october second

we partied hard yesterday.  I don't think the kids were in bed until 11 pm.  Roma was awake until midnight.  (she might as well celebrate every minute of her birthday, dontcha think?)  It was a fun party.  We came home, unloaded the cars.  I thought the kids were going to crash, so I called my BFF for a quick conversation.  It turned into 3 hours.  Karlin and I do NOT call each other anymore because we can't have quick conversations.  When I finally hung up the phone with her, Aaron looked at me and said, "Well, that sounded like an interesting discussion."  Which made me laugh because it was.  We talked politics, girl drama, family problems, and Bachelorette news, just to name a few.  All very important stuff.  We can switch topics quickly and get right to the heart of the matter.  I think I finally fell asleep around 2 am.  my cell phone was dead so I couldn't check the time.  Thankfully it was still dead when my alarm was supposed to go off at 5:30 am to exercise.  that was the start of all my problems today.

Last night/this morning, I told Karlin a little bit about my experience this last year after Roma joined our family.  I shared something personal about how Roma's birth changed the way I parent.  I told her in the past 365 days, I haven't yelled at my kids once.  Not once.  I rarely get frustrated with them and I have not lost my patience...not one time.  I see my children in a new light and our home is a different place.

But apparently a new year starts today.  I totally lost it with my kids this afternoon.  I guess there was just a magical spell and it only lasted a year.  I think it had to do with the fact that I am exhausted and the kids were exhausted and our house was a disaster after coming back from our trip and not being in our regular routine.  I honestly don't know WHAT it was, but I spent several hours this morning cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.  mopping, putting away party gear, vacuuming under couches, etc.  I was hoping to get the babies down for a nap at the same time so I could finally rest and what I got was zero naps from either of them.  Which turned a long afternoon into a nightmare.

Before we left for FL, I used the last bit of the ground beef we have stashed in the freezer.  So when we got back and I saw it was on sale, I bought a ton.  I loathe cooking meat... it's one of my least favorite things about my job.  It's been sitting in the fridge for days and I was secretly hoping Aaron would simmer it this weekend and freeze it for me (cause he is the one who eats it anyway... him and our 5 kids) but the weekend was too busy and still it sat.  I finally broke down and fried it up an hour before Aaron got home.  Perfect timing to cook a cow while trying to wrangle 5 kids before dinner.  Roma was screaming her head off in her high chair (really, her head almost fell off.)  Simon was writing on the walls and drinking the oil discard from the ground beef (yes, he did.) Zack was making a paper trail of scraps all over my newly vacuumed floors.  Luke was pounding on the keyboard and Ben was asking me questions about endangered animals and captivity.  I was totally done.  I yelled at everyone and then I started crying.

Aaron came home and took one look at me before he started laughing.  I threw a hot pad in his direction and missed.  And then I said in a very serious voice, "I am not sure how to tell you this, but I am going to run away from home and never come back."  He dished up the kids food at the table while I laid on the couch in the other room.  I heard him say, "Okay kids, on the count of three, let's scream: Thanks for dinner, Mom!"  They screamed it several times before he thought it was good enough.  and eventually I came into join them, but only because I was hungry.

During the meal, Simon had to go #2 and ran for the toilet.  Roma was now out of her highchair (her squeals were becoming too loud and annoying so Aaron held her and fed her from his plate.)  When Simon screamed from the bathroom that he was ready for a bum check, Aaron said, "I will go if you want to hold Roma."  I jumped up from the table and said, "Oh no.  I would rather wipe poop than hold that baby."  After the business in the bathroom was finished, Simon said, "Good job for going poop, Mom!"  I told him I didn't go, he did.  He smiled and said, "But you were a good gurl and went yesterday!"  That child is my favorite even though he's the worst.

After dinner things got wild and crazy again and I had to get away from the noise.  Before I came upstairs, I took one look at the house and said loud enough for all to hear, "Don't even worry about the messes you made tonight.  Just leave everything as it is, I will spend my entire day cleaning up after you tomorrow."

For the past 30 minutes, I've been lying on my bed breathing in and out very slowly.  And then I decided I wanted to blog.  For some reason, I like writing about my hard days.  I want my baby girl to read these entries when she's a young mom so she can know what a pill she was.  (She is a total drama queen.)  But then again, she's super cute too.  Aaron just stuck his head in the doorway.  He was holding Ro in her new cute pink monkey jammies.  He had her wave and say goodnight to me and she flashed the sweetest goober smile and I waved back.  But I still didn't want to hold her.  Maybe tomorrow I will love them all again.....