2012 Christmas Card

reception issues

we planned a family (FHE) outing to see the lights at the cactus gardens tonight.  it's like a mini-temple square, without a temple. in warmish Vegas weather.  Aaron was going to meet us on the way because it's closer to his work and I didn't want to go late(r).  The kids and I ran a few errands before we left to meet Dad.  Like always it was crazy getting out the door and even crazier after dragging five kids into the grocery store and library.  Aaron called me as I was buckling in the littles in their car seats.  We were about 10 minutes away from our meeting spot.  Roma was screaming, Simon was singing at the top of his lungs and the other three boys were trying to tell me something so amazing that it just couldn't wait. all at the same time.  I tried to quiet them, but to no avail.  This is my version of the conversation:

Aaron:  Where are you?

Janet:  just finishing up at the library, the kids are wired.

A: still planning on the lights?

J: Yep.  it's a little colder than i was expecting. 

A: did you bring my jacket?

J:  no.  I barely brought the kids.  no one has jackets.

A: well, do you want to head back home?

J:  no.  we're out.  let's go.

A: I thought you wanted to meet here.  I'm here waiting in the parking lot.

J:  I do want to meet. I'm not late yet.  You try hauling five kids around.

A:  Is it worth it going tonight if we don't have jackets?

J:  sure.  Let's just run around and if it's too cold, we can go back to the car.

A: Do you want to try to go another night this week?
J:  no.  We can just go without out you, Freezy Baby.  

A:  Well, I am here waiting.

J:  I have five minutes to get there, but I'm not driving because I'm busy talking to you about whether or not we should go.

A:  K- see you in a few.

J: Bye.  Geez.

When I hung up the phone I was so mad.  He has NO IDEA what I do with these kids.  where does he get off ordering me around like that?  I was festering up the whole drive there and couldn't wait to dish it out when we arrived.  A few minutes later, Aaron gets in the van.  (I am still driving.)

J:  We are three whole minutes late, why are you so uptight?

A:  I'm not.  I'm ready to party!  Hey guys!  Let's party!

J:  Of course you're all fun and games, but you don't know what it's like to cart the kids around all day.

A:  I thought you wanted to go.

J: I do, but I don't like when you assume I'll do EVERYTHING.

A:  Like what?  I didn't assume anything.  I have treats.  Who wants licorice?

Kids:  ME! Me! ME!

J: Like assuming I'm going to be late.  I'm never late.  And assuming I'll grab your jacket.  Do you know I lugged 5 kids, a stroller, and 3 bags of library books out to the car?  

A:  Sorry, I just hadn't heard from you and wondered if you still wanted to go.

J:  I sent you a text from the library.  I said we were coming.

A:  Oh.  I didn't get it.

J:  Hmm.

I pull out my phone (while stopped at a light, of course) and realize my text never sent because the reception at the library was bad..  I also noticed there were two previous texts from Aaron.  The first one said, "Hey.  I think it's going to be cold tonight.  Would you mind grabbing my jacket in the front closet before you come? Thanks hun."  The second said, "Excited to see you guys.  Let me know how things are going and if you need anything. I will swing by the store and get some treats."

I read them and laughed.  And then smiled at my sweet husband.  And then I punched him in the arm.  If he wasn't so darn nice all the time I would hate him.  He says from now on he's going to blame every disagreement on a failed text.  If' I'm mad at him, all he will have to say is, "Didn't you get my text?  I sent it a while ago asking if there was anything I could do to help."

here's us at the lights, having the time of our lives.  accept for Simon.  He was mad his gloves weren't perfectly on every finger, so he ripped them off entirely.  Aaron has a picture of the whole family on his phone, but I have yet to receive the picture text... 

.

tired

Hi.  so whoa.. it's been three weeks.  this may or may not be the longest hiatus on my blog to date.  not sure but I don't have time to find out.

we've been partying the past few weeks. Christmas parties, two different Santas, sending 2012 cards, neighborhood goodies, visits from both sets of grandparents and lots of home-grown family fun.  Homeschooling his still happening and I haven't regretted it a day since I pulled them out.  We're loving our days together... chaos and all.

Aaron has been one busy Mister lately.  He just finished up a trial in Reno. We are super excited to have him back.  After two weeks of being a single-mom, I was pretty tired.  I didn't realize it until after Aaron got home, though.  Before he came home, I was feeling like I was pretty hot stuff.  Who needs husbands anyway?  The night Aaron flew home, I had a relief society activity.  I left the older boys to babysit and had dinner on the table.  When I got home, I was so happy to see Aaron and crawled into bed to talk to him about his week and within minutes (literally) I was snoring. BTW, I never snore. Aaron took this video and showed me the next day and I was laughing so hard.  Don't remember anything he said to me that night.  How's that for a welcome home party?  Seriously, I am still trying to recover from the past few weeks.  Just so glad we've survived.

Aaron and I went on a date last night, dinner and hot chocolate.  I have been very cordial since he's been home... I'm not at all mad at him, but I also have a hard time connecting when we go weeks without really talking.  Usually absence makes the heart grow fonder, but these past couple of weeks, I've had to toughen up.  There were no tears or whining... not enough time for that. While he was away, I realized how independent I really am.  I grew up knowing that I didn't need anyone else to be happy.  With Aaron's work schedule and busy church callings and five busy kids, I think I've grown a tough shell, not just these past few weeks, but this has been building for years.  When my parents came last week, I plugged back into that strong, independent girl I once was.  So when Aaron came home, I happily welcomed him home, but I didn't want to lose any of that independence I regained.  I know it sounds silly, but I really loved feeling strong when he was gone and didn't want to be so dependent on him anymore.  So, we went out for dinner and got hot chocolate and talked in the car outside our house while all our kids slept inside.  I wanted to get out and crawl into bed, but Aaron locked the doors and wouldn't let me out.  He wanted me to talk about what was wrong.  I insisted that nothing was.  (It wasn't.  Life happens and I seriously wasn't mad.)  But the more he insisted, the more I realized that I was throwing a tantrum in my own independent way.  I don't like that he knows me so well.  That even pretending that everything was perfectly fine, he knew I wasn't being myself.  I was all smiles, but I had built walls up.  We stayed out in the car for almost two hours.  It was great to talk-- really talk about the roles we play as parents and spouses.  I wouldn't want to be married to anyone else.  He forces me to look at situations from a different angle and sometimes he knows that something is bothering me when I don't even know myself.  I've been thinking about that a lot today and wanted to write it down.  And so even if this doesn't make sense to the rest of the cyber world, I learned something new about myself.

the scream

my daughter is driving me absolutely batty.  she is the biggest cry baby ever... but she doesn't really cry.  she screams.  and the worst part is, when she's happy, she screams.  i absolutely hate that scream.

the monday after thanksgiving sux.  it was a rough day all around.  Aaron came home from work an hour early and I was thrilled... only to find out he had a fever of 104.  He laid down within minutes and fell asleep before 6.  which left me trying to keep 5 kids quiet.  family home evening was a bust.

I decided to take them shopping because we needed medicine and my christmas cards and party invites were ready.  the older boys wanted to stay home and read (nerds) so I took Simon and Ro to the store in their pjs.  Worst idea ever.  Two kids is ten times harder then 5 kids... depending on which two kids you put together.  I wanted to leave my kids in the shopping cart.  or sell them like kittens outside the store.

The drive home was terrible.  Tears came out of my eyes because I was so frustrated.  my baby girl screamed the entire drive... 20 solid minutes.  She wasn't crying, she was screaming.  Anything I passed back to her, she threw on the ground.  I came home, unloaded the milk and left everything else in the car.  I can take care of it in the morning..

Simon stayed up past everyone watching videos on our YouTube channel.  He kept playing this particular video I shot in the pet store last week.  I realize she's happy and she makes cute faces, but she starts out with the scream I hate.  Maybe one day I will appreciate it, but right now it brings tears to my eyes.

Girls are a pain in the butt.  but she's pretty cute too... now that she's finally asleep.

thankful

Something happened to me this weekend.  I think I'm finally growing up.  Until a few days ago, I saw myself as a teenager stuck in a middle-aged woman's life.  I wondered how it happened so quickly.  Sometimes I felt stuck and frustrated.  When I used to tuck my boys into bed and they said, "Goodnight, Mom." I would look over my shoulder and wonder who they were talking to.  But now I feel differently.  Something inside of me has changed and I realized it this Thanksgiving weekend.

Part of that transformation has come from serving in a new calling in the relief society.  This past month has been rough.  We've had some big changed to our ward boundaries and it's been a struggle trying to mix two groups of women who both miss being in their old wards.  In that time, we've had five new families move into the neighborhood and no one really knows if they are new or in the other ward or visiting or what.  We've also had 4 new babies born in the past few weeks... and one major hip surgery from a new sister (who happens to be a convert to the church.)  There has been lots of meal prepping, visits and phone calls.  and up until a couple of weeks ago there wasn't a compassionate service committee to delegate the majority of the work.  It was overwhelming.  But then something tragic happened.  A husband and father in our neighborhood committed suicide.  He shot himself while his wife and son were in the home.  We had a funeral to plan and heartbroken family to console.  During that time, I've realized how important it is to reach out and love those around you because you really never know what is going on behind closed doors.

Last week in RS, this new widow bore her testimony to the sisters in our ward.  She was open and honest about her struggles.  But instead of feeling sorry for herself, she listed her blessings.. her list was long and heartfelt.  She is such an example to me to find the silver lining during such a difficult time in her life.  In these past few weeks, I've already learned so much from the women around me.  I am truly grateful for the opportunity I've been given to serve and grow in this capacity.  I am better because of it.

Thanksgiving weekend could have been busy.  We had plans to visit family and then decided not to make the drive.  We thought about going to AZ to cook it up with friends but then ultimately wanted to stay home and do absolutely nothing.  Aaron was worried about me and thought I would get lonely.  Thanksgiving should be about family and chaos..  But I knew a quiet weekend at home was exactly what I needed.  And I can honestly say I will never forget this Thanksgiving.  It was the day I realized how strong and capable and grown-up I really am.

Food prep started early Wednesday and didn't stop for more than 30 hours later.  All four of my boys were in the kitchen, cooking along side of me.  (This would NEVER have happened if they were running around with cousins.)  We made a long list of side dishes and pies and we were able to check each one off the list as we set the table for our big meal.  Zack was the vegetable guru.  He mixed the green bean casserole, chopped the veggies for the turkey platter and cooked the peas and corn.  Luke made the rainbow jello masterpiece and helped me brine the bird.  Ben was the expert roll maker.  I oversaw the first batch and let him do the second completely on his own.  They turned out beautiful and delicious.  We had sweet marshmallow sides and homemade stuffing to boot.  Aaron took over the potato peeling and mashing (with Simon's help) and everything was perfect.  The turkey literally fell off the bone and the gravy was to.die.for.  We made a total of 8 pies, but decided to freeze a few because we knew it would be harmful to eat them all in one weekend.  The dishes were all done before the meal and it was so satisfying and wonderful to be home with my little family and celebrate together.  We toasted to things we were grateful for-- and at the top of everyone's list was being together as a family... that we are all healthy and happy and together.

Somewhere in the middle of the meal, I realized that I had done it.  Not just cooked a masterpiece for my growing family, but I had actually grown up myself.  I looked around at the big boys (eating seconds and thirds of the meal we had prepared together) and knew that I was their mother.. that I had become my mother... the middle-aged woman who worked so hard to keep her own family happy and healthy.  Later that day we played games and worked on a puzzle and watched "it's a wonderful life" and I couldn't help but feel gratitude for all of the good things (and difficult things as well) that were a part of my life.  Sometimes it takes a busy month and a quiet weekend to make you realize how blessed you really are.