our second night including a domestic abuse call to the cops

So.. our plans quickly changed for our second night in the bus when Aaron's parents texted and cancelled our weekend in Taylor.  His mom was sick and they didn't think it would be smart if we went to visit them.  So we changed courses to drove towards the Grand Canyon.  I told Aaron that I would stay wherever he wanted, it was up to him..  and he wanted to get a hotel.  So he booked it about an hour away and we checked in early and went swimming and relaxed in our room..  We had dinner out of the cooler and totally chilled, which was just what the doctor ordered.

I think we all fell asleep early, probably 9pm again because we were so exhausted from the hike.  But Eden really didn't sleep well in the room.  Her top teeth were coming in and we didn't bring in a fan or her play pen, which was a mistake.  I was awake most of the night with her.

At 4am, I heard someone fighting outside our door.  It was a couple screaming about how much they hated each other.  And then I heard him hitting her.  Several times.  She was crying and he continued to belittle her and hit her again.  I got up to the peephole to see if I could see them, but couldn't.  So I called the cops.  It was only a few minutes of fighting, but my kids were all awake and heard the commotion.  Eden was crying while I was on the phone so Ben got up to help and Aaron (being the slow reactor that he is) was just putting two and two together.  Within a few minutes, the cops were knocking on our hotel room door to get the full story.  Apparently the couple wasn't even staying at our hotel, just came in through the front doors.  He was arrested (and she was taken into custody) and we were all safe to go back to sleep around 6am. The poor cop said nothing ever happens in Blanding, ID and it was the first arrest he's made in months. What are the chances we happen to be in the very spot of action? I swear I attract drama. It's one of my best qualities.

It was a sad experience to hear something so violent, but we talked to the kids about when and why we should call the cops. And then we started laughing because our night in the bus was more relaxing than our night in the hotel room.  But the hotel waffles and eggs were awesome, so once we were all fed with a warm breakfast, we were on the road again.  It took us about 5 hours to get to the Grand Canyon.  And that needs it's own post...

living the dream

During the first month of our marriage, after we finally opened a checking account together, Aaron said something like, "Sharing a bank account with you scares me." I was totally offended because I am very responsible with money.  I had two jobs at 14, worked my way through high school while getting good grades, got a scholarship to college and never had a credit card or took out a penny of student loans.  My older siblings were taking out loans from my savings account while I was still a teenager.  After I turned 16, I had the money to pay for my own car and went to my parents with my decision.  My dad said I couldn't buy it because he needed me to have that money in my account... (I don't have any memories of ever asking for my parents for anything and when I was a senior, I remember offering to pay for my brother and my high school registration and year book because my parents had two missionaries out and several kids a home still.)  Anyway, looking back, I think that was a mistake that my dad wouldn't let me buy my own car.  I know he'd still make the same decision today (say, if I went to him and asked him if I should buy a bus) because he's extremely reserved when making any purchases.  But I think the best thing a parent can do for their child is to let them make decisions and learn from their mistakes early.  Who knows, maybe if I would have purchased that GeoTracker back in 1998, I wouldn't be in this mess I am right now at age 35.  This is the first vehicle I've every purchased on my own.. and I had to take out a loan to do it.

During our almost 15 years of marriage, money has never been an issue between us.  Aaron is extremely frugal too and I love that about him.  We drove around 1983 Buick LeSabre for the first year of our marriage until we were able to pay cash for our first Honda because we didn't want to go into any debt when purchasing anything.  We were both able to get our undergraduate degrees with two kids in tow without taking out any student loans. The only thing we've done without cash paying for it upfront was law school for Aaron and our first home purchase.  Oh and getting a school bus.  

Debt is really scary to me.  We use credit cards, but have never carried over a balance a single month in our marriage.  I am proud of that.  Aaron's been a practicing attorney for almost 8 years and although he's had a good paycheck at times, he's also had some stressful months of unemployment.  He was laid off from his job exactly a year ago, just before Eden was born.  We knew it was coming and neither of us were scared because we had a cushion.  We've been living off that cushion for the past year and still have a little wiggle room.  Yes, we are currently living with my parents, but that's only because we're still paying a mortgage on our home until it sells.  We have been able to make things stretch without borrowing anything or asking anyone for financial assistance.   If we need to ask anyone for money, we will go to our 13 year old first who also has his own bank account and debit card.  Luke and Zack also have accounts through our bank and they pay for every Lego set themselves.  We do not pay them allowance, but the do have the opportunity to earn up to $15 a month if they don't eat candy or drink soda.  They are hard workers and don't ask me to purchase anything for them.  And I have no issues with them going into a store and getting whatever they want, as long as it comes out of their own account.  It's their money and one of the beautiful things I've seen as we've given them the freedom to spend is that they chose not to.

Neither Aaron or I spend money on anything unless it's necessary.  UNLESS, it's for family fun.  We will splurge on a vacation or a trip to the movies.  We buy season passes to the museums and waterparks.  We both agree that spending time with our kids is the most important thing we can do as parents.  We buy 100% of their clothes and shoes at thrift stores (yes, even my girls) and we don't buy toys for them.  But we do take them on vacation and when we're on vacation, we try our best to set a budget and stick to it. 

While Aaron has been self-employed this past year, we have been able to live with Vacation-Aaron everyday.  Vacation Aaron is so much more fun to hang out with than Working-Aaron.  Working-Aaron is an extremely nice guy, but he's tired and somewhat depressed.  He doesn't have a spring in his step.  This is the main reason I talked him into starting his own firm because I knew that if we were smart, we could have the best of both worlds.  For the past 5 months, Aaron has been doing most of his work from home, via the internet and it's been so wonderful, but it's not like pulling in a regular paycheck.  He is not a salesman and doesn't want me promoting his business in any way, so he's looking at starting a new full-time job at the end of the month.  I am excited for him.  I think this will be a good thing for our family, but I did try my best to convince him there are other avenues.  I am an entrepreneur at heart and I always thought I would team up well with someone who was willing to take risks (because I admire people who work hard to work for themselves, even if it doesn't pay off in the end.) But I also realize that Aaron, being the way he is, is such a blessing for our family.  

I bought the bus from a homeschooling family who had the intentions doing what we hope to do to it.. convert it and travel as a family.  I could tell the husband was heartbroken that he had to get rid of it.  The wife and I spoke quite a bit about why she wouldn't let him do it and I could tell she was a lot like my husband.  I could see the stress in her eyes and that conversation made me so grateful that my husband DOESN'T fly by the seat of his pants.  His slow-decision making flaw has blessed my life.  I've often wondered what my life would be like if I had a husband who lived more on the edge (I've wanted to do something like this for over 5 years, yo.) and sometimes I resent the fact that he "holds me back" but ultimately, I am extremely grateful for a responsible guy.  During his childhood, he moved every 2 years and he wants something more stable for his family.  I am currently typing from the home I lived in at age 5.  I never remember moving or starting a new school or having to make new friends.  So we are both kind of wanting what we didn't get as a child.  And that balance is good for our kids, I think.  We will chose to settle somewhere in the middle by buying another home (eventually) and then traveling in our bus on the weekends.  Sounds like a dream life, if you ask me.  

the Book of Benjamin (and our experience while reading the Book of Mormon from cover to cover.)

I've had a lot of kind feedback about our christmas letter and just wanted to say thank you.  The idea came about a week before it was written, totally out of the blue.  i wanted to do some kind of story-form letter because our year felt like we had a story to tell, but I never was able to put it in "once upon a time" format.  When the idea came to write it in scripture from Ben's perspective, it wrote itself.  Well, until the last few verses.  I was seriously stuck on those last few verses for a week.  I got so annoyed by it that I almost didn't finish..

Thinking back to it now, I realize I was stuck on what to say about myself and what to say about Aaron.. and how to end it on a positive note without saying our lives kind of suck.  But I honestly couldn't get it right.. and not to be too picky or anything, but it still isn't right.  One night I just filled in a bunch of words and called it good enough.  But then there was that last verse.. I seriously couldn't close it with anything spiritual.  I tried.  But I literally could not write something cheesy about God or Christmas or my testimony without it sounding in-authentic.  I have a really hard time with typical church phrases.  I needed it to be how I really felt, and the only thing I could end it with was that the scriptures helped us feel better about our lives.  And they really (truly) have.

reading scriptures as a family was truly our biggest and best accomplishment of 2014.  We read almost every day of the year for a good hour or more.  Because Aaron was home and because our kids schedules were flexible, it seemed like stopping after a couple of chapters wasn't good enough.  Sometimes I literally hated it.  But it became just an amazing thing for us, even when it was hard at the same time.  Especially when it was hard.

There were days that were so difficult that we sat down to read twice, morning and night because we didn't know how else to feel peace.  And when we didn't read, I can promise you, we felt it.  There was a literal tangible power that came into our home when we read together.  Answers to prayers came, our hearts were softened, we found direction and we genuinely felt more love for each other and for our neighbors.  It was a year that changed the way we read as a family..  and I hope it's something we're able to build on every year from here on out..

We didn't have a chart, we didn't set goals of when to finish by, we didn't care how much we read everyday.  We read through the entire Book of Mormon, then studied by topics, then read stories and parables from the Bible, and then started the Book of Mormon again.

After struggling to write one chapter about the happenings of my family, I honestly DO NOT SEE how someone (JS) could have written the Book of Mormon without divine guidance.  I love to write and it comes naturally to me, but I cannot fathom trying to write the entire book.. it really doesn't even seem possible.  I have thought it through over and over and I want my kids to read it with an open mind, really developing a testimony of their own.  In my mind, it has to be true.  It's powerful and brings good and wholesome feelings in our home.  The storyline is phenomenal.  The lessons extremely valuable.  The writing beautiful.  I have grown the really love the Book of Mormon through this experience and I would challenge anyone who's struggling with their own testimony to read it consistently and see how the feel.  It's been an incredible experience for our family.

Christmas Card 2014

Click HERE for Cards of Christmases Past

awakening

Eden's birth was magical.  It was an awakening.  There's a certain point in the temple endowment when the lights in the room get brighter and that is what I felt happened in my life the moment she entered.  I can't explain why but I think back to that day at the hospital and feel the need to squint because my memories are so bright.  Light coming from every direction, from the windows and doors and especially from the faces of my children.

I knew Aaron could feel it too.  We didn't say anything about it, at least not on that day, but we kept locking eyes, the same as we looked at each other on our wedding day... bursting with happiness, the kind that fills you up with peace and understanding, but not the kind that makes you laugh.  I watched him with our kids, with our newborn and felt so incredibly grateful for the little people we created together.  Walking into the hospital that morning, I was 99% sure she was our last baby.  After she was born, I was 1% sure.  The lights were turned on inside my heart and I felt a deep understanding of what Aaron and I would be able to create together.  Not just people, but a different kind of lifestyle.. one that was slow and steady and faithful and not rushed or hectic.

After we brought her home, I continued to draw from the strength I felt that day and found that the light around me and our family continued to remain bright.  My pregnancy was dark.  I was tired, distant, depressed.  The minute she was born, I felt the depression lift.  Our home was this warm haven where my little chicks were all safely gathered under my wings.  And Aaron was home all the time, which made everything better.  We honestly didn't know what our future held, but I knew that it was a sacred time and the most important thing we needed to do was to be together.