not this cute anymore!I know many of you think that my life is an open book.. but it's not. it's a private blog.
In all honesty, there are a few things that I never mention because they are personal. one of those things is my health. I have really been struggling lately (and by lately, I mean the past few years) with major fatigue. I really don't like to talk about it because I know there are worse trials out there, but I have not been feeling like myself. When I mention this to others, they tell me that motherhood does that to you or just life in general, but deep down, I knew something was not right. My doctor in Spokane was wonderful and seemed to listen to what I would say and he helped me a ton. Just before moving to Vegas, he mentioned that even though my blood work wasn't showing it, it seemed as though I was suffering from an autoimmune disease. When he told me that, I thought he was crazy because only 70 year old ladies have arthritis or fibromyalgia. But when I started reading up on it, I realized that he was probably right. I tried seeing a specialist (a rheumalogist) since moving to Vegas, but I have been so frustrated with the doctors here! They either don't speak English or don't know what they are talking about.. I have been given the run around for months! After a year, I FINALLY was able to meet with someone who was willing to run my blood tests and see if something seems out of the ordinary. The results came back on Friday, and sure enough, I tested positive for Rheumatoid Arthritis. RA is an autoimmune disease which means that the body's immune system mistakenly attacks the tissues it's supposed to protect. It mainly affects your joints, but it makes the entire body feel weak and exhausted. And it's the fatigue that's getting to me. I guess I've known for a while that I've had it, but for some reason, hearing the official diagnosis was hard for me. Knowing that I have a chronic illness makes me feel like I won't be able to be ME... and somehow, less of a mother or wife. Of course, I know my family won't love me any different, but in a way, I will be changing who I am because I will be catering to my illness. I struggle with trying to get out of bed most days.. I do have sore joints, but it's been months since I really felt like myself. I am going to a specialist in about a week and will have more info after that. I know there is medicine that will help me but I hate to think about being on medication for the rest of my life. The reason why I shy away from talking about this is because I DON'T want a pity party. I know there are many others out there who have major trials. My dear friend Francine has been struggling with sickness for years and I feel like I can't complain about anything. But tonight I thought I would get a little personal and let you know that my life is far from perfect.
In all honesty, there are a few things that I never mention because they are personal. one of those things is my health. I have really been struggling lately (and by lately, I mean the past few years) with major fatigue. I really don't like to talk about it because I know there are worse trials out there, but I have not been feeling like myself. When I mention this to others, they tell me that motherhood does that to you or just life in general, but deep down, I knew something was not right. My doctor in Spokane was wonderful and seemed to listen to what I would say and he helped me a ton. Just before moving to Vegas, he mentioned that even though my blood work wasn't showing it, it seemed as though I was suffering from an autoimmune disease. When he told me that, I thought he was crazy because only 70 year old ladies have arthritis or fibromyalgia. But when I started reading up on it, I realized that he was probably right. I tried seeing a specialist (a rheumalogist) since moving to Vegas, but I have been so frustrated with the doctors here! They either don't speak English or don't know what they are talking about.. I have been given the run around for months! After a year, I FINALLY was able to meet with someone who was willing to run my blood tests and see if something seems out of the ordinary. The results came back on Friday, and sure enough, I tested positive for Rheumatoid Arthritis. RA is an autoimmune disease which means that the body's immune system mistakenly attacks the tissues it's supposed to protect. It mainly affects your joints, but it makes the entire body feel weak and exhausted. And it's the fatigue that's getting to me. I guess I've known for a while that I've had it, but for some reason, hearing the official diagnosis was hard for me. Knowing that I have a chronic illness makes me feel like I won't be able to be ME... and somehow, less of a mother or wife. Of course, I know my family won't love me any different, but in a way, I will be changing who I am because I will be catering to my illness. I struggle with trying to get out of bed most days.. I do have sore joints, but it's been months since I really felt like myself. I am going to a specialist in about a week and will have more info after that. I know there is medicine that will help me but I hate to think about being on medication for the rest of my life. The reason why I shy away from talking about this is because I DON'T want a pity party. I know there are many others out there who have major trials. My dear friend Francine has been struggling with sickness for years and I feel like I can't complain about anything. But tonight I thought I would get a little personal and let you know that my life is far from perfect.
After getting the results on Friday, Aaron and I were able to go out for dinner, just the two of us. (thanks for watching my kids, Jane! I really needed it!!) It was an emotional date night for me and one that I won't forget soon. Aaron is such a ROCK and is always there to support me. He told me that even though I have been out of it lately (if you saw my house, you would know what he means) that this is exactly what he signed up for-- to go through the ups and downs with me. Lately I feel like I have had a lot more downs than ups, but maybe I will need to stop looking for excitement and start being a grown up. If anything, I believe it will make me that much more dependent on God and more willing to do things HIS way. I know that everything happens for a reason and that we are supposed to take what we have been given and run with it... all the while being grateful for what we have. Aaron and I spent a majority of our dinner conversation talking about our kids and how lucky we feel to be their parents. One of the unofficial side effects of rheumatoid arthritis is infertility and I believe this is the main reason we've had difficulty getting pregnant. I have no idea what this means for our future, but it makes me SO incredibly thankful for the blessings I have already been given. I am truly fortunate and there is no doubt in my mind that it's a wonderful life... not perfect or glamorous, but definitely wonderful.
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28 comments:
Thank you for sharing... I'll keep you in my prayers! You are an amazing lady! PS No pity party for you! Just admiration for your faith!
So glad to hear you are going to meet with a specialist, someone very close to me is struggling with cancer right now and once their was a treatment plan he felt like it was surmountable. I hope you get that same feeling after meeting with your specialist. I'm sorry it took so long for someone to listen, how frustrating! I knew I should have gone to medical school.
I am so glad you found out a cause, even though it is a little scary.It seems more scary not to know what you are up against. You seem pretty strong with a great support {Aaron}
I have a friend here in VA that is your age or a year younger. She has had this same diagnosis. She is pregnant with Number three. She has done allot of research on it. One thing she did was go tatally vegan for 60 days {I know tofu and beans} but then she started adding things back in her diet slowly to see what she can tolerate, ie; milk, chocolate, chicken. It has helped her a a ton. I also read that vinager can help.2 tsp in 6 oz of water daily for about a month tosee a difference.
I know you think this girl is totally hippied out granola, very far from the truth.I am open to all sorts of ideas as long as they don't break the word of wisdom.
You are in my prayers.
Sorry about the typo's, four kids, what can I say.
I can't even imagine what you are like when you are feeling well! You seriously amaze me with all that you do! That said, I hope you find the answers you're looking for and that you start to feel more like yourself each day!
I'm glad you found a doctor that listened to you and took your concerns seriously. Doctors like that are hard to come by!
Oh Janet, I love you. It is really hard to be told you have a chronic illness because you know your life will be different becasue of it. Just remember that that's what we are here for. It's almost exciting to think about that through this disease Heavenly Father is preparing you to be just like him. You have more control over this disease than you realize and I believe you can change a lot by your diet. Everyone will have their own ideas, so do what you think is best. You are so strong, Janet, and can overcome this!
I don't doubt that this will be hard, but Francine is right. Heavenly Father has had this planned for you, and better yet, before you came to Earth you knew that this was going to be your life. You knew that this was the trial that you were going to be faced with. YOu agreed to it for much greater purposes, but also because you KNEW you could overcome it! I wish you the best of luck! You still are an inspiration to me perfect or not! :)
Janet, what a great post. I completely understand what you mean. Whenever I am struggling and feeling bad for myself, I always remind myself that someone always has it worse.
First off, you have an amazing husband (but you already knew that!) I am going to go ahead and disagree with some of what others have said. I think it's not really your lifestyle that will change, just your expectations. YOU WORK HARD and you play just as hard, that expectation that you have of yourself will have to be modified to fit the limitations that your body is giving you. It's not easy to give up that control-especially since you FEEL like it IS something that you SHOULD be able to control. I think as women we tend to see ourselves as less of a person if we let these limitations get in the way of doing the things that we 'should' be doing. I know you're not going to be less of a mom or a wife because of this-You are too creative for that-you will just find alternative ways. I am sorry you have to have this challenge, but who wants a perfect life anyway?
Thank you for getting personal with this post. I know you will be in a lot of people's prayers, including ours. We had a lesson in relief society the other day about how trials give you the opportunity to become closer to our Father in Heaven. He knows us personally, and what we can handle. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I really look up to you. You are a strong mother and person. Thank you for your example.
Janet,
It's the really good people who always get the really hard trials. I think it's because the rest of us can't handle them. I know you'll get through this. It's so great that you have such a supportive husband. That will help a lot. And if you really can't have any more kids, at least you got blessed with three beautiful boys. You'll be in our prayers.
Emily =)
Wow! That is crazy. Are you so grateful that you listened to your body? What a blessing to have a doctor that was willing to test you based on that feeling that something was wrong.
You can overcome this. And know that you will definitely be in our prayers.
So glad you found a doctor to hear your concerns. Seems that so many want to tell you it's in your head. Glad this one listened so you can continue. Knowledge is power. As much as you've learned about dinosaurs or ___ fill in blank, you will soon be the total guru of everything there is to know about R.A! I'll be thinking of you, as it does take time to comprehend, understand, etc. Love, Sam
You really are amazing Janet. I love reading your blog. You always have such inspiring words and I love reading about your life. You are such a strong woman and I admire you very, very much. My husband struggles with something similar to this and I know just from watching him that it is very difficult at times, but I am not worried about how you will deal with it, you are a very positive person! And I am really happy that you have such an amazing husband and amazing little sons. This is such a great picture of you and Aaron. You are such a beautiful girl, and Aaron is very handsome. You are a lovely pair!
Good luck with everything, I know you will be fine.
I'm glad you were able to find a good doctor & figure it all out. At least now you know what you're dealing with. I'm sure it doesn't make it any easier though. You are right - we all have our trials & I think most of us wouldn't trade. I often think of a quote I read once, "Trials can make you bitter or better". I try to remember it really does depend on my attitude. I highly doubt RA will change your zest for life - you have such a positive outlook on things & such a great attitude. And there will be many praying for you!
Janet, I love to read your blog daily because you are so real. You have a way of writing about your life that makes me feel good about mine. You've always had that quality: lifting others. Thank you for sharing this difficult news. I really wish the best for you. I know that you will do what Janet does best, be cheerful and happy and continue to bless others. You are such an inspiration to me!
Janet, thanks for sharing this with us. That's such a hard trial to go through as a young mother. I hope the specialist can give you some good information next week. I hope you will share some information about this illness as you learn more.
I am so glad you posted this, I will be thinking about you.
I'm sorry to hear about this, Janet. My mom has lived with RA and Fibromyalsia for the past 15 or so years, so I totally understand, from a family members perspective, what it is like for you. There are days where it is really hard for her to get out of bed. The warm weather of Vegas is probably a good thing, the cold winters can be hard on the joints. I will keep you in my prayers.
Janet-you are really amazing. I loved what you said about it's a wonderful life, that is so true. I'll be praying for you.
I never told anyone this, but I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 8 years ago. I ignored the diagnosis, because I thought the doctor was wrong. I was pregnant with my second and really had a lot of fatigue and pain in my neck and back. I never got a second opinion, but I did go to a physical therapist and he told me gave me some exercises to do that helped. Off and on I had episodes of pain and fatigue and then for 8 months last year I had some bad chest pain attacks and after several test ruling out my heart the doctor thought it was RA. He tested my blood and it came back okay. He said, I may have a problem with it when I am older. The pain didn't go away, though. I was prescribed NSAID's and they helped, but not enough, so I thought I would start exercising on the days that I felt good to see if that would help and it did. I noticed a big change in my energy level. Then life just got to busy for me and I stopped exercising. Finally, this last month I went through a bout of vertigo and was bed ridden for a week. I was exhausted and couldn't do anything. My whole body was drained.
Then my sweetheart saved me, he asked me to join him in a lifestyle change. He knew it was time for us both take charge of our health. We both joined an online gym, so for the past few weeks I have been working out with him every morning.We changed our diet, cut out all sweets and eat healthy meals every 2-3 hours to keep up our energy throughout the day. I can honestly say I have never felt better. I strongly believe we can change our lives for the better if we work with our bodies. This is one workout program I am not giving up on.
Janet don't give up hope. My prayers are with you. I don't know exactly how you feel, but I do know how it feels to be completely exhausted and not able to function. I hope you can find a way to fight this and start feeling better. I am not trying to tell you to try what I am doing, just merely sharing what works for me. Best of luck in finding out what will work for you.
Your friend,
Tiffani
You knew it! You knew something was up and you knew you had that. I'm glad that you were able to get diagnosed. Unfortunately, it is going to be something you'll have to learn to deal with and live with. Which sucks. I swear, I've never been so grateful for good health. I'm so sorry. That is no fun and scary not sure what the future will hold. You are a ROCK too. I hope that they can give you something to help you get your energy back and I know there is a little girl in your future. (you have to use the name Lee!) Love you and sorry for the bad news!
I love you Janet. So genuine and from-the-heart. I really needed to read this because your perspective has helped me. I've been having a hard time lately with my health too, and it is something that we take for granted when it's good huh? Anyway, I appreciate you sharing something so personal. I'm not worried about know if you have trials, I'm just grateful that you shared some insight on how to deal with them.
My brother Jared was diagnosed with this same disease while on his mission. He actually had to come home while in the MTC because they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. After 8 months they finally diagnosed it. After several priesthood blessings he was able to go back on his mish and is doing amazing! It's such a scary disease, but with a little faith you can overcome anything. Good luck, you will for sure be in our prayers.
Dang google reader...how did i miss this post? let's chat...i'll call you tomorrow.
And I feel SO COOL that I'm listed on both sections of your blog...hometown and college....YES!
janet thank you for the post. i really appreciated your openness. i have suffered from exhaustion for the past few years and have always thought that it was due to motherhood. i had more energy than i knew what to do with in my youth and early 20's and now feel tired most of the time. of course both my kids usually wake up at least once a night, so sleep has not been good, but i've often wondered if i should seek more medical attention. i feel like my energy store gets used up really quickly and then i struggle throughout the rest of the day. i had severe exhaustion after my second daughter was born. there were a couple of nights when i literally didn't know if i would wake to see morning. it was a very, very difficult time to say the least. my body was completely and utterly exhausted to the cellular level. it was hard for people to really understand what was wrong with me and frustrating for me, because they thought i just needed a good nights sleep. when my baby was 3 months old i ended up in the er. my mom stayed with me for 2 weeks and then i lived with my aunt for a month so that i could relax without having to worry about my kids. she was amazing and took great care of them. i'm doing much, much better now, but still find that it is really hard to do the things i want to do. it's like my body won't keep up with my mind. i've thought about it alot these last few months and have been trying to pin point exactly why i am still so tired. my husband is much more understanding now that he understands how serious exhaustion can really be. it's still frustrating for me when i am not able to have the house in some kind of order when he gets home from work. but on those days when the house is a mess and the kids are still in pajamas i really don't feel guilty because i know i did the best that i could that day. my husband and i had planned to have 4 kids around every 2 years, but i just can't fathom being able to physically handle being pregnant again right now. it can be hard because several of my friends who had babies at the same time as me are on baby #3, but i have to do what's best for my family and for me. it's interesting to see how our plans change, even when they are good ones. i'm just grateful there is someone far greater than us who has a perfect plan. hang in there. you're amazing.
Janet,
Oh, I feel for you. Having had Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for 10 years, I know what it feels like, to feel like someone pulled the plug, and even wonder who you are anymore. I used to be the "energizer bunny" before. I think the biggest heartache for me, is not feeling able to have the big family I always dreamed of. (How about you share your boys with me, and you can hang with my girls :)
I am so grateful for the opportunity to grow closer to my Savior, and ironically, my kids totally love my bad days, 'cuz I lay around and play with them, instead of cleaning the house :)
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