Housework is hard WORK!

All of our spare time has been spent looking for a house.. Our dream home (that we made an offer on last week) didn't work out.. It was a blessing, I think. We are still looking... it's kind of fun, but it mostly sucks.

Until a few weeks ago, I was completely content.. but now I am feeling anxious to move into a new house and that makes me not care AT ALL about the one I am in. I just don't feel like cleaning or organizing because living here is just annoying! And when all of your waking minutes are spent doing ONE thing (whatever it may be) everything else is off balance. My LIFE seems so unorganized and my house has literally fallen apart.

Sometimes I just feel like a total failure. I try to keep up with things, but it's hard when you don't have the time or energy.. especially with little ones running around. My TO DO list is enormous and I never get around to starting anything because I am overwhelmed with how much I have to do! I hate when I get in these vicious cycles where it seems like I am trying so hard, but I am barely keeping my head above water...

Usually the weekends are great because we can recoup. Aaron is always good about helping me get caught up on laundry or clean out the garage (which needed to happen two months ago!) But of course, the weekend flew by and nothing productive happened. I just couldn't think about starting off Monday on the wrong foot. So.. at midnight on Sunday night (I mean Monday morning) just as I started to fall asleep, I rolled myself out of bed and started cleaning.

I did four batches of laundry, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, went through a never ending pile of mail, washed off the stove and the shelves in the fridge, took out the garbage, and dusted everything in sight. And then.. AND THEN.. I faced a few cockroaches in garage so I could get the bins of summer clothes that I have been wanting to go through since April.

My kids go through sizes so quickly and it's such a monstrous overwhelming project to rotate their clothes! I can't believe I waited this long to do it though.. To give you an idea of how bad it was.. picture Ben in a pair of pajamas that were Zack's size. He thought they actually fit him, but he might as well have worn a pair of capri-length leotards. He had to pull his socks up over his shins so his skin wasn't showing... talk about starting a new fashion trend. And Zack is another story. He is officially too big for everything in his closet. His ONE pair of church pants that happen to fit him were in the hideous pile of laundry that I was pretending didn't exist. He went to church in tight, flood pants and a shirt WAY too small--that was also missing a button. And Luke almost wore his sandals to church because he couldn't find his Sunday shoes (we could write a novel about all his missing pairs of shoes!) Aaron doesn't help the situation by singing the "Homeless" song from The Forgotten Carols every time he sees our kids out in public because they look so dirty and mismatched. He thinks he's even more hilarious by switching the chorus to "Homeschooled, Homeschooled.." I know it makes me angry because it's truth! I just need to face the facts..

As I was spending my early morning hours scrubbing underneath the kitchen garbage can, I realized that housekeeping is not one of my talents. I believe I have many strengths, but keeping an organized home is definitely NOT one of them. It's not that I hate cleaning, I just am not good at it. I don't remember when I signed up for this... but somehow I became the CEO of housework and I am trying my best to get fired. Who trusted me to run a household anyway?

My husband is a good attorney. He looks great in a suit and likes to talk about the law. What a tragedy it would be if someone made him do something else for a living. He wouldn't be very happy if he was forced to play major league baseball when he felt-- from the core of his being-- that it wasn't his calling. And how would HE feel if he kept telling the coach over and OVER that he wasn't comfortable playing shortstop, but they still made him get out on that field and give it his best shot. Not everyone wants to step up to the plate in the seventh inning when the bases are loaded. Some of us know we would strike out so we just don't try.

As I was having this conversation with myself at 2:00 am, I had an AHA! moment. I realized that I needed to go to bed.. No, I realized that doing something WELL takes a lot of work and effort!!!! Although some talents are a God-given gifts, most of them take years and years of PRACTICE to master. I thought of a story of the accomplished pianist who had just given a concert in front of thousands of cheering people. Afterward someone approached him and said, "I would give my life to play like that." And the pianist simply replied, "I have."

If I want to be an organized mom-- (and I so badly DO want to, no matter how much I pretend I don't) I am going to have to really work at it. It's not going to be easy and it's not going to be fun, but I should at least give it my all. I keep thinking of a sign hung in my sister-in-law's home that says, "We do HARD things" What a great family motto! I want to be the type of mom that teaches her kids (by example) that some things might be hard, but we do them anyway. Just because I would rather sit down and play games or talk on the phone doesn't mean it's the best option. I have got to change my attitude before my kids learn all my bad habits! And maybe if I practice really hard EVERYDAY, I will have a clean organized home. And then I can die.