not this cute anymore!After all this talk about getting rid of stuff, I thought I would do a little INTERNET SALE--
And you better act fast, because this is the deal of the century.
And you better act fast, because this is the deal of the century.
►This two year old knows how to get into anything! He can make a mess faster than you can say, "Merry Maids, come rescue me!"
►He is excellent at spraying carpet cleaner on much more than just the carpet.. for instance, he can spray it into the smallest of places, like the little air holes for our ant farm. Now that is talent!
►He can take books off shelves that are WAY taller than him. ?
►He knows how to slide quarters in the air conditioner/heater vents in your car.
►He can get in and out of the fridge and pantry all by himself! He makes
►He's an excellent artist and LOVES to paint pictures... on paper, walls, carpet, furniture, toilets. He's very versatile and really creative!
►He eats rocks and shovels dirt into his mouth.
►He knows how to get out of his own crib/bed. When you tell him that it's time to go to sleep he screams, "Zacky don't YIKE close my eyes!"
►He refers to himself in third person.
►He shatters things that you didn't know had the physical capacity to shatter.
►He can spread an entire box of cereal EVENLY over the kitchen floor.. just so every tile is covered.
►He is pretty much HOUDINI when it comes to getting out of his car seat. You can try tightening his buckle until you think his head might pop off.. but he will find a way to get out of it! Seriously.. as soon as you get on the road, he is hiding in the trunk! Voila! How did he do that?
►He comes with a lifetime supply of cheetos- because that's pretty much all he eats (if you don't count rocks and dirt.)
►He pulls the best pouty faces and makes it pretty much IMPOSSIBLE for you to say "NO."
►His albino-ness is a magnet for attention in public (especially with people of darker skin.. they point and gawk and his whiteness.) It's really fun!
►He knows all the names of the Transformers and will let you know (10 times) while driving past a semi-truck that he's just seen Optimus Prime.
►He whines so much that you're never exactly sure what he wants.
►He puts himself in time out. (Bonus!)
►He is an expert at flooding the bathroom.
►He is 1/2 way potty trained.
►He pretends he's a puppy and licks all the way up your leg when you're busy cooking dinner. It's like having a toddler AND dog at the same time!
■ASKING PRICE: $20 bucks OBO (or best offer) That's less that $1 a pound!
Any major credit card is accepted. We will even consider payment plans or trades. (We are in need of a new set of couches!)
■WILLING TO THROW IN: a box of diapers (only half full) AND a raggedy football blanket (in used condition.)
■INTERNET DEAL: Buy-one-get-one-free! I have other boys (ages 5 and 7) If you act today, I will throw in another child absolutely FREE. Unbelievable, I know.
BUY AT YOUR OWN RISK: All sales are final. There are NO refunds or exchanges, even with a receipt. Any damages caused by this child will be the purchaser's responsibility after the transaction is complete.
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26 comments:
WHAT A DEAL! Will you take $15 for him?
I know I should have come out of the closet before now because you make me laugh everyday. I cannot get enough!
Sincerely, a big fan
Nancy from Ohio
LOL. When will you be getting paid for this? Not for your kids, but to write professionally. So funny and so relate-able.
I'll take Zacky. Just for the weekend........Maybe T.J. will stop asking for a little brother.
Can I add my own kids to this listing?? I can bring extra appeal to your ad by offering an over-dramatic girl...
I can relate - would give mine away for free some days. Would even throw in the house - built in family. But then, they smile at you and say they are "sooooo sowary" and you just melt. Instant price hike - to at least a billion dollars. :)
Kar in Spokane
You say you'll take a trade, I have a red headed 2yo who has a penchance for bolting to avoid time out... I'll throw in some pediasure!!
Shanna- When I said I will take trades, I didn't mean for other children. I will take anything that doesn't need to be fed, washed or disciplined. Sorry. No can do. But red heads are mighty cute!
DANG girl! You are selling your child on the internet?! I will take him! At least then SOMEONE will love him! How sad.
Donelle---
I will overnight him UPS.
who wouldn't want a half-child, half-puppy? When I read he licks up your leg, I laughed so hard, I almost fell off my chair. You are SO dang funny and have such a way with words!
still not able to sign in under my old passward, so don't go private on me!
I'll take Zack until the baby comes. I'm getting tired of my hand puppet conversations and books on tape and could use some company. I have a new sympathy for that poor kid on Home Alone. It's definitely not all it's cracked up to be.
I'm dying, and I will take him but not forever, I have my own mess makers...I love it. You are much too funny for words!
Are you SURE you don't want to trade for an adorable 8-month-old girl? I know you want one! She doesn't need to be disciplined yet, baths are simply pleasure for her (in fact just take her to the pool instead) and you don't have to feed her...except from your breasts. :) Plus, you don't have to worry about doing any hair. Nearly maintenance-free.
Joshua would love a brother his age and I'd love him to have a sibling he can't beat up every second of the day.
My offer won't last long!
I will take Avery in a HEARTBEAT, Nat! Zack really needs someone to beat up on him.
Do you want to meet for lunch and make the swap?
do you except canadian funds?
No way-- no Canadian can take him. Sorry, I am a little prejudice against the Northerners.
You are too funny girl!! Enjoy your kids, they grow up too fast!
Hmmmm, is it too late to take the offer back? I sold myself on this sweet baby girl after reading my post. Plus, you'd never be able to keep up with everything she puts in her mouth, which is every 2 minutes. In fact, she's downright horrible! Okay, perhaps we can settle for once a week swapping to get our fix?
Out of the car seat? That's AMAZING! I thought it was bad that Caitlyn could get out of ANY high chair/ booster. Meal times at our house are a treat, but I guess that's better than the car seat!!
A friend I love and admire told her kids if they didn't stay in their car seats, she would take them to the police, AND SHE FOLLOWED THROUGH. She marched her little girl into the nearest police station, gave the officer a wink and said, "My little girl won't wear her seat belt" and the officer gave her a stern talking to, and no more problems. I'm saving that one.
Even crying he looks dang cute!
I would love a white kid with white hair and blue eyes. No one would even suspect anything. Except for that he will probably be taller than me by the time he is 10.
Willing to take a trade? Jayben needs some brothers and I'm not willing to take more than one.
Now that Avery is off of the bargaining table, I know you love Rebecca and would love to have a girl. I think I've decided that little girls and I just don't mix well - maybe because I have their same maturity level. I would love to just have boys from now on. And William would love a big brother...
I will TAKE Rebecca.. but only if she calls me "SISTER SHUMWAY!" in her cute high pitched voice. I really do love that girl!
that is so funny, love the cheetos, and the buy one get one free. if you sell yours i will pay you to list mine! deal?
HILARIOUS! The picture is fab and totally sells it.
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