moving to Utah.. (ode to Torino)

I've been writing my parents biographies the past couple of weeks (asking them questions and documenting their answers... nothing fancy.) And in thinking about their big decisions in life, I know the past couple of weeks have been monumental for ours and this little family of mine.  Only, I am still in a place where none of it makes sense so it's probably not best to write about it.  Although I think if I was in a place where I had all the answers of why we moved and why we did it so quickly, it wouldn't be as raw or accurate.  It feels really great to make decisions when everything falls into place perfectly... but sometimes that doesn't happen.  And I want to document that we made some crazy decisions without knowing if it will work out.

Written down, it sounds insane.  And the truth is, it is.  Right now, Aaron and I are sleeping in my childhood bedroom.  Thankfully we are sleeping on our nice king mattress, but the box springs are on the floor.  It's one of the few pieces of furniture we brought with us.  We literally sold everything in our home besides our mattress and my kitchen table & chairs and two old dressers.  We have food storage, camping gear, and a few other boxes in a storage unit.. but everything else is gone.  We are starting over.

Last summer (July) when we came up for Aaron to take the bar, my brother, who lives in Michigan with his family, made a plan to move back to Utah in the next two years.  It sounded pretty reasonable to me and I thought we could probably make it happen.  I had absolutely no idea we would be here in less than three months.  I am shocked that it happened.  I am still in shock, even after being here for a couple of weeks.

For the past few years, Aaron and I have been praying about where and when to move.  Our prayers got a little more specific when Aaron broke his ankle and a few months later he lost his job.  We have been saving for a new home for a while and knew that we wanted to move... I thought we would move a little north in Vegas and finally get a home with a pool.  Once Aaron's new office opened up and money started coming in, I was almost sure of it.  If I could have made my own decision about my life, that's exactly where we'd be right now.

But after months and months of no answers, all of the sudden, really in a matter of a week, we both received answers that we were supposed to leave Vegas, and we needed to leave soon.  Aaron still didn't know whether or not he'd passed the Utah bar and neither of us cared.  We knew we would come either way.  I felt on several occasions that anything that we brought with us would be a burden, not an asset.  So even after selling basically everything we owned, I still feel like we brought too much.  Am I sad about our old things?  Not at all.  The guidance to get rid of it was so clear that it keeps me from being too sentimental about it.

Almost everything I listed sold within hours.  Aaron came home from work one day and said he felt like he should sell his car.  He took a few pictures and it was gone that night.  We are down to one car again and that hasn't happened since Luke was a baby..  The other day, I was planning on spending the day at the library with the kids to get a new homeschooling schedule going, and I was hoping Aaron could spend the day working there too.  I told him he could do whatever he needed on the internet and then make important calls in his car..  to which he replied, "that will be really professional with you and the kids riding along with me."  And then we both just started laughing.  For as pathetic as we feel, it's actually even worse than we realize.

In Vegas, the weather is warm.  Our house is empty and Aaron was making a great living, just a few miles from our home.  His schedule was flexible, he could meet us for lunch, we had a great support system of friends and neighbors and we had a house full of furniture (and our own bedrooms.)  We left that all behind... for what?  We don't know exactly.  An opportunity to live close to family, have our children see their cousins as often as possible and to raise them in a place where temples and churches are almost on every corner.

Our living situation right now is a little crazy... Aaron and I are in one bedroom with everyone's clothes-- outfits and shoes and underwear and towels and jackets and socks for 8 people.  we have three dressers and a closet and a bed.  And it feels cozy.  The kids cuddle up to us each night as we read and pray together and then we send them down the hall to their bedroom.  Our 5 oldest children sleep in the tiniest bedroom in the house.  It has twin bunk beds where Ben and Luke sleep.  And then Zack, Simon and Roma sleep together on a mattress on the floor.  They have no toys or books of their own, but did bring a few games, and those have been played often.  Eden has her own bedroom.  She sleeps wonderfully in a playpen.  She is the easiest baby on the planet.

While the weather as been warm, we've tried to spend as much time outside as possible.  We wake up early and run on the skywalk.  The kids ride their bikes all over the neighborhood and we've visited the tennis courts and playground down the street from my parents home almost on a daily basis.  We've really enjoyed the breezy fall temps.  But I can definitely feel a chill in the air and I'm afraid for what's coming.

A lady in church today told me, "This is the wrong time of year to move up here.  Don't you know the weather is perfect in Vegas for the next 6 months?"  yes, I know. and if I could have planned it better, I would wait out the winter and move in May.  But I can't explain the sense of urgency we felt.  We prolonged the move just 2 days because our moving truck wasn't available and the sense of urgency kicked in again.  If it had only been me feeling this way, I would have thought I was crazy, but Aaron was the same.  We both felt it and couldn't get up here soon enough.  And both of us both feel such a sense of peace and comfort now that we're here, even though we are not in the most ideal of living conditions.

My parents are amazing.  I have loved being here the past two weeks.  They are generous and relaxed and they are so great with my kids.  A few times, my dad has told Simon to stop talking so loud, but that's not anything new.  Sunny is in backyard heaven and helps herself to my parents vegetable garden, which I feel so bad about.. but overall, she's been a very good dog.  We've all loved it here so far.

My kids are all very happy.  Every one of them.  We've seen the biggest change in Ben since the move.  He's always been a pleasant kid to be around, but now he's almost hyper.  He's talking constantly and always cuddling up to Aaron and me and has been over the top helpful (and I thought he was before.)  He keeps saying, "Utah was made for me." and that makes me so happy.  I felt really bad for him this past week because we didn't know his YM activity was dressing up in your halloween costume and we didn't have anything for him. (we got rid of all our holiday decor and costumes.)  My mom pulled out a few things and he just shrugged his shoulders and didn't want to go.  We went out as a family instead and bought him a new coat and some pants that fit and he seemed perfectly happy.  But that was really the only night I have felt discouraged, wondering what kind of mess we've gotten ourselves into.

Yesterday we had a family/cousin Halloween party.  We pieced together family costumes (totally Ben's idea, pictures later.) and the kids had a blast running around with their cousins in the green grass while the adults all sat around eating good food and laughing together.  I just kept wondering if this was real.  Do we really live here?  It feels good to be home.

Our support group is amazing here.  I've seen a handful of good friends that live close by, stayed up late visiting my bff Fran who has been extremely sick the past few months and it feels good knowing I don't have to squish everyone in in such a short time period.  We had dinner with Phyleen and family last weekend and it was so much fun.  Aaron and Jonas played tennis the next morning and we didn't have to leave it as, "see you in a couple of years" which is usually how I end dinner with friends.  We just live right around the corner from each other and it feels right.  Aaron and I keep asking why we haven't done it sooner and the only reason I can answer that question is because we didn't feel like it was right.  Now it does.

How are we on money?  We aren't exactly tight but we can't exactly spend either.  Our house hasn't sold and we aren't sure how long it will take to get a real paycheck, probably a while.  We could rent or buy a home after our home sells, but we are just kind of waiting to know what to do next.  We got here and we will take the next step when we feel like it's time. I would love to be in our own place by Christmas, but I also don't want to get my hopes up.  We really are taking it day by day.

I guess I'll add some pictures, for my kids... because each of these things have countless memories.. and I want to pay tribute to it because it meant something to us.  But it was not everything.  In fact, it matters very little and we know this because we feel the same after leaving it behind.  Nothing really matters but our family and our crazy dog.  When we are together, we are happy.

 

And to our empty house.  You were a great first home.

When we moved in, we had three young boys...

and while living within these walls, we welcomed 3 more.

You will always have a special place in our hearts.  

We love you, but we don't want to move back.