my guinea pig

Dear Benjamin,

Tomorrow you turn eight. I should say it's hard to believe, but you've been counting down for 158 days now-- and it's about TIME your 8th birthday is here. Whenever your brothers have a birthday, it seems shocking they're a year older. I have never felt that way with you. When your birthday arrives, I find myself asking, "Hasn't he already been (8) for some time now?" You were born wise beyond your years.

Eight years ago today I was planning a big event for work. I made what seemed like a million party favors for a local non-profit organization and called it a day at lunchtime. I got home a few hours before Daddy and decided to go swimming. I waddled to the pool, relaxed like a whale on the beach and got sunburned. Then I went home, showered and got ready for a 4th of July party with some of Daddy's friends. While at the barbecue, I got a stomach ache and asked if we could leave early. Little did I know those stomach cramps were actually contractions!

When my water broke at 11:00 pm on July 3rd, I was shocked. You were more than two weeks early. I wasn't ready to have a baby yet! I had parties planned for the 4th of July and I wasn't expecting to spend my evening at the hospital. But you wanted to come anyway. We quickly packed a bag and informed our family and friends that we had more important plans for Independence Day. Boy, oh boy! You were born at 7:09 am, weighing 7 lbs 9 oz. Hot air balloons filled the Provo morning sky.

The nurses nick-named you Harry because you had a beautiful mop of black hair. You were the cutest baby I had ever seen. Eight years later (and two brothers to compare) you still take the prize for the most beautiful newborn. Because it was a holiday- and because you were so popular- our hospital room was packed full of visitors. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors. We didn't get a moment to rest. It was a perfect holiday. We watched fireworks from the hospital window and felt so happy that you joined our family on such a special day.

Each year since, we've celebrated with HUGE parties. Over 100 people showed up to your 1st birthday (see what I mean when I say popular?) At that party, Daddy announced we were expecting baby #2. It's crazy to think how ready you were for a sibling. You were still a baby. But there isn't an older brother in the world better than you. It is your secret talent-- your superhero power. In fact, I am not sure your brothers would still be alive without you... you have practically raised them single-handed. You tell them where to put their toys, how to behave in public, what is acceptable to watch on TV, how to comb their hair, when to apologize, when to go to time out, when to fall asleep.. the list could go on for pages. You were born wanting to follow all the rules. You are an incredible example to all of us.

There is NO DOUBT about the fact that you have taught me far more than I have taught you over the past 8 years. You have always been more mature than me. You constantly tell me HOW things should be done and I hate it that you're right. Lately, while sitting in the back seat, you will ask me how fast I am driving. When I tell you, you sigh and say, "Good. You are only driving 3 miles over the speed limit." You are the family police officer. You are my go-to kid. You have yet to tell me a lie. With three boys, I usually get three different stories of what actually happened... and I know just who to believe. Thank you for being so obedient, so kind, so dependable. Out of the billions of children who have come to this earth, you were hand-picked for me. God knew I wouldn't be able to survive without you. I look up to you so much and truly consider you one of my best friends.

I have never really been able to discipline you. Granted, you have done a few things wrong, but you punish yourself more than you deserve. I remember one time when you were about 5 years old. Luke was 3 and the two of you were busy making crafts at the kitchen table. I was feeding Zack in the high chair and had my back to the two of you as you used your scissors to cut the screen on the sliding glass door. When I realized what you were doing, I was completely speechless. Had it been Luke doing it alone, I would have scolded and spanked.. but YOU were helping him! I honestly didn't have a chance to say a word. I just watched as you dropped your scissors, knelt down on the kitchen floor and sobbed. You kept saying over and over, "I don't know why I did that! I wasn't thinking, mom!" I rushed over and tried to comfort you. Your cute little face was covered by your hands. You wouldn't look at me. I kept telling you over and over that it wasn't a big deal, but you wouldn't listen. After a minute, I laughed at the situation. Here I was, sitting on the kitchen floor with my five year old, trying to console rather than lecture him about ruining our screen door. It didn't seem right. Later that night, at the dinner table, you broke down in tears again as you told Daddy what happened. I tried not to smile as I looked at Dad with my hands in the air and told him I didn't do any disciplining... In fact, I spent the afternoon trying to distract you with fun activities so you wouldn't think about the crime you had committed. Raising you is a privilege. You made my transition into motherhood easy. And as time passes, it gets better.

This year is a special one, Ben. You have the opportunity to be baptized on your birthday. You could not be more excited or more prepared. I know your Father in Heaven is so proud of you and the decisions you have made so far in your life. You still have a lot to accomplish. You can do whatever you put your mind to-- even if that's being a paleontologist AND a prophet at the same time! I can't wait to see the man you become. One of these days, your body is going to match your grown-up personality. I look forward to all the lessons you have yet to teach me (and your younger brothers.) Keep up the good work. Continue to laugh until you can't breathe. Don't ever forget how much I love you.

Happy birthday, son.

Mom