffles for breakfast.  While cooking I told him I felt bad for him that he was my guinea pig... I have done a lot of parental experimenting on him over the years and he's taken it in stride.  He is growing into a young man and I couldn't be more proud.  Love my Benny boy!

Luke

9 years and 8 months old

Luke is my side-kick during the day while Ben and Zack are at school.  He spends his time reading (2-3 hours a day), playing the piano (1-2 hours a day) and working on some kind of art project, origami animal or lego village.  He is in the process of making a book of all 50 state flags and so far it's amazing.  He always keeps himself busy and never bothers me.. ever.  That's why I keep him home all day!  He is the ultimate helper with Simon and Ro and loves to get them dressed, play a game or take them for a quick wagon ride around the block. Our favorite dates together are to the library or Michael's craft. Luke is such a creative guy and is growing up way too quickly.  

Zack

6 years and 9 months old

Zack Attack has mellowed out by leaps and bounds.  I've seen a huge change in him since Roma arrived.  He is helpful and sweet and loves his baby sister.  He can still play his spaz card and we love it when Wacky Zacky comes to play!  He's not a fan of chores, but will work as long as there's music and other people involved.  He is the first person to wake up every morning and usually has his lunch made and his backpack on long before it's time to go to school.  He loves his teacher (Ms. Luke) but let's face it, he's really there for he social interaction... recess, PE, and lunch are what keeps his motor running.  We have major issues with the amount of things he keeps in "special spots" around the house.  Zack will hold on to everything he's ever made, anything he's ever looked at and of course, all of the gifts he's ever been given. I have the hardest time parenting Zack, but really he's a sweetheart.  The other day he left on a bike ride with his friends.  To my surprise, he came bounding in the front door a minute later.  I asked him what was wrong and he said, "nothing.  I just forgot to give you a hug and tell you goodbye."  He gets off the hook all the time because he's so sweet.  #watchoutladies #player 

Simon

2 years and 11 months old

This boy has a birthday coming up and he could not be more excited for his Avengers party.  He is a little man trapped in a three year old's body.  He talks nonstop all day long and I love it.  He makes dinner with me every night and loves to help with chores.  Only problem is he makes a bigger mess while cleaning/cooking, but I am hopeful he will get it one of these days.  As long as you talk to him and treat him like an adult, he's a happy camper.  A boy in the carpool likes to tease him that he's little and it absolutely drives Simon crazy.  If he wasn't buckled in his carseat, I guarantee you a fight would break out.. don't mess with the little big boy.  He's shows me how TALL and strong he is about 20 times a day.  One of his biggest concerns is that he's going to grow so big he will break our house... he will often have nightmares that he grows so big he can't fit in our car or house.  Of course, I think it's hilarious he stresses about getting too big.  I could not survive a day without this charming little boy of mine.  

Roma

1 year and 18 days old

Roma and I have a love/hate relationship.  I love her to pieces, but I am not her favorite person and she lets me know, often.  She's a tomboy and would much rather wrestle with her brothers on the floor than cuddle.  She is sassy and silly and screams when she doesn't get her own way.  She loves to be outside, preferably in the wagon or at the park.  She knows what she wants and is pretty good and letting us know when and where to take her (she points and grunts all day long).  She will say a handful of words (dada, Luute, mama, deeee for drink, and she also says the names of her two best friends Jane and Katie, who are both older than mom.)  She is a social butterfly and loves to look people in the eyes and have conversations with them.  Her all time favorite buddy is Zack and she will go to him anywhere, as long as he carries her (no walking yet.)  The other day, Zack was making her laugh while I was holding her.  I giggled too because her laugh was so darling.  She looked at me, stopped laughing and slapped me in the face as if to say, "you're not a part of this conversation."  Which made me laugh harder, but she was seriously mad at me. It's the weirdest thing to explain, but sometimes I feel like I am carrying around a midget woman on my hip. I love her zest for life and her ability to speak her mind even though she can't speak at all!  Can't wait to watch her grow and learn.  Toddlers are my favorite!! 

Atlanta dating disaster -- summer of '99

This portion of our "love story" is NOT mentioned in the original post because it's a novel in and of itself.  It's long and frustrating, but is an important part of our history so I am including it now. warning-- I am writing this late at night.  sorry in advance for typos and mistakes.

My husband and I had a great start and could have been inseparable from the minute we met.  I liked him from day one and knew he was the kind of guy I wanted to introduce to my parents.  I told him that I liked him, flirted with him and wanted him to take me out on a second date.  He not believe me when I said I liked him (he truly thought I said that to everyone), he interpreted my flirtiness as friendliness, and he did not ask me on a second date.  Instead  he asked my friend and next door neighbor on a date, to a concert I had been dying to see and could not get tickets to.  He kissed this girl a few days later and it crushed me.  When their whirlwind of a relationship was over, I pretended like I was okay with being his friend and even convinced myself that he wasn't my type.  But truthfully, I realized then that we had major communication issues.  He is not a verbal communicator, and I am an extremely intense verbal communicator.  We are like magnets that repel each other when it comes to talking about important issues.  This is a major conflict in our marriage and it was apparent almost immediately after we met.  

In a communications class, a few months after Aaron asked out my friend instead of me, I was assigned to write a paper on a relationship with conflict.  Most of my friends were writing about a female/frienemy.  I had no communication issues with other women, instead, I had this awkward relationship with this awesome guy.  I liked him and I thought he liked me back, but we could never be on the same page at the same time.  Writing the paper was frustrating because we had a fun relationship-- we could talk but only about things that didn't matter.. random topics, funny stories, television shows, etc.  But whenever I tried to talk serious, it would backfire on me.  By the end of our our first year when we said goodbye (for good, or so I thought) we both wrote meaningful letters that admitted we loved each other, but neither of us has never said those words (or even gotten close to them) when speaking face to face.  Kinda sweet... but so frustrating!

That summer, I went to live with my sisters in Atlanta with their young families.  I didn't ever expect to hear from Aaron again, but he got my number from my mom (remember, she loves him) and called me my first week out there.  We talked on the phone all summer but never (not once) about anything important or meaningful.  I often wanted to bring up the fact that he never asked me out on a second date.  I wanted to ask him why he kept calling me and tell him how hurt I was when he dated my friend.  I tried, but it never happened.  At the end of the summer, he told me he had purchased a plane ticket to Atlanta to attend the wedding of our mutual friends.  I was thrilled!  He would be spending 5 days with me and my sisters and then we would go to the wedding together on the last day before he flew out.  I took off work, cleared everything from my scheduled and planned 5 days of non-stop fun.

The day before he came, he called me to confirm.  He told me that the groom would be picking him up from the airport and then he would call me after that.  I was a little disappointed because I wanted to spend the entire time with him, but then I wondered if I was assuming too much (I had done that before with him and it wasn't good.)  So I downplayed it on the phone and said, "Okay, whatever.  That sounds fine.  Just call me when you can."  The next day he flew in, hung out with his friends and then never called.... not the next day or the next or the next.  My schedule was completely EMPTY and I was literally just waiting for him to call me.  (this was before the day of cell phones when you could just text someone casually.. I had no number for him which was super annoying.)  I felt really stupid for assuming that he flew out to see me and hang out with me.

On day 4 he finally called.  He was totally upbeat on the phone and said he flew in and decided to help them with wedding prep and didn't have a chance to call me.  I tried to act okay about it too and wondered if I could still see him before he flew out.  He said that he had lunch free after the wedding and before the reception if I wanted to meet up.  I did.  I picked him up at the temple and we had lunch.  It was lighthearted and fun and we didn't talk about anything important..  but inside, I was DYING.  I was mad and hurt and so annoyed that I couldn't read him.  After lunch we drove to my sisters home and I introduced him to my nieces and nephews.  He was SO CUTE with the twin babies, I almost started crying.  Everything is great about this guy except for the fact that I can't talk to him!!!

At 2 PM, he casually tells me that the wedding reception ends at 3 PM.  I had no idea it was an afternoon reception and freaked out because it was TWO HOURS away from where we were.  We hopped in the car and started driving.  Before we got on the freeway, I was so frustrated, I just let loose and asked him a bazilion questions: Why didn't he tell me what time the reception started/ended?  Why didn't he want me to pick him up from the airport?  Why did he make we wait 4 long days before he called?  He answered them in stride and told me that I didn't sound excited enough on the phone.  I was always so bubbly and happy, but when he told me he was coming out to see me, I didn't act like I cared.  I explained that I was trying to downplay it because I was a little too excited.  He told me he'd landed and basically been a third wheel to this poor couple about to get married.. and that he'd done nothing for 4 days..  such a frustrating, but eye-opening conversation.  And that was only the first ten minutes of the drive.  The rest of the two hours we covered our history-- why he didn't ask me out (he was intimidated by my confidence).  I told him now devastated I was when he started dating my friend.. how I went home for the week because I couldn't stand seeing them together.  He explained that he broke up with her because he realized how much he liked me, but then I wouldn't give him the time of day (my confidence was covering up my insecurities..) After 18 months of knowing one another, this was our first real conversation.  Minutes before we arrived at the reception, he told me that wanted our relationship to be more than a friendship and that he could really see us together.  I loved hearing it and was so excited for the drive home!!!

At the reception (where the bride and groom had left before we arrived) we helped clean up the decorations.  Well, I cleaned up while Aaron played with the massive amount of kids running around.  He was in the middle of 20 little girls.. giving them piggy back rides, swinging them around in their pretty dresses, chasing and making them scream, etc.  I watched him from afar and knew he was the kind of father I wanted for my children.  I was going to tell him that on the drive home.  But before we got in the car, a friend of the groom (who I had never met before) asked Aaron if he could ride the 2 hours back with us, sleep at my sisters home and then catch a ride to the airport in the morning.  Aaron, being the awesome guy that he is, said yes.  I was so annoyed.

The 2 hour drive home was spent listening to our new "friend" talk about himself.  He blabbed the entire time.  I was literally going batty.  Aaron never said a word, not to me, not to the other guy. (*But when we stopped for gas and I got out to pay, he would not let me put in my credit card.  I was mad and insisted, and we got into an argument at the pump.  Ultimately Aaron won and I still think about that fight at the gas station with fondness.  He is such a gentleman and always takes charge.)  Now, back to the story... We arrived home at my sisters house at the same time the pizza delivery guy was dropping off their dinner (another frustration, we had their only car and totally ruined my sister's plans.  They needed to pick up their other car at the mechanic and grocery shop, but because our plans changed, so did theirs.  We left them home without a car and without any food in their fridge.  This added to my frustration...)  Anyway, this dude ate all my sisters pizza with his mouth open.  She kept looking at me wondering who he was and I could only roll my eyes.  She took me aside and told Aaron and I to go upstairs while she occupied him.  We gladly accepted.

I needed to change the sheets on my king size bed so Aaron and his friend could use it (instead of the twin bed in the other room where Aaron was planning to sleep.)  Aaron helped me but didn't say a word about the change of plans or the guy who was now ruining our night.  I tried to small-talk, but it didn't work.  Neither of us knew how to get back to the romantic can of worms we opened up in the car on the drive to the reception.  After some time, my sister and this annoying guy came to join us.  My sister was laughing and told me she couldn't keep him downstairs any longer.  The four of us had an interesting conversation.  My sister was telling them how I had made a lot of friends (as a waitress) and how the missionaries loved me because I was getting a lot of referrals from people I had met.  Missionary work was exciting to me and it was the focus of my summer.  Aaron asked if I planned on going on a full-time mission and I said absolutely. Then, this guy, who had met me only a few hours earlier, told me that I was not the kind of girl that served a mission and he could never see me out in the mission field.  I was so offended and beyond annoyed.  Aaron, instead of contradicting his friend, agreed.  Aaron says now that he stated he didn't want me to serve a mission, but that was not how I interpreted it.  I told them that it had been a long day and I was going to sleep in the other room.  The night was over.

After everyone was in bed, I snuck downstairs and called my mom.  She was so anxious to hear how the day had gone.  I told her it was a disaster, but that I was looking forward to dropping off his friend at the airport in the morning and then talking to Aaron for a few hours before his plane left.  I was so grateful there were a couple of hours in between their flights!  I wanted to clean the air and (at least) finish our conversation.  My mom was disappointed that the day/week hadn't gone well, but she was sure things would turn out okay before he flew home.

The next morning, I woke up early, took my brother-in-law to the mechanic to get his car, came home and showered and got ready, drove my sister and her kids to church, and came back before Aaron and his buddy had even gotten out of bed.  They grabbed a banana as we loaded their luggage in the car and we were off to the airport.  Conversation to the airport was almost nonexistent.  I was not mad, but I also didn't want to talk their ears off.  Aaron barely said two words. (now I know he doesn't talk before 10 AM.)  I pulled up to the passenger drop off lane, intending to ditch this guy and drive somewhere else with Aaron-- we had 3 hours to spare and I wanted to go to a park or get something to eat or whatever... even just stay in the car and talk.  But as I got out of the car to help open the trunk for the luggage, Aaron grabbed his bag and gave me a side hug and said, "Thanks. and maybe we'll see you later."  I stood there completely stunned, probably with my jaw dropped.  I said goodbye shortly and drove away..  I blasted the music and said out loud, "I will never see him again."  If we couldn't make it work on vacation, we couldn't make it work anywhere.  He was a good friend and it had to stay that way.  (Aaron's side of the story is that I pulled up in the passenger drop off lane without telling him that I wanted to talk to him.  and he didn't want to say anything because I already seemed annoyed from the night before.  and knowing him now and how he deals with conflict, this totally makes sense.  He will not push issues unless it's the right time to talk about it.  when is the right time?  never.)

A week later, he emailed and apologized for whatever happened, although neither of us could really explain what it was.  I was not going to ruin the friendship with my favorite guy over this, but this trip was the very reason I wouldn't give him the time of day a few months later (see porch scene in "our love story")  Looking back, it's very frustrating from both sides.  Aaron didn't know how to read me and so he avoided talking to me.  I hate when people avoid talking so I get more annoyed!  I want to punch it out and get everything on the table.  If someone can't handle talking, they can't handle me.  We could not be more different.... and 12 years later, we still have arguments (or lack of any conversation at all) because neither of us understand where the other person is coming from.  SO frustrating..  but we always find a way to work it out because what we have together is SO worth it.

good thursday

warning: long meaningless entry..

I woke up at 5:30 and put on my fave workout outfit and hit the streets.  I ran to our family vacation soundtrack and because it was dark and I was alone, I danced/skipped more than I ran.  As the sun came up over the desert my heart filled with gratitude for all the good things in my life.  my family and friends were at the top of the list. but more than anything, I felt so much joy to have good health.  I felt strong and alive and content.  The sunrise literally filled up the entire sky and I was reconnected to the powerhouse spirit inside that often gets overshadowed by tasks and errand running and laundry.

I came home, kissed my husband who was still asleep, showered, put on a real outfit and makeup and made waffles for my darlings.  Simon insisted on having a pancake instead (I did promise him last night, but what's the diff?) I put one pancake on the stove while I used up the rest of the batter in the waffle maker and forgot about it, of course.  Our house smelled like burnt pancakes all day. Luke kept saying it reminded him of camping and that made me smile because it was a good kind of burnt smell.  The kind that makes you wonder if you own a woodburning stove or roast chestnuts.

I took the carpool to Blue Diamond and was reminded (again) of the beauty that surrounds us everyday.  The beauty was louder than the kids in my car and the Halloween tunes we were jamming to.  I was counting my blessings.  We played at the park for a minute and walked to Jane's house to return a pair of Batman underwear.  Simon had to borrow it last week when he soaked while dancing in the rain.  (and came home in only a pair of underwear, which was not unusual at all.)  Simon went to preschool at Jamie's and could not have been more excited about it.  He wore a pair of sunglasses and bounced when he walked up to the door.  His body looks like a teenagers and he's not even three yet.

Luke, Ro and I vacuumed out the big van at the gas station.  Best 8 quarters I've ever spent.  Then we hit the library because we had nothing else to do and that's our go-to place when there's down time.  I read through a recipe book and got excited for fall cooking.  On the way home we hit the grocery store for a few veggies.  Roma was so lonely driving around in the double seated grocery cart car.  At one point Luke tried to climb in with her and he got stuck.  It was awesome and if I hadn't been so busy trying to pull him out, I would have snapped a picture.  Since when did he become daddy long legs?

We picked up Simon on the way home and he blabbed all the way out to the car, "I like school.  But I have to sit down and be quiet and not talk that much."  These were new rules for him.  I would never enforce them at home because his voice is my favorite.

We made lunch at home.  Turkey sandwiches and left over lasagna for Luke.  Then we read stories before nap time.  Luke is on his 6th chapter book this week.. I believe that's a record for him.  While the kids were napping/reading, I decided to mop the kitchen floor and get prepped for dinner.  While mopping, I listened to a relationships DVD by John Gottman that I came across at the library.  I liked it.  The therapist talked about his own marriage problems even though he does marriage therapy for a living.  He said his wife always says to him, "If your clients could only hear you now" when they're in the middle of a fight.  He also said that during his seminars he always uses a recent fight between he and his wife for an example.  I love that.  It convinced me that I need to document some classic arguments Aaron have gotten into.  I might start on one tonight if Aaron doesn't get home from basketball soon.  I have a hard time falling asleep without him...

Jane picked up the boys after school and took all four of them to her house to do crafts..  And then Katie came over to drop off a game and took Roma back to her house.  I didn't know what to do with myself!  I blasted Christmas music (Martina McBride) and finished vacuuming...  Dinner prep was long, but we had time and the rest of the house was clean.  chicken noodle soup, homemade rolls and a fresh salad. The boys played while I set the table which hasn't happened in a long time, but it was nice.  Aaron picked up the baby on his way home from work and was super impressed with the spotless house.  That's what can happen when kids aren't around, yo.

I quickly ate dinner and ran to the church for 3 hours of RS business, new callings and VT assignments.  Aaron put the kids to bed and came to the church to play basketball.  We crossed paths in the hall and gave each other a high five.  I rushed home to 5 sleeping babies.

Now I am all cuddled up in bed.. the windows are open and Christmas music is playing (Michael Buble).  I never listen to Christmas music this early, but I'm getting pumped up for my entire family together this year.  It's been a long time since I've seen my parents.  I've never gone this long before... I can't believe they've never seen my baby.  She's almost not a baby anymore.  Which reminds me, I should stop blabbing and add her picture to my sidebar.  After a year+ I think she's officially earned a spot in our family.  Here I go!

sleep (or lack thereof)

Yesterday morning (before school, when I was dragging and couldn't get it together) my husband and I confirmed that the root of ALL our problems stemmed from sleep... or lack thereof.  We vowed to get more shut eye (and wake up earlier) or else!

Later that day, Aaron surprised me and came home from work at 3 PM(!!!!) so we could run a few errands together as a family and get to bed as early as possible.  The kids were fed and bathed and asleep by 8 PM so do not ask me WHY we finally turned our lights off at 1 AM.  what the??  (I spent some quiet time doing things for my new calling, answering emails and writing a long blog post..)  Aaron went and played volleyball and picked up a few groceries that we needed.  And then we stayed up late talking about our relationship and problems :)  At 2 AM, I heard Roma crying and puking in her crib.  That was the beginning of my day today.  After bathing her, changing her sheets and rocking her to no avail, the two of us finally were able to go back to sleep around 6 AM.  the joke was on me!  The day I promise to get more rest is the day I don't sleep a wink.  I snoozed from 6-7 and then got my boys off to school.  I have been walking around like a zombie ever since...

Sweet little Ro has been a baby zombie herself.  She hasn't kept anything down all day and has the runs to boot.  I have changed her poor raw bum too many times.  She took 5 baths.  Every time I got her out and put her in a diaper and new outfit, she threw up on me.  Twice she pooped on me (once in a towel and another time in a blanket) so our day was an "adventure" to put it mildly.

But we were able to catch some priceless videos of her sleeping in the kitchen sink... not once, not twice, but three different naps!  This poor baby was so tired and for some reason the only time she could relax was when the water was running. (the minute I took her out, she would wake up and cry, but if i put her back in and turned on the water, her eyes would get heavy and she would doze off.)  I was able to get some good clips, but not like I wanted because my phone was full of memory.  Annoying.  Anyway, one we are saving for AFV..  it's basically the same clip as the ones below but she keeps her head under the water for longer periods of time and doesn't even budge.  We will let you know if she wins $100,000.  (I also entered her cute newborn basketball pictures in Ellen's kids creative halloween costumes.)

this last video is her playing in the sink.. wide awake. minutes before (and after) she fell asleep.  funny and terrible day... but we got through it!

marital conflict

I pride myself in being real. it's the best thing I have going for me. If you talk to me in person, I will try to dish it out like it is. I share personal information-- often times too much-- and the last thing I ever want to paint is a perfect picture. I realize I post "real" parenting posts and I feel better writing after a particularly hard day, but 99.9% of what I write about my marriage is positive.

 99.9% of my marriage is not positive. I stay away from anything negative because this blog is a subject of conflict in my marriage to begin with, even when I document the best things about our relationship. I also believe you should keep marital conflicts within the marriage. I don't call my mom when I am having issues in my marriage (she'll take his side anyway) but I have some good friends, sisters included that I can talk to for advice. I make sure the people I talk to about my struggles are women who love and support my marriage. I also believe that complaining too much leads to more negativity and I try to avoid that.

 However, the past couple of days I've received a couple of emails from women who do not know me personally. Both were touching emails and as much as I appreciated them, I also found myself feeling unsettled, not sure how to answer back. I just finished emailing them back privately, but I also wanted to address the subject here, just in case there were other people comparing their own marriages to other relationships they read about on the internet, or see on television shows or even observe in person from afar. Comparing is one of the most destructive things you can do to yourself and your relationships! When you compare, you are weighing your worst moments with others best and the outcome will be detrimental.  Avoid comparing at all costs... it will mess you up!

With that said, I want to tell you that NO MARRIAGE is easy.  Mine is far from perfect and just because I don't hang our dirty laundry to dry on this blog doesn't mean we don't have issues.  We've been married 12 years and our disagreements are as confusing and as frustrating as the day we met.  We are learning as we grow, but as soon as we think we have something figured out, another outside stress will come along that throws us off balance (or another child will be born.)  While I will not assume our struggles are the same as anyone elses, I will testify that we have them and they are hard.  Our communication styles could not be more different.  They almost kept us from getting married and are still the #1 source of our conflict.  We have to work really hard at understanding each other.  Many times there is not a middle ground, so one of us has to settle.  And at the end of the long disagreement, we have to agree to disagree and put our family and relationship before the topic we are arguing about.

I am not going to give marital advice because every relationship is so different, but I will say that assuming other people have perfect spouses/marriages/lives is so damaging and painful.  If a certain blog or television show or friend is making you feel like you don't have enough, stop reading the blog, watching that show or hanging out with that friend.  Seek professional counselors that can help you talk through your frustrations.. therapy should be more popular!!!  And remember that the more you focus on the negative, the more negative your life will seem.  There will always be someone who has more or seems happier, but they are probably looking at you and feeling the same way.

Keep the faith, seek out a therapist, confide in people who love you and make you feel whole and never (ever) assume that someone has it better than you do.  Does anyone have anything to add?

I may or may not type up some of my most frustrating marriage moments and share them on this blog.  It will be good for my posterity, dontcha think?

pretty in purple

I was able to blog from my phone today, but didn't mean to post these pictures without any words. although the pictures really do speak for themselves. While the boys were crafting up some Halloween goodness, I was doing dishes. I knew Ro had a marker (she was using it to drum on a pan in the kitchen.) I didn't know that she is now able to take off marker lids... She went from a clean baby to a purple monster in a matter of minutes (and back to a clean baby a few minutes after that.) Unfortunately the sweatshirt that she wore for the first time today needs to be retired.

Ace

Did you know I call my husband Ace?  Before we were dating, I only referred to him by his last name... and when we got engaged, I figured I needed to change that, since his last name would soon be mine.  After watching him play tennis and realizing how good he was, he became Ace.  It fits him.  He calls me JP, which is short for Jannie Pannie (my childhood nickname).  Most of my siblings have shortened it to Pannie and even though it should be embarrassing, it never has been.

I did not intend to write the above paragraph.  It just came out after I titled this post.  I just put my baby down for the night (thankgoodness.  that girl's scream makes me want to poke out my eyes.)  Ace is downstairs playing rummikub with the boys and I guarantee he will win, for the third night in a row.  As I was rocking Ro to sleep, and singing to her, I busted up thinking about my husband singing the songs at Family Home Evening tonight.  Zack taught us a little pumpkin song and Daddy had the words down after one lesson.  He was literally screaming the lyrics and made up his own actions (which included several pelvic thrusts) and I completely lost it.  Although the kids love it, I know he's performing mostly for me.  He can always get me to laugh...

So as I rocked, I thought of all the things Ace has said to me the past few days and I thought I would write them down.  He will hate the fact that I am writing them on my blog, but if ever I die, he can look back at these words and know that I loved the way he made me laugh.

Yesterday I sent him home to get a few things for my lesson.  When he dropped it off, I asked him if I could take his scriptures too.  I had my digital scriptures, but thought I should look spiritual carrying around a heavy quad.  He handed them to me and said, "Of course.  And if you run out of material, read my patriarchal blessing to them.  It's in the back."  He says things like that without cracking a smile and I love it.  The fact that he was holding a cute baby girl (who needed a diaper change) made him that much handsomer.

I had to run some early morning errands a few days ago and could not find my bra anywhere.  I often misplace things, but not usually my bra.  After looking for it for 30 minutes or so, I said really frustrated, "Why can't I find my bra?!"  Aaron, not realizing what I was looking for that whole time, smiled and said, "It's on the back of the bathroom door.  Hit me again.  What else do you need?"  I love (and hate) that he always comes to my rescue.

On the way home from shopping with Debbie (we were seriously gone for 5 hours) I called him to see how things were going at home with the kids.  He answered, "Shop til you Drop, this is Aaron."  I know he was frustrated that I hadn't checked in, but he takes everything with stride and knows I don't get many nights out with my sister..

Tonight he came home singing "my heart's a stereo, turn me up when you feel low" and although he shouldn't quit his day job, he sounds a lot like Adam Levine.  He knew the disposal had been out of commission for a few days and without even changing from his dress clothes, he got to work on it... He had it up and running before dinner was on the table and I could not have been more impressed.

During dinner he sat really close to me, making our elbows touch.  If I moved away he got closer, so I finally he gave in.  Sometimes he tries to see how much it will take to annoy me.  During the dinner conversation we talked about something nice we did for someone else.  The kids reported cute little favors they did for each other.  When it was Daddy's turn he said, "When I was riding the elevator down to my car, I had gas but decided not to fart.  That was nice to everyone else riding with me."  The boys loved it and I tried my best not to smile, but didn't succeed.

A little later (while doing the dishes for the 14th time today) I told him my life isn't FUN enough.  He laughed and in a very mocking tone (charlie & chocolate factory, Veruca Salt voice) he said, "I want more fun!  Get me more fun, Daddy!  And bring it to me now!"  And right then my wish was granted.  He is a lot of fun to be married to.

He's been doing his workout routine for the past 10 minutes or so, but he just got into bed next to me.  He's not looking at my computer screen... he's on his phone scrolling around.  A minute ago, I asked him what he was doing (mainly afraid that he was going to ask me what I was doing.)  Without looking up at me he said, "I'm paying your bills.  Whatch YOU doing?"  I laughed.  and he asked why that was so funny.  I said because it seems like I don't do anything around here. and then he said again, "And I want to know why that's so funny."

this past weekend

I still have a couple of beach photo picture files to edit, but I need to move on to real life and stop thinking about how I wish we could be back on the beach without a care in the world.

I feel terrible I don't have more pictures to document this past week/end.  We had a blast putting up our Halloween decor and celebrations are in full swing.  Bedrooms and closets got organized, bathrooms got a deep cleaning and the cold weather finally kicked in!  

Debbie and her family drove through on Saturday and arrived minutes before our Fall Festival/Stake Fair.  It is a BIG to-do here and I didn't take a single picture.  I must have been too busy talking with my sister and chasing around our 9 kids.  There was loud music, face painting, cake walks, trampolines and bounce houses, dinner, cotton candy, stuffed animals and lots of friends.  It was bitter sweet running into old friends that will no longer be in our ward.  Love the neighborhood we live in!

Straight from the Fair, Deb and I went shopping.  She knows how badly my closet needs it.  We spent hours in the dressing room and had a great time.  We laughed a lot but by the end I felt like crying.  I don't like to shop.  The last time I went was when Deb forced me to go after my birthday last year.  I got some really cute things and love that my husband didn't ask me how much we spent.

Saturday night was a night from hell.  Hyper cousins playing, no one wanted to sleep.  I think everyone was finally quiet by midnight.  Simon woke up around 1:00 AM claiming monsters were eating his legs.  He crawled into bed with us and after he fell asleep, I was wide awake.  I think I dozed off around 3 but at 4:00 AM, I heard Ro screaming in her crib. One of the kids used her bathroom at night and turned on the lights in her room.  I rocked her for a bit, but she wasn't going back to bed.  Around 7, when the older kids woke up, I was able to lay back down and get about an hour of sleep.  Needless to say I had big bags under my eyes at church.

I was sustained in as RS pres in my ward on Sunday afternoon.  We have a whole new ward (boundary change) and I called two counselors I've never met before.  My first counselor is 9 months pregnant (due of Friday) and my second counselor has lived in Vegas for just a few short months.  The Bishopric knows me well and let me call a third counselor, which I am thrilled about.  I haven't been nervous about the call too much.. more excited than anything.  I love meeting new people and believe I can handle the schedule.  My only wish is that I could sit on the stand during Sacrament meeting and watch Aaron wrangle five kids from afar... and I could just smile at him.  Maybe in the next life I can be a man.  With the lack of sleep and stimulation of the cousin visit, our kids were wired during church.  Roma was so loud and ended up barfing all over Aaron's suit.  So glad it wasn't me.  During Sacrament meeting, Zack and Simon went out to get a drink and Zack came back wearing a CTR ring he'd stolen from the lost and found.  He's not the sharpest tool in the shed...
  

Aaron had to run home and change and grab a few things for my lesson that I forgot in the kitchen (I set it down for a second to check on dinner in the oven and left it at home... so annoying.)  He was back in the RS room minutes before it began.  The lesson turned out great and I am looking forward to meeting all the new Sisters in my ward.  I recognized only a fraction of the faces.  After church I was learning the ropes of my new calling (welfare forms) and totally forgot about the roast in the oven.  I saved it just before the house burned to the ground.  The carrots were a little black on the bottom and there was zero gravy for the mashed potatoes, but we survived.

I made a few phone calls after dinner and ended up falling asleep on the couch, with the kids running around me.  I was THAT tired.   I woke up around 7 PM and played a couple of games with the older boys..  and then prepared for my first presidency meeting this morning.  I didn't get to sleep until after 1:00 AM.

Ben woke me up minutes before I was to take carpool. Of course, his lunch was made, the baby had a bottle and he was just waiting for a ride. I threw on a new outfit (boy that felt good!) brushed my teeth and we were off.  As we were leaving out the door, I remembered it was picture day at school.  Oh boy.  I made the kids change their shirts (Luke wore a bloody skeleton head on picture day last year) and had them comb their hair, for real this time.  I grabbed a checkbook on my way out the door and drove to the school.  

Once I got in the parking lot, I went to write a check for pictures and realized Aaron used the last check yesterday at church.  Who uses checks anymore anyway?  Luckily I had $20 in my wallet found some change to order ONE 8X10 each.  geez.  They better smile or else.  Another girl in the carpool left her form at home too so we scrounged up some change for her too.  totally crazy.  I do not want to be this kind of mom..  but what's a girl to do?

While parked at the school, Simon told me he had to go potty (we woke him up on our way out the door).  He didn't have shoes on, so I asked him if he could wait and he said yes.  But on the drive home, he could NOT wait and I had to pull over on the side of the road.  He stood on the door of my van and shot pee out into the dirt.  Most of it went outside the van.  I had to do a quick wipedown when we got home.

We had a few minutes to spare before my presidency meeting, so I was able to make a few copies.  The two babies went to a friends house which was heaven sent.  The meeting went well, lots of work to do and parties to plan!  Luke and I went to the library quickly to exchange his books.  PS.  Luke has been homeschooled since the beginning of the year and he is a gem.  He reads 4-5 chapter books a week and is such a big help at home.  Could.not.survive without this awesome 9 year old of mine.  I will pull Ben and Zack home as soon as they will let me.  This is another post for another day.

Roma and Simon are now down for a nap at the same time which NEVER happens.  Luke is reading next to me... and I am feeling blessed.  Busy, chaotic and happy.  Aaron laughed at me this morning and said, "you are a comedy act I get to watch everyday."  I resent that.  I am not here for his entertainment, unlike Adam Lambert who is always there for me when I need him.

Dinner needs to go in the oven and the older boys will be home in an hour.  We are going to start reading Phantom Tollbooth tonight after FHE.  I don't want the days to go by so quickly, but at the same time, bedtime cannot get here soon enough.  This is the most wonderful time of the year and I can't let it slip through my fingers!  We will be heading up to Utah soon, so the leaves better stay on the trees until we get there.  My parents get home from their mission in 17 days....  

The Kids Fun Deck

We spent hours every day at the fun deck.  They had hourly (free) activities for the kids.  They made cookies, crafts, popped popcorn, had banana splits, cold cereal breakfast parties, spa day where we could paint toenails, all kinds of treats.. basically kid heaven.  The best part about it, our kids were basically the only ones there (off season, I am sure..)  They had movies, books, puzzles, video games, ping pong, shuffle board, darts, stuffed animals, bean bags, a play ground, all kinds of baby toys, coloring books, you name it.  and from a board game loving family like ours (who packed lightly on the flights) the best part about it--- they had EVERY game you could think of.  We played and played and when it was time to go back to our room, they let us take games back with us (and movies too if we wanted.)  Such an amazingly fun family time and perfect after a day at the beach.  The staff was amazing and were so great with our kids.  Roma took a liking to Miss Kathryn and played with her while Aaron and I played games with the boys (we made sure to to get her schedule for the week.. so we knew exactly what hours she was working!)  These pictures below were taken just before we flew home.  so sad.  Don't worry, we exchanged info!  We will be sending her a Christmas card :)  Great memories were made on this deck..  we are dreaming and scheming of when we can go back...

marriott beach place ft lauderdale

facts about our Florida vacation, in no particular order.

• roundtrip non-stop flights from Vegas to Ft. Lauderdale were less than $40 per person.  (spirit air).  We paid a total of $237 for all seven of us to fly.
• we each brought one carry on.  and we paid for one piece of luggage.  we are light packers.  Simon ended up with only ONE shirt.  ooops. (luckily, we had a washer and dryer in our villa, which was awesome!)
• Aaron's parents had a week available of their timeshare that was about to expire.  They were so kind and generous to offer it to us, but nothing was available in Ft. Lauderdale until 2 days before we flew out.  It.could.not.have.been.more.perfect.
• we paid $200 and some change for our hotel/villa stay.  it was ginormous.
• the boys had their own room/microwave/mini-fridge/bathroom/shower/couch and toaster.
• Zack made toast in his toaster everyday, just because he could.
• we bought all our groceries before checking into the hotel.  under $100 for food.
• once we parked our van at the hotel on the first day of arrival (after the alligator farm) we did NOT get in the van again until we flew to the airport.  no reason to drive anywhere means you've arrived at the perfect location.
• we paid $186 to rent a minivan that stayed parked in the same spot the entire week.  next time we'll get a taxi to and from the airport.
• we ate EVERY meal inside this hotel room, sitting at the table as a family.  we did not do any fast food or restaurants, with the exception of 2 visits to Sonic for drinks after the beach.
• The hotel delivered a port a crib with clean sheets, blankets and a stuffed animal for our baby.  It was so thoughtful. 
• Simon and Ro napped everyday, for hours at a time.
• We had scriptures in the living area each night and family prayer around the coffee table.  While being silly one night (my birthday) Roma knocked her mouth on the coffee table and broke her front tooth.  
• All of our kids were in bed and asleep each night by 9 PM.
• we had the most comfortable beds.  we had two pull out couches that we never used.
• the master bedroom had an amazing jet tub.  I bathed in it everyday.  the kids bathed in it everyday, together.  Aaron and I had a romantic night in it once.
• On the last day EVERYONE got in the tub together, including Daddy.  It was not planned, it just happened and it was hilarious.  I begged to take a photo and use it for our Christmas card, but Aaron wouldn't let me.  and my hands were wet anyway. 
• the lighting in the room made the water in the tub look florescent yellow.  the kids had many pee jokes, none of them were funny.
• We had two balconies which were not ocean view, but our view was still beautiful, especially at night.
• it rained everyday, some days it poured
• we had a pool, hot tub and kids splash pad at the hotel, but only used it the day we checked out, just to say we did.  
• we hot tubbed one night while it was raining.
• we only saw two other children at the hotel.  One was a darling newborn named Victoria with a full head of black hair.  The other was a 7 year old girl, Samantha.  She was an only child who was very lonely and kept asking to play with us.  We saw her everyday and tried to include her, but she was a brat and kept complaining to her parents that our boys were teasing her (she wished.)
• everyone commented on the number of children we had.  We stuck out like we never have before... they totally pointed. and more times than we could count people said, "God bless you and your family." 
• Aaron was an amazing help with the kids.  If I had the baby, he was in control of the boys and vice versa.  He was changing diapers, warming bottles, having pillow fights, making dinner, washing dishes, you name it.  I kept thinking the whole week, "God has already blessed me so much."  This man is my dream guy! and I know now more than ever that we can handle more children.  we are a mighty duo!
• I absolutely loved visiting with the other residents, who's average age was probably was 68.  I didn't take a poll, just a guess.  Because it was a timeshare, they were all there for the week and we saw many of the same faces each day.  
• Because it was a timeshare, they tried to get us to go to a presentation (for $100 credit for room service.)  We would not do it.  #1 we didn't want to waste an hour (or 5 hours) of our precious vacation time.  #2 we probably would have purchased had we listened to their sales pitch.  we were in LOVE the minute we walked in.  It's location (steps from the ocean) could not be beat, and the accommodations were top notch.  The "fun deck" with activities for the kids every hour needs it's own blog post.    
• Every.single.day we saw the same lizard peeking out of a pillar on the sidewalk on our way to and from the beach.  We tried to catch it, but never succeeded.  We have a few videos and they are hysterical.  We loved that lizard and we feel bad we poured water in his house in an attempt to catch him.  He hated us.
• The elevator game was a big hit (stand in front of the one you think will open first.)  Whatever elevator Zack stood in front of, opened.  It was a magical.  He was beyond excited about picking the winning elevator.
• A worker at Sonic gave the boys gold necklaces ? and they wore them often.  They are still innocent and can look cool sporting jewelry.
• We played games every single night.  Rook and Bananagrams are always a hit, but Catch Phrase became the ultimate favorite.  Out of all the memories we made, laughing over Catch Phrase is at the top of my list.  We bought the game as soon as we got home.  
• Ben made Ramen the night we flew out.  It didn't have enough water and became a sticky noodle mess.  But everyone ate it anyway.  we served it with a side of stuffing.  ?  go figure.
• aside from Sunday morning cartoons while Aaron and I made a big breakfast, zero television was watched.  Two of the three tvs were not even turned on.  
• We bought a gallon of milk at the market in the hotel along with ice cream for my birthday.  The only other food we purchased was chips and salsa out by the pool.  While eating and drying off, Simon crossed his legs and said, "I like hanging out with you guys."  
• Our boys did not fight a single time we were there.  there were little annoyances here and there, but nothing we had to intervene as parents..  Aaron and I talked about it each night in amazement and gratitude.  it was heavenly and in every sense of the word, this was a real vacation.  
• I washed all our clothes before we boarded the flight home.  Nothing like flying home rested, rejuvenated, sun-kissed and with zero dirty laundry.
• no one wanted to leave.  we all plan on "saving all our monies" so we can go back again someday... because heaven knows we won't be able to do it again for that (unbelievable) price.  

Pictures, in no particular order...

"I love hanging out with you guys"

hotel website : http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/fllbp-marriotts-beachplace-towers/

life's a beach

Once upon a September we went on a family vacation to the beach.  We spent 5 days playing in the sand and swimming in the warm atlantic.  it was dreamy and magical.  The days blended together because each day was the same.  We woke up, made a hearty breakfast, went to the beach with a few snacks, and retired back to our hotel only when we were starving (or it was raining).  Everyday we built a massive sandcastle.  Everyday we snorkeled.  Everyday we added to our seashell collection.  Everyday was perfect because we were together.

  

 those few days changed us, not just the way we think about vacation (and what it means to relax) but it made us realize how important, valuable and essential our time is together.  Aaron and I would go to bed at night talking about our goals and dreams for our kids and for our family.  Since we've come home, we are different.  We are making big changes... some financial (scrimp and save so we can vacation well) but most have to do with our time..  how we spend it and what our kids do with theirs during the weekday, and how we can get the most out of our time together on the weekends.  We've realized that even though we're back and have to adhere to a schedule (dentist appts, carpool, scouts, chores) EVERYDAY we have still been to feel that peace we had together as a family on the beach.  I can't really explain the feeling, but it's acknowledging that I don't want to be anywhere else than where I am.  I love the stages that my children are in right now, today.  Our life isn't a beach, it can be very difficult at times, but it's also very rewarding.  Life is good, but there is always room for improvement.