sleep tight..

I apologize in advance for all the potty talk... I figure after my bathroom story and signs posted last week, now was a good time (if any) to write this stuff down.. because I definitely want it documented-- offensive or not.

Our bedtime routine is pretty ordinary. We brush teeth, read scriptures, say prayers and tuck the kids in for bed... and if my boys are LUCKY, they get one of Dad's famous (yet always original) sleep stories about Prince Ben (the Brave) Prince Luke (the Loyal) and Prince Zack (the Zealous) who courageously slay the dragon and save their kingdom. And the routine always ends by turning off the light and saying,

"I love you. See you when the sun comes up."

I am not sure why this line stuck, but it's what we've been saying for years. Well, until recently, that is... Aaron has been tucking them into bed lately (because I am usually done by the end of the day and make let him take over the tucking in/story telling routine without me.) I should have known that he would turn a sweet tradition into some type of grotesque laughing fest with the kids. It started a couple of months ago when the boys said, "Goodnight, Dad. See you when the sun comes up." and he replied with, "See you when the sun shines out your butt." What little boy wouldn't crack up over that? Now every night they look forward to Dad tucking them in so he can make up a new line. Luke has started saying, "Good night, Dad. See you when the sun comes up...... now what are you going to say tonight?" And I am totally shocked to report that my husband, (the one who doesn't allow any potty words in our house... the one who grew up saying "farm" instead of "fart" and the one that thinks "stupid" is the the S word) is corrupting my kids just before they lay their innocent heads on their pillows. I asked Ben and Luke to tell me some of the things their Dad has told them at bedtime and they COULD NOT get through this list without busting up. They could barely spit out the words because they were laughing so hard... Here's what they could remember:

See you when you turn into an alien.

See you when your butt burps.

See you when the skunk sprays you.

See you when Utah turns into poo-tah.

See you when an elephant comes out of your butt.

See you when you poop a troll.

See you when your bum is on fire.

Now, I'm sure he's said a few things that didn't mention words that should only be said in the bathroom, but these are the only things my kids remember. The nice and sweet stuff obviously didn't make an impression... How do I get them to clean up their mouths when DADDY is the source-- the original potty mouth? I am at a total loss.. and I have officially been crowned as the boring/unfunny parent. (Which really makes me furious!)

Zack has caught on to the potty talk too.. which isn't much of a surprise. The other day he had gas while sitting at the table. Ben and Luke laughed and said, "Zack, what was that? Was that a duck?" Zack replied with-- "It was my butt crack." What a shock THAT was to hear!! Of course, Ben and Luke thought this was the funniest thing EVER which didn't help the situation. He's already contaminated at 2. I don't know why boys love naughty talk. Do little girls use these words? And do you think it's a just a phase or should I pull out the bar of soap? If I do, Daddy will be the first to suffer the consequences...

But there's no doubt about it-- Aaron knows EXACTLY how to get the kids giggling. He used to make Ben laugh so hard, he would throw up his dinner. I am not kidding... It was disgusting!

Again, sorry about all the "bad" words... especially if they don't jive with your humor.
I will clean up my blog sooner or later...maybe.

our favorite PUPPY store

Pets in the City is a little puppy shop next to the closest grocery store to our house and it's one of my boys favorite places to go. Pet stores are great entertainment, but they don't usually have puppies so this place is the bomb. Some people think it's smelly, gross and run by a bunch of foreigners, but we LOVE it! In fact, I believe the owners officially love us back. They get so excited when my boys come to visit. They know them by name and the other day when we went in for a quick stop before getting groceries, the owners convinced me to leave my kids there while I went shopping. I mean, they didn't need to beg me or anything because who doesn't want free childcare and a quite trip to the store? And the kids would WAY rather hang out with the puppies than shop for bananas and milk --the only staples in our home.

The owners like Ben and Luke but Zack is totally their favorite. He gets SO giddy in the store and can't stop laughing... but I believe the real reason they love him is because he's a marshmallow and they're shocked by his white-ness.

As much as I think these little trips to the puppy store are satisfying my kids... I know deep down that it's not good enough. I really don't want to have a puppy of our own, but I am sure I will cave in eventually. The boys are convinced that it will happen when we buy a house of our own and I am having nightmares about cleaning up hair, saliva and poop. Aren't kids enough responsibility and work? Why add a puppy to the mix? If my friend Karlin would let me adopt her dog, I would do it in a heartbeat... because Lainey is sweet, potty trained and is a vacuum after meal time. How do I know that once I get a puppy it will be a NICE one? I seriously stress about it!! My kids BEG for a dog, but I have never been a fan-- even though I always had one growing up. I really wish turtles, fish or stuffed animals would count as real pets-- but my kids are puppy lovers. what to do, what to do.... any advice would be appreciated.

PS. not that I am actually looking, but if we ever DO get a dog... what kind should we get? I want one that stays relatively small, doesn't shed, doesn't slobber, always cleans up after itself, doesn't make any noise (except when a robber comes in your house) doesn't grope anyone when they are in heat, doesn't go to the bathroom inside, only bites mean kids and makes us all happy... any suggestions?

HALLELUJAH!!

My internet and home phone have been OUT since Wednesday and it's FINALLY up and running again! Seriously!! I almost went crazy! The phone company says there was a major car accident on the street behind me and it wiped out our service for five days.. hmm.. I really think some idiot cut the wrong cord underground, but whatever. I am just happy to be online again and back in business. My blogging addiction isn't as bad as I thought it was. I honestly did okay and my husband was surprised! I had more time to read actual books and went to bed at a decent hour every night. And the best part was reading all 20 comments-- it's almost more exciting getting them all at once!

Anyway, this is my excuse for not posting the last few days--I sure hope you will forgive me :) I have 60+ new posts to read on google reader and lots of catching up to do! Oy.

bathroom humor.

My documentation on my trip to Utah would not be complete without this story. You may not find it as humorous as Jane and I did... but I will give it a shot.

I have to start off by saying that Jane is a total trooper. I called her about two days before we left for Salt Lake... and she was totally up for a road trip. She is MY kind of gal! She has family in Utah as well, so we made the trip together but didn't actually see each other while we were there. When I asked her to come with us, I prefaced the invite with one stipulation: Shumways DON'T STOP on road trips... We fill up on gas, make a quick trip to the restroom and then we are back in the car. That is the way I drive and if she was willing to cooperate, then she could come along :) I think I was a little harsh on her because she is PREGNANT sometimes pregnant people have to pee often. But she agreed to come anyway. I told you-- she was my kind of gal. Our drive up to Utah was rather successful. We stopped once for gas and that was it. The way home was another story.....

I picked up Jane at her parents home around 6:00 am. We were good for about 100 miles and then the kids needed/wanted to stop. We got out, let them run around for a bit and then hit the road again. About an hour after that, Ben had to go to the bathroom. I told him to hold it or go in a water bottle because we just stopped.. He made the rather embarrassing announcement that he had to go #2 and a water bottle wasn't going to do the job. I agreed and we stopped at the closest rest area. Ben ran in and did his thing and that was that. About an hour later, we needed to get gas.. we let the kids play at McD's (in their pj's... because we're cool like that and don't care what other people think of us... that's right-- the kids were in their jammies and I was without a bra. we're total white trash.) After our stop for gas, the kids were sleepy and we thought we were homebound. Until Ben announces that he needs to use the bathroom again... and even more embarrassing (especially in front of Jane) that when we stopped earlier, he couldn't go... but now he really had to go.... Luke chimed in a minute later and said he wanted to join the "I have go to poo" club. We were in the canyon and had at least 10 miles to go before hitting Mesquite. At this point, I was totally eating my words about never stopping.. We were about to pull over for the 4th time in 5 hours of driving..... yikes. We finally made it to an exit. Jane stayed in the car with the toddlers, while Ben, Luke and I ran into the gas station. Low and behold BOTH bathrooms in this particular gas station were getting remodeled. Raise your hand if you think that's a bad idea for any gas station, let alone one closest to the freeway exit. But I didn't have time to talk to the gas station owner-- I was dealing with an emergency here. We ran back out to the car and drove across the street to another McDonald's and sprinted to the doors.

As soon as we were inside land of the golden arches, there was more drama. Two nice ladies were standing in line outside the women's bathroom... because it was getting cleaned. Seriously people!! I asked them how long they had been waiting and we laughed about the bathroom-less gas station next door. After a minute or so, I had the brilliant idea of heading into the men's room with my boys. I knocked on the door, opened it and said, "Is anyone in here?" No one answered. I asked the ladies if they saw anyone enter the mens bathroom and they shook their heads. So, the three of us busted through the door and found a man frantically zipping up his jeans. Oops! I turned around quickly and waited until he came out. When he passed by us, I patted him on the shoulder and said, "I am really sorry about that." Which made the other women laugh. I thought it was funny too... not because I had just walked in on him, but because I found it nessesary to acknowledge what happened after he came out. I should have looked the other way and pretended it didn't happen-- but I was sorry and wanted him to know!

After he was out, we all headed in again. There were several urinals and only one stall, (thankfully with a door.) They each took a turn on the toilet and neither of them could go! Are you kidding me? As I am lecturing them about how we are NOT stopping if they decide they have to go in 20 minutes... I hear the door open. I was quiet for a second, and then I said, "Hello?"

Man who just entered the bathroom: I was wondering if I heard a WOMAN's voice in the MEN'S bathroom.

Me: Yeah, I'm sorry. I am in here with my kids. The women's is being cleaned and they really needed to go [not exactly the truth, though..]

Man: Oh, that's funny. It's not a big deal. I have kids too.

Me: Can you wait until we leave? We're almost outta here.

Man: Sure. No problem [zipping back up]

We flushed the toilet, unlocked the stall door, washed our hands and ran outside. The cleaning lady was still in the women's bathroom and I bumped into one of the ladies who was waiting in line to tell her that a man walked in on me while we were in there. She laughed but I think after I walked away she shook her head. I personally don't care. If my kids in fact had to go (like I thought they did) I would have been a total hero-- and success or not, it makes for a good story.

Now, what is even more funny than the story is what I found online while searching for a good bathroom sign to post. I opened a can of worms while searching and just had to share my findings. These are from all over the world and are hilarious... Enjoy!

Turkey

Prague


Veitnam


Spain



Honolulu Airport



Edinburgh



Who's the wise guy who made these tricky signs?



Scotland


Some people feel more comfortable around those who share the same political party than their own sex..

Atlanta, Georgia


no fishing or pretending you're a dog peeing on a fire hydrant


Budapest


Barbie and Ken
Germany


We ALL know where a man's heart is.


Thailand
(must enter wearing only bathing suits)


Thailand



Germany
can't you just make the toilet happy?


Korea
I always knew Korean men were perves.


India
No diving off the toilet. You might crack your head open.


Oregon






France


France,
this one a little classier


Women/Men/ or Alien life forms
are welcome in this bathroom


Austrailia


Iran


Home Sliced Pizza, Autstin, TX


South Korea


A urinal for Rednecks


Science museum, Seattle


Baltimore


White Dog, Philly



And my favorites....



taken from an ad for Axe cologne


I don't know where this is from,
but my guess would be it was taken from an Indian petroglyph.
(and it was probably a nursing Indian woman.. because Dang! they are bigger than her head!)

See Jane.

See Jane smile.

Jane is nice.

Jane is Janet's friend.

Jane goes on road trips with Janet,
even when Janet doesn't give
her ANY warning or time to plan.

Jane is fun to drive with.

Jane and Janet have great
conversations in the car
while their boys sit
quietly in the back seat.

Jane is sweet.

She likes Janet even though
Janet likes to ask emotionally
disturbing questions like,
"If you had a gun to your head and had
to pick between your husband and your child,
who would you chose to live?"

Janet is grateful to have a friend like Jane.

BFF's

I arrived in Utah on Friday night... and since I didn't tell any of my family that I was coming, I was able to crash at Karlin's house (the one in the cute hat.) The only problem was-- we didn't actually get any sleep at all. Around 4 am we forced ourselves to go to bed.. sheesh! Karlin and I have been friends since jr. high and we have ALWAYS been able to talk-- about everything. I used to drop her off from school and the two of us would sit in her driveway for HOURS talking (and crying) about whatever... When we would have a sleepover in high school with a group of girls, Karlin and I always found a corner of the room to stay up and talk ALL NIGHT. Fast forward 12+ years and we haven't changed. She is such a great friend to me and we have been through a lot together! I am so grateful to have her in my life.

After a few hours of sleep, Azy and Francine (& fam) came up for breakfast. We made delicious strawberry crepes and chatted the morning away. Fran is feeling much better (thankfully) and Azy is the cutest thing EVER! We had fun, but didn't feel complete without Hillary. Next time I will give a little more warning.....

the baby shower

It was SO much fun to surprise my family at the baby shower. I was very sneaky and didn't tell a soul. I walked in about 30 minutes late while everyone was sitting down to eat and shocked the living daylights out of them. The shower was at Rachel's mom's house and it was a HUGE crowd (= lots of great presents!) She is the oldest of her siblings and the first grandchild on her side to have a baby!! She is going to make the best mama ever (and Tim will be a so-so dad. jk.)
Their baby is one lucky little girl!

Group picture:
Top row: my sister Lori (and her newborn Paisley) my sister Kristy, Rachel (Timmy's wife)
On the couch: My mom, my sister in law Annette (Greg's wife)
Bottom row: Louisa (our Brazilian sister) holding Sara, my sis Deb holding Anna, my baby sis Cindy, my sis in law Katie (David's wife) and yours truly.
MIA: Amy (Scott's wife) She was there, but had left already.. ?

This is my favorite face in the group picture.
Can you believe those gorgeous blue eyes are for real?
Debbie's girls are so delicious!

For those of you who know my brother Tim, this picture is SO him (wearing the diaper cake on his head.) He is such a great brother to me and we are going to miss them lots and lots!! They are taking a long vacation in Europe and then moving to Michigan!!! Tim's a big Ford man now.