painting fun

Thirty minutes after the professional painter left our home today, Zack decided he wanted to start a career in painting himself. Ben, Luke and I were playing a game while Mr. Mischievous was just 10 steps away from us, doing this:

I know you can see green paint on the carpet, but you have no idea HOW MUCH it was. The normal me would have screamed, spanked the naked child, and ran around the house like a chicken with my head cut off.. but for some reason I didn't. I stayed calm, put Zack in the tub and asked Ben and Luke to help me. Instead of smearing the paint into the carpet while trying to scrub it out, I grabbed the shop vac in the garage. Something told me that if I emptied the dirt inside the vacuum, it would suction up water... where this thought came from, I am not sure. Probably the brilliant person inside my head that I never knew was there because I am always such a nut case. I asked the older boys to bring me buckets of water... I mixed it with vinegar (a trick I learned from a cleaning class in RS, inspiration that would not have come had I freaked out.) I poured the hot water and vinegar mixture over the paint and then I quickly sucked the green water up in the vacuum. When the vacuum was full, I emptied it in the tub (not the one Zack was in :) and repeated the process...  Ben and Luke were happy to help me because I was encouraging, upbeat and got excited about needing them. It was all actually quite a fun experience, from beginning to end.

We filled up the bathtub twice with dark green water... The first time was much darker, this was just the last flush.  I was so glad to see it go down the drain, knowing it wasn't in my carpet anymore.


About twenty minutes after the incident, Zack was bathed, the new paint was drying, and I started making pancakes for dinner. An hour after my husband came home from work and he had NO IDEA we had a mini-disaster.  Everyone was happy to be together and the house was cleaner than before. There might be a little trace of green in the carpet, but we can always replace that later.. There is no such replacement for my kids.

Now, the reason why this post doesn't have a million exclamation points is because I am a calmer me. I honestly am not stressing about the small stuff. Yesterday I read a post from a grieving mommy blogger, Molly Jackson. I have never met her, but have recently been following her blog. Molly's 2 year old daughter, Lucy passed away four months ago. Their family was on their way home from church when Lucy choked on an apple while sitting in her car seat. It's the most tragic, heartbreaking story... and I continue to read it because the entries are so real... so unbelievably eloquent and so inspiring. I cry every time I read it and can't help but feel grateful for all that I have. When I saw the green paint on the new walls and carpet, I instantly thought of Molly and how much she misses her two year old. I knew right away that carpet is replaceable and walls can be repainted.. This little guy means so much to me and I do NOT know how I could go on living without him, no matter how much chaos he brings to my life. Thank you, Lucy, for reminding me of what is important. Thank you for keeping me from freaking out when I know that things are so temporary. Thank you for helping me love my DISASTER CHILD like I should.

the MUNDANE joys of life...

I wasn't kidding when I said that blogging was going on the back burner! I literally haven't sat down at the computer since Thursday morning and I feel so caught up on life, but so behind in the cyber-world. Something's gotta give, I guess. My cell phone battery was dead for most of the weekend... but it was a special treat listening to the 32 messages I had when it was finally charged! Wahoo! (When you have a big family, you feel rather special on your birthday!) Anyway, thanks to everyone.. and maybe eventually I will get around to responding to some of the emails and blogs I have neglected... just maybe.

Progression on our house is coming along! It is being painted this week, which will make everything seem homey-er. We spent most of Saturday running errands, buying paint, etc, etc. We stopped for a late lunch and everyone was exhausted. Aaron was frustrated and said something about hating spending his weekends this way. I laughed because we were saying the same thing about trying to FIND a house just a few months ago. And here we are, in a house and we're just not able to enjoy it yet. What a process! THIS is the very reason I was never anxious to buy our own house. Because then you have to make grown up decisions and stress about things that just don't really matter.

Anyway, here's the quick update on everyone--

Ben-- is just the most wonderful 7 year old I could ever ask for. He's helpful, sweet and so ORDERLY! I just love him.. He is growing like a weed and is wise beyond his years. I am struggling with homeschooling him because he's already smarter than me. How could this be? I am so very smart myself!! But I just don't know what to do and stress about not being the kind of mother he deserves. I really just look up to him and love being in his presence! His new talent lately is climbing up walls and opening doors with his feet.. which was so proudly shown in our family talent show last night.

Luke-- is going through a weird-awkward-boy stage. I mean, he's still cute and everything, but he is ALWAYS pulling crazy faces and making disgusting noises with his mouth. He's been a beat boxer since birth, but now it's less rhythm and more fart sounds and weird grunts. I don't know what to do with him!! He is still very sentimental and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Last night, he had to make the choice between going to the grocery store with Daddy to pick up a few items or staying home to play a game with Ben and Mommy. You would think this would be a simple decision-- but a minute after we told him his options, we found him in the corner crying because he just didn't know WHAT to do. I tried not to laugh as I told him that both decisions are good-- and it won't hurt anyone's feelings whichever way he chose. He dried his tears, grabbed his shoes and ran out the door with his Dad. While they were gone, I was smiling just contemplating the DRAMA that we would have if we told him we were getting divorced. I would love to see the look on his face while choosing which parent he loved more... because he is really cute when he is crying!

Zack-- and I have a rollercoaster relationship. I love him so much, but sometimes I just want to sell him to the Gypsies. He literally eats, drinks and breathes STAR WARS. He is obsessed. He knows the names to EVERY character.. it's incredible. He can tell you the story line of every episode (even though you can barely understand what he's saying.) One of the cutest things about his obsession is him singing the theme song wherever he goes. Tonight I recorded his little song and downloaded it for my ringtone on my cell phone. He is talking non-stop and I love every minute of it because I know his cute, high pitched voice is going to grow up soon and I will miss it! He is still doing well potty training (still not perfect, but we're okay with that.) He wants to go by himself and he's still always NAKED! I am so glad we live in a warm place so I am not constantly worried if he's going to freeze his bum off. As I was getting out the shower a few days ago, Zack ran into my bathroom. (He was fully dressed when I jumped into the shower, but he's quick to take off ALL his clothes when I'm not around.) When he saw me, he got a HUGE smile on his face, raised his eyebrows and said, "HEY! You big naked. I'm tiny naked!" It was a great observation of "are we the same, but yet, different." I'm beginning to realize that the reason why he drives me SO CRAZY is because we are more alike than we are different. But he is the only one in my house who laughs at my jokes, so I am going to keep him around a while longer.

Aaron-- is my favorite husband. He works hard and plays hard.. and I am grateful for the wonderful example he is to our boys. He planned a spectacular surprise trip to Florida for my birthday, scheduled to leave next week.. and I am SUCH a mean wife because I turned him down. The trip was ten days long (including a cruise to the Caribbean) and even though it sounds HEAVENLY to go... I just can't do it. Leaving the kids for that long, spending the money, and trying to relax when we have SO much to do (and lots to pay for) just doesn't seem to jive with ALL that we have going on. He got a great deal on the plane tickets and the cruise was super cheap (because it's hurricane season-- so let's go kill ourselves and leave our kids parentless!) The truth is, it's been a hard decision. This is the second year in a row I have turned down a trip to FL for my birthday, and I really feel bad about it... but I think he understands me and where I am coming from. I have just learned through this process that men think so differently!! But I appreciate the differences and love his stable, consistent emotions. He is seriously my rock and I am so grateful to have such a man in my life.

And here's to Me. I feel like I am a basketcase somedays and a super-mom the next. I really don't know why I am so unstable and off balance! More than anything, I have been trying to be quiet, calm and reserved so that I can find more peace in my life. This week I have had a major breakthrough-- I have been searching for the light-- and it finally came, in the least expected moment. To put it simply, I am trying hard not to force myself to be anyone else.. but just be comfortable with being. I honestly don't know who I am anymore, but I am okay with that and look forward to wiping the slate clean and starting over. Looking back at the last 12 months-- all I can say is, "I am so glad I don't have to live that year over!" I found out I was expecting a baby on my 28th birthday and was thrilled about it.. up until that point getting pregnant (and staying that way) wasn't a problem. But here I am, a year later, and it seems like a decade ago. I am so much more grown up!! I know that sounds lame, but I have been through a lot emotionally & physically in the past year. I feel like I have stepped out of my shell, away from the person who I always thought I was (and who many of you think I am because you only see 1% of the real me) and a huge load has been lifted off my shoulders. Of course, it's a daily battle-- focusing on what is important-- not comparing yourself with others-- learning to say "no" to things that you WANT to say "yes" to-- excepting yourself for who you ARE and not what you wish you were-- etc, etc, etc. But I honestly have felt more peace and contentment just by being grateful (truly grateful) for what I have... I am so blessed and so LOST at the same time! What a journey!

Anyway, this is NOT what I intended to write tonight, but it is what it is. I wanted to sit down post about our dear friends, the Reijonens, who we were able to visit in AZ over 3 months ago. I still haven't posted the pictures or written about why we love them so.. but that will have to be for next time. Sundays just go by too quickly, don't they? Hope you are all happy and well and that you will forgive me for being so random (and for maybe not posting for another week!)

In the warmth of the sun.

Last Sunday, I bore my testimony in church and mentioned an experience I had on my 19th birthday. It is an experience that I think about often, but I have never written it down.. and it's definitely an experience that I want written in my book of life. As I typed it up for my personal journaling blog, I decided that I would share it with everyone else. I apologize to those in my neighborhood who heard it last week.. but then again, no one is making you read it-- so never mind.


My first birthday away from home was ten years ago. I was a college freshman at Ricks College, in Idaho. The semester started about a week before my 19th birthday. I was excited to move away from home, make new friends and be independent.. but when my birthday came around, I realized that no matter how hard I tried to deny it, I was really HOMESICK.

I tried to act like it wasn't a big deal that no body knew it was my birthday. I spent the morning on campus, going to my classes, trying to pretend I was okay. I was practically waiting by the mailbox in the afternoon for the postman to deliver a package or card from my family. But when he arrived, he was empty handed. It turns out, my mom forgot to put the apartment number on the package and it took a few days to get to me. No big deal really, except that it was.. for me. 1998 was a year before cell phones and email.. so even if people wanted to get a hold of me, it wasn't easy. As the day progressed, the loneliness sunk in. I didn't want to sulk around my apartment or (heaven forbid) cry! in front of my roommates! Instead, I took a small blanket and headed up on campus to the most beautiful place in Rexburg-- the Gardens.

I laid out my blanket in the shade of a big oak tree and let the emptiness sink in. I brought my journal to write in, but my tears were rubbing the ink and staining the pages.. so I stopped and sat in the quietness and cried. It was hard being off on my own, feeling like no one knew the 'real' me. And even though I knew this experience was good for me, I just couldn't help but feel pathetic and lonely. In that quiet moment, I looked up at the bright warm sun. It came through the leaves of the trees and as it hit me, it filled my entire body with warmth. I didn't hear a voice or any background hallelujah music, but I will never forget the love that I felt. As the sun was shining on me, I knew, without a doubt, that my Heavenly Parents were aware of me. They knew it was my birthday and knew how depleted I had felt. Instantaneously, my emptiness was filled with love and I no longer was alone.

As a young girl, I had simple realizations that there was a God in heaven who loved me and knew me personally. But never before had I felt the love of a Heavenly Mother. It was a knowledge that came over my entire body, and as I looked at the beautiful plants, trees and flowers that surrounded me, I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and contentment. I had been created for a purpose. And even though I was far away from home and I was missing my family, I had not been forgotten. I remember the walk home-- the sun had set and it was dark, but I did not feel the least bit chilly. I had, for one small instant, seen myself in a new light.. and felt a fraction of the love that God has for me. And that in itself was the greatest gift I could have received.

It's been ten years (and two days) since that night and I can't tell you how many times I have thought back on that moment... a hundred? maybe more. I have realized over the years that it was such a blessing to feel such 'despair', because I withdrew myself from the loud, busy college life and found a place that was quiet, peaceful and open. Sometimes we are given trials to humble us, to get us on our knees, so that we are able to feel of His love. He is always willing to give it, but we are rarely in the situation to receive it.

Fast forward ten years, and here I am. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and three beautiful boys who I love and adore. I have all that I need and more than I could ask for. Yet, somehow, I still find myself in moments of despair, when I feel like no one understands what I am going through. I am still struggling with the same feelings of insecurity and worthlessness, and it seems like no matter how MUCH I do or how MANY friends I make, I still feel the same emptiness. And then, I realize, that I am not going to THE source for happiness and peace.

I know that God is aware of each of us. He knows us personally. He loves us and wants us to feel happiness and joy in our busy, crazy lives. We will never find satisfaction or peace by comparing ourselves with those around us... We are not inferior nor superior to anyone else. We were created equal and yet we are so beautifully unique. We must rejoice in our individuality and be grateful for our differences.. and try to find more quiet, peaceful moments to feel of His love so that we can see ourselves for who we really are.

Twenty-nine and feeling fine.

There comes a time when you are old enough and mature enough to NOT care what happens on your birthday.. and I believe I have finally reached that point in my life. Who ever thought I would grow up?

Yesterday was a good, ordinary day. Zack crawled in bed with me at 5 am because he had a "-cary dream". We had cereal for breakfast and went on a long bike ride. The boys fought over who got to kill the cricket in the bathroom. The legos were spread over my entire house. I did a few loads of laundry-- mainly because Z had the runs and kept having accidents throughout the day. He was lucky enough to be thrown in the shower several times (and was thrilled about it.) We met Aaron for lunch at Costco.. because there is nothing that says "Happy Birthday" better than a greasy piece of cheese pizza and a 50 cent fountain drink. We went to Target. We took a nap. And when Aaron got home from work, we all headed to the park.


The original plan was to go on a hike like we did for my birthday last year, but at the bottom of the mountain, where the hike begins, there was a panicked mom looking for her lost 5 year old. We split up-- searching the parking lot, vast field and playground for little Malachi. By the time he was found (and after we all watched him get a good scolding) it was too dark at the park to head up the mountain. So Aaron and I watched the kids throw sand at each other and squeal down the slide. Just before we headed home, someone (I think it was me, but I could be just trying to take the credit away from Aaron) suggested that our family run through the waterpark area. It was dark and getting cold, but after Aaron ran through, the kids couldn't resist. I am sure there were people pointing at us (because WHAT parents would allow their kids to get sopping wet, let alone join them?) but we didn't care. It was a good time and Aaron even posed for a family picture... but just because it was my birthday.


We drove home drenched, changed into our pj's, and threw together a late dinner consisting of turkey sandwiches and Doritos. While we were eating, I pulled out a few gifts I had bought for the kids.. I wanted to give them something on my birthday and they didn't object. They each got a spiral notebook (it's amazing how excited kids can get over blank paper), a package of m&m's and a Star Wars card game. We went to bed at 9:30 pm without any cake, candles or fireworks... I couldn't have been more pleased with how the day turned out. None of my gifts were wrapped this year, but the truth is-- the most important things in life aren't THINGS.

because Elmo KNOWS it's my birthday

This morning, my boys were BEGGING me to come and watch Sesame Street with them. I wanted to jump in the shower, but they wouldn't let me. When I went to see what was going on, they had the TV paused.. just waiting for me to hear Elmo give me a special tribute. This is why I love them. The video also shows my new furniture.. such a big birthday present!!

Off to have lunch with my handsome husband. Being 29 ain't so bad afterall..


oh, and this makeup-less picture was taken of me this morning.. as I was coming downstairs for the SURPRISE! Luke's finger is in the way, but you get the idea..