gonna SPANK you in HALF!

Cannot go another day without writing about my adorable, stinker of a 3 year old.  Simon is unlike any other child I've ever had.  He started talking so much earlier than my other babies, and I tell you, I cannot get him to shut his trap.  And as much as I would love some peace and quiet around here, I also know these are the days I am gonna miss the most. Because it's late, I have to make this a bullet-point post.

• He was mad at Ben for something- or other- and yelled, "I'm gonna SPANK you in HALF!"  We laughed (of course) and so did he, even though he wasn't sure why it was so funny.
• One of his favorite sayings is, "you cheated me." it never has to do with any kind of game. He just assumes there are rules everyone should follow, rules he made up himself.
• While he was wrestling with the baby (they really were having fun) Roma bit him on the shoulder.  It was a hard bite (she's teething).  Simon was really hurt, but I am so glad it happened because he's usually on the other end of a bite.  He now tells everyone, "This is my baby.  She can bite."  
• He pulled Ro off her toy car today while I was trying to make dinner.  She screamed.  I took him over to the bottom stair (timeout) and before I could say anything, he started his long explanation:  "Mom, I was walking around the house and just walking and walking and then I saw this car.  And I didn't want to walk anymore.  I wanted to ride now.  And I tried to ask Roma if she would get off, but she just screamed at me."  I could NOT keep a straight face.  He was mad that I laughed and said, "Don't!  I like pink cars!"  Best explanation ever.
• We went to the dentist today and he was a total pro in the chair.  The dental assistants were literally gathered around him, smiling and listening to him talk about Halloween, Florida, our dog Sunny, how Iron Man can fly even without a cape... They asked him if he could stop talking so they could look in his mouth.  He opened up wide.  Totally going to use that tactic for naptime.  
• When he's really tired, he talks more.  I usually end up saying, "It's not time for words now, only time for breathing."  It gets him for a minute or so.  If I bribe him to be quiet, he will negotiate something better... 
• While he was going #2 in a public bathroom stall, I told a strange woman that I was waiting for my little toddler.  Big mistake.  He insisted he wasn't a little toddler, he was a big, huge Simon.  When I agreed, he made me tell the lady.  I told her and we laughed as he screamed from the stall, "Yeah!  I am a big, big, big, huge kid."  If I could bottle up that voice, I'd keep it forever.
• On the way to the airport to pick up my parents, Simon was mad he had on a pair of wet socks.  He yelled at me from the back seat, "I'm gonna get a new mom and she won't be a mean one!"  I told him I could pull over the car and find another mom for him.  That made him quiet for a minute, and then he screamed, "I'm gonna tell my GRANDMA on you!"  (Keep in mind, the last time he'd seen his Grandma, he was 18 months old.)
• While reading scriptures, Simon INSISTS on reading on his own.  He skips around the pages until he finds his "favorite" verse and then "reads" a bunch of nonsense.  It's the most random and hilarious sentences. His legs are usually crossed and he has such a serious face when he reads.  This dark video doesn't do justice..  but you get the idea.

Here are a few Simon related facebook status' from the last week or so...

• Simon is having one of THOSE days. After several sessions of timeout, I sat down next to him and said, "When Ben was three, he so nice and helpful. When Luke was three, he sat on my lap and hugged me. When Zack was three he was always happy and sweet. But now that Simon is three, he yells and hits and is mean to everyone." Simon sat quiet for a second and then raised his eyebrows and said, "when Iron Man was three, he didn't like his mom. And when he got really, really mad, he turned into Hulk!"

• Ben, being the awesome brother he is, picked out a few of our fave toddler books and laid next to Simon to read. Somewhere in the middle of the second story, Simon sat up, slapped Ben in the face and said, "I don't want to smell your breath anymore!" Ben, being the awesome brother that he is just laughed it off.

• At the park today, a sweet little girl tried to carry Roma (but obviously didn't realize the baby outweighed her.) Simon saw what was happening from afar and ran over to rescue his little sis. I laughed as he said, "This is MY baby. You can't pick her up or move her or kick her or punch her or hit her or bite her. But you can pet her if you want."

• Kneeling for family prayer at 9 PM, random gratitude conversation.....
  Ben: I'm SO glad it's bedtime!
  Dad: I'm SO glad we have a warm house to live in.
  Zack: I'm SO glad we have a patio in the back yard!
  Roma: mama mamama
  Mom: I'm SO glad I have a baby girl!
  Luke: I'm SO glad we're going to Utah for Halloween.
  Simon: I'm SO glad I'm happy!