Bad Moms Anoymous

I know. Two posts in one day. buckle your seat belts.

We met Aaron for lunch yesterday.. I was proud of myself for getting out the door on time (when Aaron meets us for lunch he shows up 10 minutes late.. because he thinks I will show up 10 minutes late.) We were in the garage, getting into the van when Zack, standing in a puddle of wetness, says "Oops. I peed my pants." Ugh. He hasn't had an accident in forever and he purposely chose THIS time to pee his pants because he hates me and loves to see me irritated. We went inside, changed his pants, underwear, socks AND shoes.. all while Zack is explaining to his brothers that he's not a big boy anymore. He's smart, that one.

We get back out to the garage and realize that the huge, heavy 500 pound bench seats are against the garage wall and not inside the car. Aaron took them out so that he could vacuum the van after our disgusting road trip where the kids had gobs of candy and popcorn from Halloween. It was sweet of my husband to clean out MY car, but he didn't put the seats back in. As much as I would like to drive around with my kids rolling on the floor, it's against the law. And I never break the law when the safety of my children is in jeopardy.

So, I rally the troops to help me lift up one of the monstrous seats.. (because one is all I NEED for the legal amount of seat belts.) Whenever I ask for the boys' help--especially if it involves physical labor-- Ben is the only one to respond. Luke will pretend like he's a big helper. He will make a face like he's lifting and sometimes even grunt as though it's too heavy.. when in reality, he's not lifting a finger. It's kinda cute and kinda annoying. Anyway, Ben and I lift the heavy seat in the back and lock it in place.

My kids LOVE it when our 3-seater is in the van without the 2-seater. They have lots of room to stretch their legs, do a little dance before buckling up, etc.... it's basically like we're having a party in a moving vehicle. I like it too because there is so much SPACE between us... and when Zack needs something, I pretend I can't hear him because he's so far away from me.

The kids were were all sitting down, putting on their own buckles when I pulled out of the garage and called Aaron to tell him that I was running late. When I hit the busy road, I realized that Zack and Ben are firmly buckled, but Luke was only pretending to be buckled in. Does anyone else have a child who pretends to be buckled? Mine pulls the seat belt over his lap and holds it with his hand, but never actually clicks it in the clicker. He's very tricky that way. But I wasn't falling for it. So I said to him (in a very June-Cleaver-ish sort of way) "Luke, please put on your seat belt."

He responds with, "I have my buckle on, Mom."

Me: "You're being pretty tricky, Luke. But I know you don't have it on the right way. Make sure it clicks."

The little liar says, "I am not tricking you! It really is on! Can't you see that it's across my lap?"

Me: "I am not going to ask you again, Luke. Click it in and pull it tight. You could get really hurt if we got into a wreck."

"But Mom! I promise! IT'S ON! I clicked it!"

And this is when my He-Is-Going-To-Have-To-Learn-This-The-Hard-Way personality takes over and makes me do mean things. I see that there is a red light ahead and zero cars behind me... so I decide to SLAM on my brakes long before I need to stop. Ben and Zack who were firmly in their seat belts said something like, "WHOA." And Luke... who had just promised that his seat belt was on, went flying... and with so much space in the van, his cute little body came all the way up to the front seat.

I was laughing hysterically when he stood up and quietly whispered, "Okay, I will put my seat belt on."

Very good, son. Very good.

And THAT is how we spent our afternoon. Lunch was very delicious, by the way.