why you should never send your husband to the grocery store, reason #157

This time, I didn't even NEED anything from the store. I asked my husband to return a redbox DVD.. and the closest one to our house happens to be located at a grocery store. While The Mr. was out, he decided to pick up a few items. He returned quickly with a couple of bags in hand. I could see the smile on his face as he put away his beloved boxes of cereal. I asked him if he was excited to eat Honeycomb in the morning. He didn't answer. Instead, he threw me a small grocery bag and said, "I bought a little surprise for you." Secretly, I was hoping for a bag of soft cinnamon bears. In my wildest dreams, I never expected to find a bottle of this:

Never did a present from any man come with more shock to the heart of a woman than this did at this time to mine. I am 8.5 months with child, trying my best to stay pregnant until my due date. I was speechless but smiled as my husband told me about his adventure to the store.

After he returned the movie, he walked passed a "manager's special" grocery cart with items marked 75% off. He saw the box with a bright yellow discount sticker and he couldn't help himself. If I wasn't thrilled about the purchase, it would make a phenomenal white elephant gift for the family Christmas party. He placed it in his cart and moseyed down another isle. As he grabbed a carton of Egg Nog [yes.. it's important enough to be capitalized. It's finally that time of year!] an older woman put her things in Aaron's cart, mistaking it for her own. They were equally embarrassed.

A few minutes later, he was checking out. Still feeling confident about his purchase, he placed the item on the conveyor belt. The female clerk tried to scan the pills but because they were discounted so low, she needed to call a supervisor to change the price. She specifically told the bagger to leave the pills alone. Aaron dysfunctionly twiddled his thumbs as the store manager keyed in the override.

Of course, I am not upset about the purchase-- because there is a hard-core GUARANTEE written on the box:

If you are not 100% satisfied with the result of this product you may return the unused portion along with your original receipt. A check for your refund will be sent back to you with NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

We laughed as Aaron said he's looking forward to giving it as a white elephant gift. I think it would be more amusing to give the bottle opened.. with only a few pills left. Either way, it came with a BONUS product inside= ten capsules for women. I'm pretty sure those are non-refundable.

"Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries."
- Wayne Campbell.