the sun comes up and we start again....

I stayed up until 3 am last night/this morning working on my blog book. The house was asleep, I was curled up in a blanket and I was listening to my favorite music. As I finished editing the month of January (yeah, that's how much work I still have to do!) I couldn't believe how much my kids have grown in a year. Not just in the way they look, but in what they are saying and how they think. It's really amazing, life is. When I was placing pictures of myself or reading the things I wrote, I couldn't help but think that I have grown so much too... in every way possible. I started thinking about myself last year at this time, wondering what I would say to her. Something like, "As hard as you try, you're not going to accomplish all the things you want to" would probably be appropriate. I felt like I spent most of my time last year focusing on things that were out of reach. And then I found myself at the beginning of 2009 feeling really frustrated or incapable. And that's really not a good place to be.

So, here I am, in January of 2009 trying to figure out WHAT I want out of the coming year. I have really battled with New Years Resolutions. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have PLENTY to work on. It's just that I don't really feel like making a list of goals to follow... because I know those "rules" will make me feel like a failure come March (or sooner.) I just feel like resolutions make me focus so much on the future that I am not taking the time to appreciate the present. I don't know if that makes sense, but it does to me... at least it did at 3 am. While I was sitting there last night, I kept repeating a song over and over and over. And I decided it will be the theme for my coming year. And appropriately, it's from Mason Jennings' Boneclouds, the CD I referred to in my previous post... whoa.

So, the song is the first track entitled BE HERE NOW. I have heard this song probably 100 times without it really hitting home for me. I don't know what it was about last night.. maybe just immersing myself in pictures of my family (the love of my life, no doubt about it.) Anyway, if you want to listen to the song, it's now the first song on my playlist, and I would suggest you read the lyrics while you listen...

Be here now, no other place to be
Or just sit there dreaming of how life would be
If we were somewhere better
Somewhere far away from all all worries
Well, here we are

You are the love of my life

Be here now, no other place to be
All the doubts that linger, just set them free
And let good things happen
And let the future come into each moment
Like a rising sun

You are the love of my life
Yeah, you know you are

Sun comes up and we start again

It's all new today
All we have to say
Is be here now

Be here now, no other place to be
This whole world keeps changing, come change with me
Everything that's happened
All that's yet to come
Is here inside this moment
It's the only one

You are the love of my life
Yeah, you know you are

Sun comes up and we start again

It's all new today
All we have to say
Is be here now

Of course, this may be powerful for me in my life and may have no relation to what you are going through, but it's my theme song for 2009 for many reasons. Everything I have learned from the past and all that I look forward to in the future is wrapped up in the HERE AND NOW. In this moment. I won't get it back and if I am not present, it will pass me by. Many of you know that our family is going through a hard time (I will probably fill the rest of you in later) but I know that our struggles make us strong. They shape us and build our character. If you spend your time wondering WHY or HOW LONG then you won't be able to learn the lesson for the moment.. or enjoy your loved ones while they are around.

I have been so immensly blessed. I am surrounded by people I love. I have the freedom to be myself and I need to love everything about me.. the way I am. 2009 will be a year of acceptance. If I don't get my TO DO list checked off today, the sun will come up tomorrow and I will start again. I hope that in 2009 I can let GOOD things happen and be present for the little moments that will make up my future. Here's to the here and now. I am going to go and BE with the loves of my life... they really want to eat breakfast...