a friend who served me

For most of you, it's probably not a surprise to hear that I've really been struggling. And by struggling, I mean, I've been under a gray cloud for the past several months. It is commonly known as the "baby blues" or "postpartum depression" but putting anything in quotes makes it seem less personal. I had a baby in November. I was excited to have a baby before the Holiday season. I planned on relaxing at home, enjoying family and friends who came to visit and staying warm inside with my sweet boys. It didn't turn out exactly as planned.. or at least it didn't feel as FUN as I thought it would have been. Looking back, I believe I felt more exhausted and more frustrated that I didn't feel like myself, especially during the Holidays.

I hit my lowest point mid January. The visitors had come and gone, we had nothing else to look forward to and I was stuck in a house full of sick kids. We all had fevers, terrible coughs, and a lot of misery. My husband was working long hours at the office and it was cold outside! Why doesn't God know that winter needs to end after Christmas? If that doesn't sound bad enough, I was without a car for two weeks. Do you know what it feels like to have a toddler with a temperature of 104 and not have a car? I do. It's funny now thinking back to the situation because it was so pathetic. During these two weeks, my husband drove to work in our minivan and (just our luck) it broke down on the side of the freeway. He called me at 7 am to tell me the car died while he was going 70 miles per hour. I was stranded at home, with four kids and no way to help him. Luckily, it all worked out. A friend picked him up and took him to work and our van was towed to the nearest mechanic. It had a lose cap or something and was fixed that evening. Funny stuff, no? Well it is now, but it wasn't then. I was coping with it.. I am a survivor. I was trying to count my blessings, but I felt helpless and alone and really, really exhausted.

The same day my husband was stranded on the side of the freeway, my friend called me at home. She didn't ask how I was doing because somehow she just knew. She told me that she was coming over to my home and wanted me to go somewhere.... anywhere, as long as it was by myself. I told her thank you, but no thank you. I was just about to lay down for an afternoon nap and was doing okay. But she wouldn't give up. She called me after my nap and insisted that I go out while she stay home with my kids. I told her I couldn't accept. After all, it was her wedding anniversary. I would feel so weird if she came over on her anniversary and watched my kids... for me to go out and do nothing, alone. The whole idea seemed silly. Without listening to a word I said, she told me she was on her way over and that I better have shoes on when she arrived.

Ten minutes later, she was at my doorstep. She took my newborn baby out of my arms, gave me the keys to her car, and pushed me out of the door. I felt like a loser because I had no where to go. I was dressed in pajamas and slippers. I was secretly hoping that she would see me in such a state and realize that I just needed to talk to someone. But she made me leave my own home, dressed in pajamas. I walked out of my house wondering what was happening. I got in her car, turned the ignition and started driving. I didn't go anywhere in particular. I just drove aimlessly around town. For the first time in weeks, I felt warm inside... I felt loved. Despite the cold temperatures, I decided to roll down the windows and enjoy the fresh air. And just to prove that I went somewhere, I stopped at Sonic and bought a bag of pebble ice.. I was gone for about an hour.

When I returned home, I was a new person. And my house was a new house. I walked into my kitchen and found my friend wearing my sling with my baby inside. He was fast asleep and she was sweeping my kitchen floor. She had moved my chairs away from the table and was sweeping up the food my children had dropped on the floor. I saw her and burst into tears...not because I was ashamed my floor was so dirty. I cried because I didn't feel like a loser anymore. I felt like myself again. She loved me and wanted to serve me the best way she knew how. She selflessly spent her wedding anniversary holding my baby and sweeping my kitchen floor so that I could get some fresh air. Through her kind act of service, I not only knew that she loved me, but I knew that God was aware of me. He was aware of my loneliness and sent someone to comfort me. That love went straight to my heart and filled up my entire body. I am so grateful for that one hour drive I had all to myself, and it is an experience I will never forget.

Some of you may need a good Visiting Teaching story to share. If so, this is one.. she is not only my friend, but she is assigned to care for me under the inspired Relief Society Visiting Teaching program. This experience strengthened our friendship as well as my testimony. She told me later that she was thinking of me while working out at the gym. She had a distinct impression that I needed a friend. Her service didn't cost a penny and took only an hour out of her day. I love that she knew what I needed and wouldn't take no for an answer, no matter how much I tried to wiggle out of it. Sometimes we have to let others serve us and sometimes we have to be persistent in serving others, even if it feels uncomfortable. As we pray for opportunities to serve, I know we can be directed to those who need our help. I hope I can be more like my friend who set a great example for me one cold evening in January.