good, better, best. and moving to zion

it was probably about 18 months ago when Aaron and I had a serious talk about our future over an oreo shake at Cheeburger.  It started out light-hearted with questions about where we saw ourselves in ten/twenty/fifty years and we ended up talking about when we were going to pack up our house and move away.  Somewhere in the middle of the convo, we pulled out five napkins and wrote separate pros and cons lists about where we would live.  At the top of each napkin was a state-- Arizona, Florida, Georgia, Nevada and Utah.  We weighted each option with how far away they were from family and how far away they were from the beach.  But ultimately talked about what would be best for our kids.  I was really pulling for Georgia and Aaron wouldn't really consider anywhere else but Utah.  So we decided that until we could agree, we would stay in Vegas.  But we also agreed that if we stayed, we'd still pack up and move to a different part in the city.

Since then, we've vigorously prayed, talked about and narrowed down our options.  Utah's pros list gradually became longer and longer, the top reason remaining front and center for our kids = COUSINS.  It's cons list was pretty short: cold winters, lots of mormons (which was also on the pro list) and 10 hours from the ocean.  It's been about 6 months since we made the final decision to move, but it's taken me quite a while to get on board.

Aaron opened up his own little practice here after he lost his job in March.  He was doing well, spending lots of time with the family and still being able to keep a roof over our heads.  I was really hoping that he would love it so much that he couldn't find a reason to move.  But the more time he put into it, the more he realized that it wasn't worth it long term.  If we weren't going to stay here forever, then he wasn't going to build a business here.  And I can see where he's coming from, but I really feel like we have a good thing going here.  Vegas has been home for me since day uno.

I made a list (in my head) of things I would not do if moving to Utah.  I wouldn't leave an empty house, we either needed it rented or sold, but occupied by someone.  I wouldn't live with family.  And I wouldn't go before Aaron had good job.  And not just any job, one that would still allow for the kind of family time we've gotten used to over the past year... those were my conditions and I didn't feel like they were too extreme.

Well, I should have known better than to make a list of things I won't do.  Because the universe definitely has a way of making sure we are put in our place.  We are packing up this weekend and will be leaving an empty house.  We've yet to put it on the market.  It's not because we're lazy or irresponsible, but for some reason it never felt like the right time..  it will happen soon, but I am so sad to leave our cute house without knowing who will live in it next or how long it will stay empty.  We will be moving in with my parents until our house sells or we have a better idea of where we want to settle.

I am excited and apprehensive about living with my parents.  They are wonderful in every way, but I have six kids.. and my parents have been empty nesters for quite some time.  I feel extremely grateful to them, for so many reasons, but really hope we don't get on their nerves!  My kids are good kids, but they are still kids and I don't want to turn into a mean mom, worried if they are bothering anyone else.  But, I am excited to watch them bond with my parents and I look forward to showing them around my neck of the woods.  My parents moved into their home when I was Simon's age, so that will be fun to have them really experience a part of my childhood.  My boys are never going to forget the time they lived with their grandparents.  My girls will probably be too young, but they will be a special treat for Grandpa especially.  (he's a sucker for babies and Roma has him wrapped around her finger.)

The thought of living close to my siblings and being there for my nieces and nephews recitals is beyond exciting.  Yes, I will be sad to leave my network of friends here, but I have such an amazing support system in Utah as well.  So many of my high school and college friends live close by and I am really looking forward to reconnecting.  Each time we visit family, our time is so limited and always rushed so this will be a different experience.

As far as Aaron's job, he's still working out the details, but he's planning on opening up shop for himself.  I love this idea and know that he will be successful in anything he does.  He is a hard-working, thorough, honest attorney and I know he will be inspired in his career.  I also love the flexibility he will have as he makes his own schedule.  We're going to be poor for the next decade or two, but I am totally cool with that.  Money isn't everything.  Family is.

The kids are thrilled.  Aaron wants to go asap.  And I've been torn.  I am sad that I can't be in both places at once (totally typical of me).  I definitely feel happy about our decision, but from all logical perspectives, it seems a little crazy.  The other day, while driving just the two of us, I told Aaron that I just felt hesitant and wanted to wait until we had a solid plan & a bigger bank account.  I think I stressed Aaron out (I usually do when I speak) and he gave me a huge pep-talk. I needed it.  He talked about making decisions with the future in mind.  Yes, it's going to be hard for a while, but 5-10 years down the road, we will be so glad we did it.  If we stayed here in Vegas we'd regret it in 5-10 years.  And that is true.  As fun as it is to be here in the sun and the warmth, we are kind of wasting our time... it seems a little like a vacation and not where we need to be.  But dang.  the vacation really has been a lot of fun.  Aaron also talked about what we need to do in order to live up to our full potential.. going through hard things as well as stepping up to the plate and making sure we do what we feel like we need to.  We talked about each of our patriarchal blessings (specifically Aaron's) and how we need to be in the right place.

A few days later was General Conference and every talk was so inspiring.  But the last session really brought it home for me.  Elder Scott is usually one of my favorites and I loved his list of things we need to do to develop stronger faith and receive more direction.. prayer, scripture study, FHE and temple attendance.  (Not to brag, but we've been killing it in these areas the past few months, I am really looking forward to being closer to a temple cause leaving a newborn for 5 hours is rough.)

After Elder Scott finished, an unfamiliar face from the Seventy stood to speak.  Part of me felt like tuning him out and taking a bathroom break because he spoke in Portuguese and the voice-overs were kind of weird (I would rather have read subtitles.. not because the translator didn't do a great job, but it's hard for me to connect when it isn't their voice or emotion..)  Anyway, Elder Godoy had me hooked in the first few sentences.  "all of us experience moments of great decision in our lives... a small change in direction can have significant future consequences."  Then he proceeds to explain principles we need to follow to make sure we make the right decisions... the VERY things Aaron has been telling me for the past year, and again just a few days prior.  He looked over at me during the talk and winked.  And I knew that we were doing the right thing.  I am sure that talk applied to so many people in their individual circumstances but I really needed it.  I've listened to and read it a dozen times since.

Elder Godoy talks about choosing between good, better. and best (quoting an earlier talk,)  I love the words by Elder Oaks and have thought about it many times over the years, especially about small decisions with parenting, homeschooling, and especially when it comes to physical items like what to keep in our home, etc. But after thinking about our pros and cons list we made more than a year ago and then hearing these talks, I just couldn't deny that we are doing the right thing.  Is it going to be an adjustment?  No doubt.  But it will be worth it.

One other conversation that has had a huge impact on my thought process these past few weeks came from my mom.  I was probably venting to her about one thing or another and said something like, "I just don't want this move to be harder than it has to be."  She stopped me and said, "You've got to stop telling yourself that it will be hard.  It doesn't have to be.  It will be an adventure!  You are all going to have a lot of fun.  It doesn't have to be hard unless you make it so."  At first I just figured she was being Pollyanna, like she always is, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was true.  It really doesn't have to be hard at all.  Has packing up been exhausting?  Totally.  But it's also been a lot of fun.  The kids have really enjoyed helping, we've spent so much time together and it's really been a sweet experience.  Saying goodbye to my friends and ward is emotional, but it also is such a blessing that we have close friends to miss.  It feels so good to move away from a city and home that we love.  We will always look back on our time here with fondness.  And we have a lot to look forward to in the future, so that's what we're doing, looking forward.  onward, ever onward!