saturday night randomness...

As I am waiting for Zack's birthday video to upload, I thought I would post. what the heck. We had a good day. We spent a few hours with the annoying enormous Rat that most kids like to visit on their birthdays. or is he a mouse? Thankfully, we did not eat at Up Chuck's. But we did earn 500 tickets that "bought" each of my kids a swirly drinking straw. It doesn't get more exciting than that, folks.

When I was growing up, part of our birthday celebration was being able to pick out our favorite cereal to eat for breakfast (it lasted only that one day with 10 kids in the family) and my mom would make our favorite dinner. I am trying to carry on the tradition with my kids. We had delicious Frootloops for breakfast and Zack requested "turkey" for dinner. Huh? What's wrong with pizza or hot dogs, kid? I wasn't in the mood to make Thanksgiving all over again, but we did have turkey sandwiches and Cheetos (Zack's main staple in life.) All in all, it was a good day.

I have still been spending many hours on my book and it's really coming along. I am excited to print it. I have been scared about sharing HOW I am doing it because I'm not exactly sure if I can explain it. But I will give it a try.. Blurb is no longer uploading blogs from blogger... even with the older software. They've also kicked off wordpress and a few other companies. I have decided to still work with them because the quality is good and the printing price is great. I have NOT been uploading each blog entry and picture separately.. no one in their right mind should do that. Instead, I figured out how to export my blog, and then import it in a file that Blurb can recognize. If that sounds confusing, it should be... because it's all done in code. Basically, after my month training in the Blurb files last year when my book got corrupted, I learned how to read the language. And apparently, after tweaking a few codes from my blogger HTML file, I was able to import the entire blog into a book. Now I am editing it and it's looking great. If you're wondering if I can upload YOUR blog into a book, the answer is yes. It's not a hard process, but that's only because I am basically a genius.. kidding, we all have our special talents.. mine happens to be reading computer code. In order for me to upload your blog into a book you can edit yourself, I would need access to your export files. It would only take me a couple of hours to create the file and email it back to you. However, I don't think I will do it for free... because I am a mom and my hours are precious to me. Just know that the option will be available soon. I may try to write a program so that you can download it on your own computers and export the file yourself, but I don't know exactly where I am going to go with my new found computer skillz. I believe the code will work for most printing companies, but Blurb is my pick because of the price. I don't know of another company that will print a 400 page hardbound book for $65.. so Blurb is getting my business. Bloggled.com is supposedly coming out with new software soon... we're all sitting on the edge of our seats to find out how user friendly it is...

Other items of business-- I lost my camera. Have you noticed none of my posts have had pictures? I am really, really bummed about it. The last time I had it was on New Years Eve.. and I know exactly where it was in my house. I am honestly thinking that one of my babysitters took it. Is that a bad thought or what? Do I confront them personally or do I ask their mom? Honestly, I don't know what to do. Until then, the only pictures you get are scanned in pencil drawings from pizza joints.

Or maybe just a cute older video of Zack. This was him a few months ago giving his version of the Star Wars theme. He used to sing it non-stop around the house... when coloring or going potty, etc. I originally recorded it on my cell phone (many of you have heard it because it's my ringtone.) Anyway, I got him to do it for the camera a few months ago and I love it, especially because he won't sing it anymore...

Update: I found my camera. Yeah! I asked my babysitter and she was using it with the kids, and mistakenly put it in an odd place. I would never have found it on my own, so I am so glad I asked...

My baby isn't a baby anymore..

Dear Zack,

Tomorrow you turn 3. I hardly believe it's possible, but somehow it is. Your Transformer obsession has paid off and all of the sudden, you have transformed from a baby into a little boy. And not just any little boy, you are the most darling in the bunch.

Sometimes I might act like I don't like you very much, and every once in a while, I try to sell you on the Internet. But you and I both know that I am crazy about you. I couldn't stand a day without your sweet smile and silly personality...well, maybe a day, but definitely not a week! You've brought so much joy into our home. Honestly, you have been surprising us from the beginning.

I found out I was expecting you at 10 weeks.. and I was shocked. I wasn't planning on having a baby for a couple of years because Daddy was in law school and I didn't know if I could handle another baby, but you came anyway! When Daddy heard the news, he was so excited that he loaded us in the car and took us all out to dinner. I still cannot drive by a Ruby Tuesdays without thinking of how thrilled Daddy was to welcome a new child into our family. But I wasn't exactly thrilled.. I was sick!!! After dinner, we headed to the LDS visitor's center next to the St. George temple. It was at this visitors center, while watching a short family film, that you and I began our relationship.

As I sat there trying to wrap my thoughts around having another baby, you told me that it was your time to come. The feeling went from the top of my head down to my toes. I also felt that you were being sent as a special delivery package from two loving Grandparents whom I had never met. Daddy's grandparents (Duke and Lee Burnham) both passed away when Daddy was a boy, many years before I met him. While sitting in that film, stressing about how I was going to get through the pregnancy... I felt their love around me. Something told me that they knew you well and that they were sending you down to bless our lives. I can't think about it without getting tears in my eyes. We struggled coming up with a first name for our third boy, but Burnham was chosen for your middle name months before you were born.

These last three years have proved to be eventful, to say the least. You have been a little spitfire from day one. You've always been strong-willed. You know what you want and don't settle for anything less, but you definitely have a softer-side. You give fantastic hugs, slobbery kisses and you tell the best secrets. After Christmas shopping with Daddy you came home and announced all your secrets. You said, "I am never going to tell Mommy that I bought her a candle! Cause it's a surprise!" When we laughed, you smiled and said, "It's a red candle and it smells yummy! and it's a secret!" Often you whisper secrets in my ear like, "Should we make cookies?" or "The Force is strong with you." I always love when you will sit on my lap and talk to me because it's few and far between. I'll take whatever I can get.

It's amazing that you could make us laugh from such a tiny age. At six months old, you understood what it meant to be funny. If you saw that your brothers were giggling at something you did, even if it was something you did by accident, you would continue to do it over and over and over until everyone was worn out. You still exhaust us... and we feel so lucky to be part of your audience. This past year has been enlightening because your sense of humor has progressed from silly facial expressions to full-blown conversation and it's truly entertaining. You use phrases that are waaay too mature for your three year old body. But then again, you have always thought you were older than you actually are. Last week, while driving (meaning I was behind the wheel, not you) you looked out the window and shouted, "Hey! There's Toys R Us! Let's check it out!" And because it got a laugh, you've said the phrase "check it out" a hundred times since!

Your love for your brothers shows in everything you do. You have always felt a part of the crowd. The day you were born, Ben and Luke were so excited to touch every part of your body, and basically, they were poking your eyes out. It didn't bother you one bit... it was almost as if you were saying, "I knew what I was getting myself into." Over the years, you and your brothers have become quite the threesome. You have never wanted to do little toddler things. Your favorite movies are the ones Ben and Luke love. You can keep up with any conversation on Star Wars and it's amazing you recognize the characters the way you do! I will have to capture it on video before you move onto your next phase. The other day, you came up from behind me while I was folding laundry. You put your light saber to my throat and said in the deepest voice possible, "Join the DARK SIDE." When I told you I would never join, you responded, "Then you must be destroyed." And we both laughed.

You are everyone's buddy. You will pick someone for the day (or hour) and grab their hand while saying, "Do you want to be buddies? Then let's play something together." You enter the room expecting the spotlight and you usually get it. If you can't get my attention right away, you'll say, something like, "Hey, Babe!" cause you know it will get me to laugh. On occasion, by Dad's prompting, you will say, "Watcha doing, sexy?" Daddy is determined to raise perverts, obviously.

I am not going to deny the fact that you make messes like it's going out of style! We used to call you the baby tornado because wherever you were, it was a disaster zone. You are busy and very sneaky.. and that combination has made my blood boil. But there is enough reason to keep you around! You're creativity is really incredible. You have always been an artist. It's just too bad that most of that artwork has been on our walls and we've had to paint over them :( Lately, you are obsessed with drawing the perfect circle and we love to hear you say, "Look at this circle.. it's so cool!" We're not sure which word is "circle" and which is "so cool" cause they sound exactly the same. But honestly, your circles are so cool.. I am sure way beyond most three-year-old's capabilities! Who knew you were an overachiever?

I am grateful for the time that I have with you and for what you have taught me in your short life. Our family would feel such a void without your charisma and charm, Zacky. My wish for you is to love the life you live, have passion for the things you do, and develop into the man you were destined to become.. (either that or become a Jedi knight. It's a toss up..) I can't wait to see what you have to offer the world. You have already brought so much happiness to ours.

Happy Birthday, son. I'm so glad you're mine.

Mom

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Janet Almighty

I've mentioned before that I have vivid dreams. It's a rare occasion to wake up without remembering what I dreamed about the night before. Most of the time, they're bizarre and off the wall. I usually wake up wanting to talk to Aaron about them, but after 8 years of marriage, I know he is rather tired of hearing about my dreams... unless it involves the two of us with our clothes off. Don't worry, I write those on my other blog. But I had a FABULOUS dream last night. Wanna hear about it?

Aaron and I were in the doctor's office together, both feeling frustrated at our inability to have a baby. The doctor walks in the door and announces that there's no way that I will be able to carry a child... He explains that my body has downloaded a corrupted file and is no longer in service. We were devastated... until the Doc says that he's figured out a way to get the fertilized egg inside AARON! He had never performed a procedure like this on any other couple, but he had a feeling that it would work for us. We went home and talked about it and came to the conclusion that if this was the only way, we would be willing.. (don't know HOW I talked my husband into that one!)

Over the next few months I watched Aaron throw up, get fat, ride the hormonal rollercoaster and grow a cute pregnant tummy. It was AWESOME! I remember feeling so happy... not just because we were having a baby but because Aaron was FINALLY holding the short end of the stick. I loved every thing about his misery. Late into the pregnancy, we went on a date and I smiled as I watched Aaron struggle to get his seat belt around his enormous belly. And then when it was time to get out of the car, he just couldn't seem to manage to pull his fat butt out of the seat, no matter how much he grunted. I just stood outside his door, pointed my finger and laughed at him (something that actually happened just weeks before Ben was born, only Aaron was the one pointing the finger.)

When labor hit... oh BOY! It was good. It was better than the best Baby Story you've ever seen... and probably scarier than a horror film. He was such a woos! He cried and squeezed my hand and begged for ice chips. It really was a wonderfully rewarding dream. I woke up before the baby was born. I spent the rest of the day thinking about how unfair women have it. I mean, really.... Eve was SERIOUSLY cursed when she took a bite out of that apple. Don't you ever wish that for a minute, you could be God and switch things up a bit? I realize it's pretty sacrilegious to think such things, but find myself constantly saying, "If I was God, I would do ________ differently."

For instance: Why do teeth have to be such a bother? It's completely unfair that babies have to suffer so much when they're growing in. They cry, slobber, get fevers, have runny noses.... I just don't see why it has to be painful. It doesn't hurt when fingernails or hair grow. What is the deal with teeth? And why can't they be made of something that doesn't get cavities. I mean, there are such substances out there.. If I was God, I would give everyone beautiful sets of porcelain teeth.... or maybe diamonds! No more flossing, no more root canals. Geez. Don't we have enough to worry about? And I realize that by making this little change, many dentists would be out of jobs. But is that my problem? No.

And why do we have to have so much hair? Hair on the head is okay.. but why everywhere else? As humans we spend so much time SHAVING! It's just so annoying. Name one good reason we have armpit hair. Just one. And this is a curse for both sexes. I really feel for men who have to shave their face everyday. That would totally suck. But if you think shaving your face balances giving birth to a child, think again.

Lastly. Why is it mysterious WHEN a woman is ovulating? It shouldn't be so complicated. If I was God, I would make it very clear and simple. None of this "two weeks after your cycle" crap. Why can't you ovulate during your period? Women who don't want to get pregnant wouldn't have sex during that time... and women who want a baby would know EXACTLY when to do the deed. Simple. No more teenage pregnancies or unwanted babies. Why does God allow young, careless kids the opportunity to have a child when other mature loving couples can't conceive? I love the whole adoption process and commend those brave, selfless women who place their children with a loving couple who can raise their child. It's an incredible process. But then there's those moms who keep their kids and do a sucky job of raising them. Why can't they be the infertile ones?

I thought God was like a genius or something. Maybe I will shoot him an email with my ideas. Before I do, is there anything you want to add to the list? It's now or never people.

listerine

Did anyone else think that the famous "Glycerine" song by Bush was actually about mouthwash? Anyone? Oh. Um. Neither did I.


On Christmas Eve I had to run to Walmart to get a couple of last minute items. It was getting late and I was in a hurry. On the way into the store, a woman stopped me and asked for help. Someone had stolen her welfare check and she had no money to buy food for her kids. She had four children and supposedly they were starving for dinner. She looked pretty pathetic, so I gave her $10 and wished her a Merry Christmas.

I ran into the store and quickly got what I needed. While paying for my items, I noticed that she was at the check stand next to me. Of course, I made sure to peek atwhat she was purchasing with the money I gave her. Do you want to guess what she bought? Not a rotisserie chicken. Not a few boxes of macaroni and cheese. Nope. Instead she had two big bottles of Listerine. Either her kids had really bad breath or she was getting drunk on the stuff..

Have you ever heard of people drinking Listerine for it's alcohol content? If you do the research, it's 26.9% alcohol and although it sounds crazy, lots of people are using it. I am not going to give you a report here, but what I read is that it's easy and cheap for people to buy...as far as I know, the clerk doesn't ask for ID when you purchase mouthwash. If you want to read more, do a Google search on getting drunk off Listerine. You'll be surprised at what you find... For instance, I found the following question rather entertaining. It was posted on this message board two weeks ago---

• if i freeze listerine do you think the alcohol would get to the top and itd be safe to drink? im not gonna do it im just wondering if it works. and how sick would you get if you drink it?
  

Three years ago, while Aaron was interning for an attorney in St. George, UT, he attended a hearing of a man who was abusing mouthwash. He was a clean-cut young guy with an expecting wife. He kept using LDS jargon like "ecclesiastical leaders" etc.. and it was apparent that he was trying hard to quit. The judge was very lenient and told him that the only reason he wasn't putting him in jail was because he had a wife and soon-to-be child that needed him home. He was probably in trouble because of a DUI and had some serious penalties like a year probation and six months of breathing into a breathalyzer before he went to bed. I am really not trying to be disrespectful, because issues like this are not funny. But DUDE! He had to breath into a breathalyzer EVERY night to make sure he wasn't abusing his favorite brand of MOUTHWASH. I mean, how messed up does it get?

When I saw the woman with the Listerine, I almost said something to her like, "Give me my money back ugly lady." But then I was afraid that maybe she really did have a serious case of halitosis, so I decided to embrace the Christmas Spirit and let it slide. I walked out to my car hoping that she didn't have starving children at home who were going to be devastated with her purchase at the store. After I laughed it off with Aaron, I forgot about it... until this weekend. Oh yes, the story gets better, people.

This past Friday, our family was in a parking lot very close to the local Walmart. We were buckling the kids in the car when a minivan (much nicer than ours, btw) pulled up behind us and rolled down their windows. The woman in the driver's seat started talking to my husband while I was attending to the kids, but I could hear the conversation very clearly, "Hi. I am really sorry to bother you, but my welfare check was stolen this afternoon and I am in desperate need of a few dollars so I can feed my kids. I don't have any dinner for them and I was wondering if you could help me out."

Aaron said something polite to her like, "Let me see if my wife has any cash on her." He came over the car and I about flipped out. I marched over to her van, put my hands on my waist, tilted my head so she could see my oh-no-you-did-not! face and said, "There is NO way I am giving you money tonight. No chance." She looked puzzled... and then I said, "Do you remember me from a few weeks ago? You approached me on Christmas Eve at Walmart and I gave you $10 to buy dinner for your kids. Do you remember what you bought with that money?" She still didn't say a word... so I answered for her. "You bought two bottles of LISTERINE with the money I gave you." Then she started to speak up. She said over and over, "No, maam. That wasn't me. You have me confused with someone else." I responded, "No.. I remember you very clearly." And then she gave the punchline, "I don't even drink Listerine!"

Really? That's interesting because NO ONE DRINKS LISTERINE! I wasn't accusing her of DRINKING it, but apparently she felt like confessing.

On the drive home Aaron and I couldn't stop laughing. Seriously, what are the chances? Was she in need of a good scolding so God sent her in my direction? Or did I fail the charity test? Who knows. Aaron and I laughed because although I seem like a very nice person, if you cross me, I am not afraid to dish IT out. I bet she drove away thinking, "I need to stay away from that mean lady." I hope so anyway, because if I hear her sad story about her wallet getting stolen and her hungry kids, someone will have to hold me back! From now on, my rule of thumb is to stay away from beggars with extremely good breath.

ps. Next intervention is going to be a mouthwash addict. You just wait. Do they have interventions for people addicted to the show Intervention? I am a total addict. If I watch the first 20 seconds, I am hooked. I need to get rid of my cable so I don't watch anymore.. Oy.

the sun comes up and we start again....

I stayed up until 3 am last night/this morning working on my blog book. The house was asleep, I was curled up in a blanket and I was listening to my favorite music. As I finished editing the month of January (yeah, that's how much work I still have to do!) I couldn't believe how much my kids have grown in a year. Not just in the way they look, but in what they are saying and how they think. It's really amazing, life is. When I was placing pictures of myself or reading the things I wrote, I couldn't help but think that I have grown so much too... in every way possible. I started thinking about myself last year at this time, wondering what I would say to her. Something like, "As hard as you try, you're not going to accomplish all the things you want to" would probably be appropriate. I felt like I spent most of my time last year focusing on things that were out of reach. And then I found myself at the beginning of 2009 feeling really frustrated or incapable. And that's really not a good place to be.

So, here I am, in January of 2009 trying to figure out WHAT I want out of the coming year. I have really battled with New Years Resolutions. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have PLENTY to work on. It's just that I don't really feel like making a list of goals to follow... because I know those "rules" will make me feel like a failure come March (or sooner.) I just feel like resolutions make me focus so much on the future that I am not taking the time to appreciate the present. I don't know if that makes sense, but it does to me... at least it did at 3 am. While I was sitting there last night, I kept repeating a song over and over and over. And I decided it will be the theme for my coming year. And appropriately, it's from Mason Jennings' Boneclouds, the CD I referred to in my previous post... whoa.

So, the song is the first track entitled BE HERE NOW. I have heard this song probably 100 times without it really hitting home for me. I don't know what it was about last night.. maybe just immersing myself in pictures of my family (the love of my life, no doubt about it.) Anyway, if you want to listen to the song, it's now the first song on my playlist, and I would suggest you read the lyrics while you listen...

Be here now, no other place to be
Or just sit there dreaming of how life would be
If we were somewhere better
Somewhere far away from all all worries
Well, here we are

You are the love of my life

Be here now, no other place to be
All the doubts that linger, just set them free
And let good things happen
And let the future come into each moment
Like a rising sun

You are the love of my life
Yeah, you know you are

Sun comes up and we start again

It's all new today
All we have to say
Is be here now

Be here now, no other place to be
This whole world keeps changing, come change with me
Everything that's happened
All that's yet to come
Is here inside this moment
It's the only one

You are the love of my life
Yeah, you know you are

Sun comes up and we start again

It's all new today
All we have to say
Is be here now

Of course, this may be powerful for me in my life and may have no relation to what you are going through, but it's my theme song for 2009 for many reasons. Everything I have learned from the past and all that I look forward to in the future is wrapped up in the HERE AND NOW. In this moment. I won't get it back and if I am not present, it will pass me by. Many of you know that our family is going through a hard time (I will probably fill the rest of you in later) but I know that our struggles make us strong. They shape us and build our character. If you spend your time wondering WHY or HOW LONG then you won't be able to learn the lesson for the moment.. or enjoy your loved ones while they are around.

I have been so immensly blessed. I am surrounded by people I love. I have the freedom to be myself and I need to love everything about me.. the way I am. 2009 will be a year of acceptance. If I don't get my TO DO list checked off today, the sun will come up tomorrow and I will start again. I hope that in 2009 I can let GOOD things happen and be present for the little moments that will make up my future. Here's to the here and now. I am going to go and BE with the loves of my life... they really want to eat breakfast...