Atlanta dating disaster -- summer of '99

This portion of our "love story" is NOT mentioned in the original post because it's a novel in and of itself.  It's long and frustrating, but is an important part of our history so I am including it now. warning-- I am writing this late at night.  sorry in advance for typos and mistakes.

My husband and I had a great start and could have been inseparable from the minute we met.  I liked him from day one and knew he was the kind of guy I wanted to introduce to my parents.  I told him that I liked him, flirted with him and wanted him to take me out on a second date.  He not believe me when I said I liked him (he truly thought I said that to everyone), he interpreted my flirtiness as friendliness, and he did not ask me on a second date.  Instead  he asked my friend and next door neighbor on a date, to a concert I had been dying to see and could not get tickets to.  He kissed this girl a few days later and it crushed me.  When their whirlwind of a relationship was over, I pretended like I was okay with being his friend and even convinced myself that he wasn't my type.  But truthfully, I realized then that we had major communication issues.  He is not a verbal communicator, and I am an extremely intense verbal communicator.  We are like magnets that repel each other when it comes to talking about important issues.  This is a major conflict in our marriage and it was apparent almost immediately after we met.  

In a communications class, a few months after Aaron asked out my friend instead of me, I was assigned to write a paper on a relationship with conflict.  Most of my friends were writing about a female/frienemy.  I had no communication issues with other women, instead, I had this awkward relationship with this awesome guy.  I liked him and I thought he liked me back, but we could never be on the same page at the same time.  Writing the paper was frustrating because we had a fun relationship-- we could talk but only about things that didn't matter.. random topics, funny stories, television shows, etc.  But whenever I tried to talk serious, it would backfire on me.  By the end of our our first year when we said goodbye (for good, or so I thought) we both wrote meaningful letters that admitted we loved each other, but neither of us has never said those words (or even gotten close to them) when speaking face to face.  Kinda sweet... but so frustrating!

That summer, I went to live with my sisters in Atlanta with their young families.  I didn't ever expect to hear from Aaron again, but he got my number from my mom (remember, she loves him) and called me my first week out there.  We talked on the phone all summer but never (not once) about anything important or meaningful.  I often wanted to bring up the fact that he never asked me out on a second date.  I wanted to ask him why he kept calling me and tell him how hurt I was when he dated my friend.  I tried, but it never happened.  At the end of the summer, he told me he had purchased a plane ticket to Atlanta to attend the wedding of our mutual friends.  I was thrilled!  He would be spending 5 days with me and my sisters and then we would go to the wedding together on the last day before he flew out.  I took off work, cleared everything from my scheduled and planned 5 days of non-stop fun.

The day before he came, he called me to confirm.  He told me that the groom would be picking him up from the airport and then he would call me after that.  I was a little disappointed because I wanted to spend the entire time with him, but then I wondered if I was assuming too much (I had done that before with him and it wasn't good.)  So I downplayed it on the phone and said, "Okay, whatever.  That sounds fine.  Just call me when you can."  The next day he flew in, hung out with his friends and then never called.... not the next day or the next or the next.  My schedule was completely EMPTY and I was literally just waiting for him to call me.  (this was before the day of cell phones when you could just text someone casually.. I had no number for him which was super annoying.)  I felt really stupid for assuming that he flew out to see me and hang out with me.

On day 4 he finally called.  He was totally upbeat on the phone and said he flew in and decided to help them with wedding prep and didn't have a chance to call me.  I tried to act okay about it too and wondered if I could still see him before he flew out.  He said that he had lunch free after the wedding and before the reception if I wanted to meet up.  I did.  I picked him up at the temple and we had lunch.  It was lighthearted and fun and we didn't talk about anything important..  but inside, I was DYING.  I was mad and hurt and so annoyed that I couldn't read him.  After lunch we drove to my sisters home and I introduced him to my nieces and nephews.  He was SO CUTE with the twin babies, I almost started crying.  Everything is great about this guy except for the fact that I can't talk to him!!!

At 2 PM, he casually tells me that the wedding reception ends at 3 PM.  I had no idea it was an afternoon reception and freaked out because it was TWO HOURS away from where we were.  We hopped in the car and started driving.  Before we got on the freeway, I was so frustrated, I just let loose and asked him a bazilion questions: Why didn't he tell me what time the reception started/ended?  Why didn't he want me to pick him up from the airport?  Why did he make we wait 4 long days before he called?  He answered them in stride and told me that I didn't sound excited enough on the phone.  I was always so bubbly and happy, but when he told me he was coming out to see me, I didn't act like I cared.  I explained that I was trying to downplay it because I was a little too excited.  He told me he'd landed and basically been a third wheel to this poor couple about to get married.. and that he'd done nothing for 4 days..  such a frustrating, but eye-opening conversation.  And that was only the first ten minutes of the drive.  The rest of the two hours we covered our history-- why he didn't ask me out (he was intimidated by my confidence).  I told him now devastated I was when he started dating my friend.. how I went home for the week because I couldn't stand seeing them together.  He explained that he broke up with her because he realized how much he liked me, but then I wouldn't give him the time of day (my confidence was covering up my insecurities..) After 18 months of knowing one another, this was our first real conversation.  Minutes before we arrived at the reception, he told me that wanted our relationship to be more than a friendship and that he could really see us together.  I loved hearing it and was so excited for the drive home!!!

At the reception (where the bride and groom had left before we arrived) we helped clean up the decorations.  Well, I cleaned up while Aaron played with the massive amount of kids running around.  He was in the middle of 20 little girls.. giving them piggy back rides, swinging them around in their pretty dresses, chasing and making them scream, etc.  I watched him from afar and knew he was the kind of father I wanted for my children.  I was going to tell him that on the drive home.  But before we got in the car, a friend of the groom (who I had never met before) asked Aaron if he could ride the 2 hours back with us, sleep at my sisters home and then catch a ride to the airport in the morning.  Aaron, being the awesome guy that he is, said yes.  I was so annoyed.

The 2 hour drive home was spent listening to our new "friend" talk about himself.  He blabbed the entire time.  I was literally going batty.  Aaron never said a word, not to me, not to the other guy. (*But when we stopped for gas and I got out to pay, he would not let me put in my credit card.  I was mad and insisted, and we got into an argument at the pump.  Ultimately Aaron won and I still think about that fight at the gas station with fondness.  He is such a gentleman and always takes charge.)  Now, back to the story... We arrived home at my sisters house at the same time the pizza delivery guy was dropping off their dinner (another frustration, we had their only car and totally ruined my sister's plans.  They needed to pick up their other car at the mechanic and grocery shop, but because our plans changed, so did theirs.  We left them home without a car and without any food in their fridge.  This added to my frustration...)  Anyway, this dude ate all my sisters pizza with his mouth open.  She kept looking at me wondering who he was and I could only roll my eyes.  She took me aside and told Aaron and I to go upstairs while she occupied him.  We gladly accepted.

I needed to change the sheets on my king size bed so Aaron and his friend could use it (instead of the twin bed in the other room where Aaron was planning to sleep.)  Aaron helped me but didn't say a word about the change of plans or the guy who was now ruining our night.  I tried to small-talk, but it didn't work.  Neither of us knew how to get back to the romantic can of worms we opened up in the car on the drive to the reception.  After some time, my sister and this annoying guy came to join us.  My sister was laughing and told me she couldn't keep him downstairs any longer.  The four of us had an interesting conversation.  My sister was telling them how I had made a lot of friends (as a waitress) and how the missionaries loved me because I was getting a lot of referrals from people I had met.  Missionary work was exciting to me and it was the focus of my summer.  Aaron asked if I planned on going on a full-time mission and I said absolutely. Then, this guy, who had met me only a few hours earlier, told me that I was not the kind of girl that served a mission and he could never see me out in the mission field.  I was so offended and beyond annoyed.  Aaron, instead of contradicting his friend, agreed.  Aaron says now that he stated he didn't want me to serve a mission, but that was not how I interpreted it.  I told them that it had been a long day and I was going to sleep in the other room.  The night was over.

After everyone was in bed, I snuck downstairs and called my mom.  She was so anxious to hear how the day had gone.  I told her it was a disaster, but that I was looking forward to dropping off his friend at the airport in the morning and then talking to Aaron for a few hours before his plane left.  I was so grateful there were a couple of hours in between their flights!  I wanted to clean the air and (at least) finish our conversation.  My mom was disappointed that the day/week hadn't gone well, but she was sure things would turn out okay before he flew home.

The next morning, I woke up early, took my brother-in-law to the mechanic to get his car, came home and showered and got ready, drove my sister and her kids to church, and came back before Aaron and his buddy had even gotten out of bed.  They grabbed a banana as we loaded their luggage in the car and we were off to the airport.  Conversation to the airport was almost nonexistent.  I was not mad, but I also didn't want to talk their ears off.  Aaron barely said two words. (now I know he doesn't talk before 10 AM.)  I pulled up to the passenger drop off lane, intending to ditch this guy and drive somewhere else with Aaron-- we had 3 hours to spare and I wanted to go to a park or get something to eat or whatever... even just stay in the car and talk.  But as I got out of the car to help open the trunk for the luggage, Aaron grabbed his bag and gave me a side hug and said, "Thanks. and maybe we'll see you later."  I stood there completely stunned, probably with my jaw dropped.  I said goodbye shortly and drove away..  I blasted the music and said out loud, "I will never see him again."  If we couldn't make it work on vacation, we couldn't make it work anywhere.  He was a good friend and it had to stay that way.  (Aaron's side of the story is that I pulled up in the passenger drop off lane without telling him that I wanted to talk to him.  and he didn't want to say anything because I already seemed annoyed from the night before.  and knowing him now and how he deals with conflict, this totally makes sense.  He will not push issues unless it's the right time to talk about it.  when is the right time?  never.)

A week later, he emailed and apologized for whatever happened, although neither of us could really explain what it was.  I was not going to ruin the friendship with my favorite guy over this, but this trip was the very reason I wouldn't give him the time of day a few months later (see porch scene in "our love story")  Looking back, it's very frustrating from both sides.  Aaron didn't know how to read me and so he avoided talking to me.  I hate when people avoid talking so I get more annoyed!  I want to punch it out and get everything on the table.  If someone can't handle talking, they can't handle me.  We could not be more different.... and 12 years later, we still have arguments (or lack of any conversation at all) because neither of us understand where the other person is coming from.  SO frustrating..  but we always find a way to work it out because what we have together is SO worth it.