RSP

I was released as relief society president today.  it was one of my favorite Sundays ever.

I don't mean to say I didn't love serving, because I did.  But the timing was perfect and the release felt exactly like what it should feel like.. a release of responsibilities and stress, like a big burden was lifted off my shoulders, without having to give up any of the relationships I developed along the way.

The Bishop asked me to bear my testimony along with the new presidency that was called today.  I (always) have things to say, but when I stood up at the pulpit, my mind was blank.  zero thoughts were floating around..  Yesterday I went through all of my boys names before I finally got to the right one (Luke).   I get their names mixed up when I am not pregnant, but when I am pregnant, I feel like I have zero brain waves.  And that's how I felt at the pulpit this morning.  I went through a few thoughts and none of them were the right ones...  All I really felt like saying was how happy I was.  I should have left it at that.  But as authentic as that would have been, it didn't seem appropriate.

Now that's it's 2:30 am and I've spent my Sunday not sleeping, I figure it would be best to get my thoughts out through writing.  There are significant lessons I learned while serving in this capacity.  Who knows how many I can get out before my brain shuts off for good.

• When I was first called, I had a conversation with an older woman who I didn't know well, but she felt inspired to tell me about her experience while serving as RSP and I am so grateful she did.  She explained that she was very overwhelmed and many times she had to make sacrifices at the expense of her family.  She missed school assemblies and dance recitals and countless dinnertime conversations because she was busy serving the women in her ward.  Now that it's been years later and her kids are grown, she really regrets putting her calling before her family.  She told me that if a decision came between serving outside the home and spending time with my family, I wouldn't ever regret choosing my husband or children over church responsibilities.  That struck me and I never forgot it.  I made a significant effort to be present with my children and husband the entire time I served.  And I don't regret a single decision because of her advice.  Yes, there were some days I felt like I wasn't doing enough for the women in my ward, but I delegated things that were pressing and I realized that everyone else would survive.  I let calls go to voicemail.  I told others to try to figure it out on their own before they asked for help.  If someone did or said something bothered me and it took my thoughts away from my children during the day, I honestly wouldn't allow it to bother me anymore.  It was as simple as that.  I stopped stewing over it and let it go, like water under a bridge.  

• The second biggest lesson came during my meeting with the Bishop as he released me.  He sat me down, told me they were reorganizing the presidency (something I knew because my 1st counselor is going through some health issues, my 2nd counselor just had a baby, and my secretary is moving this week.. it was definitely the right time for all!)  then after the release he told me he had an assignment for me.  I thought he might issue another calling.  Instead he said, "I would like you to go home and ask God if He is pleased with your service.  And then pray to know how you could have done better in your calling."  I was taken back by this assignment.  I could give you a long list of a million things I could have done better.  I already knew, I didn't need to pray about it.  But the idea of taking inventory at the end of the road is something I never do.  I realized quickly that this is what I need to do on a daily basis in order to develop myself and become who I was intended to be.  In the past week, each night as I lay down, I ask God if He was pleased with my day (which is much different than with being pleased with it myself) and then go through a few items of where I could have improved.  It's been so significant that I started writing them down.  I make a ton of mistakes.  Some of them are painful to write.  But hopefully that pain keeps me from doing it the next day.  It's been a new way of journaling for me.  Much more significant than writing what I am grateful for (although that helps too :)  But I don't want to be all about fluff and happiness.  I want to learn and grow and become better.

• My flaws as the president in the Relief Society organization were lengthy..  I could list them here, but then you'd feel bad for me and try to talk me out of what I already know to be true.  And I don't need pity or sympathy...  I know my strengths, (that's never been a problem for me.) But to sum things up, I realize I don't work as well with others as I once thought I had.  I am very blunt and I hurt feelings when i never intended to.  I am quick to speak.  I don't ponder my thoughts and let them marinate.  I don't prepare, especially when it comes to spiritual things.  There were so many times I could have benefited from praying about a situation, but I chose to act instead because I am a doer and I like to do things quickly.  I realize now this is a huge weakness of mine, and I had always thought it was a strength.  Another thing I realized as I went through this process is that in every instance, my weaknesses are the strengths of the new Relief Society Pres.  I told her this as we met and went over details of the calling.  She is wise and thoughtful and prayerful and strong in every area that I am not, which is amazing. Our bishopric and ward will benefit because of these gifts she possesses.  Over the pulpit, I tried to relay this message, but it didn't come out right.  Pretty sure I said, "she's super righteous and I'm not."  Which is true but might have not sounded appropriate.  oh well.  Did I mention I am 8 months pregnant?

• THE highlight of my service came during tragedies, and I hope that doesn't come across the wrong way, but they were the spiritual highlights for me.  It was an absolute PRIVILEGE to be in the homes of women when they were struggling.  I witnessed humility and gratitude and meekness in the midst of trials and I am overwhelmed by the strength and testimony of these amazing women.  I will keep the precious details of those circumstances with me always.  I am in awe of those who dealt with death, sickness, divorce, abuse, parenting teenagers, old age, surgeries, depression (the list can go on) like these amazing women.  I am less quick to judge because of them. What dear friends and examples they have become to me.

• I realized how dependent we become on others while serving.  I needed a team of women in so many different instances.  Sometimes we don't want to volunteer (and shouldn't because it comes between choosing between our children and spouses.) but it's SO important to offer services when you feel you can.  Significant events can happen with very little effort when everyone offers a small part.  I was in charge of planning three (heartbreaking) funerals and they each turned out beautiful, in their own way.  Help came from EVERYWHERE and it was effortless for all those who contributed just a little bit.  Burdens can be so overwhelming if you are carrying them on your own.  But support IS available if you ask for it.  It always was for me and I noticed how heartbreaking experiences became easier to bear (especially for those going through excruciating pain) when they were surrounded by a support system.  

I know there are hard times ahead for me.  I don't know if I am prepared for them, but I know that I am better prepared after "sacrificing" in this calling.  Yes, I am also thrilled it's over, but I am so grateful for what it has taught me.  I am better and my family has been blessed because of it.