not this cute anymore!
I just spent 7 nights away from home. Simon was MIS.ER.ABLE. Well, during the day he was cute and smiley for anyone that would look in his direction. But at night, he was not a happy camper. He would NOT sleep for anything. I tried a swing, a pacifier, nursing him all night, car rides in his cozy seat, cuddling him in bed, rocking him for hours... you name it. Nothing would do. The longest he slept the entire week was a 3-hour stretch. I was extremely frustrated because before we left, he was sleeping like a champ. He slept through the night at 6 weeks and never looked back. I was cursing myself for messing up our sweet schedule.. I knew I would have to train him all over again as soon as we got home.
But guess what? The kid is in love with his crib. The first night we were home he slept a SOLID 14 hours. I couldn't believe it. I had to wake him at 10 AM because I thought he was dead. And last night, after napping most of yesterday in his crib (I figured he was just tired from our excursion) he slept another 12 hours without a peep. I cannot tell you how refreshed I feel! Sleep makes ALL the difference in my world.
After struggling with my first baby (Ben didn't sleep through the night until he was 10 months old...and honestly he didn't know how to put himself back to sleep until he was four) I realized that you actually have to train them to sleep on their own. And by train them, I mean let them cry. It was so hard for me to understand that letting them scream doesn't mean I was a bad mother. In fact, when you allow them to cry to sleep, you are teaching them that they don't NEED you to fall asleep on their own. I don't think any type of soothing is good either.. my kids don't get swings, swaddling or pacifiers because when it stops-- they wake up. I will get out of bed if the house is on fire, but not to put a pacifier back in my baby's mouth. That's probably why they grow out of the pacifier stage at 3 months... ?
I know everyone has their own theory about how to get a baby to sleep, but for me (and my sanity) I need them far, far away... I don't want to hear every movement or grunt. And if hearing them cry is pulling at my heart strings, I turn on a fan (or an alarm clock that sounds like the ocean :) and I pretend I can't hear them. It's amazing that only after a few short weeks, they realize that crying doesn't win any brownie points with mom. Bedtime is no monkey business. I swear to you, Simon let out a sigh of relief when I put him in his crib. I think he knew we were all about to get a good night's sleep.
Of course, there are a few exceptions.. but only a few. My kids can come in my bedroom when they are sick, teething or hungry because I forgot to feed them dinner :) And every once in a while I need a cuddling partner (aka Luke) when my husband isn't around. I figure if I am nice enough in the waking hours, then I can be as mean as I want to when it's bedtime. You might think I am a cold-hearted momma, but I sure do sleep well. And so do my babies...
pictures by Kashina
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15 comments:
How wonderful to have a content baby sleeping in his/her own crib. And what a gorgeous photo.
Could be worse. It could be a love affair with your breasts. I've had one that was like that.
Amen to the crying baby stuff.
Amen to that!!! You are my twin as a mom!!! I found that whatever habit you do to get them asleep, will be the one that they want for the next TWO years, so YOU are better off if you don't do a nasty habit like drive them around the city to get them asleep like some people do. crazy!! ha ha:) Love your blog! Keep up the good work!!:)
He is soo adorable!! He looks oh so peaceful =)
And letting them cry does sound mean - but it works! You gotta do what you gotta do even though it hurts at first.
You are an awesome mommy - your kids are blessed! May God continue to smile on you and bless you and your family!
Here is my question, what do you do if you want your kids the share a room? Do you let the baby have a temporary room until the crying it out is over or is sharing a room possible?
Amen sista, AMEN!! I am all about the kiddos sleeping in their own bed. It's hard at first - but my kids sleep SOUNDLY for 10 to 12 hours a night and don't need fans or music or rocking in the chair with Mom till they fall asleep. Bed time is bed time. period. It's amazing how the betime routine facilitates their sleep too - my 4 year old fell asleep in the car so we put her straight to bed. She woke up at 3 am crying because we didn't brush teeth, read stories, say prayers etc. Great job Janet - you're my kinda mama.
Katie-- Ben is the only one of my boys who didn't learn to cry himself to sleep.. and he's still the worst sleeper of all my kids. We lived in a two bedroom apartment when Luke was born. Luke went to bed about an hour before Ben did.. I would usually give Ben a bath while Luke fussed to sleep. (but honestly, after a week or two, they stop crying...) Anyway, after Luke was asleep, we taught Ben to be really quiet. When they got older (2 and 3) they could talk and laugh in their bedroom but they couldn't come out..
I think you can implement ANYTHING as long as your consistent and THEY know that you mean business. Holding and/or feeding a baby after a lengthy cry is just making things worse for you. They are much smarter than we give them credit for.
Total agreement! I love my kids, but when 7 pm rolls around, they better get in bed and stay there! If you wake me, it better be good! I'm so glad he went right back to schedule...traveling with a newborn is so hard! Jake is almost 3 and still hard at night when we travel and he isn't in his own bed :)
Simon may be the new 5 letter word in my house.
I'm as mean a mother as they come. Don't take any night time shenanigans, never have. But Whittaker is pressing the limits. He's been congested or sick since thanksgiving and the one night I let him cry to sleep, he went hoarse and was more sick the next day. He won't sleep more than 4 hours at a stretch. He's in his own bed but I'm a walking zombie.
He better believe once he's over this congestion he'll be ignored for a nice long night!
Okay, I'm totally hesitating in posting a reply, because I don't want you to hate me, but my fingers are just itching, because I very strongly disagree with you.
I know I will never change your mind on this topic, but I'll throw in my two cents anyway. My first baby just started sleeping through the night on his own at 3 months, and never needed any kind of soothing. I had planned on having him sleep in my room in a playpen next to my bed, but he was such a good sleeper that I moved him into his own room rather quickly. He was a great sleeper, and I think it was just part of his personality. My second though was a whole different story. He needed me. That's the easiest way I can explain it. I decided very early on, because I knew this about him that he could sleep in the room with me. Though I never thought that I would be able to stand having a baby in the same room next to me for a whole year, and there were times when it was hard, for the most part, the two of us sort of had a little pattern together, and I could easily and very quickly soothe him right back to sleep. I actually cherish those memories together with him now.
I did research this topic for a while when he was about 10 months and I felt it was time for him to be able to sleep on his own, and I really don't think it's good for babies in the short term or the long term to not respond to their cries. For one thing, they don't have any concept of object permanence. Crying is the only way they have of communicating with you. When that is ignored for prolonged periods they feel, quite literally, neglected. They also could have something seriously wrong with them, like a blanket over their face suffocating them, and all other sorts of scenarios, and I think it's dangerous to ignore them.
Here's a quick link I found about this topic:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp
I know that it's a popular notion that I seem to hear more and more often that you need to train your babies to sleep, but I seriously believe it's wrong. Sorry if I sound like a jerk. Trust me, I know how hard it is to feel sleep deprived that first year, but the sacrifice in the long run is better for the child and probably the Mom too.
Still friends? :-)
p.s. I think you're a great Mom though, and I love you!
First of all, Jane-- NEVER hesitate to comment. I love your opposing opinion and knew from the beginning that we disagree on this subject. That's WHY we're such good friends because we disagree and like each other anyway.
I do not think that crying is the only way a child can communicate with you. There is a point where the baby is old enough to sleep through the night without 3 hour feedings. If he is changed, fed and dry, I have no issues with him crying to sleep. After a solid nights sleep, I think they wake up feeling refreshed rather than abandoned. Many attached children who are soothed to sleep feel abandoned when their mom tries to use the bathroom without them. I just think there are boundaries and a child CAN learn them early on. I understand the issues with a blanket being over their face, but you can control what is in their crib and what isn't.
I do believe that some children have personalities that are more attached to their moms and need a bit more cuddling (I have one of those boys myself) But just because you don't sooth him to sleep doesn't mean he's not getting the right amount of attention.
I honestly believe that you can have those mother/baby bonding moments during the day-- when you're both coherent after a good night's sleep. Do I think my boys who cried it out as babies are more likely to have ADHD like the article states? Possibly Zack. and maybe I screwed him up for life, but after the initial two weeks of soothing himself as a baby, he has been an incredible sleeper. I think sleep is one of the best things you can give to your children (and yourself as a parents.)
Obviously, as mothers we can discern what is best for our children. I am not preaching to anyone (and never expect others to adopt my ways..) I am just stating what works for me. The family bed isn't for everyone, but either is eating your placenta...
Have you read "Babywise"? Its a system with newborns to ultimately get them on a good sleeping and eating schedule. I'm with you, Janet. I need my sleep - my babies slept their first night at home in their crib in their room and never once have I had a child in my bed at night. I feel like my room is the only place my husband and me can have our personal space! Having said all that, I believe that where a child sleeps doesn't form how great they'll be :)
I totally agree with you Janet! I am the worlds biggest B when I don't get enough sleep, basically, we all SUFFER! So, my babies NEVER sleep in my room, and once they hit that 12 pound mark, I'm done getting up every 3 hours. Call me horrible, but I'm a much better mom for getting my sleep, and I think that has a bigger impact on my kids than if I was soothing them all night long. I have done NO research on the topic, I just know what works at my house.
I can't believe he sleeps for that long. I am too paranoid to let my babies cry it out. I just can't do it. I try and try. And Jayben still has his moments that he is a bad sleeper. Ugh!
I do agree that babies do not belong in your bed. Maybe they can join you for a minute in the morning or if they are sick and you are worried that they will stop breathing or choke or something. Other than that. My room belongs to me. And my bed is my space (and my husbands)!
AMEN!! 100%
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