awake all night with my BFF

last night after I finished writing my blog post, I turned off the movie (where Bella's red eyes beamed on the screen... I hadn't seen much of the movie, but what I saw made me realize Twilight never has and never will be something I'm interested in reading or watching.  and why was she wearing so much makeup when she became a vampire?  Don't you believe the most beautiful people (the perfect kind) are those without makeup?  Or at least enough makeup to make it look like she doesn't have any on?  Beauty is natural and clean and not about caked-on eye-shadow   This is my belief.)  anyway...

I started reading.  First the scriptures and then Jane Eyre.  I was enjoying my freedom of having my own bedroom!  If Aaron didn't share a room with me, I would stay up reading way later every.night.. so maybe it's a good thing I'm married. :)  He makes me turn off the light at a decent hour.

I turned off the lights around midnight, but didn't fall asleep.  I pondered the thoughts in my head and the events of my day and wished I had gotten the names and numbers of the women who came into my house and shared a piece of themselves with me.  But then I realized I probably wouldn't ever have the time to call them or meet them for lunch so it's for the best.

I was still awake at 1:30 ish when Simon burst through my bedroom door.  He was crying.  I figured he'd had a nightmare downstairs sleeping with his brothers and gladly welcomed him into my bed.  A few minutes later, there was pandemonium.  Zack was upstairs screaming that someone had broken into our house.  I was scared and I heard noise.  I put on a robe and really regretted my thoughts about how nice is it to have my own bedroom!  I needed my husband!!!

It didn't take long for me to realize that a lot of the chaos downstairs was being caused by our dog, Sunny.  Having her in our home is such a comfort, especially in a situation like this.  I knew that if a stranger was in the house, she would be barking up a storm.  And she wasn't.  She was just running around, avoiding Luke who was telling her to go back outside.  She ran upstairs before I came down and was happy as a lark and that calmed me completely.  No person is in the house.  It's just Sunny.

I took her downstairs and talked to Luke who was a bit delirious.  He thinks one of the boys was sleepwalking and let Sunny in.  She sleeps outside every night, but I am sure when someone invited her in, she was ready to play.  The boys were sleeping on a mattress in the living room and she jumped on top of them and begged for some attention.  They all woke up and chased her back outside... but not before waking me up too.  Luke went back to sleep on the mattress and Zack and Simon were now upstairs snuggling up together.  I turned off all of the lights again, and headed back to bed.

But all of the noise had woken up Roma too.  She was screaming in her crib.  I went into her bedroom and rocked her for about an hour.  She was dead weight and her hair was soft and she smelled delicious.  I rocked her and rocked her and thought of Richard G Scott who spoke of a memory of being awake in the middle of the night with his son who died a few weeks after his experience.  And how precious those memories are to him.  I held her tight and didn't want to put her down.  I thought of how her presence in my life has changed me.  How I see people (and animals and everything really) in a new light.  I know that even if she was taken from me, I would continue to have that light and understanding in my life.  She reminds me daily that my life is more meaningful and more whole.  I squeezed her and tickled her and she squeezed back.  Both of her little arms were wrapped around my shoulder and she was hugging me back.  And then she started tickling me too.  She wasn't asleep.  But she was enjoying the moment and didn't want to move either.  Eventually she lifted her head to see me.  And then she giggled.  And then said "Sunny"  and I told her yes, Sunny broke into our house and woke us up!  and she giggled again and pointed to her kitchen and said, "Dat"  I explained that it was time for bed, not play and put her back in her crib and shut the door.  She screamed and screamed and screamed.

I went back to bed wondering if I should get her.. but I knew what kind of mood she was in and I was not about to cook with her at 3:00 am.  So I turned on my computer and found the most beautiful blog written about abuse and heartache and boundaries.  I emailed the author and I want to become bffs with her... there is power in the written word and she has been blessed with a gift. I related to something she wrote about making her blog a place emotion and reflection... where her facebook page is where she puts all of the funny things she hears/feels throughout the day.  That is SO me!  I am still both people but this blog has become a place for me to write the serious and more emotional thoughts I have.  I want to read more from her today... but I have the messiest house to clean!  If I took pictures of each of the rooms, you would think a burglar did come inside and dump out every drawer looking for treasure!

After reading for about an hour, I still heard Roma crying so I went to get her and bring her back to bed with me.  She was so happy to see me!  She laid down next to me on my pillow and squealed with delight.  I tried to quiet her but she wasn't having it.  She would touch my nose with her nose and if I made the slightest noise (taking a breath) she would giggle so hard.  so then I started breathing louder to make her laugh louder.  This went on for some time.  I tried to get her to turn around and sleep facing the other direction, and she would for about 30 seconds.  Then she'd pop her head up and scream, "HI!" and giggle more.  I decided to embrace situation and giggle with her because it was funny.  And we were having our first real girl sleepover, complete with nonstop giggling session and nonsense.  If only she had a bra I could freeze....

Around 5 am, I decided to put her back in her crib.  But then I saw her rocking chair and wanted another hugging session.  She laid on me and I rocked her.  I thought about my dearest friend and example, Bev Olson who had to bury all three of her babies in her lifetime before they were able to bring her Grandchildren.  what an example of strength she is to me.  I also thought about my dear friend Suzanne who is in the hospital with her 12 year old baby girl fighting cancer.  How she much have countless nights holding her daughter in bed in their tiny hospital room.  I rocked and squeezed Roma until the sun came up.  Eventually I put her sleepy body in her crib and crawled into mine just as my curtains lit up my bedroom.

I didn't get a wink of sleep.  But I had the most amazing night.  Sometimes we need those quiet moments of reflecting and pondering and snuggling.  I am not sure where Roma's life will take her, but I have those rocking sessions planted deep in my heart.  If I struggle with her in the future, I will think back to the time we stayed up all night, touching noses, giggling and hanging out as Best Friends Forever.